Love, heartbreak and SL addiction

No but it will at least prove to you they are what they claim, as in age, gender, appearance,etc. Of course you still have to get to know them, but for a lot of people, until they see the what, they will never be totally confident in the who.

where's your sense of adventure?

I don't think either has the advantage in ease of lying. Sincerely, I have found that if you let someone talk long enough they will tell you exactly who they are, whether you want to know or not. Time, again, is the key.

And you do have to listen.

You know, that's funny, for the most important lesson SL has had for me is that none of that crap matters in human relationships. Not age, gender, appearance or income.

But then I have no fantasy about marrying any of you! LOL

that's not teh message you were whispering ot me last night.

/me snorts!

Sounds like wishful thinking to me. You want to believe that they are telling you who they are etc, so you convince yourself. That seems to be the point of this thread. Like the guy who jumps off the top of a skyscraper and is smiling all the way down muttering "All right so far".

Pep ( . . . until he hits the ground.)

Well, that's not listening, is it? And, as I said, you do have to listen to what people tell you about themselves. Even if it's not what you want to hear.

(...and it almost never is)

Ain't that the truth!

Of course it is "listening". Are you redefining the word and the process? Your conclusions are internalised and therefore can NOT be proven or disproven, as you only have YOUR personal version of "truth" to rely on, which makes it redundant in terms of intersubjectivity . Please feel free to continue your head in the sand approach though, as ignorance probably makes you happier than confronting the truth, which of course you don't have to do.

Pep (has misled Aeb in SL and got away with it conclusively)

In an SL relationship most definitely. But whether we like it or not, it does have a place in RL. Those things all will add or detract to compatability, shared interests and values. There has to be some foundations to build a long term relationship on besides physical atrraction and emotional connection. That's fine to start off, but you need somewhere for it to grow to, and those things can be a part of it.

That's probably the most attractive thing about SL and one of it's pitfalls as well. Illusions can be shattered very easily, and some are not quick to pick up the pieces.

Wooo...struck a nerve, have I? So sorry.

/me listens.

Nah. Not a problem for me, but I would hate the more impressionable readers of this thread to be misled by you.

Pep (I'd prefer they were misled by Brenda and me)

Hi Muffin

I just want to say how I completely understand what you are going through. If you want to chat IM me inworld later.

I have a question about a similar thing myself so instead of hi-jacking your thread I'm going post my own, but hang in there and things will get better for you.

Great. Interesting how that runs together, the comment then the sig.

It may be *easier* but definitely not impossible in face to face communication. I will not go into detail again here as I have mentioned this on several threads, but I had the absolute WORST sociopathic liar/manipulator pull the wool over my eyes for several months in RL before I caught on.

That situation was worse than ANYTHING I have EVER encountered online. There is no guarantee in RL or SL, and as Aebleskiver stated - time really is the one thing that brings all to light.

I had a pastor who recommended that before one get married, they have a year long engagement. That way one has gone through all the seasons with the other person - seen how they react to things like "my folks or your folks" during the holidays, how they are in all the different situations that will come up in a year. This is talking RL of course and time in SL is so very compressed, but I still think it is excellent advice.

I've forgotten now. What do people normally say? "X time of SL is like a year in real life." What is X?

Well, is Jig female?

We are relating OUR own experiences. I wasn't bashing the entire gender...bad relationship dynamics are universal. You're the one seeing gender politics, I think.

I think if you read the thread you would find that Jig *is* female. I thought it was very amusing that at the start of the thread, before the OP explained, people were assuming that the "bad guy" of the story was indeed male. And later on, I think you will find, postings tended to discuss females' bad experiences of men. It's not *me* who is generating gender politics, I'm just observing it.

Pep (Waiting for the first thread where a man complains about a heartless woman)

Sounds like the perfect opportunity for you, Pep.

Heartless? No, my complaints are of over-emotional females . . .

Pep (They ask too much of me!)

You're not alone, this has happened to me too, not in SL, but another online thing called Everquest. I had a breakdown, was off work for weeks and weeks, and took a long time to get over it.

But you DO get over it and move on, it just takes time, and friends who are prepared to sit with you while you weep and rant and ask yourself how this happened.

You'll be fine, just give it time

IM me if you want to chat

~Caithe~

On IRC the general consensus was 1 month online (IRC) = 1 year RL

When I was involved in Gorean rp, according to the novels, a Free Companionship lasted for one year, at which time it either had to be renewed or it dissolved. Within the IRC Gorean community, 3 RL months was considered to be a "year" for this purpose.

Ooooo...I'd forgotten EQ. Yes, had a couple heartbreaks there too.

Which goes back to a point I made earlier - any online venue (as well as RL) can contain heartache. Because all are populated by...people.

Well, going by IRC, then, it has been slightly more than 11 years now.