Love, heartbreak and SL addiction

Further, if you need someone to talk to, IM me inworld. I see you're probably an alt....You can talk under any name and I'll keep you anonymous. Your secret's safe.

I can relate, Muffin...
People who don't spend time with others online can be very judgmental because they think it's "not real", but our emotions ARE real and have the power to affect us deeply.
I second Honeybear's offer of a listening ear, if you need one.

SL is one big playground and men love to play.

Hurting someone isn't something most men even think about when playing around. Many times they don't feel like it's going to happen to anyone they're begining to see so it's not a problem. Another thing is they usually don't feel the same emotions females usually experience so they tend not to think about all that and they continue on from one female to another.

Just another normal day in secondlife.

Thanks so much for the hug x

awww sweety so relate to u .........my sl gf of several months just recently told me to f off without any warning.....gee was i knocked back......then she took up with my best friend (tho probably was doing him already), sent me nasty IM's and slutty pictures of tattoos she'd had made, then I muted her and him. She complained bitterly through a friend, 'why wasn't I her friend anymore?'......durr.
Anyway the point is move on hun, you got to - next time keep your heart safe. Go sky diving at devilfish from 4000m. without a parachute, tell u what we can do it together and all the trouble you've had can be released at 1000m., jump off the eiffel tower screaming at the sky hit the deck, pick yourself up, dust your self down put on your bestest clothes and go dance and spank peoples asses all nite. I find it works wonders lol.
IM me in-world UK time zone as other writer and we can go mad together if u like.

Muffin - I know this can hurt just like any real relationship because sometimes they ARE real, despite seeing only each other's pixels. I'm sorry this happened to you, and I hope you get better soon.

Anisa - wow, that is one long relationship... *applauds*

I don't post much on here any more and haven't been in world for some months. I was married in real life and had no intentions of meeting a man in SL. However I did meet this guy and although I felt guilty we had an affair. Anyone who says that real emotions don't happen online are talking through their hat.

At one point my computer died and I wasn't able to get online for a week, this guy obviously got mad and dumped me without any explanation,just wouldn't speak to me at all. I was in such pain it was so difficult to deal with real life but my husband never discovered the affair.

A couple of months after that, my husband died and i went into hibernation. No SL, etc.

Now I am back on SL and will never go through that again. I still have the problem of deleting many photographs of the man, both in SL and those he gave me from RL. I still hurt and don't want to look at his photographs so they will remain until I feel strong enough.

Please don't feel you are alone and if you want to talk in world, please IM me

WOW, just so heartening to receive so many kind, and thoughtful replies. I never really though anyone would even read my post - so thank you all. I've already met two people in SL who have replied, and they were just so kind a caring it really made me feel that I can get through this and be OK again. You know how you are and I really feel touched that you took the time to let me cry on your shoulder.

It's so strange that so many have had similar, and probably much worse, things happen to them. I can only say how sorry I feel for you all, and I understand how awful it feels. What I didn't say in my post, and this might put a different light on all this for some people, is that the other person in my relationship was also a (real) girl.

This made it doubley painful for me, because it was the first time I ever really let this side of me show itself. I don't know if I can ever do it again, but the feeling when it was good was just completely amazing.

Thank you all again. I would love to meet any of you, anytime, if you want to chat.
X

It shouldn't make a difference at all, Muffin, and I doubt very much that it will. Feelings are feelings, no matter who you feel them for.

Many people gripe about the bad stuff in SL and online in general, but there's an awful lot of good there as well. For many people it's a social and emotional lifeline. Where else could you find someone halfway around the world from you who you could pour your worries out to when they hit at 4am and everyone close to you in real life is asleep?

Ill make this brief..."DONT DESERVE THAT ONLINE BASTARD!" smile & hold your head up high...Real Love will find you one day and Please!!! dont ask "What if NOT?"

I should say..."You Dont deserve that online B*tch!"....(confused....*shakes my head*)

GUIDELINES - please read before posting.....lmfao!!!

/me adds "poseballing fool" to Czari`s Favorite SL Terms - 1st Ed. ©

Right up there with "Hooker Chic" clothing

Have to insert a point here...

Just having been involved in online communities for a long time does not therefore mean they are the ones skilled in the art of manipulation. As I stated in my post, I am one of those who have been involved in online social communities since DOS days. When one of the few ways to get online was via scientific or educational arenas. My first internet connection was from my grad. school university. There was no such thing as a web browser; the "net" was text based and everyone was ooooing and ahhhing over this new "hypertext" feature that allowed one to jump from page to page.

(And I walked 5 miles to school in the snow uphill....lol)

Anyway....

My point is, jerks are jerks regardless of what medium one finds them in. The internet "does" lend more anonymity but I still firmly believe the propensity to deceive, etc. is still there. The VERY worst experience in romance I have EVER had was RL. This man had all the seemingly right "credentials" and said all the "right things" - yet turned out to be intensely sociopathic. And I had this man right in front of me, not hidden behind a screen and STILL was (temporarily) deceived.

Don't mean to jump on your case, Eveline, but having been on the net a long, long time, I have seen jerks and sincere, genuine people all along the way.

You can say that again...except I'd widen it to any online community.

People - this stuff was going on waaaaaayyyy before SL.

Muffin, everyone here has given you good advice of sorts. However, we are all different and need to do things in our own time frame and in our own way. When I have a tough decision to make I always wait a few days, think about it or not, but I wait. A few days will sometimes change your mind. An example. My best friends son was killed in an auto accident. She threw out all of his stuff because she just couldnt bear to look at them. Well, I took them, his photo album jewelry and such. Every now and then I will frame a photo and give it to her as a gift. She cries but she loves it. That is why I say do not do anything in haste. Make your own decisions. Wait and take your time until you are comfortable with what you are doing.

I am also one of those people that cares about the people that I meet in here as my rl friends. Yes I know so many say that is bad, but someone is sitting behind that screen typing and they are very real to me.

Take care my dear and just be the kind person that you are. As you can tell you have already made many new rl/sl friends in here. Granted, it is not the same but in a way it may be better.

I replied with this post easlier, except in my abstract and distressed state, into the wrong thread. I really am spaced out by this. Anyway, I meant to say...


I really want to thank you all for trying to help me deal with this, and it makes me feel better that I'm not alone in feeling like this. I think the advice of staying away from SL is good, but I really feel that I want to be there. I know that's not going to help me, but after spending so much time, it's incredibly hard to stop.

Some of you were kind enough to offer to chat with me in SL, and I'm going to do that. Part of the problem for me being able to talk about my upset, was that we both had the same, small social circle, so things that were said would go straight back to that person, so it was impossible to talk about it with anyone. I don't mean bitching about them, which I wouldn't do, but our friends made thier own judgements without really knowing what had happened. It got really difficult to talk to anyone, and I'm not good at putting on a brave face.

In the end, I made a big mistake, mostly of my own making. I've learned a lot about myself and about SL, but it still doesn't take the pain away.

Thank you all again,

x

most and fyi, this also goes for females, hence i don`t go anywhere and just interact and have some fun with the people who IM me for help

still get to kick the random male away as they think every female avi is an female, tho i must admit i love doing it and laugh behind my desk going "lolliot"

Hi Muffin,

I have not been SL that long but, I too have already gone through a pretty intense relationship here and have experienced what you are now going through.

I was at a jazz club one night and was just sitting at a table and enjoying the music. I crashed and had to log back on. When I logged back on there was a male avie sitting in the chair now (the one I had been sitting in when I crashed). Well, I literally "fell" into his lap and we both laughed about this. He was caring of my feelings, charming, witty, romantic and just the ideal man for me.

We fell in love with each other, both in SL and in RL. We never saw each other in RL because he lives in another country but, we communicated through emails and exchanged photos. We both confessed our love for each other.

One day he came online and told me that he had to take a break from SL for a while. There are others involved in his RL and our SL relationship was getting stronger and stronger. I cried and told him how devastated I was over this but, I also understood where he was coming from. He did not ask me to wait on him to get his RL straightened out. He told me he would understand if I found someone new. He said he would be hurt but, he would understand.

My days on SL after this conversation were filled with all of the emotions you experience in a RL romance. I went to places to dance but my heart was not in it. I was not rude to people but, I just was not myself. I, like you, had no one to talk to. How do you tell someone in RL that a broken SL relationship has devastated you? They will look at you like you are crazy.

It has been a while since this happened and I have moved on but, my heart still yearns for my first love. He comes online from time to time and we spend a little time together so, this helps but, I want our relationship back. I am there for him when he needs me and vice versa. I do not want him if he is not 100 % ready. If he were not struggling with his feelings then he would not be the type of man for me.

One day our love may lead to a RL relationship and I will be ecstatic. If we are only to be friends then I thank God for bringing this man into my life for I know I have one true friend in this world. I cry now as I write about him.

It is rough, it is real. Take some time and just let things heal. You are like me....when you love someone you love them. To not have the other person be truthful and feel the same way you do, hurts just as much in SL as in RL. Just be careful and ask the right questions and go by your "gut" instincts. If something in your SL relationship does not feel right then it most likely is not right.

Hope all goes well for you and feel free to send me a IM if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to.

Hi Mary,
I met the person I got involved with in a random way too, the same as you did. It was always fun being together, and my feelings just grew into something I really never expected. I hadn't come to SL for a relationship, and to be honest, I didn't see how you could have one until it happened to me. Actually, it wasn't a relationship, because in truth I fell in love with someone, who cared about me a lot, but wasn't in love.

What shocked me was that letting someone inside your mind, because I think that's the only place you can let someone in SL, is almost more personal, than letting them become physical with you, if you understand what I mean. Once they have a place inside your head, I found it impossible to get her out. It's all I can think about, and it's making my unhappy. I have been such a fool.

Being able to talk with people in this thread has really helped, so maybe if it helps other people who get in the same situation, some good may come from my mistakes.

Take care,

X

I'm quoting from Huckleberry Hax's novel "AFK" here..


"...What it all boils down to is that people don't realize what they're getting themselves into when they register for this whole experience. And when they first make friends. And when they first have simulated sex. It's all too much freedom and fun to understand that real hearts are getting hooked, committed and broken. Once you do actually realize that, you either quit - because it's just too exhausting - or you start trying to take care of people. And by 'taking care' I don't mean avoiding relationships, because -let's face it - they're what makes SL the best killer app there's ever been" by 'taking care' I mean making things clear and not pretending you're after long-term love monogamistic happiness."


Fortunately, I *was* after long-term happiness and (also fortunately) Skell and I came into SL together and we knew precisely what we were getting into. Most people do not know. I think SL can be a miraculous place, where you can be the person you always dreamed of being. It can also be an incredibly lonely place, and I've met some of those lonely, desperate people and they're not always nice. In fact, they can be downright ruthless. Sometimes when I go out shopping with Skell and we land in the middle of a busy place, I feel like I'm playing cutthroat poker with a brace of leering pirates, because some people don't care that you're partnered or that you have it spelled out that you're TAKEN (all caps! yes!) in your profile, they will still come right up to you in front of your SL spouse and hit on you or him. How wude! Hmpf!

Anyway, Muffin, good luck to you and chin up. I hope you feel better soon and get your SL straightened out.

That still amazes me! Where do these people get off?

It hasn't happened to us recently (maybe we don't go out as often as we did when we were first together - spending time at home has become our main interest together), but especially in the first few months right after we were partnered, I swear women came out of the woodwork hitting on my partner. One dropped out of the sky, literally. My partner had gone to ground level of our sky home to pay rent and a NAKED woman landed right in front of him and said "Hi, baby." Do people generally fly around SL naked? She was ejected and banned on the spot.

Then there was the fun incident about this time last year when we were in a very narrow Halloween maze. We were in a corner trying to decide which way to go when, once again, a woman seemingly dropped out of the sky, pushed my partner into a corner and said "Hey Sexy!" Before either of us had a chance to speak (we were both so taken aback), the next thing we know, this chick rezzes a huge prim, trapping us in that corner of the maze, and tps out. I did the "rez a box and go through the prim" trick, but it turns out she had rezzed a YACHT so at various points it was blocking most everyone in the maze at some point.

Are people really that desperate...or rude?!?!

Just seen this thread, so I may as well add my comments/support, even although it has generally all been said.

Firstly, I agree with EVERY post, particularly the one about being naive (I think of that poster as a good guy, by the way). There is much published information about online relationships accessible through search engines, and this phenomenon can catch people unawares if not prepared for it. Even when aware, it does not guarantee immunity, so no one need feel awkward or embarrassed about getting caught. Indeed, I would hazard a guess that the majority of residents in SL have had at least one episode which has caused them emotional upset, either within or prior to SL. That is not a function of gender either.

To the OP ... the good news is that life DOES get better, and I can see that you are already moving along that path. You also have a valuable life experience, which will help you to understand when others 'suffer', and provide a suitable shoulder and support.

It is also reassuring to see so much warmth and caring in this thread.

Totally agree with Tod too.

I have had 2 online relationships here in SL (well 3, but one was an agreed situation where we both knew it was completely casual and for fun so I don't count that one). The other, was rather intense and I spent every day possible with this person, for hours each day. When we broke up, it was very difficult for me at first as I'd never experienced this sort of thing online before. Didn't know how to react/respond and I retreated from SL quite a bit, swearing I'd never get involved again in that way. BTW, in my case we were able to remain friends - quite good friends in fact which I'm grateful for.

However, many months later I met someone else. This time, I kept my wits about me. Some things in my life were different too, which helped. Even when it kept heating up, and we began talking off-line, still managed to keep things under control. We finally decided to meet in RL as it seemed we had much in common. We took a chance since we felt that we didn't want to go any further in SL without knowing what really was possible in RL. We had our reasons which I don't need to share.

Well, as Tod mentioned, that True Love bug hit this time. Who knew? Very unexpected. We now are living together in RL but funny thing is, in SL nothing has changed for us. We still kind of do our own thing, go our own way and meet in the middle. Haven't partnered yet there, have loose plans to, but no hurry. Only difference is we can see each other across the living room as we "play" lol.

So, the point of all this is; don't let this one set back stop you from being open to another relationship here, if your heart leads you that way. Sometimes you will get hurt - just like in RL. There is no guarantee that any relationship/friendship will turn out ok. However, there are many long-lasting and thriving ones here too, and several that have crossed-over into RL as well. You just never know what may happen. I didn't think I would ever get involved here again, swore up and down against it and made my friends promise to shoot me if I did. I'm SO glad they didn't or I wouldn't be with the person I'm with now, who is making me very happy I had to eat my words

"... and let that be a lesson to you"

not exactly a nice thing to add but brutally honest.

learn from it, but don't let it change who you are, just maybe what your expectations are of the possibilities