A Diabolic Partner

At first glance, I read the same thing.

I am quoting this bit above just because I thought it was rather lovely. ^^^^

I was going to send this in PM, but you don't have it enabled, and it's not really that private anyway.

Jig, I hope you go on posting: you are bright, and lively, and funny. The topics that you post are interesting. But maybe you need to think twice about employing them like hand grenades? I think you are too good a writer to make it necessary for me to explain how your tone and approach tends to create this effect. The problem with grenades is that they are pretty indiscriminate in the damage they inflict: and there are a lot of people who would normally have been in your corner whom you obviously fragged this time around.

I also think that you were treated much too harshly by a number of people. Part of that is just a function of the culture of this forum, but part of it is also that people were responding in what they felt was kind to posts that may have wounded them without you ever having intended to.

Unfortunately, too, the degree to which you tend to release personal information about both your RL and SL means that personal attacks also seem less inappropriate than they might normally; you make your personal life fair game when you do this. Maybe you want to be a bit more circumspect about relying so heavily on this kind of information. Your personality DOES come through in your writing, and it is (I think) a pretty attractive one: you don't need the other stuff.

Anyway, you get all of this, I think.

Looking forward (I THINK) to your future post on sex . . .

unfortunately the condescension annoys me to the point where I can't really bring myself to be inspired

Of course my SL partner impacts my life in Real. I married him in Real.

I'd be damned if my Partner,SO whatever told me I could not post on a message board.. Unless he wants to pay for my internet connection.

Ray for President! ... of The World!

I've read your message with care and consideration. You shouldnt be hurt by my posts - it's not right you should be. Try not to take me so seriously. It always end up badly when people do.
Take care, Key. I thought you'd left sl. You didnt IM me.
It's close to midnight.
Gonna go soon.

/me thinks the OP talks from both sides of her mouth.

Does your relationship involve some sort of power exchange, Jig? Because if not, I agree with Rioko.

Rioko and you dont know all about me and my partner.

Ah, Gabriele, you are so charming.

Jig, I'm not sure where Rioko is coming from, but I just read concern in what Love wrote here.

That's why I asked.

I wouldn't go that far. More curiosity.

What a dumb comment!

Pep (*ALL* relationships involve power exchange; otherwise they are not relationships. )

Aside from the should she post, should she not post- her question of how and if we are impacted got lost.

I have found SL impacts my RL in many ways and by many people. I have always said this place changes us - I want to believe in for the better though I have seen cases where folks have found darkness instead of light, and yes, those folks impact us too- how can they not when we are drawn into their pain rather than their happiness. At times like that, one tries to impact them and hold your hand out in hope they can follow you into light- no it doesn't always work - but sometimes

On a day-to-day, those I interact with in SL, my loves, my friends, they have impacted and influened me greatly. At times it has been a font of strength to get thru the mundane. At other times great pleasure in knowing that somewhere - across the country or across the world - somebody really gets 'it'. What ever that elusive 'it' is. An other times, the one and only shining beacon that makes getting up the next day worth while. It's all relative really, where we are each day.

As for posting or not- I am not sure why or even if, we need Jig's goads- but as in all things we are free to answer or not - so why not post? Yes, I agree the tone of several of her posts is condescending but it is only the hubris of youth, 'this too shall pass'. And as for if her partner can tell her what to do or not- not our business surely if she accepts the boundaries he sets. I am sure pop psych can serve to suggest reasons for her wanting those guidelines but just not our place to question them.

Enough seriousness for 4 am - back to bed with me~

What an asshole.

(way to present yourself)

/me rolls her eyes, throws her hands up in the air, and decides that Amaranthim has the right approach . . .

Time to go to bed.

Thanks for dragging me into this - not! You're completely wrong about me of course. Just because I don't get over-emotional about issues doesn't mean I don't care (yes, that's a triple negative, but I've explicitly done it for clarity ) Just because I express myself "intellectually" (whatever that means; perhaps I use the right words, spelled correctly in an order which makes sense, unlike most others) doesn't mean my stance is artificial. Who are *you* to say when an issue touches me or not? If you see my posts as scoffing, mocking and deriding you then perhaps you should read them again, and see if you can tell the dancer from the dance;I concede that I do retaliate personally when subject myself to ad hominems, as with this post, but the great majority of my posts respond to what has been posted, not the people behind the posts. If you are upset by my comments, it is because I have held a mirror up for you, and you presumably don't like what you see.


Yes, probably, and in such cases it is much better not to post at all.

Pep (I am surprised you bothered to post; now you can get back to planning your RL/SL wedding. )

More emotional expletives in lieu of intelligent comment, eh?

Pep (That's the trouble when I point out your inadequacies, I suppose; you have nowhere to go. )

Certainly, but in some relationships the power exchange aspects are highly significant and may involve very specific behavioural patterns - much more so than in others, where power exchange is more low key.

If Jig and partner both see this as a typical part of the relationship they enjoy, then no problem.

EDIT: I must add though, that if so, this will be the first time I have noticed Jig taking something so seriously. It would seem to me to be more in character if she took this as a joke.

Power exchange may *appear* low key, but it is critical in all aspects of all relationships. As soon as you have two thinking (rather than instinctual) beings wanting to share something then you have a power exchange, even if it is not apparently formalised to any degree; in fact, the biggest problem with most relationships is that one or both of the parties do not recognise (or worse, acknowledge) the implicit power exchange to which they have committed themselves.

It appears that Jig's partner has explicitly drawn aside the curtain that already existed between them, that Jig had failed previously to overtly acknowledge. Her posting history makes it obvious that she is desperate for a father figure, and one that might be presumed to attempt to impose authority over her, principally so she can demonstrate her own spirit by publicly defying him. This little scenario is perfect for her purposes. She will, of course, not keep to the terms of the agreement, enjoying her subversion and enjoying even more his eventual acceptance of it.

As I have said, it is merely a mechanism for drawing her relationship into the public arena so that she has a greater audience. Until now she has been a one-woman show; now she has a supporting cast.

Pep (Sits back, beer and popcorn in hand)

I left the undying thread because of your pictures of dead animals. What mirror did that hold up to me?

It's true that a reader can imagine an offense where there is none. However, I think both you and Jig have the attitude toward the rest of us, "Why are you getting upset? We're just talking about how stupid you are."

Sure - either this guy recognises his "role" as the father figure and is happily playing his part and producing the expected behaviour pattern, or he is not and genuinely feels aggrieved or neglected in some way.

If the former, ok, and Jig will perform her expected role of rebellious child. If the latter, then the relationship will founder.

I don't think this forum is much of an audience though - so if the partner doesn't like the idea of his relationship being in the "public arena" (your words), I shouldn't think he need be at all concerned. This is not even a toy theatre, much less a public arena. If Jig's purpose is as you believe, then it would be better served by going public on an outside forum or blog.

Another possibility is that since it is all too easy to get over involved with internet fora to the extent where it can assume a disproportionaltely high importance and consume too much time. Jig's partner may honestly feel that she has been overdoing it here and will benefit from taking some time out. Nothing wrong with that IMO. People come and go here all the time.

Good point Deira. In that case I can understand a partner wanting the other to take a break or stepping back.