How much do you trust online?

Since I was one of the people who mentioned gender and betrayal of trust. I have no problem with men playing women, women playing men, or even someone not immediately revealing that. Some of my favorite women in SL happen to be men In the case I was speaking of, I had a problem with the level of deceit. It hasn't changed how I feel about the person, but I can't say that it didn't hurt a little because in some ways you sort of mourn the loss of someone. I imagine it is a terrible situation to get into on all sides, but from my perspective, finding out the way I did was disappointing. It is not a consensus on how I feel overall about this topic.

In cases where the stakes are low, I trust completely.... When the stakes are higher, such as sharing my many secrets, the trust is a bit harder to gain.
I do feel I have a good sense of who people are, but sometimes I'm so intent on helping people who have a sad story that I'm not listening to my intuition enough.
But I much rather be open to all of the friends I might make then close myself off. I played TSO as well, and one thing I noticed there is that it is very easy to let paranoia take over your sim life. I refuse to let that happen here.
I'm 100% honest about myself.. what you see, is what you get. I expect the same from others, and will trust that I'm getting it unless it's proven otherwise.

*waves to Ravenmist*

I kept pondering this question, because in my time in SL I've never been in a position where I got hurt by someone's betrayal. In fact, I don't really understand how people manage to get hurt like that. One thought was that I was lucky, or perceptive.

But I don't think that's the case. I think I've just NEVER trusted others enough to put myself in a position of vulnerability. I'm perfectly willing to be friends, and I'll be as honest and open as I can, but no one ever touches the core of me. The other thing about it I suppose is low expectations. SL like it or not is part of planet Earth, and my time on it has taught me to always be a bit detached.

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On the issue of gender and honesty, here's one to ponder:

If in your heart you are the gender opposite the one you appear to be in RL, how do you EVER manage to be completely open and honest? It seems no matter which way I try to go, I'm always hiding something, if only by letting people assume.

You could, I suppose, put a big sign over your head or carry a bullhorn announcing it every 2 mins. Unfortunatly, it seems to be a trade-off between being completely open and honest and letting yourself be vulnerable to those who would harm you, whether intentional or not. The difficulty starts with the inherent contridiction that already exists and the carries forward from RL to the virtual one. Its tough to figure out where the balance should be and I suspect is different for everyone and probably different at different times. It helps to grow a thick skin, but there's always the risk of becoming a jaded cynic.... alhtough sometimes it does help to think that everyone is solely goverened by their own self interests.

It also helps to remember that you're not the only one who is that way.

I used to believe I was this way. But there are people in SL (as there are everywhere online) who are masters at manipulation and predation. They work very hard at cracking through that 'core' and gaining your trust. Once they think they've 'won', they lose interest in their conquest and leave hurt in their wake.

My only solution is to harden my core, build higher walls and try to be more wary next time. I hate that, but it's reality.

Thanks for the replies. As for touching the core of me, I never had to build a wall. It has just been there all along and if anything I wish desperately I could do away with it. I'd like to believe that there could be some real connection, but the more I learn about myself, the more alienated I feel from everyone.

That wasn't the idea when I started searching.


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You may be looking at this and thinking, "hey, this is awfully personal and trusting" but really, I could still be anyone at all.

I think you should -

Take the "there are everywhere online" out

The things people are able to lie about are different.

But in reality the betrayals of trust are no different.

Some great input from you guys, particularly about the gender stuff some of you are going through.

My trust varied a lot with time. I started out paranoid of all you internet freaks . Now my RL photo is available and I am a lot more casual about my RL info. I don't know if that's a good thing. Sometimes I feel like I'm deceiving myself about how safe the exposure is, especially with the appearance of an enemy that could best be described as obsessed. I make a very focused effort of separating my RL from my SL.

I'm about 98 percent certain that you are perfectly safe from that particular enemy, Aimee.

I think the "wall" thing most people here are talking about is something self-protective you do after your first (or two or three first) grand disillusionments.

But as time goes on, the wall either disappears entirely or becomes so much an ingrained part of oneself that for all practical purposes, it no longer exists. I suspect a combination of both really - the wall is still there, but it just doesn't hinder you (or your potential new friends/lovers) in any way.

This is because eventually you come to grasp on an emotional level that this is NOT going to happen to you with most people you meet. That it is by far the aberration, rather than anywhere near the norm. Consequently you eventually wind up being as open and trusting as you ever were (within reasonable physical safety concerns). You know that every once in a blue moon someone will come along and fool you. But now, you won't be very hurt or for very long (if at all). You'll pretty soon just be feeling sorry for that miserable person. Most importantly, it won't affect your openness to other people and your willingness to become close with them.

The grand disillusionment(s) is just something we all just have to go through and learn from. After a period of time, we become better able to judge others, and to recognize certain types, and willing to take the risk of being fooled, hurt, or disillusioned, because in a weird way, we no longer take it so personally. And because we've figured out that most people, though human and fallible, won't try to do us in like that. This enables us to be as open and trusting as ever, just on a more mature basis.

coco

I'm with you on not knowing if the casualness is a good thing or not. I've always been fairly casual - my Yahoo ID is my actual full name (and had Diaz been available at the time I signed up, I would probably have been uncreative enough to have taken it instead of Midnight - hence the reason Taeja has Diaz as her last name ). I have shared a lot of photos with people, and also not made a secret of where I live (if you are looking for me, I live in San Diego, California ). A lot of people also know my phone number as well from having spoken to them.

A couple of things that have happened in SL have made me rethink that a bit. The first was (edited) calling me and threatening me with a lawsuit for calling him a loon. It wasn't so much that he called me - it was how unbalanced he seemed that scared me (thank god for Domains by Proxy - I put all of my various domain names under lock and key with regards to my personal info) after that wackadoo looked me up.

Also, getting threatened with physical violence by someone in Sl who professed to be a drug dealer in RL certainly gave me pause as well. I admit, for a little while, I certainly looked around when I was getting out of my car Also, having death threats and racial slurs come from some random idiot who I asked to not build on my land (and who repeatedly asked me where in Miami Beach I lived, since he was in Florida also). Again, nothing came out of the situation, but it certainly made me think about being so open with certain pieces of info. It just takes one idiot to take things too far.

LOL reminded me of this, just had to share it.


Why does a man's penis have a hole in the end??

So air can get to his brain!

Ugh, Cristiano, your experiences aren't helping my confidence on the subject at all, LOL. The problem is, you can meet a thousand of the sweetest, most wonderful people in SL, and be sure to meet a thousand more. But it only takes ONE nutjob to make your RL a living hell.

Right on, Aimee, and I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for that whole "picking through your garbage" incident. I was going through a weird time, and I'm feeling much better now.


<edit> "I" before "E" except after "C". And when sounding like "A" as in "neighbor" and "weigh".

And apparently in "weird" too.

*trusts kris implicitly after that comment* *realizes she's always had a trust problem*

Unhygienix, I am well aware of your burning obsession with me. Your unbridaled passion was plain for all in the card you sent me...



WHOA TIGER!! Slow down or Ima get a restraining order against you!

Nah, I get you Blaze. I have friends I'd trust to pay me back money, but not to tell a big secret to, then there's friends I'd trust a big secret with but wouldn't loan any $ I EVER wanted to see back.


And, for me, I have a few online friends that I call best friends, because except for hardly or never seeing them RL, they are best friends. Sometimes I spend more time with them than RL friends, because, as we all know, as you age, it gets harder and harder to spend a lot of time with RL friends b/c of both your lives.

There are a few online friends I've had for years now. One plays SL with me, one doesn't get online that much anymore, but we still talk on the phone. I have new friends I've met in SL that I'm going to know for years and years. I think it's just about caution, and just like RL, you're going to get burned from time to time.

Maybe he is! and wants people to see! *doesn't know what's scarier, the original visual image, or the image of what I just typed*

I've known a lot of transgenders online, some who are not physically transgender, but have always felt they were a man or a woman inside, unfortunately they aren't outside, so I agree with this post.

That said though, I've also known quite a few who haven't always felt differently, who actually get KICKS out of fooling people that they are a man or woman when they're not. And for those reasons I also find the gender bender jokes funny.

God, if my behavior RL matched my SL, I'd be nude more often RL. My husband might like that *considers*

I got your message loud and clear when you sent me this, Aimee:



I clearly recognized the Preen streetwalker tights, even though it was unsigned. Plus you have rather distinctive ankles from golfing.

Aimee,

If it makes you feel better, I'm pretty open online too, and I've never met a nutjob *crosses fingers she isn't jinxing herself*...well okay I have, but I'm pretty decent at spotting them and shutting them down soon enough to stop it...*is not expressing herself well now*...or having friends that are good at spotting them too.

I can't believe that you still have that. ahh, memories.

Back on the subject, I'm VERY shy about getting to know the RL identities behind people's avatars, and letting them get to know me. I believe that there are a total of two people in SL who know any identifying RL details on me, and only one of those who I've communicated with by voice. It was almost painfully difficult to step over that line with someone and use a voice-chat program, and even more so to make actual telephone contact. I'm glad that I have, however, the trust has been rewarded several times over with a very engaging relationship-friendship-something.

So, overall, I'm not very "trusting" with my RL info, but I've had some very good experiences with the couple that I have trusted.


Oh, wait, I forgot, there are a couple of other people who know me in SL, but they're RL friends who I introduced to the game and knew me before anyway, so I don't think that counts.

That's actually getting ME excited.

*stalks cris*

In terms of sharing personal info online, I guess I'm pretty darn open. For awhile I even had my personal website linked in my profile, because I thought a potential employer might want a piece of this raw talent. On my website is myRL name, E-Mail address, my demo reel and a resume with RL contact info on it.

So, for awhile I was wide open to some psycho calling me on my cell at 2AM and demanding I take down some particularly incisive remark I'd made on the forums. Never happened, though, thankfully enough.

I don't remember why I took the link of my profile. It certainly wasn't paranoia.

(And if you're curious, or want to hire a recent college grad, go get some enticement at www.danilocampos.com)

Not so much ankles.. they is nearly cankles