How much do you trust online?

I don't want to make this a poll because I'm not after metrics. This is a question for the heart, not the yardstick.

It has surprised me at times how far people will go to not be honest -- and I'm not talking about hiding their offline RL identities, because I'm protective of my reality more than many. But I *am* always who I *am*. If I say something, I mean it. If I'm involved with someone, I don't hide it from anyone and I certainly don't try to pretend that I feel one way when I feel another. If you ask me a personal question, I will either give you the straight answer or tell you it's none of your business (from which you can make your own deductions). I won't dance around and I won't lie. I hate lies in the anonymity of cyberspace just as much as I hate them in the real world. I'm not pretending to be perfect here -- I make mistakes, too, but I bear the guilt and seek to make amends when I do.

I have always believed that the anonymity of the web allowed people to be truer to who they really are. There should actually be fewer reasons to lie and cover up. But now I'm unsure. I think that for some, it's only another opportunity to deceive. They probably are just as deceptive offline. In the real world we call them "predators". And cyberspace is their Paradise, complete with chocolate covering and peanuts. I've seen them come and go for years.

For the others, the speed and intensity online puts them into situations where they see secrets as their only defense. I'm guessing on that one, because it is still puzzling me. The sharp edge of the razor is that, because online communities gell so tightly and the technology allows words to spread at the speed of thought, lies and secrets will always come undone. Always. It's only a matter of time. Ask yourself this: what haven't you said yet to your significant other, that you probably should? When will it be too late?

Maybe you have some insight into this, or maybe I've just been online too much and need to start thinking of SL as a 'game' instead of a large social community with real people and real feelings. You tell me. I can play games as well as anyone if I have to. Just don't expect me to lie about it.

The people I "trust" in SL are ones who have a proven track record of honest behaviour for over a long period of time. Not months but years. Everyone else suspect, which is fine. Just because you don't trust someone implicitly doesn't mean you can't have a nice, friendly, relationship with them.

I knew it. Under my crusty, skeptical veneer I'm a freaking optimist.

*sigh*

Help me, Ingrid!

Optimism is good! It's the foolish optimism you have to worry about.

Or maybe I just need to adjust my expectations and accept that, until proven otherwise, everybody lies.

Not a bad idea. I'm all for self preservation.

Hug it out, women!

I had an online relationship with pandastrong and it turns out he's actually a marsupial. Imagine my dissapointment.

The purse is really a pouch!

You make me sick.

That explains the botox.

Cristiano wins the prize for most random post. I love it.

This is why you shouldn't trust online, Cindy.

Ingrid told me that she was a superhero IRL and thus invulnerable to every type of viral and bacterial infection.

And now she is sick.

Um, yeah whatever fic loll hahaha

Not to butt in.... (says Dianne she butts in),

But I like the earlier advice of just suspending belief until a track record appears.
To live in a world where I assume everyone is lying is not someplace I want to be.

.

Yay, between that and the Benshee, it's like winning the lottery!

I tend to be somewhat cautious in both worlds. Trust is something that usually develops over time.

Dianne, well put. And I had my tongue planted in my cheek, at least a little. It seems for all of my worldliness in the real world, I am capable of moments of polyannatude as well. (Hey lookie, I made up a word!)

What was that? "Trust, but verify"?

(Cue theme from Xfiles)

Panda, is there an FIC for kangaroos?

Ok now that I have flirted with Ingrid and shunned Panda (in the next thread, I will reverse it), I will be serious and answer Cindy's interesting question.

In terms of life online, I am relatively new at it overall. My first true experience with it started about 3 years ago, with the TSO beta. I had dabbled in a few online games here and there but they never stuck, and I had a really busy college and work life, so I had never really gotten into much online socially.

That changed with TSO - I became instantly addicted to it, and a little while into it, I left my job to start my own business, so I had a lot more free time on my hands and would spend a lot of it online. I met a lot of people very quickly, and initially did not realize some of the nuances of online life - the fact that people would lie about who they were, or augment things. I genuinely put myself out there, and got burned a few times by being too open or too trusting. Lessons learned, thankfully with only minor scars.

Fast forward to now, I definitely think I am pretty savvy when it comes to people online. Granted, every once in awhile, someone still manages to go under the radar. I recently found out a female friend was actually male that I never ever would have expected, and it turns out that I wish I didn't know that. It was a big disappointment for me, and a betrayal of a certain trust, I suppose. Not that I mind that they are male, just that they lied for so long and invented a lot to cover it up. I have not let it affect the friendship since they don't know that I know, but I was initially quite hurt by it.

I think the concept of our truest self being able to come out online is an interesting one. I am not sure what self I am holding back in RL, or what I have unleashed online, but I do know that my friendships with people on here have become an important part of my life. People often make the distinction between online friends and RL friends. Certainly, you do have online friends that never go beyond the casual chat relationship. However, I do have some friends that I have made in the past 3 years that are as dear to me as friends I have in my day to day life.

I am probably still a bit too trusting at times, but I would prefer that to the alternative, of always being suspicious of people. In the end I may get burned, but I have always been really open with people, and that is a part of my personality I don't ever want to lose.

being a psychopathic serial killing stalker and con artist of some long standing, I can both see why trust is an issue online for many, and appreciate at the same time the anonymity that the internet affords us - for both us evol people and you poor victims.

I've been at this for nearly 10 years. I can't claim newbiness any more, and i still get hurt now and then.

Some sappy, stupid movie I saw recently (which was so forgettable I can't remember the name) asked the question -- do you take the risk, knowing you could be hurt? Or wall yourself off and never trust again? That's the kind of question we should all ask, because I don't think the answer is as intuitive as we might first believe.


Understandably. I used to sysop for a board where we dealt with gender-benders all the time (automatic ban for that) and I got to be pretty good at spotting them, but sometimes the radar is aimed a bit high as you said. But even then, if I weren't intimately involved with someone, I don't actually care what gender they are as long as we're connecting mentally. Start playing the romance game though, and it gets to be an entirely new equation.


I have too, and some of them I haven't even so much as spoken to via phone much less seen in person. It's just never mattered, since our common interests don't require that level of contact.


http://www.fbi.gov/mostwant.htm

We know where you live. Surrender or we send in the Benshees.

I generally trust people in SL, but my level of involvement never gets so deep that a betrayal of trust would do much damage.

And of course I greatly embellish my own accomplishments and physical attributes, all the better to score with the hotties.

So, it is OK if the 'hotties' are more like. . . tepid? How about lukewarm?

Good post, Cindy. I feel the same way you do. I've always just been me online. I've never quite understood the compulsion of people to reinvent themselves. I don't mean roleplay, like someone who decides they want to be a vampire or a gangster or something else in SL, but people who truly fabricate a new identity and pretend that's who they are in real life... they baffle me. Do they keep a notepad next to their computer to keep their stories straight? Honesty takes the least amount of effort.

Most of those notebooks have the following written on it:

"note to self...I have a vagina, NOT a penis."

My definition of "hottie" is very forgiving.