Divorce Attorney Needed

I rather liked you as the Honorable Reverend something or other
A

As Mr. Recrant is seated in on his chair behind his desk with the psychic psychadelic ex escort at his side
/me sits on the corner of his desk, shifting her body so that only one of her perfectly polished feet is touching the floor, while the other dangles.
/me fumbles with her note pad and pen, flicking the cap off with her thumb. The caps falls off onto the floor, rolling underneath his desk.

Oh, let me get that.

/me hops off the desk and onto the floor where she crawls underneath the desk to.....

Oh Mr. Recreant, is this why the call you trout?

Sigh.

I think I'm in love with this thread. Can I keep it?

Amaranthim - add a bottle of bourbon and an illegal internet poker tournament to this thread and it pretty well describes the scene when I decided to get myself ordained over the internet in RL. My poor Southern Baptist/Convert to Catholicism mom was HORRIFIED. Which made it sooooooo much better. I think I qualified myself for the Degenerates Hall of Fame with that stunt.

The Right and Righteous Reverend Trout Recreant, esq., at'cher service. This week only, buy two exorcisms and get a baptism and a jug of holy water for free!

Waaaaiiiiit just a minute there, buster. By the TOS, you're only allowed to run one, count 'em one scam at a time. By my reckoning, that's three:

-SL Discount Divorce Attorney-at-TOS
-Trout's Dandy Slut Rating Service (and where's my rating, you scoundrel?)
-The Rev'rend Trout's Holistic Holy Hangout Harem Hoedown.

And there may be others. The Trout Biplane Airline. The Low Prim Newbie Cardboard Box Shelter at the Infohub shell game. Trout's Eternal Stuffed Immortality Program. Recreant Recreational Receptionists, Inc.

Why not just put them all in a catalog, and get your Scam of the Month Club off on an organized footing?

Hmm- I seem to remember a bottle of bourbon and a a poker tournament as well...

/me stops on her way out of Trout's office to give her official legal opinion:

"These are not scams, all Mr. Recreant promises to deliver in the course of any of his ventures is entertainment. It seems that he succeeds in that modest ambition."

*tugs at her suit's miniskirt and leaves, red lace flashing from the skirt's slit with each long, professional, stride*

Oooooooh! A Scam of the Month Club. I LOVE it! We're hiring in our PR department, Lindal. Just step into my office and we'll talk. Make yourself comfortable.

I like Trout Airlines. Travel Insurance? We don't need no stinkin' travel insurance! Just have a seat there on the wing and let me go through your luggage and see if there's any valuables...I mean bombs...in there. Can't be too safe. Wait until you see the in-flight movie!

This is the best thread that I have read so far . . . can't stop laughing.

But seriously, every good attorney needs a private eye or the bombshell to use as bait for a cheater. I will work for shoes and hair.

Me/taps lightly and opens the door, scattering assorted beauties, as I wade toward the desk and stand perusing the scene, one perfectly arched eyebrow lifted in silent commentary.

Mr. Recreant,
It strikes me that with your *cough* varied and diverse interests, you are most in need of the services of a competent accountant, perhaps even my skills as a fraud examiner will prove useful. Surely, given the level of distraction, you must find some difficulty in keeping your finances in order.

May I offer my unique services? I would be happy to undertake a diligent inspection of your assets.

Ms. McBride, CPA, CMA, CFE

LMAO! This is great, Lindal. "Holistic Holy Hangout Harem Hoedown"... HAHAHAHA. I seriously cannot stop laughing.

ooo ooo ooo I volunteer to be the male bombshell to search out all the cheating ladiezzz.... I'm eminently qualified for the job (own teeth - can't say that about the hair, of course - handsome, debonair, kind, polite, built in English accent (5* attractant for those of the female persuasion), a detectable air of dangerous, too rich to bribe but never forgetting my humble 512 m2 mainland origins, own tuxedo, highly skilled at poseball jumping)

Damn, I should be auditioning for James Bond......

Alternatively can I be the judge and get to pore over all the salacious material Recreant and Others, attorneys-at-SLaw, dig up and then morally pontificate on the sad state of modern yoof and how how a couple of years of forced conscription would go a long way to solving many of the ills our misguided politicians and social workers have foisted upon us?

I LIKE morally pontificating and the air of self-righteousness it brings.....

LOL

Inc

OK, but I have to warn you - I steal from the trust account. A lot.

Trying to come up with a good joke involving covering my assets...Jez seems to have covered them for the moment.

Well, hell. Nika just put her skirt back on and left. Funny thing. She wasn't wearing and red silk when she came in. I wonder who she swiped those from. At any rate, that leaves room for one more.

Welcome to the team. And since Emuna is willing to work relatively cheap, assuming she does well in the interveiw, she's in as well.

haha ROFL, this thread is great! I really can't stop laughing!

/me blushes

Um...Nika...can I have my undergarments back, please? Didn't realize I left them lying around.....sorry, boss, um, Mr. Trout. (Reverand Trout? Dead and stuffed Trout? Attorney Trout!) I misunderstood when you asked me to file those briefs.

/me hears the theme song to the Nine to Five

Girls, lets go to my house and hava a little chat!

LOL. Oh, yes....I remember what those women did to their boss!

It appears that Trout is swimming in deep waters...

Trout? I have your Public Relations schedule for the week drawn up. Gee, there's a LOT of appointments on here. I'll throw some Viagra and a bottle of vitamins in your briefcase. See you when you get back. If you get back.

Yeah - but they didn't like their boss. I'm a good boss. I pay well, don't care if you show up late or actually get any work done, and there are free donuts on Friday. Read the Tao of Trout. It's like the Tao of Linden, only naked and with more gambling and debauchery. You can pick your own project or just take naps in the sun. I'll even pay you under the table so you don't have to report it to the IRS. I'm thinking we need a masseuse to come in on Tuesday afternoons. My back's a little tight.

Lindal's right. The water just got deeper and colder. Yikes.

No need for Viagra. I've got a script that keeps me in action. The vitamins are a good idea, though. That and lots of Red Bull. It's going to be a long week.

Trout. the OP has no funds to pay me for my time. so, i'm switching to your side.

need a secret-keeping strong arm? everyone needs a bully with tits as their right hand... i'm thinking.

Important lesson to be learned by all new attorneys. If you have the opportunity to take sides in a confrontation, always pick the side with the most money. You may lose, but at least you'll get paid.

I was suspicious of you jumping ship at first, but then I remembered that you were really hot and decided to add you to the payroll. I could use a bully as my right hand...but my right hand is busy at the moment with a job interview. Talk to Lindal and she'll get you set up with a desk in PR. Bullying, with or without tits, is a public relations function. Since you brought them up, though...

(ok - I'm back to being in love with this thread. Takahiro, my friend, I am forever in your debt.)

touch my tits, lose your hand.

the end.

/me looks around at the offices of Trout Recreant, esq. Women are lounging in various states of undress on every available piece of furniture. In one corner, someone is posing nude for a photographer, who encourages her: "Give it up for Trout, baby! Work it now..." Giggles, squeals, and feminine laughter float from the doors of the offices down the short hallway. A forgotten filmy stocking dangles from the coatrack.

Methinks the OP is long forgotten

Did your right hand get the job?

it was caught red-handed (rosy palmed.... get it? oh... nevermind).