Lies, Deception and Evilness

I totally agree with you. It's hard enough to make a connection with someone on a dating site that is geared for that purpose, let alone SL which isn't especially for meeting the love of your life. So the chances of meeting 'the one' are unlikely IMO.

What can I say? I believe it is highly unlikely to happen. We see all sorts of games being played out on these very forums, in world is worse for game playing. I have witnessed some of these things first hand. I don't expect you to believe just what I say and YMMV and if the testimony is true then what is there to worry about?

Bottom line, You are free to believe in what you wish, I am not here to convince you, only to put forward my point of view and what I believe for anyone who finds it of value.
If you do not then move along and don't worry about it. If I am wrong then I will be wrong, if I am right I will be right.

To me the source is the internet and inherently unreliable for truth.
It is a sensible standpoint I think and again YMMV.

I guess I could add to the statistics as someone who knows someone.

I know one couple who got together in RL, it didn't work out in the long run. I know another couple who got together and got married, and have been happy together for a long time. I have no reason not to "believe" in their happyness. I could add a few couples I know having met via other online communities, but since this is about SL..

As for "sticking to RL" since finding love is hard as it is there.. There are those who aren't looking neither here nor there. I wasn't. I'm bloody thankful for it finding me though.

I suspect they're not the ones who will be finding it.

I suspect they're not the ones who will be finding it.

Statistics seem to imply that it's not exactly to be expected whether SL, the Internet, or bulletin boards are involved or not.

I agree on that at least, though I have to say my opinions are based on the odds, the more disadvantages you place against something the odds of it happening go lower. It is that which I base my opinions on. If you read back I never actually said that it can never happen (or at least I hope I didn't) just that the odds are very low and for every person who is honest about their testimony of success in love from SL there will be many dishonest testimonies. Why? because people make stuff up all the time, for a million reasons and are convincing, heck if that was not the case then the victim of this thread would not have fallen for the deception just like the hordes before them.

Agreed and so every barrier that is imposed lessens the odds. SL has quite a few of those barriers.

Gabriele: I think you're missing part of the subtext in my messages. To wit, the fact that some people have unreasonable expectations from SL is not unique to or solely the responsibility of SL, or even of those people who *inadvertently* find themselves in a romantic relationship with someone who thinks they are someone else.

Someone who claims to be someone else in RL with the intent of entrapping them, that's a different matter... though I am not sure what the goal of this would be, since they would inevitably be found out... but the majority of the cases I've heard about don't seem to be the result of this kind of entrapment.

I don't beleive I ever said contrary to that. Just that the odds for love in SL are lower, the difficulties harder to overcome and the risks higher. To me that is an excellent reason to avoid SL relationships where possible.
If it is not possible to avoid then c'est la vie.

Argent, it is someone who takes delight in hurting people, to see how far they can go before being found out. For them telling the victim is just a laugh or for some sick pleasure. You get them in RL and they are here on the internet and in SL also.
No disrepect, but I think perhaps a little naive not to know this.

Regardless of the viability of relationships from SL into RL - I wonder what would have happened if Yummy's friend instead of being grateful for the information had instead been really angry at having reality thrust upon her like that. I understand Yummy believed she was doing her friend a favor and as far as that, it turned out fine - meantime, there is another person who is in a lot of pain at the loss of the relationship he/she was having -albeit under false pretenses, but we do not know the reasons for that - and also had a confidence betrayed.

I had always been uncomfortable by the gender bending that goes on here, but with time I have come to realize it is not always for nefarious reasons and who am I to judge motivation with out evidence of malicious intent. Yes there are mind game players- people who are purposefully toying with others. But there are also people who have found in SL the liberty to be what they have always wanted to be. I doubt very much I would 'out' someone as a different sex than they portray unless I was positive they were engaged in a malicious deception- even then I would need to be damn sure my interference would be appreciated by the one I perceived to be the endangered party.

Proceed with caution-

Sadly the internet attracts a lot of lonely, desperate, housebound , socially inept souls, who are often incapable of a RL relationship for whatever reason.

I was a little naive when I first started out meeting people via the net. I had no idea and it never occurred to me, that people would post pics of themselves that were 10 years old, would lie about being married and various other things.

I am fortunate enough to have never fallen in love on line, I learnt quickly that the internet can be a deceitful ground.

I guess in SL, people don ‘t really intend to meet RL or expect that they will, so they play a little fantasy, it gets serious and maybe they think the person they’ve been interacting with will forgive them, because they’ve fallen in cyber love. Well if cyber love was real, then what they are in RL wouldn’t actually matter would it?

Telling a friend something you have learned about their BF/GF (often that they are married in RL lol) is usually very fraught with danger. Friends can be lost very easily.
I totally agree with you Amara and it is true that it is more to the point than the direction the conversation was going after I made my point. Thanks Amara

But at least they get something. While internet romance is a no no for me, I couldn't fathom being shut in, or suffering from the agoraphobia and social anxieties that plague many why are online. I truly believe I would rather not be alive, so my heart goes out to them all.

I agree, it's just sad that some people choose to deliberately deceive others.

You mean like wearing makeup and high heels, or dying their hair?

Pep (Not serious . . .)

lol yes true a little I guess, we have all heard the stories about the guy who woke with a girl and wanted to chew his arm off.

I'm not so jaded as to think they're so common as all that.

Lasting love is fairly unlikely even in RL-only relationships. People play all kinds of games no matter the venue.

If you are talking about the likelihood of it happening being very small, I agree, but then again, it is so as it is in RL as well.

I don't doubt your experiences for yourself, I only question your claims that other people are deliberately misrepresenting the success of their SL->RL relationships, and the rationale for it.



The Internet is no less reliable for truth than anything else in RL (the mass media, the neighborhood gossip fence, the coffee klatch, etc) as long as you consider the source. An anonymous statement made by someone you don't know is no less likely to be accurate, no matter if you see it on the internet, or overhear it from someone in a public place in RL.

There's a big difference between not giving much credence to information because of the medium, versus not giving much credence due to the source. The former is stereotyping; the latter is prudence.

As such, I don't think it's a matter of "being right or wrong", just understanding why.

Though that situation usually has less to do with the girl misrepresenting her beauty in some fashion, but rather the sordid effects of "beer goggles" on the guy.

I think you missed the bit where I did say it was unlikely in RL but even more unlikely online due to there being more barriers in the way, ergo less chance of it happening.

We will just have to disagree on this subject and move on as Amara was right and this getting to be too much of a derailment.

My pov is not jaded at all but you are welcome to your opinion as I hope you recognise I am too.

What a lot of people forget about on here is that SL is a game ...

I had a bit of a romance on here with a man .. who took his feelings into real life, and told me he loved me ??

how could he love me ?

he had never met me in person or even spoken to me on the phone .. I found it quite spooky, and had to finish the realtionship.

Umm now I think about it .. two men have done the same thing with me ...

Noooo, I didn't miss it; in fact I pointed it out and my agreement with it.

The things I am not in agreement with you over are:

1) People who claim that they have made their SL->RL relationship work are not telling the truth (any more than "anyone else", without you giving any more reason as to why than a simple "don't believe everything you hear on the internet" cliche.
2) Considering the medium of information, rather than its source, as being the most appropriate litmus for believability.



That's fine, as long as you understand what we are really disagreeing over.

I've had a few Virtual->RL relationships, one of which where we pursued it in RL for a year until it became clear it wasn't going to work out. The others never went very far. So, I guess you could say I am 0/3 myself. I know it's hard to go from SL->RL, I know that that forming lasting relationships in general is hard, and I probably make it even harder because I am extremely picky. However, it doesn't mean that it is impossible, and it doesn't deter me from continuing to try. If the right person comes along someday (regardless of SL / RL), I'll be open to the possibility. If not, well, I already half-expect to leave this circus alone, so it won't be any huge let-down for me. It certainly isn't my first choice, though.

well, alll i can say is i met my rl soul mate in sl and we've been together for over a year now and are happier than we've ever been. we are not kids, im 52 and hes 44, neither of us were looking for this, but it happened and we thank the powers that be every day for the gift of each other.

it's usually "i'm mad and leaving SL", "i'm sick in RL", "i got my heart broke" and "SL screwed me". the "i'm sick in RL" usually happens with repeat offenders. sad and pathetic.