To Ignore or not to Ignore?

There are times when putting someone on the ignore list is beneficial to a person, and sometimes to the forum as a whole. One such time was when I eventually put Colette on my ignore list (there was nobody else on it), and the forum noticably quietened down. Prior to that, it had been a hotbed of arguments. Me ignoring Colette was good for me and had a good effect on the forum as a whole.

But there can be times when putting someone on the ignore list can be bad for the forum as a whole. For the past few weeks, Pep has been coldy injecting poison into the forum in his crusade against Rhonda, and he continues to do it. Some people have suggested putting him on ignore, but what would that mean? It would mean simply allowing him to continue with the harrassment, without anyone saying anything against it. The result may be that another person is driven from the forum by the actions of one person, and I don't think that's very good.

Another option is to not respond to the poison, but that amounts to the same thing - allowing him to spread his harrassment with impunity.

A third option is to respond by pointing it out for what it is. But that has the effect of derailing threads, as we have seen, yet again, in a new thread today. It derails threads because it's exactly what he wants, and he responds with more of it - ad infinitum.

So, keeping quiet, either by using the ignore list, or by just not responding, allows him free reign to harrass another forum user for as long as he wishes, which appears to be permanently. On the other hand, responding in any way whatsoever gives him the opportunity to continue with it, which he likes. Either way, it's a win-win for him and a lose-lose for the forum as a whole.

He totally ignores everyone who suggests that enough is enough or asks him to stop. Other people's opinions mean nothing, however overwhelming they are.

If it bothers you, I suggest using the little red triangle icon at the bottom left of each of his 'poison' posts to report him for harrassing another forum user. Harrassment is one of the officailly stated reasons for reporting a post. I've done it twice so far, and I'll do it every time he injects his poison. With a bit of luck, something will be done to prevent him from continuing the harrassment.

If it doesn't bother you, remember that little story where, in the end, there was nobody left to speak for me.

It's up to you.

Every teacher worth their salt will tell you that the thing the attention-seeking playground tease, clown, straight-out bully or sociopath hates most of all is being ignored. As difficult as it is to do, it's the only strategy that works time and again.

Personally, I would never use the 'ignore' button in the forums - I think it's important to be informed about what people are saying, but to exercise self-control and ignore voluntarily - difficult, but it can be done. Of course, most people will bite several times before they learn to resist the temptation to respond.

In this kind of situation, it's important to know what's being said for another reason, namely, to be aware of the flack being copped by new forum contributors who may be unfamiliar with the offender. You then have the option of advising them that this person shouldn't be allowed to get under the skin. Advising them publicly (i.e. in the forums) is OK, because bullies hate being talked 'about' rather than 'to' - there's no-one to unleash their vitriol on, and the fire soon dies if there's nothing to feed it.

The greater strength is demonstrated by the person who can resist the barbs and turn the other way.

It'd certainly make it easy for those of us who arent here in prime-time to catch up on whats *really* been said overnight if all that certain chaff were blown off first. Too tempting.

There is a lot of truth in that, Waterstar. Those people in the playground will stop if everyone is disinterested, but Pep won't stop. The result will be that he harrasses Rhonda ad infinitum, and without anyone saying anything against it. That alone could cause Rhonda to leave here, and there is the additional wrong that people who are not familiar with what happened will no doubt get the impression that Rhonda is a bad lot, simply because nobody comes to her defense. It's not in me to sit back and let that happen to someone if I can do anything about it.

But in writing the OP, a half-way possibility occured to me; i.e. report the poison post as harrassment and respond to it by stating that it's been reported for harrassment, but not getting into any of the details of the poison post itself. That might lessen the bad rep that he's trying to force on Rhonda without burying my head in the sand because it's not my business. As a forum user, I do think that what he's doing to the forum is my business.

I don't have any personal beef with anyone here on this forum, nor indeed other forums I frequent. Nor do I object to, or am particularly wound up about dubious posts, however derogatory, wacky or ignorant they 'may/may not' be. I may comment on different things if I feel it's necessary, but the bottom line is this - censorship is a bad thing - everyone has a right to advise/exchange information and a right to an opinion. We all have the power to ignore, gloss over, shrug or indeed switch off the bloody computer. Rants and tirades, by forumites, whom I am very unlikely to ever meet irl are quite frankly meaningless to me.

if i don't like the show i change the channel..
i'm not much of a drama fan..
i like a good romantic comedy or are even some good action..
some days there is really nothing good on so i turn it off and do something else..

Ceka and Fox:

Doesn't it bother you at all if one person decides to perpetually harrass a fellow forum user and nobody comes to the user's defense? If that user were you, wouldn't it bother you at all if nobody spoke up for you?

If one must post a comment on the behaviour, post once.
By all means send a PM of support to the victim.

I only commented in that other thread because I had a FFS moment.
One post, and I'm not going back there.

It takes two to tango. You've been dancing with Pep a lot recently. I stop reading threads once I see the same old dance starting.


My dad is often heard to say:

"Never wrestle with a pig.
The pig enjoys it, and you just get covered in muck."

This all sounds like you are harassing me, actually.

Pep (I'm not the poison; you should be addressing the source cause of my entirely reasonable reaction, the one who wishes painful cancerous death on other forumites, rather than supporting her.)

"Get the impression that Rhonda is a bad lot"? So wishing painful cancerous death on someone because they said your thighs were a bit big is indicative of being a "good lot"?

"the bad rep that he's trying to force on Rhonda"? And repeating those wishes, less expletive-filled, but more cold-bloodedly does not give her a bad rep to start with?

Pep (You *are* losing it aren't you.)

I'm addressing the situation concerning you, and that's all. But even from your point of view, I've come to the right place - one who would like a specific person to the pain of cancer.

No amount of posting those lies will make them true.

I didn't say that.

Pep (Even in its over-emotional unedited unexpurgated form. )

You have already admitted that you don't know the truth.

Pep (So how can you identify a lie, or otherwise?)

Perhaps Ceka and Fox have the good sense not to speak up for someone who is obviously irrationally deranged . . .

Pep ( . . . as evidenced by that person wishing cancerous death on another.)

Phil, I think that's a workable solution, and I'm sure that anyone sufficiently concerned to understand the background will ask, or seek it out. I do believe that the key thing is not to engage with the person in question, which only opens the gates to increasing volumes of invective and ensures that they get the attention they so desperately crave. Hard to do, but it brings its own quiet satisfaction.

I think the good sense is refusing to argue with someone who is always right whether they are or not.

/me whips off her pants and wavesthem in salute.

Nicely put!

I refer you to your first post in Deira's thread (post #2), for which you have been reported - for the continued harrassment of a forum user.

phil I don't know about ceka, but no it doesn't bother me if, for instance one person decides for whatever reason they want to 'hassle' me here, nor would I be unduly concerned if no-one rushes to my defence. I fight my own battles and to be honest I'm not that confrontational. If I don't like what someone says, ignore and mute is available and like ceka I'll just find something else to do....there are other things in life to get over excited about and SL just isn't one of them, I'm afraid.

i really don't need anyone to stand up for me..
actually i do find myself sticking up for others a lot of times though..
but this whole thing with Rhonda and Pep..i don't think Rhonda is feeling to beat up from this..i mean if i was upset enough to say something to someone and they just kept bringing it up over and over in different places.i would say..wow i really sunk their battle ship..

Whats to defend??she kicked him in the jewels and it still hurts..

As I have pointed out, I gave a relevant response to the OP.

Pep (If anyone is guilty of harassment, it is you.)

Oh, I'm not at all hurt.

Pep (As Phil has argued, I am emotionless. )