Do You Have an Older Partner in SL?

Okay I am just chatty today. BUT ... here is another question for forum discussion.

Does your Secondlife partner's age have an impact on YOUR relationship with him/her?

My partner is open about his age. I'll call him "H" in this thread. He is 63 years old in real and male. I am 29 and female. Personally I love that he is older than I am. He is sexy and clever and lovely in many, many ways. His REAL world experience has helped us weather storms and enriched my life. We will never meet in real. Yes, we are intimate with each other. Yes, we share similar interests and similar real world economic status. But I recognize we have an age difference - I base success of my relationship on treating him as I would in real. I have had relationships with much older men in real (35 years my senior in one case) so maybe that helps me adjust to his age.

But what is YOUR opinion on age differences in SL relatonships? Does it matter? Or should it matter? Does age "tell out" in the end? Is a well-established and wealthy REAL man preferable to a younger and poorer young adult even in SL? H has money - so obviously I benefit from his "largesse". We are adults so I ask, is sex in sl better with older men/women? Avatars can look as young/old as people like but our experiences in real change us.

Please note I am referring here to ADULT relationships at all times - so age range for replies to thread should reflect 18 years upwards.

As long as SL stays in SL, it shouldn't matter. If you wanted to bridge the gap and make it a rl relationship, you'd face serious challenges because of all the other messy things that come with RL - like having kids, family members & friends disapproving, and actual day to day living, yadda yadda.

I always end up with younger men ... and that's happened here too. Not massive age differences, but always younger than me.

Just to add a little.
No I dont intend on making this REAL. We live in seperate "worlds" in real world to certain extent. But I have seen youth/age partnerships work in real - and older men make wonderful fathers in real (I mean MUCH older men).
I am a product of such a real relationship and everyone I meet says I am "well-adjusted precociousness" I am not overly modest either - lol!

Jig - I don't think it should matter at all. One of the really cool things about Sl is that it brings together people of all different situations. People can be who they truly are inside, because the outside is so easily changed. Age, race, handicap, geographic location, all of the stuff that keeps us separate is gone and you get to know someone for who they are inside, not what they look like on the outside.

To some extent, I think that helps people bridge the gaps in RL as well. If it makes people look beyond the outward appearances a little in RL because they are used to ignoring those differences in SL, and if other people see the example they set, then it may not exactly solve all the problems of the world, but it might make a difference in a few lives.

Congrats on finding someone you really connect with.

ZOMGs ageplay

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sorry someone was gonna say it

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Ive dated both older and younger people online. From experience Ill tell you I'm really not all that compatable with people under 25, and I prefer people over 30.

I just got really tired of the 22ish people who are still Angst driven telling me they will never meet anyone IRL , etc , etc.

Tell them to come up out of the basement once in a while

Wont get that far -

I dumped one for canceling a Real Life date to spend time with me online.

And Id do it again.

I don't think it matters all that much.

My SL partner is 20 years older than me. I didn't know this at first but began to figure it out. I'm 48, he's 68. Matter little, because in SL, our interests are complimentary for what we are doing. We are fully aware that in RL, we will never have a relationship (we are both in committed ones, and live across country from each other to boot) - that this is a fantasy for both of us. But in SL it is quite real. He is a writer, a novelist and musician, and I happen to dabble in writing myself. Creating this fantasy romance, living it out has proven to be very gratifying for both of us on many levels. We have found a true friend in each other, a passionate lover, and confidante. We have been able to open up to each other in ways we can't to our RL partners, something we both found we needed. And we are deeply committed to each other, this is no "fling". Off-line, we are learning about each other daily, which enriches our online experience and brings even more to our role-play.

Age means nothing, both in SL or in RL, as long as you are both consenting adults. Enjoy!

You can find wisdom, compassion, companionship, friendship, and love with people of any age (18+). Or whatever else you may be seeking. So it doesn't matter.

I originally read this and interpreted it as a RL date with you. I re-read it and I get it, but my initial reaction was pretty funny. WTF? I can't meet you tonight, honey, but can you get online around nine? We'll go dancing at that place you love...

Age-gap relationships are not for everyone, but if you are willing to deal with the social/familial disapproval associated with it, I think they can work well for the people involved in the relationship. I have never had a substantial age gap relationship (mine have always been +/- 5-7 years), but I've known others who have been and it seems that the biggest issues are not intrinsic to the relationship itself, but stem from the contexts -- that is, the very different contexts of friends and the like as between the two people.

Just look out for me when Im wearing my triceratops avatar I really can be a horny dinosaur now

These are wonderful replies - keep them coming.

actually no

He had a Real Life date with someone where he lived (way up in Northern Canada)

first one in a good while -

And he canceled it to spend time with me online.

Thats why he got dumped. And It was the right choice too - because hes engaged IRL now I hear.

In SL, that social/familial disapproval doesn't exist. The issues related to people being at different stages in their lives and having different influences from their friends might, but that's the beauty of letting people get together on common, equal grounds and exploring who they are and what they mean to each other. They can get to know the person inside and shell doesn't really matter.

Take age out of the equation. Put one person in a wheelchair. It's tough for that person to find a relationship because a lot of women (not all, don't flame me for this) are not going to let that happen. Same for someone who is ugly and fat. But in SL, they can meet someone and let their personality show without the constraints that they would normally have. If it's clear to both that it's a SL romance, then who cares about anything other than how the two people get along. All the RL physical attributes are non-issues.

Frankly, I almost like SL better than RL on this issue.

Edit: Colette - I figured that out when I re-read it. I was just commenting on my initial reading where I thought it was you he was standing up for a RL date so he could date your avatar that night.

In RL I am always guessed by others to be approximately 10 years younger than my chronological age and have always attracted younger men.

My SL partner is also younger than I and, as in RL, when we first met he thought I was younger.

I truly believe in the adage that one is only as young as they feel. My grandmother was still riding upside down rollercoasters into her 70's.

Edit: Just reread the OP's question and adding: For me, although money is certainly nice to have, someone being wealthy or not has no bearing on me having a relationship with them. Obviously if someone is a "moocher" or can't hold a job RL that would be a major issue, but I'm not the "marry them for their money" type of person. I was married RL to a man who was from a wealthy family and, trust me, money does *not* buy love.

Ain't it fun looking younger? And if Brain Training can be believed (prolly not) then my brain age is 10 years younger too. Woo!

Money is the root of all evil in SL anyway ...

I met my RL boyfriend online, hmmmmm around 9 years ago.

He thought I was 14, I thought he was in his 30's.

He is really half my age and we have lived together now 6 years RL.

Friends and family just smile as do I.


So for me age is a non-issue.

I do like what Hate Hastings wrote: "You can find wisdom, compassion, companionship, friendship, and love with people of any age (18+). Or whatever else you may be seeking. So it doesn't matter."

so he was faking being a pedofile... and you were faking being a young girl? Congratz, I can't imagine how that worked out.. but seriously congratz

Who cares? Unless a person has an age-related mental disease like Alzheimer's, the brain is just as active at 65 as it was at 25. That's all we are in SL, is brains.

In SL, it should matter more how old you *seem* than how old you *are*, but nonetheless it can matter. Finding out the reality can spoil a fantasy for some. It's not unlike finding out your superb looking partner is a dog in RL -- should it matter? No. Does it? Sometimes.

One of the best things about SL is you can be whatever you can make of yourself. I say, go for it!

I'm 50. My lovers have ranged in age from 20 to nearly 70. Yes, they're different, but viva la difference. I tend to get along best with the mature young ones and youthful old ones.

The usual rule should apply: if you can't handle the truth, DON'T ASK!

Um. right ok.... I'm just gonna shoot from the hip here with a personal opinion/feeling on the issue.

IRL....age doesn't matter to me...if all of the elements line up in a relationship.....age is more or less a non-issue. But....there in lies the problem with SL (for me...I don't get into SL romance because I'm happy in my RL romance...which incidentally, begun over the web, more on that to come)

I have a hard time sifting certain aspects of 'reality' out of SL. Every AV is attractive.....with the exceptions of those that set out NOT to be...but by and large...the human AV's are all pretty cute. But.....when I get intimately involved with another human being...every element has to fit, for me to even begin to get turned on. I don't care how good you are with words.... if I'm not physically attracted to you.... aint nuttin gonna happen. This leads to a huge dilemma in SL... I KNOW there's a human being behind the AV....so I KNOW there's either potential for real chemistry...or there's not. And NOT knowing, is going to keep me from handing over any intimacies. I am not being superficial here...I am being honest. My heart lives in the real world.....my body reacts and responds in the real world.....I can't suddenly drop those deep seeded elements and 'pretend' with a hot AV. Doesn't work.....can't work. That isn't to say that what i find attractive is universal...it's just what is....and if it cannot be established IRL, it canot become a legitimate or honest romance.

I met my RL fiance on-line.....completely and totally unexpected....it was not even due to a dating site. Long story.....but the condensed version is we connected.....and exchanged photos and ultimately met IRL.... At first when I saw his photos I thought, pleasant looking, warm, friendly...I wasn't blown away, but something about him struck a chord. We maintained a wonderful freindship and as time passed and he showed more pics of himself...I realized that he was indeed my 'type' and when we met.....the chemistry was mind blowing, instant. The relationship we have now would not BE.....if we did not find each other immensely physically attractive. The beauty of it is....we were also able to establish an intense intillectual/emotional connection by communicating so much via the web. But the physical chemistry was there....we saw pictures...we knew.....

Age does not matter....but I would not be able to fein physical intimacy in SL without knowing it was in fact, present, were I to be face to face with that person IRL.

Age is pretty much a non factor in SL relationships for me. With a couple of exceptions I really couldn't tell the RL ages of a good portion of my SL friends, those I do know have been learned from either profiles, or casually in the course of conversations over time. I never ask.

I think I've just found religion... there is hope, after all!!!!

Rock on Jig! You just made my day


18 for 25 years now myself, Des 'prune juice' Shang...