How does one "fall in love" with an avatar?

Awww, why the crying?

NO! You cannot have Doc Marten! I saw him first!
I love those boots... very sturdy. Expensive as fuck, but they last so much longer than other shoes that they really pay for themselves

Yep charlotte, oh wait. Let me go get my client that allows me to fly through buildings, THE LINDENS SAID SO!

(Chatlog upon request )

Sounds like me and Washu, except we didn't fall in love with eachother's avatars, it was the people behind them.

Placing eachother's name in our profiles, saying "I love Damien Fate" or whatever, is how you would say it in Second Life without giving away the person's real name. Ofcourse, Fate isn't my real surname, so it's protecting my identity.

Men's and women's brains work differently. Women like to talk about relationships and emotions. Guys find it hard to talk about emotions, for many reasons, it's gay, it's girly and they've been conditioned since birth, reinforced in the school playground to be strong and manly just like their dad and male role models in the media. That's why so many women find it easy to make friends with gay guys. Gay guys arn't afraid to cry, to scream like a girl or show the true emotions they're feeling, and talk about them.

Of course you've also gotta factor in that gay guys pose no sexual threat to them and they have better dress sense than straight men, but that's a whole different thread. However online, men find it alot easier to open up to a woman, and reveal the true person behind the shield they wear IRL. All the chat's thru IMs, nobody else can hear us, and after all I'm never ever gonna meet this person IRL so why should I care how I look.

Also when a woman asks a man a question, he'll often answer with the first thing that pops into his head, usually the wrong answer.
Woman:"Does my bum look big in this?"
Man:"Yeah"<DUH, wtf did I just say that??????>
Woman spends the rest of the evening watching TV in the other room, while the man sits there wondering where it all went wrong and why couldn't he keep his big mouth shut.

Instead of........
Woman:"Does my bum look big in this?"
Man:<hmmmmmm, she could do with losing a few pounds, but how can i tell her?>"No dear, you look fantastic, just wait until I get you home, we're going straight to bed"
Followed up with a few days later, so she can't associate the bum looking big question with it........
"Look I'm putting on a bit of weight and I need to go on a diet, but I don't think I'll be able to do it alone. How about we do it together?. And I've been looking into gym membership, but I need someone to push me thru the workout, fancy coming along?".

Over the internet, coz all answers have to be typed in rather than spoken, a man's thought processes are slowed right down. This gives him time to think, and answer with the correct answer, or even what he's truly feeling.

AVs in Second Life don't eat or drink, so he'll never leave an unwashed bowl or plate in the sink. He won't leave a pair of underpants by the bed where he got undressed last night, and he'll never leave the toilet seat up after having a pee. When a guy meets a girl in Second Life, he knows that in 1 years time she'll still look as wonderfull as the first day he saw her across the dancefloor at The Edge.

get lost ye thirteen year old gobshite

Well, in this thread I found out two things... Casandra Morgan is taken... and my hope of marrying Charlotte is dashed.

Hey we couldda been something.. bitchy yank meets bitchy brit!

Its ok. I actually only once in my life gots 'ideas' about someone via a chatroom...she seemed very smart, witty , a little bossy (I like that) and, well, over time we decided to meet. Big mistake! I won't go into details, but I learned a big lesson about myself and online meetings - visuals matter, and people can misrepresent themselves - or - we sometimes take what we want and leave the obvious behind.

I do get crushes but give myself credit for filling in blank spaces...not the other person. I would definitely take a very long time... today... in similar situations.

Wow Lowthe I must be in a mood, your post made my eyes tear up....


I met my RL love online in a game almost 6 years ago, we have lived together for the last 4 years. I found after meeting in real life, the avatar was not a suitable substitute

Loving an avatar ? Hmmmm, loving the person behind the keys. Each relationship is unique as are the people involved.

^;;^

Falling for an avatar is a rather complex issue that combines some or all of the following:

-The Unrealistic fantasy that the person you are talking to looks like the avatar you see.

-The totally realistic fact that the avatars we choose for ourselves REALLY DO reflect important parts of our personalities.

-A fetishistic attraction to the avatar itself, similar to how a comic book reader knows his favorite heroine is just a cartoon, but drools over her anyway.

I don't think many people here have any illusions about the nature of SL love. As a couple in SL begin to feel an attraction towards each other, questions about their real lives are quick to follow. Photos are traded, skype conversations are had, and eventually they meet. This is how I saw the romance of Washu and Damien unfold and now they are living happily together in England.

I think if you have an "SL is just a game" mentality, many events associated with SL cease to make any sense at all. It's only when you look at SL as a communication medium, a canvas upon which RL goings-on are painted, do the pieces fall into place.

Good question. I think it is like a RL relationship in some ways. If you spend alot of time with someone, though mentally and not physically, you begin to get to know them, and possibly fall in love with them.

Usually relationships that have gone to the love stage in SL, also take on some RL connections, such as phone calls, letters, email, voice chat, camera, or even RL visits. Not all do of course, but many do and will.

I'm very skeptical about love, and don't usually profess it unless I really feel a strong bond with someone. And I have fallen strongly in love within the confines of SL. It was even in a remarkably short time, when I first began in SL. That person is no longer in game, but I still feel love for her. I also feel love for some folks in present day SL, but am cautious with it.

Sharing time, experiences, opinions, dreams, sadness and joy can all be done within SL. So, while the pixels in an AV may be very pleasing to the eye, it is the very real person behind the AV that I love.

P.S. - I met my wife online (on Q-Link, the forerunner to AOL), and we were together for 18 years off and on, and have a wonderful son together. Though we are divorcing, we are still very close friends.

This whole post is just dripping with modern cultural cliches, but this one in particular I always found funny. It illustrates how women are much more attuned to achieving some cultural ideal and looking good for other women, rather than what might make their partner happy. Here's a look at it from a another angle.

Say the woman is TG.

Woman: "Honey, does my ass look big in this?"
Partner: "Oh yeah, it sure does."
Woman: "Yay!!!"

Liking someone in SL is similar to liking or not liking someone based on their personality on the forums. You only know what they show. Personality does come across many mediums.

Although I've yet to fall for another aviatar (and personally consider it emotionally risky), I can see how it can happen. The SL environment and the avitars within are "real" enough to trigger the same responses that their real-world counterparts do. For example, on cold days I've caught myself zooming in in SL campfires and fireplaces(!) On some level, my brain probably doesn't differenciate between RL and SL.

Hmm charlotte, I guess it comes down to the brain being the ultimate filter, and its amazing ability to fill in the blanks, conceptually.

Hell, I could fall in love with a chair in the right lighting. It really depends on how things are presented, and frankly, a lot of SL is visual crack, av-wise. You get dulled to it in time, but those first few weeks....yow.

Of course, it isn't 'real' but hell, what is. Even that snoring fartbag you fell in love with once-upon-a-time now lying next to you - he looked good enough at one point, theoretically speaking, so who can say?

Connections happen at all sorts of levels. SL being a catalyst isn't so suprising after all, with real people on both ends.

I really don't understand the question at all. Who falls in love with 3D models? Do we have 3D NPCs in here that people fall in love with? Golly I guess everyone to their own tastes

I prefer my lovin with avs made of latex and inflated with air.

If your falling for a 3d model then yes your relationship is going to fail inevedably. But If you want to know the person your talking to and or really like then its their core being that your falling for. In this day and age of hit and miss marraiges people are wanting an alternative To relationships. Getting to know (them) not a 3d avie is the best way. I think your basing your idea of what love is soley on how a person looks and not who they are. In this day and age you can send photos e-mails and so one to get to know the other person. I think SL is one fantastic way of meeting and getting to know people. Now having said this I myself am not looking for love nor any type of serious relationship. My sole objective is meeting (people) in a semi realistic way. The possibilities here are infinite , so the answer is not in a 3d avatar but in the person that are playing these avies. Love the person not the avie

If I was going to fall in love with just the AV, it would be with Aimee's. I have this thing for school-girlish women wearing glasses that have wings.

Damn boy! Good thing you found me, that's a pretty specific preference!

I'm mostly into disembodied hands. You should see me swoon when I see THING appear from the Addams Family.

Well..I also have this thing about pale beauties with long, dark hair, wearing red high-heeled shoes and ankle bracelts.

And petite blondes in coveralls.

And red haired fiery tempered women in black leather.

And proper english accents.

And french accents.

And women that like to cook wearing only aprons.

And brunettes in business suits, that hold umbrellas like fencer foils.

and...

HO!!

I love the idea of SL relationships being a high-tech version of epistolary relationships of centuries gone by.

I was pretty interested to see this thread pop up just as I was writing this article for the Herald. It's not exactly about falling in love, but it is about the way what seem at first glance to be meaningless pixelated interactions can easily cross the client-server divide.

OMG where can I find one? I wanna disembodied hand to luv!!!

My feelings for someone has little to do with the 3d model and a whole lot more to do with the person who "runs" that 3d model. It is their personality, the way the interact w/ me and others, the things that interest them and turn them off, that has earned my respect for them. The 3d model my very well have some reflexion of the real person but I interested in the real person. If it turns out that the real person isnt the person theyve protrayed throught this 3d model, then they are really good at acting and should start a career.

The person I know is very real. She is fablous.

Wow what wisdom :=) I agree totally. I dont think it can be avoided either. Some may think that it can but real feelings are just that, "real".



Indeed. Wish my shrink saw it that way....(lol).

and no, I dont really have shrink. They run from the sight of me.