How does one "fall in love" with an avatar?

Simple really - It's suspension of reality for the most part. I do know of a few SL relationships that have spilled over and moved on into real life but for the most part it's the usual 'chatroom' mentality of half truths and deceit.

I have to say though that the few lasting relationships in SL I've come across have been strong ones,I suppose it's just like real life really - it depends how far your prepared to trust and beleive.

We must remember that there are people behind all of these avatars. Some of us are completely different people in SL than we are in RL. Some of us are as close as you can get to being the same person. I'm still me in SL, just with a nicer ass.

Sometimes SL has a way of wiping off all the complicated layers. A lot of people hide under billions of facades, and once in a while SL can strip that right off for you, give you a clear view of a real person. Obviously not all of us are built like roman gods and supermodels, but we are all reflections of our real selves in some way.


You don't fall in love with an avatar. You fall in love with a person.

Okay, because work is dull, and I haven't really gone off in awhile, and because my college years were *full* of getting romantically involved with people online, and then meeting them IRL... I'm going to present...

Auntie Carolyn's Guide to Everything You Need to Know About Falling in Love with Pixels

First off... people keep talking about "How can you love a 3D image?" Obviously, when people fall in love, they aren't (or at least don't believe they are) in love with the picture. They're in love with the person behind the picture.

That being said, the person behind the picture is not always the same as the person behind the computer.

Some people are exactly the same online as IRL. Some people are completely different. Some people are able to show *more* of their "real" self online, because they don't have the courage or the ability to show it IRL.

Some people... here's an important one...

Some people don't realize how different they are online from their RL selves. Some people say, "I'm just me in here," but online brings out things that they *never* would show IRL.

So, all of that adds up to one big lesson. One that I've always stated, even on here, and I'm going to state again:

How well you get along with someone online, and how well you get along with them IRL have *nothing* to do with each other.

You may love each other the same in both places.
You may love each other online, hate each other IRL.
You may love each other IRL, hate each other online (had an ex like that).
You may hate each other in both places.

And you can't tell until you try.

I love Eloise, very much. When I say Eloise, I mean the girl that I've met on SL, and spend hours with talking to online, both in SL and elsewhere. We have great conversations, we get along well, we're very compatible romantically. And we know a lot, probably most everything, about each other's RL.

If I were to meet Eloise IRL, I don't know how it would go. We might get along just as well... we might not get along at all. We might be friends, but not lovers. Who knows?

I love my girl Eloise. That wouldn't be possible if she weren't he RL person that she is. But when I say I love her, I can only speak to the person I know online. That person may not exist IRL. But that's the one I love.

--Carolyn
(Online Auntie)

Good topic, Charlotte. My non-professional response is:

In rl, you meet, you date, you decide if you want the relationship to move forward and yada yada yada

Online, you meet, you talk, you talk, you talk. I contend that people are drawn closer to one another online because they have so much time to talk and get to know each other. My best friend from TSO (who was also 'gf' and then 'wife') knows more about me then 95% of the people I have known in RL -- including family. That is because we spent hundreds of hours talking and sharing. The ability to open up to some stranger at the other end of a computer or through voice chat, really helps a relationship grow. Affection, admiration, infatuation and sometimes love grows from that.

Also, I do believe that there are so many lonely hearts online that it is easier for them to fall for someone who pays them even a small amount of attention.

Just my non-professional opinion

I was pleased to find this thread.
For it is woven into my suspicious mind.

I have designed, assembeled and installed computers into homes since 1985.

I have become 'not proud' of my once cherished profession.

I am sad to see cartoons depicted via binary pixels to become conduits of human needs.

I will never forget the first felt courage of asking my childhood love for that very first date.

I had to wake up that day, shower, get dressed, conquer my fears & actually face her ...
.. to ask the question. I had to actually present myself.

She said yes, and we had a most wonderful time.

These days, humans can drag themselves up from the floor where they passed out in a drunken stuper, stare blindly at the intruding blaring morning sun, search for their cigarettes, their daily poisons, ... log on and once again continue their on going relationship depicting their avatar cartoon in a world where no actual sun shines.

Text based relationships are made unto marval as you may take time to ponder your words. You can weave letters unto the master of the word smith, .... no one knowing you are a drunken slob that cannot even speak coherantly to actual people.

You can become what I never would have dreamed when I fixed my first commodore 64 computer. A slave to the binary maths within. I guess the word binary now makes sense, souls that bind to the machine.

Seriously, don't kid yourselves. The technology will only get better. I am one of the bastards that delivers it to you.

I do enjoy playing Second Life .......

But it's a game.

there is actually another superior concept mistakenly though of as a game also,
it's called 'First Life'

a place where the sun actually really does shine )

P.S. I really do love SL, it's a wonderful advancement in technology. But just like all addictive things such as drinking, smoking etc ..... without controlled moderation, it too will take it's toll on human lifestyle.

........................ end of line .............................

OK - nice post. But I have a question. Who loves Eloise? You, or your online representation?

Ok. Now you're being silly, Charlotte. Play nice, ya cynical biotch.

Charlotte what is your definition of Love?
Love can be expressed in a great number of faucets.
Yet to pinpoint your query would the person not need to know what your definition of it was before they could amicably reply to your inquiry?

Shadow

Well stated Bruno and with society being all about the "Speed" of things the internet /sl/chat rooms etc lend themselves to condensing things into mere hours of text.

Online we can write an autobiography of ourselves in mere hours and not even realize its being done.
The flip side to this is RL we would never take the time to delve that deep.
Why?as physical needs would superceed those thoughts and at times ruin what could have been a wonderful relationship.

Shadow

Let me jump in her and add to this phenom.

Several years ago, I was in a disagreement with a family member. Everytime we got together we argued and could not resolve our differences. My grannie, "god rest her soul" told both of us to write a letter to the other. She said in the letter we could let out our soul so we can enter each others heart. It would force us to really listen to each other. When we looked at each others face we we kept our soul in and closed the door to our heart. Well, I read her letters and she read mine. The words we expressed to each other went much deeper and had more meaning than we could ever say to each others face. We mended our differences and our family bond is stronger because we finally expressed in words what we wanted to hear and be heard.

Going on 2 years now of Waves and I being online sweethearts. We met online thru IMs. Our wit, our humor and our thoughts on life come through in our typed words. Yes indeed - we took the chance and met in RL within the first few months of online chat. We have claimed each others souls. We are not together in RL yet due to careers, but until the time that we can, we live off the meaning of TIMESHARE and BALANCE. Which is, yes I can meet you there in 5 hours, or So do you want to jump on a sex ball or try and conquer Second Life tonight?

Yet another love online romance here. I played TSO with my wife for a bit over a year and after 6 months or so of completing each others sentences, sharing the same lifes hopes, dreams and goals not to mention just sensing and feeling a connection we decided to take it a step further and start talking on the phone.

That quickly began a nightly routine of talking on the phone for 2-4 hours each and every night w. relatively little silence. Finally we decided that things seemed too good to be true and we decided to end it all and by meeting and dispelling all fantasies and myths... we failed miserably and fell head over heals in love.

We have been married now for right at a year and have been "together" for closing on 3 years now.

I count myself among the truly blessed to have found her because if true love ever existed between a man and a woman that is what I have found and in so many ways we could not possibly be a more perfect match.

Ok ok.. back to the topic...

I think alot of it has to do with the person behind the screen. If you spend alot of time with people trying to be someone or something that they are truly not, who are living out a "second life" its probably not going to happen, but if you find those few people who are genuine and are basically just virtual replica's of themselves playing the game(s) to socialize and have fun, anything is possible.

*grin* Ooh, that's an interesting idea! Tricky question...

I'd guess that, from my perspective, we are one in the same, and both love her. My online persona is the one that interacts with her, so I suppose that part of myself is closer to her than the part of myself that goes through my RL day. So I guess, in a way, you could say my online self is the one more in love with her.

But when I'm not at the computer, and I think about her, those feelings are still love.

Hmm... maybe you've stumbled on an unanswerable question.

--Carolyn
(Increasingly Fragmented Auntie)

Stereotyping much? I know stereotypes have a basis in fact, but I also know that you can't make blanket generalizations like this.

As for falling in love online, I've done it. It was admittedly in a text-based chat (LambdaMOO, if you're interested) and I got very close to a friend of mine. We decided to meet just as friends, but when I saw her I knew that I loved her. We started dating shortly after that (we lived about 90 minutes apart, so we only saw each other on weekends) and we've been together more than seven years now.

As has been said already, it's not a matter of falling in love with an avatar - it's falling in love with the typist. I guess this might be harder to imagine for those who view SL as a genuine Second Life - for those who choose to adopt a specific persona in-world that is different from who they are offline. For those who view SL as a fun world to play around in but mostly end up portraying themselves, it is perfectly reasonable to imagine falling in love with another person on SL.

"How on earth can you know that the person you have fallen in love with is someone you actually want to be with? Do you hope for there to be an RL component to your relationship someday? Would you fly over to America to be with the avatar you've fallen for in a virtual place? I honestly don't understand this phenomenon; however nice the words and pictures on the screen are, surely you don't know ..."

I dont have time to read over what everybody else said so if im repeating anything thats too bad. If you or anybody reading this has ever been in love you know its about the persons personality, their character, the way you feel around them and the way you cant get enough of their company. It is possible to show your personality in SL right? So its possible to meet all requierments(sp) for RL love in SL.

Let's see.....

I met one girl from online, who was completely different from her 'avatar' (this was back in my irc-only days).

Then, a few years later....met my (future) wife. We're working on our sixth year of marriage now.


You lose some, you win some. But - sometimes you just gotta risk losing if you wanna win.


- Newfie

Aww Newfie thats so beautiful. . . . . .

Ok babes your getting to mushy now.... You know how it really happened: you saw my 3 size 8 Lots in TSO and said "Iam getten that stud" and omg remember the phone bills the first month 4,500 mins.. holy shitski !!! thankgod for spirit pcs to pcs. I wouldnt normaly post to this mushy stuff thread but sence you did( shes a sucker for this stuff)

After a year and some in TSO and THERE we found SL and are able to use online new tech ways to get as close to each other as we can. we yahoo while playing and any new thing that might make the night seem warmer, we are lucky our work gives us the time to meet offen and really prepair for the next big step.
We are soulmates on and off the Grid but can still grow with others and changing times in the game. we have a great time playing the game And using it as a Vehical to keep our bond. For us SL was a new tool / vehical to continue to help the flame grow brighter, and after 2 years together now we can really really let go with new ideas and friends that mirrors real life, as in she has her own freinds and ideas I support, and I do to.

We are growing and living in second life.

dont forget us canuks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1]

WOOT!

CANADA BABY!!!

I fell in love with my own avatar. so I guess Im in love with my self.

I wonder if LL could make it so you can marry your self?

i agree, has anybody found any anim balls to make love to yourself ? please let me know im dying here i cant keep my feelings for myself inside much longer...

Go Home Tood.. You luvvv me. But I'll let you love yourself to if you need to.

Yes, this is a valid option offered in SL if you have an alt and decide to Partner with yourself via this means.

LOL, If this is the beginning of some SL revolutionary war could someone please let me know when the first real shots are fired so I can boost up my weapon sales. "Yanks" get a 10% discount on all firearms in the event of a real war, this offer is subject to change, no refunds and support is limited. Thank you, have a nice day.

Charlotte Gillespie, go to fecking hell umkay ? dont play the game if u dont like seeing people happy


so like i will say the wonderful catch frase Get bent bish

Neehai, you rock