At what point are you cheating on someone?

Very thoughtful commnets Lear. But I gotta rush. Speake here latter.

why not? why is it awkward?


see, to me that seems kinda shallow and pointless

that's not a judgment, just how it would feel for me, obviously it holds a different meaning for you... which I think highlights the running theme in the forum lately... people are different, vive la différence.

Someone asked yesterday, in this thread or one of the other ethics/cheating threads, if having RL sex would be cheating on your SL partner.

At first, I facepalmed. Was this a joke? After all, the usual scenario is someone who's married in RL finds SL, finds someone special, and cybers them...or even partners them. And, whenever we discuss it here, the majority say "that's cheating", by about a 3 to 1 margin. No one ever talks about it happening the other way around.

But then I thought, what if it DOES happen the other way around? Let's say you're single in RL, and have an SL partner. You meet someone in RL, and love blossoms. You decide to marry.

IS that cheating on your SL partner? I would have to say yes, especially if you don't tell them.

If you have a close, loving, intimate relationship with someone, especially if there is some expectation of exclusivity...and you start up another, competing, intimate relationship that absorbs your time, attention, and love...it's cheating. In either direction.

LOL, Lindal. That's a good one. I have to agree with you on all counts ... but only if the SL relationship agreement includes RL exclusivity.

However, I hope that someone who finds RL love, in spite of an SL relationship where the rules are "no RL cheating", would have the good sense to break off or amend the SL relationship.

As in "Get a life, already!"

My advice: if you're in a relationship, discuss what the expectations are, and come to an agreement on them. This holds for RL or SL.

What if you can't come to an agreement? Well, it's easy to say that it would doom the relationship, but I'm sure many survive despite this. At least you'll know what you disagree about, and that you'll most likely have to deal with that one way or another down the road.

BTW, whenever something impinges on a relationship, taking time away from it, it's an impingement but not necessarily cheating. So, in Lindal's example, that might not be cheating, but it would be a change of status that has an impact on the relationship.

There are interesting two facets here. One is taking away time and attention. Well, a change in job could do that, but that certainly wouldn't be cheating. The other is intimacy. Well, if RL intimacy would interfere with your SL relationship, you'd better make that clear, because it's not a typical expectation in SL.

Of course, there are the odd cases that are exceptions to what I just said: if the RL relationship is to someone your partner met in SL, for one! Virtual life does lead to complications.

Yes, agreed. One of the ground rules between me and all my friends is "RL trumps SL", and we all know that RL still comes first. I expect that some SL partners get their hearts broken when they're told, "darling, I'm sorry...I've met someone in RL..." But that is FAR better than NOT being told, only to find out, "oh, I've been married about a year now..."

I don't think many SL relationships have any sort of explicit agreement about "no messing around in RL". On the other hand, most DO have some knowledge of their partner's marital status. And if one's SL partner is a single in RL, there may be some expectation that the relationship may one day expand into RL. Or maybe your partner would feel badly if they thought they were intruding on a RL marriage. If the situation changes, it's only fair to let your partner know.

Well, if we keep this going long enough, it will spill over to Friday. In fact, it actually already is Friday for some parts of the world.



Bout durn time too -- BINGO!!!

Yeah, let's cheat! Meet me in Saint Lous. I'll be wearing the white carnation.

JUST a white carnation hopefully.

Been there, crewing for a balloon. It's a blast.

I figured we could put all the hot air in this thread to good use.

Not enough flames... launching a HAB is literally a blast. Twenty foot propane flames kind of blast.

Try the gambling thread.

I'll have you know, it is not my AIR that is hot.

Yes, I hear you are organizing a group pile...or is it a grope pile?

/me swoons. I think I'm in love!

I have to answer this on a SL level. I have many friends in SL that are married in RL and also partnered with others in SL. Now this is just my "opinion", how I see things.

Because our pixels are just pixels, you can't actually physically cheat on your partner in SL. However, the emotional investment that you have in a SL partner as opposed to your RL partner, I do consider cheating. If you are spending countless hours in SL with your partner or lover putting emotions in your relationship and ignoring your spouse or SO in RL, then that can be considered emotional cheating.

It's not my place to judge anyone who does this for whatever reasons in SL. Personally, I am single in RL, and make it a rule to only be with people in SL who are single as well. And, I can understand why some people make this transition to SL relationships because they have bad relationships in RL.

Just my opinion...

The question can only be answered by those involved, and will differ depending on their particular situation. It's their business, and theirs alone.

Kudos to both Chenoa and Brenda.

Bingo. Only the people in a relationship can define what's cheating and what's not.

The moment you do something with someone else...anything..that you've either agreed not to do or that makes you feel guilt. Because that guilt is telling you your partner wouldn't like it if they knew. That covers a broad range of activities from dancing with someone else to logging in as an alt to hide activities from their partner. Anything that would hurt your partner if they knew..and anything that violates an agreement.

IF one has to ask if something may be cheating, then it usually is. If one has to hide it, then it's cheating.

Ah but that is the beauty of a poll! You get to find out how many feel one way or another.

I "cheat" in sl regularly according to what people would consider cheating but I dont think its cheating in sl. It's just accepting a different moral code than the one in rl. Hal is very open about the whole thing.

Honestly I think he should "cheat" on me - he is much older than me and I am sure sometimes he would prefer a middle-aged woman over me since they've got different mind-sets (I am guessing now) and different ways respond to the emotional demands of a sl relationship.

I think its essential to experimenet in an experimenetal world.

If you have to cheat why be in a relationship.?
Oh Jig I am an older women I would love to have a one on one talk with Hal if there is a real Hal that is

I need to work on my timing to get credit for saying these things...

At some point, you might want to experiment with a spellchecker.