At what point are you cheating on someone?

The toykeeper.net webmaster is blocking images from being used on other sites - is all.
- because it eats his bandwidth

http://toykeeper.net/leech.txt


I'd edit that one out Argent, or we'll be wal-to-wall with auth requests anytime we view this thread

Damn. You have to go via

Strike Two?

When you are doing it, of course. Getting caught is simply the time when the piper gets paid.

this. and intimacy can be 'not physical' and can be purely made up of feelings expressed back and forth. bad bad.

I've never had any deep emotional relationships in SL, but my approach here is that people are free to do what they like. As long as nobody makes up lies about me, tries to cheat me out of L$, or my land or bots my products, I'm easy.

The point where you're cheating is the point where you have to lie about what you're doing with the other person to avoid pissing off your partner.

No, of course I wasn't at the pub, I was working late on the Guinness account.

And if your partner doesn't know, so that you don't have to lie?

If you would have to lie about what you are doing with someone else, whether you actually get into the situation where you have to do so or not, you are cheating already.

Cheating is when it happens, not when your SO finds out and you have to lie to cover for it.

So... by this rationale a penis is required for sex, even in the missionary position?

/me passes the popcorn and reads the rest of the thread for the amusement factor.

Anyone getting

when loading this thread?

==== Addenda =========

I see. You are cheating when you try to display images from toykeeper.net.

I regularly have sex with men in sl other than my partner/husband. I dont consider it cheating. He agrees that I need this "edge" to my personality to make me happier in sl. Hal is a wonderful man and I am grateful to him for allowing me my many lovers and my one-nighters. My pleasures grants him peace of mind since I am happier. In real, I would probably also cheat on him but I would be more careful. He would be understanding and very "civilized" about it.

Hal has never cheated on me. I believe him. He has never felt the need. He sometimes suggests I could role play an older woman who would afford him some age similarities but I really would be play-acting and I dont think I can do that. I am assured no woman will take him from me in sl.

An odd mix - a libertine and a one-woman man. He is 66, I am mid 20s. Coming up to our 4th year in sl as partners.

Something's working. Maybe in sl cheating promotes fidelity.

Totally agree with you, Phil, Talarus, and anyone who said basically the same thing.

Re: this particular quote, according to surveys, info from different sources, etc., many women feel that their spouse/bf having an intimate relationship (ie. spending time getting to know another woman, a deepening friendship with her, etc.) is more hurtful than isolated sex (one night stand as an example).

I didn't include, "When you feel you need to hide it," because that covers all of them. I want to know at what point you would feel the need to hide it or think the other better be hiding it or they will get killed.

Interesting that shared intimacy is so high. My friend's boyfriend allows his girlfriend to cuddle, kiss, couple dance with others, etc.

Anyone can think of why that one is so weighted?

There is nothing wrong in sharing. It's truly hard for me to understand why - in sl, at least - we must be bound by teh strictures and laws of real relationships in terms of adult partnerships. Surely we must accept that we have to trust our partners here to be committed enough to partner us, but what else should be expected?

I am not common law or married to my partner in a real sense. I cant help wanting to taste other delights. Why should I be denied pleasures I can find simply because I said yes to a man who loves me sl-style.

I just dont want him to go fishing in pleasure pools when I'm not around. And he wont.

of course there's always the possible gold standard of "sometime before you have to ask about it" =)

I'm guessing it'd be the difference between thinking something, and actually doing something... we all think things that we don't necessarily act upon, but once something is acted upon it's fair game for judgment since it's an observable change

As I mentioned earlier in the thread, there have been studies, surveys, etc. in RL that indicate women consider shared intimacy more hurtful than sex as they see intimacy as a man wanting to spend time getting to know another woman whereas many times sex is more of an "itch" per se.

I am the same online as offline, always have been whether it be in SL, IRC, EverQuest, etc. Now of course I may be in a role play environment, but my RL reactions, feelings, actions, belief system, etc. remain intact. Even though I may be in a "fantasy world," for me, acting contrary to my RL nature wouldn't feel right as it's "me" online, just interacting online via text or an avatar.

I am very much a "one-man-woman" and wish the same in return. If a man isn't happy/satisfied with me alone, then he's not for me.

There's only one valid answer for what's "cheating": it's violating your agreements (implicit or explicit, but the latter are advised) with your partner.

However, we can interpret this poll as "What would YOU consider cheating, between yourself and your partner?"

BTW, where's the "none of the above" checkmark?

I would check that box, or one for lying or doing intentional harm. None of the other things concern me in the least, if my partner were doing them.

The problem is, of course, that if you meet a cute guy (and your already partnered) in sl, you cant just go out for ameal or a coffee or a drink. Or even see a movie or a play. Not really. It's awkward here.

So sleeping with him is the next best thing.

It's saying "I really liek you so let's share a few private moments together that are unique to the sl appeal".

That pretty much sums it up for me.

I find THAT interesting, even surprising, but if the two of you are happy together, it's all good.

But are you saying that if you had happened to fall for a guy who likes to fish in other pools (as you do), you'd break it off and look elsewhere? Or would you want to hold him to a stricter line than you follow yourself?

BTW, *wanting* that is not at all unusual -- actually, it's typical. Men tend to be that way, though most won't admit it. Many women too, though somewhat less so.

I don't see what the problem is, unless that would be violating your agreements with your partner.

+1, except that I've found no need for any ground rules. Just cases that come up, such as my girl might say to me something like "Stay away from X; she's mean to me."

That's a damn good clue.