SL can effect relationships in RL very dramatically
|
LittleMe Jewell
...........
Join date: 8 Oct 2007
Posts: 11,319
|
07-25-2008 12:38
From: Pserendipity Daniels If the OP got partnered to someone, and his rl wife also partnered someone, would they be cheating on their sl partners in rl? And if in that scenario they had an sl affair with each other, would they be cheating on their sl partners? Pep (I am glad I am not married. Oh shit! I am!) Now, here is what I see as the crux of this whole issue --- you have to first define cheating before you can figure out if anyone is cheating on someone else and where that cheating might or might not be happening. Capisce?
_____________________
♥♥♥ -Lil
Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? ~Mark Twain~ Optimism is denial, so face the facts and move on. ♥♥♥ Lil's Yard Sale / Inventory Cleanout: http://slurl.com/secondlife/Triggerfish/52/27/22 . http://www.flickr.com/photos/littleme_jewell
|
LittleMe Jewell
...........
Join date: 8 Oct 2007
Posts: 11,319
|
07-25-2008 12:39
From: Ghosty Kips .... Heck, she might lean over occasionally, see whats going on, and lovingly offer the advice "You're doing it wrong here too, darling." LOL - I could so see me doing that. 
_____________________
♥♥♥ -Lil
Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? ~Mark Twain~ Optimism is denial, so face the facts and move on. ♥♥♥ Lil's Yard Sale / Inventory Cleanout: http://slurl.com/secondlife/Triggerfish/52/27/22 . http://www.flickr.com/photos/littleme_jewell
|
3Ring Binder
always smile
Join date: 8 Mar 2007
Posts: 15,028
|
07-25-2008 12:41
this thread has so much potential.
_____________________
it was fun while it lasted. http://2lf.informe.com/
|
Colette Meiji
Registered User
Join date: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 15,556
|
07-25-2008 12:44
Generic Double Standard Argument #2
She really isn't interested in dating online, but is fine with her husband doing so.
It never leads to any issues.
|
3Ring Binder
always smile
Join date: 8 Mar 2007
Posts: 15,028
|
07-25-2008 12:46
if the OP family was so darn happy, why do they have the need to go outside the relationaship for inspiration, motivation and affection? i find it all very pathetic.
_____________________
it was fun while it lasted. http://2lf.informe.com/
|
Jade Angkarn
Always a Night Owl
Join date: 6 Oct 2006
Posts: 209
|
07-25-2008 12:51
I've seen a wide variety of combinations and a wide variety of outcomes.
There are exceptions, but what I've observed: when both RL spouses play SL, and are dating others, it usually ends up getting messy.
|
Zerock Parx
Registered User
Join date: 5 Jul 2008
Posts: 120
|
07-25-2008 12:57
Thanks, all great responses and I hope the thread continues.
Our SL activities have provided a closer bonding between the two of us RL - we communicate in a level not obtained before, not in 16 years.
_____________________
Enjoying a new world
|
Luk Wilber
Away
Join date: 24 Nov 2006
Posts: 62
|
07-25-2008 13:07
To me Second life is another life, a virtual life, no relation to Real Life. It's very clear to me. But I understand is difficult to many people to separate/to differentiate this.
|
3Ring Binder
always smile
Join date: 8 Mar 2007
Posts: 15,028
|
07-25-2008 13:14
From: Zerock Parx Our SL activities have provided a closer bonding between the two of us RL - we communicate in a level not obtained before, not in 16 years. that IS what porn is for, afterall. 
_____________________
it was fun while it lasted. http://2lf.informe.com/
|
Zerock Parx
Registered User
Join date: 5 Jul 2008
Posts: 120
|
07-25-2008 13:17
Sashay made an excellent comment: From: someone We set boundaries at the very beginning, and have rules. The number one rule is complete honesty. We do not keep any secrets from each other, and we always tell any potential romantic involvement that we are married in RL and that this game is pure fantasy for us, with no hope of it going outside of SL. We also have agreed to never meet in RL, and do not interact in any way other than in-world. This means no voice, no email, no phone calls, etc. This assures that everything stays a fantasy and never gets too real. Neither of us has a committed relationship in SL; we date/flirt with several people. We do have closer friends that we spend more time with than others, but no “partners” or anything. But we go on dates, we hang out with certain people and we even cyber…you know 
_____________________
Enjoying a new world
|
3Ring Binder
always smile
Join date: 8 Mar 2007
Posts: 15,028
|
07-25-2008 13:19
my man is all the man i can handle, and i'm pretty sure i've scared him off all other women for eternity. LOL i see no need to go looking for it somewhere else, and i feel sorry for any spouse who has that need in order to be fulfilled. sad.
_____________________
it was fun while it lasted. http://2lf.informe.com/
|
Zerock Parx
Registered User
Join date: 5 Jul 2008
Posts: 120
|
07-25-2008 13:28
From: someone i see no need to go looking for it somewhere else, and i feel sorry for any spouse who has that need in order to be fulfilled. sad. After 16 years much of the romantic spark had subsided: in our mid 40's it seems we may as well be waiting for menopause. Little communication regarding that, and I think that is the sad situation. Along with better communication between us two, the other "Activities" would suggest early 20's. Simply incredible.
_____________________
Enjoying a new world
|
Sashay Segall
infinite lurker
Join date: 13 Apr 2008
Posts: 20
|
07-25-2008 13:29
Quote:
“To me Second life is another life, a virtual life, no relation to Real Life. It's very clear to me. But I understand is difficult to many people to separate/to differentiate this.”
I think Luk hit it right on the money. SL *is* a virtual life to us…it is not real. So, by thinking of it in these terms, we can make our rules work for us. We have our real lives and each other, then we have this game that we play, this imaginary world. Key word: imaginary.
|
Lindal Kidd
Dances With Noobs
Join date: 26 Jun 2007
Posts: 8,371
|
07-25-2008 13:37
From: Zerock Parx After 16 years much of the romantic spark had subsided: in our mid 40's it seems we may as well be waiting for menopause. Little communication regarding that, and I think that is the sad situation.
Along with better communication between us two, the other "Activities" would suggest early 20's. Simply incredible. The OP and his spouse seem to be using SL in much the same way as some other couples might use an X-rated movie, or a copy of the Kama Sutra...as an aid to the imagination and as stimulation. There's nothing at all wrong with that, as far as I can see. I've learned a couple of things from SL lovers myself that have added a little spice to my RL. This is completely different from 3Ring's depiction of one or both partners looking for "fulfillment" outside of the marriage. That *could* work, too...it's possible to love more than one person at a time. But it requires a very high level of emotional security and maturity and honesty, on the part of everyone involved in the relationship...the RL partners, AND their SL partners. It's very, very chancy and most times leads to Dramah.
_____________________
It's still My World and My Imagination! So there. Lindal Kidd
|
Sashay Segall
infinite lurker
Join date: 13 Apr 2008
Posts: 20
|
07-25-2008 13:39
In response to 3RingBinder, my husband and I are not looking for any type of fulfillment. We are intellectually, emotionally, and stably bonded together. We interact in several of the same sims, including roleplaying in several RPG sims. Our mutual SL friends know we are married to each other in RL. If anything, we have more sex now than we did before, lol. (can’t believe I just said that to strangers). But I am trying to make a point, I guess. Like the OP, Zerock, said, this has actually enhanced our relationship.
|
Zerock Parx
Registered User
Join date: 5 Jul 2008
Posts: 120
|
07-25-2008 13:42
Lindal : From: someone The OP and his spouse seem to be using SL in much the same way as some other couples might use an X-rated movie, or a copy of the Kama Sutra...as an aid to the imagination and as stimulation. There's nothing at all wrong with that, as far as I can see. I've learned a couple of things from SL lovers myself that have added a little spice to my RL. That's exactly right. Thank you.
_____________________
Enjoying a new world
|
3Ring Binder
always smile
Join date: 8 Mar 2007
Posts: 15,028
|
07-25-2008 13:43
From: Zerock Parx After 16 years much of the romantic spark had subsided: in our mid 40's it seems we may as well be waiting for menopause. Little communication regarding that, and I think that is the sad situation. honey, those are not reasons to seek romance outside of your relationship. instead of opening up and solving it amongst yourselves, you seek fulfillment outside the relationship? i'm glad it's all so wonderful now. but i predict a firely ending. you've been given permission to stray, because she wants to stray. best of luck in the whole scrambled mess.
_____________________
it was fun while it lasted. http://2lf.informe.com/
|
Czari Zenovka
I've Had it With "PC"!
Join date: 3 May 2007
Posts: 3,688
|
07-25-2008 13:44
From: LittleMe Jewell From personal experience and from the people I have talked to, the two people involved in a virtual relationship seem to be a bit more on the same wavelength when both are either single or both are married. I agree on the same wavelength. Most of the people I've known in online relationships include one who is married and one who is single. That is where it can get sticky.
|
3Ring Binder
always smile
Join date: 8 Mar 2007
Posts: 15,028
|
07-25-2008 13:44
From: Sashay Segall In response to 3RingBinder, my husband and I are not looking for any type of fulfillment. We are intellectually, emotionally, and stably bonded together. We interact in several of the same sims, including roleplaying in several RPG sims. Our mutual SL friends know we are married to each other in RL. If anything, we have more sex now than we did before, lol. (can’t believe I just said that to strangers). But I am trying to make a point, I guess. Like the OP, Zerock, said, this has actually enhanced our relationship. i am very happy for you, and all the people who deal with their relationships in this way. best of luck. 
_____________________
it was fun while it lasted. http://2lf.informe.com/
|
Colette Meiji
Registered User
Join date: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 15,556
|
07-25-2008 13:46
Hopefully in cases like this the "more sex" and "better sex" are not happening because she is fighting to keep the husband who is playing around online.
Because .. big surprise .. that happens too.
|
Czari Zenovka
I've Had it With "PC"!
Join date: 3 May 2007
Posts: 3,688
|
07-25-2008 13:47
From: Zerock Parx Thanks, all great responses and I hope the thread continues.
Our SL activities have provided a closer bonding between the two of us RL - we communicate in a level not obtained before, not in 16 years. Hi Zerock  I think it's great if this experience is pumping some new life in your RL relationship. My question would be - how is the experience affecting your SL girlfriend. Is she fairly casual with it too, or is there a danger she may have RL feelings invested for you? Just food for thought. 
|
Colette Meiji
Registered User
Join date: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 15,556
|
07-25-2008 13:49
From: Czari Zenovka Hi Zerock  I think it's great if this experience is pumping some new life in your RL relationship. My question would be - how is the experience affecting your SL girlfriend. Is she fairly casual with it too, or is there a danger she may have RL feelings invested for you? Just food for thought.  Or even if she jealous of all of the sudden extra RL sex he is having with his RL wife. Of course maybe not in this case - but it has been known to happen.
|
3Ring Binder
always smile
Join date: 8 Mar 2007
Posts: 15,028
|
07-25-2008 13:49
From: Colette Meiji Hopefully in cases like this the "more sex" and "better sex" are not happening because she is fighting to keep the husband who is playing around online. Because .. big surprise .. that happens too. the statistics dictate that when a woman suddenly becomes more experimental, aggressive and playful in the bedroom, you should consider that a red flag. doomsday is typically not far behind.
_____________________
it was fun while it lasted. http://2lf.informe.com/
|
3Ring Binder
always smile
Join date: 8 Mar 2007
Posts: 15,028
|
07-25-2008 13:51
From: Colette Meiji it has been known to happen. i LOVE that every single one of your inputs includes this. i am dying here. 
_____________________
it was fun while it lasted. http://2lf.informe.com/
|
Czari Zenovka
I've Had it With "PC"!
Join date: 3 May 2007
Posts: 3,688
|
07-25-2008 13:52
From: Colette Meiji Or even if she jealous of all of the sudden extra RL sex he is having with his RL wife.
Of course maybe not in this case - but it has been known to happen. /waves to Colette Was just saying in the "Missing Persons" thread I missed your posts. Good to see you 
|