SL can effect relationships in RL very dramatically

Now, here is what I see as the crux of this whole issue --- you have to first define cheating before you can figure out if anyone is cheating on someone else and where that cheating might or might not be happening.

Capisce?

LOL - I could so see me doing that.

this thread has so much potential.

Generic Double Standard Argument #2

She really isn't interested in dating online, but is fine with her husband doing so.

It never leads to any issues.

if the OP family was so darn happy, why do they have the need to go outside the relationaship for inspiration, motivation and affection? i find it all very pathetic.

I've seen a wide variety of combinations and a wide variety of outcomes.

There are exceptions, but what I've observed: when both RL spouses play SL, and are dating others, it usually ends up getting messy.

Thanks, all great responses and I hope the thread continues.

Our SL activities have provided a closer bonding between the two of us RL - we communicate in a level not obtained before, not in 16 years.

To me Second life is another life, a virtual life, no relation to Real Life. It's very clear to me. But I understand is difficult to many people to separate/to differentiate this.

that IS what porn is for, afterall.

Sashay made an excellent comment:

my man is all the man i can handle, and i'm pretty sure i've scared him off all other women for eternity. LOL i see no need to go looking for it somewhere else, and i feel sorry for any spouse who has that need in order to be fulfilled. sad.

After 16 years much of the romantic spark had subsided: in our mid 40's it seems we may as well be waiting for menopause. Little communication regarding that, and I think that is the sad situation.

Along with better communication between us two, the other "Activities" would suggest early 20's. Simply incredible.

Quote:

“To me Second life is another life, a virtual life, no relation to Real Life. It's very clear to me. But I understand is difficult to many people to separate/to differentiate this.”



I think Luk hit it right on the money. SL *is* a virtual life to us…it is not real. So, by thinking of it in these terms, we can make our rules work for us. We have our real lives and each other, then we have this game that we play, this imaginary world. Key word: imaginary.

The OP and his spouse seem to be using SL in much the same way as some other couples might use an X-rated movie, or a copy of the Kama Sutra...as an aid to the imagination and as stimulation. There's nothing at all wrong with that, as far as I can see. I've learned a couple of things from SL lovers myself that have added a little spice to my RL.

This is completely different from 3Ring's depiction of one or both partners looking for "fulfillment" outside of the marriage. That *could* work, too...it's possible to love more than one person at a time. But it requires a very high level of emotional security and maturity and honesty, on the part of everyone involved in the relationship...the RL partners, AND their SL partners. It's very, very chancy and most times leads to Dramah.

In response to 3RingBinder, my husband and I are not looking for any type of fulfillment. We are intellectually, emotionally, and stably bonded together. We interact in several of the same sims, including roleplaying in several RPG sims. Our mutual SL friends know we are married to each other in RL. If anything, we have more sex now than we did before, lol. (can’t believe I just said that to strangers). But I am trying to make a point, I guess. Like the OP, Zerock, said, this has actually enhanced our relationship.

Lindal :

That's exactly right. Thank you.

honey, those are not reasons to seek romance outside of your relationship. instead of opening up and solving it amongst yourselves, you seek fulfillment outside the relationship? i'm glad it's all so wonderful now. but i predict a firely ending. you've been given permission to stray, because she wants to stray. best of luck in the whole scrambled mess.

I agree on the same wavelength.

Most of the people I've known in online relationships include one who is married and one who is single. That is where it can get sticky.

i am very happy for you, and all the people who deal with their relationships in this way. best of luck.

Hopefully in cases like this the "more sex" and "better sex" are not happening because she is fighting to keep the husband who is playing around online.

Because .. big surprise .. that happens too.

Hi Zerock

I think it's great if this experience is pumping some new life in your RL relationship. My question would be - how is the experience affecting your SL girlfriend. Is she fairly casual with it too, or is there a danger she may have RL feelings invested for you?

Just food for thought.

Or even if she jealous of all of the sudden extra RL sex he is having with his RL wife.

Of course maybe not in this case - but it has been known to happen.

the statistics dictate that when a woman suddenly becomes more experimental, aggressive and playful in the bedroom, you should consider that a red flag. doomsday is typically not far behind.

i LOVE that every single one of your inputs includes this. i am dying here.

/waves to Colette

Was just saying in the "Missing Persons" thread I missed your posts. Good to see you