RL Illnesses

The problem as I see it, and it is growing, is the propensity for folks to take extreme umbrage at being questioned about topics they bring to the public square, especially when said topics could have an effect on all SLers.

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Can we please deal with people as individuals? I think that is a BIG part of the disconnect here - not taking what people say, who may ask questions or offer another viewpoint, as individual thought.

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I don't believe that these facts should cause you to behave any differently towards me on these forums. Not to mention - you didn't know about them until just now, and the same goes for myself and others who were simply asking questions - we did not know.

I believe that a mental illness does not absolve someone of their responsibility for the tone in which ideas are exchanged which was relevant to the original post.

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Having said that, I treat people as rational adults who should be able to handle criticism and differences of opinion. I don't make assumptions about people's mental health. That means I won't write off someone's opinion as being the result of an illness, but it also means I won't give anyone a free pass which would require me to assume they have one. Like I said in my first post, it goes both ways.

I'd like to point out that I'm not making excuses for myself or for anyone. We're each ultimately responsible for our own actions and our own decisions. However, I AM trying to raise awareness.

While the internet in general is an amazing means of communication (in fact, I met my late husband online in 1988, we were married almost 14 years when he died), you simply DO NOT KNOW who is behind the other keyboard.

Erm, if a person had a broken leg, would you hold them responsible for keeping up with thier jogging regimin? I thought not. Roughly the same thing here, except that - depending on the particulars - Hypothetical Poster may not be in a position to cognate thier disability and/or its effects.... That's why I belive there comes a point when you have to cut them off, use the mute function. Constantly engaging someone who is consistently or sequentially returning attacks, flames, modified opinions, dyslogia, or similar doens't work for anyone.

I've had it with this. I just read that now locked poll. A poll that need never have been locked, had that not been the agenda of certain people. A thread in which I just read the single worst thing I have ever read on these forums.

The most destructive, most vicious, meanest, and most underhanded thing I've ever read here or anywhere, or even ever heard anything comparable irl.

This is why I warn my friends about SL. Never have I seen so many cruel people, who live for meanness, congregated on one message board. Some people, of course, are merely thoughtless, and think they are just being cool, and some think they are being chic with their flippant remarks - a little bit of that sort of thing could be overlooked. But some really do live for being mean, and really are cruel, and this is their arena for practicing that cruelty, unhindered and unfettered. They peck and peck, and at the first sign of weakness, move in for the kill. And the chic ones push that agenda forward. And the rest of us - stand by and try to keep out of the line of fire.

I know there are many, many people in this game. That's why it is WRONG to allow some people to relentlessly harrass and smear other players on the boards. And it matters not if the other player is strong and healthy, or has real-life ailments, or has suffered real-life losses. It's wrong in any case.

Allowing this sort of behavior on the boards means many decent people don't care to come on them. The boards should be a welcoming place for all. Not a place where people smear other people's reputations, dog their every post, make snide comments, and cheer when the person leaves - or is banned. Not a place where lynch mobs - no matter how big or small - hold sway over everyone. While everyone else tries not to stick their neck out.

In that now-locked thread, I believe it was stated that one person was mentally unstable and should leave the forums anyway. As if everyone felt the same way! As if it were commonly agreed on!

Who else is willing to speak up against this? How many people are we going to watch ripped to shreds this way? With bold, clear messages that they should leave? That they don't have a RIGHT to the forums. That they are OUTSIDERS.

Is this what we want?

Is this what any of us can feel proud to be associated with?

Is this good for the game?

I am not talking about who likes or doesn't like who. Or who agrees or doesn't agree with who. I'm talking about decent standards of behavior. And I'm talking about a bunch of vultures attacking one individual, over and over, till they draw blood.

This is ridiculous. I will not - CANNOT - stand by and see people do this to other people.

People, don't let this happen! If it happens to one person - not to mention two, three and more - there is no guarantee it won't happen to you.

How many people are we going to stand by and watched ruined, run off, unnecessarily made miserable, and even banned, by a few cutthroat individuals?

I'm tired of standing by and watching it happen. I think one thing we could do is make a petition to submit to the Lindens to rewrite the TOS to stop some of these practices and make the forums a welcoming place for all. Anyone interested in helping me to draft this petition, please IM me either here on in the game.

First and foremost among it, I would like to add to hate speech the concept of maligning someone's mental health. Not to mention suggesting they are bad for the boards because of it and should leave. This amounts to hate speech, and discrimination against those with or WITHOUT any degree of mental illness. Particularly considering they are in absolutely no position to diagnose! If I were going to diagnose, believe me, it's not Catherine I would be diagnosing as unstable.

How is it that some people get to start some slander, then continue it forever? Who voted them God? And why are they allowed to do this?

No one should be able to harrass another on the basis by saying the other person is mentally unstable or anything else. First off - they're wrong. Second off - it's harrassment and hate speech as surely as that based on color, nationality, age, or any other factor. And there are other forms of slander, using other words but the same technique, that go on without restraint in these forums, day in and day out.

The things that go on in these forums, were they done in the real world, would be met with fat lawsuits for slander, defamation of character, discrimination, and damage to a person's business. I wouldn't be surprised if that weren't the result here, too, one of these days.

We need to fix this. IM me if you are interested.

coco

I also seem to have a problem with judging my posts. They are very thought out and I try hard to concentrate on the SL aspects, but I still seem to get them wrong. I also don't see the bad intents others see. For me the past few weeks have been the most productive I've seen the boards be, but then that's my OCD again, not allowing me to see things properly.

I told April much the same thing. But the forums right now are NOT just fine.

They are WAY far from just fine.

coco

Coco, I agree wholeheartedly. Chip, I honestly don't understand how you can possibly say that they're just fine. If they were, I'd have never felt a need to start this thread to begin with.

When did I notice the mud slinging in the fourms Chip?

03-19-2004
Here

Are they just words Chip? One min. I am being told to treat sl like rl the next min I am being told that the foruns are just a playground and not to take anyone seriously. RL is serious for the most part.

Words only hurt if you let them? You would think but after being called everything from "a cold hearted whore" at Christmas to being called "Mentally ill" yesterday. Yes indeed the words have hurt me. Walk one day in my shoes.

Cat

If you have a wretched environment, a lot of people will avoid it. People we could all profit from. Or you can just say, yeah, it sucks, deal with it. And see who all you have left. I say, that's not good for the game.

coco

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Like I said, the only hope I see is cracking down on personal attacks, whether snide or sideways, or by implication - we all KNOW when somebody has made a personal attack, and anyway, most are clear-cut and obvious - and getting rid of that rule, which does way WAY more harm than good.

I know that some of you keep thinking, well, they hate so-and-so, so-and-so bothers them, so if that person goes, well then, everything will be back to normal. And you WANT it to be back to normal. But that never works. There will always be another me coming along. Another me who objects to it.

And the more of those that come along and go away to tell their tale, the more this game suffers. It's almost as if a few people are determined to drag it down.

coco

April, I've been accused of a lot more than that.

But this is the thing: I am never going to move on unless Catherine - and everyone else - moves with us.

coco

I suffer from a debilitating RL condition. My condition is called "adulthood” and it seriously hinders my enjoyment of these forums. It causes to me have to re-read some forum posts -- especially the long ones – futilely seeking things like “logic” and “reason”, and not finding them, I find myself frustrated at the repeated realization that I’m wasting valuable time reading tripe.

Anyway, I feel compelled to make a contribution, and to save time, I’ll just condense my responses to some of the above messages. (To other adulthood sufferers: apply these appropriately to above messages.)

- I sympathise.
- Grow up.
- Get over it.
- So what?
- That’s no excuse.

Buster

I'll make a deal with you. I'll move on if you'll move on. I started a thread telling about some of the cool things I've been doing lately in SL. Please go post a nice positive post there with no reference to the past.

I invite everyone to start healing and moving forward. Go to the thread I started about halfway through 2005 in SL and post some nice good thoughts. There has to be some good things going on or we wouldn't be still paying to play.