Jakes Guide to being a Guy.

All proper Bloody Marys are made with meat.
It's a Bloody Mary without the Tomato Juice...
Really..
I used to be a bartender.
You want to shake up a Bloody Mary?
Here are a few touches you can add to put some "zip" in Mary's slip.

Bloody Maria: Double the Tabasco and use Tequila instead of Vodka
Elizabeth R.: Substitute Gin instead of Vodka. Garnish with a Lime or Lemon Wedge instead of Celery.
Bloody Caesar: Muddle 1/2 an anchovy with the other base ingredients. Use Clamato instead of Tomato Juice. Garnish with Lemon and 3 skewered shrimp.

And my personal Fave: The Dale Earnhardt Crash: Use Bourbon instead of Vodka, and V-8 instead of Regular tomato juice. Add about a qtr of a tsp of Horseradish per glass. Shake well and serve with lots of pepper, both red(Tabasco works, but really good Floridian Hot Sauce if you can find it.) and Black (Fresh Ground).

Girls may be into footwear, but Real Women have and are into brains

Eggy,
That may be so, but real women are also into details... and noticing how a man presents a finished image....

....or how he doesn't.

You gotta stop this, Jake. I'm a married woman!

coco

I TOTALLY and ABSOLUTELY agree.

In fact, I couldn't possibly agree more. And it goes for ALL venues, and includes verbal assault.

I would just add that a woman who doesn't stand up and speak out when she sees things like this would be cowardly, too. Just not as historically, culturally, biologically, and physically indefensibly so.

coco

This one didn't work out too well for me. I went to a nearby park last Saturday. I asked several women there if I could change their babies diapers. Just for practice, you know?

The police made me leave.

No matter how you cut it a bloody mary is not a bullshot andmy more than a manhattan is a martini.

Yeah and they like guys with the brains to have good footwear. Trust me on this, don't splurge for the girls, splurge for yourself. And really, your feet will thank you.

I think using common sense is important here too.

A sense of humor (humour for you non-Superpower country folk), might also help. Works on the occasional lady in the various forms such as self-depricating...or so I am told.

**ps- there is not the correct icon smiley for how I feel :-~/**

That is SO cynical, but... SO true. LOL

Nevertheless, I have to say that I think Jake is onto something. Common courtesy is important and certaintly something I appreciate (and I should note that I return it as well). Dosen't matter if it's a man or woman, if someone is behind me as I leave, I hold the door open, I hold the elevator, etc.

When I see men doing things like this - they rate higher on the man-o-meter scale.

Competent men move up higher on the man-o-meter scale too. Therefore being able to cook a meal, make a good drink and dress themselves properly for the occasion at hand should not be dismissed.

None of this of course can over ride basic integrity, kindness and compassion, but it sure can't hurt getting a nice guy noticed.

One thing about making a woman feel safe though, it won't happen unless she trusts you and that's where the integrity part comes in.

Overall, I think all people need to feel safe and that when people partner, over time they work to make each other feel safe - it's not just a one way street. When you feel safe with someone, it's because you know you can depend on them and that certainly should work both ways.

.

So so so very true!

I was impressed by the multi-talents of my husband when I first met him. He could obviously take care of himself - cooking, and all that.

But I married him for his honesty, integrity, kindness, and compassion. Precisely those words, Rose - you pinned 'em.

coco

I did not say that a Bloody Mary was a Bullshot...

I said a Bullshot is a Boody Mary without the Tomato Juice.

and to put it more in line with reality and proportion of materials, the proper correlation would more like:

Bloody Mary:Bullshot :: Barracuda:Broadway Bullet

A Barracuda is Gin with Cranberry juice and a twist of lime
A Broadway Bullet is shot of Gin with 1/2 shot of Roses Limejuice

Nonetheless, this is a digression from the original intent of this thread, which is to educate the would-be gentlemen out there on how to refine their polish and define their style.

Some other things that guy should know:

Know how to polish your own shoes. Getting a good shine is something that every man should know how to do for himself. Yes, there are guys out there who will do it for you, and by all means engage their services; but know how to do your own as well... at the very least so you know how much work it is and can have a good idea of what is an appropriate tip.

Speaking of tipping: Know the appropriate and customary tipping levels for different services. This changes from place to place, so when traveling, do a little research. People work hard in the service industries, and in some places, they are working purely on tips and get taxed based NOT on what they ACTUALLY receive, but based instead on "Reasonable and customary" projections; this means when you short the tip, the server still has to pay taxes on what you DIDN'T give them.

Know how to match your own clothes. Again, these are things often noticed by members of the sex you seek to impress (For striaght guys, it would be straight women... for gay guys, it should ostensibly be other gay guys.) If you are clueless on this matter, I recommend the "Color for Men" book by Carole Jackson. Although she is not the be all and end all of fashion matching, her book is a good start. I also recommend "Man Alive" by Charles Hicks.

Know how to be on time. This is a respect issue. If you are always running late because you hate "Waiting for others", how the hell do you think people feel waiting for your sorry ass to drag itself in at 15 minutes after the appointed hour? 'Nuff said.

On top of poetry, have a willingness to broaden your horizons. Go to an Art show once in a while, or at least an art gallery. Be willing to listen to the fat lady sing at the end of an opera. Even if the experience on stage is not that interesting, if your company is interesting, you have a shared moment. It also makes it easier to ask that your companion accompany you to something that broadens THEIR horizons.

Try to conduct yourself with some sense of flair, but also with restraint (This one is tricky, and takes some getting used to, but cuts to the heart of the "Style" issue). When it comes down to it, find at least one* style role model. A big one for me is James Bond; fictional, but effective. When I am not sure about where to go with a certain thing, I ask, "What would JB do/wear/whatever?"









*(And better to have more than one)

Very well said Alain. That post is solid gold.

Funny - my husband has a person he admires like this too, he frequently asks himself what would Richard Feynman have done.

Our first weekend together he gave me the book "What do you care what people think" and I sort of understood why he admired him so much. Not quite as exciting as James Bond but sweet nevertheless.

Well there is much food for thought being contributed here. I thought I would offer some suggestions for guys on surviving the inevitable romantic night in.

Rule number one here is head it off at the pass! Be the one to suggest the occaisional romantic movie and you will be a hero. It will also make it easier for you to persuade her that Aliens v. Predator 2 is really a can't miss theatre experience. It will also take some of the guit you feel for forcing her to see the Longest Yard and Doom (If you made her sit through Oliver Stone's Alexander, you are perhaps beyond redemption).

In order to comply with rule number 1, develop a stable of chick flicks you like, at least then you won't be stuck with Fried Green Tomatoes and The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood ( a very good movie btw). So here is the beginning of my list fo Chick flicks for guys in no particular order:

1. Sense and Sensibility-Jane Austen through the eyes of Emma Thompson-Alan Rickman is Marvelllous in this film.

2. Love Actually- An ensemble peince with a hell of an ensemble and a wonderful sense of humor.

3. At least one film that can be considered "cute", the quality of film making is less important that the feel good nature of the story. I like Up Town Girls, The Prince and Me, What a Girl Wants, You've Got Mail, and She's all That in this category.

4. Under the Tuscan Sun - a chick flick with Lesbians, construction, odd italians, a bizzarre contessa, crazy construction workers and young love, what could go wrong?

5. Bridget Jones' Diary- You Just should have seen this.

6. When Harry Met Sally: "You made a woman meow?"

7. The Philadelphia Story a timeless classic, even in black and white.

8. On the Wings of Desire-the Wim Wenders original that was remade as City of Angels. It is obviously a much superior film and you can the trash talk the very awful city of angels and sound cultured.

9. Shall We Dance. This is great because it is a two-for-one-there is anamerican and a Japense version. The Japanese film is better, but the american one is toldrable too. You can compare them.

10. Gone with the Wind. You will, at some point in your life, have to watch this with the person you love. Especially if they haven't seen it.

There are more, but this is a beginning.

I got my older daughter "A Man and a Woman" last year for Christmas to watch with her boyfriend. They loved it.

It's a wonder I'm not a grandmother now.

coco

Following up on Alain's very good post. I decide to offer some nuts and bolts advice on the points he made. We'll begin with shinning shoes. Unless you are in the military this is apparently becomeong a lost art, as many men I notice don't bother , or know who to shine their shoes (and trust me I work in a field where everyone wears suits and dress shoes).

So I offer the follwing basic how to advice.

1. EZ and instant polishes are neither easy or instant, don't bother.
2. Suede doesn't get polished. Nor does patent.
3. If you have wierd leathers, like Gila monster skin, talk to the manufacturor or a shoe repair specialist. I have know clue how to polish python.
4. If you want to make brown shoes black-go buy a black pair. Its easier and sheper than having them dyed by a professional and black shoe polish will not make brown shoes black in any way that looks good.

Ok preliminaries out of the way we begin:
A. Clean dust and dirt from the surface of your shoes or boots with a shoeshine brush. Those rectangual brushes are very useful-I would have at least two. I never figured out how to use an electric polisher, but if you know then use that.

B. Pick a can of wax or creme shoe polish that matches the leather you want to polish. If you find sky blue shoe polish and red shoe polish hard to find, that is because you reall should not own sky blue and red shoes long enough to need to polish them. (yes women wear shoes in all colors, and really they don't polish them-they just buy more shoes it seems). Mink oil or leather conditioner can be used to treat natural colored shoes.

C. Use a shoe polish brush (the little round brush with the handle, not the rectangular ones) to apply a small amount of polish to the surface of the leather. The Idea is to give the leather a complete covering of dull polish. Brush in circular motions.

D. Wait 15 minutes while the polish dries. Yeah the waiting is the hardest part.

E. Brush the polish off with a shoeshine brush. This is the rectangular brush, its better to have one for black and one for brown.

F. Buff to a gleaming shine with a clean cotton cloth (an old t-shirt will do). Again its beter to have one for black and one for brown (and one for red and light blue if you must).

I think if the guy stops worrying about the 'correct' thing to do and just be himself, it is much better. Same goes for the girl.
Otherwise both end up dating what the other wants them to believe and not the truth.

All these 'rules' are nice in theory, but when done by someone who is obviously doing them just because he or she 'has' to, they are not a good thing.

A good thing to remember is:

Your date/lover/partner/spouse can think for themselves.

none of these are rules, they are just the how to suggestions. I think one important thing that seems to be lost here is that guys are not guys to impress women (or other men) we are guys because we are guys.

That being said, extrapolating a line from robin williams - guys write poetry for one reason to woo women (or men, really). Thus we live our lives for ourselves to be sure, but guys accept that impressing and pleasing women is not really a bad thing either.

Ultimately this thread is nbot a follow the rules and get women thread. This thread is a guide to the art and skill of being a Guy.

Finally! After reading through this entire post I got to somebody that said what needed to be said, short and simple. Thanks Camille.
This may be an old thread but I think there is still something more to add. This thread has been all over the place, and many people have made good points. I just can't help but feel that Jake is just trying to impress some girls with his thread by simply saying what he thinks most girls want to hear, even subconciously. I think from hearing some of the female responses, he has accomplished that. Good for him. However, it is time for us to move forward and start the deprogramming process. If Jake's remarks aren't to impress than it is just well intentioned and slightly off base, which I will hope, and give him the benefit of the doubt. He can't help it. It is just what men have been trained to do since the 80s <which may have been a necessary step at moving toward equality back then>, but the comments are contrary to the title. a "Guide to being a Guy". Most of what has been said isn't about being to being a guy. I'd have to agree with Alaine, who, correct me if I am wrong here, is slightly bias towards a lesbian feminist viewpoint, is not entirely off base. Some others said the same, mostly women and gay men, to my suprise, who seem to know more about being a man than poor Jake's well-intentioned but misguided idea. The thoughts about grooming and martinis and generally making a good impression on others and taking some pride in yourself and your appearance is all fine and good. However most of it does seem to have the tone of "what should be done if you want others to like you". It's a social world, and these things are good advice for any person. The things specific to a man, that you have mentioned, really aren't all that important. Most of what you have said really they could be applied to both genders(as others have mentioned). The things that could be considered gender specific today, like the polished shoes, may be completely irrelivant tomorrow. It's just currently what is considered fashionable for a man, and less so a woman right now, and really are pointless to take pride in because they are not really about being a man.The topic of "being true to yourself", that is really a big part of being a man, ( which yes, also applies to women as well) is at risk of being completely lost in all this ramble. You can be open-minded, and take in all the information, without giving up what really defines you, in the process of understanding women and what they want from you. There are distinct differences , however, between men and women, that have not been addressed. Guys shouldn't give up who they are just because women say they want you to be "this way" or "that way". Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not siding with any self-absorbed, condescending, woman-bashing, ignorant, assholes, (which there are no shortage of, apparently). But Camille is right on track in that if you are true to yourself, you will have pride in who you really are. You can't be happy in a relationship without that, and no woman will respect you if you don't have that self-confidence. I'm not talking about Cockiness, which is just a show to hide insecurity, but true confidence. "No thyself." Too many people are looking to find someone to "complete" them and trying to find ways to be what someone else needs, so they can make them happy. Two people can't be happy in a relationsip until they are happy with themselves, then they won't need each other, they will truly want each other for who they really are. It's good to look for ways to always improve yourself, but please don't do it while giving up who you are as a man. If you want a modern women, who is your equal, then you better pay attention, because the rules have changed. After all that I'll give you a break before I go into what I think that actually is".

First and foremost, It's mostly just important to be yourself.

Men are sexual aggressors. Don't apologize for it, just please try to be respectfull while being honest.
Most women, whether they say it or not, IMHO, consciously know it. Aside from any outstanding "issues", they want a man who is sexually confident and projects that. Many girls go after the "bad boys" because of this. They may be jerks, but they are true to themselves and have sexual confidence. A smarter or more experienced woman looks for more than just this however. Again, underlying issues aside, when looking for permanence.
But who do you think turns them on more. Who do you think they are fantasizing about when they are stuck at home with the humbley obeying wimp of a ball-snipped husband.
Speak up for yourself for God's sake! Show some confidence.
Great lovers get there confidence from knowing they can please a woman. It's about reading them. Being mutually passionate and in the moment. It's about getting off as much from projecting and knowing what is pleasing to them as much as your own pleasure. Try Listening and letting them take the lead when they want as well as knowing when to dominate in bed.
Pertaining to the crap about "Poetry". Hold the phone. I like to think that if guys are anything to be proud of, they are "doers". They are not as happy sitting around at home reading about what others are doing unless they're reading to learn about something they can go out and apply in the RW or something that expands their mind... not a bunch of romantic verse.
It may help to try and look through a woman's eyes, to try and understand them, but unless your just learning how to say what they want to hear, I don't think poetry is the answer. Elequence in speech is nice, but you can't write your own poetry unless you've experienced life. So instead invest in living and getting good at something and don't just regurgitate others words.
Knowing Yourself gives you confidence. Take the time to know where you stand on as many issues as possible. Get passionate about life. Live it and experience it.
Unless a man has "given up" and fallen on the couch in front of the tv to live vicariously through the eyes of better men, they are the "comrad in arms" ready to stand up and protect each other and all whom they love and respect.
We may get overzealous from time to time when we think someone, crossed the boundaries and hurt someone we care about, and huff about puffing our chests out at each other like primates but that's who we are and we don't apologize for it.
We give because we are kind(if we are kind), and should expect the same in return. A woman can open your door just as often, and be just as considerate to a man. We shouldn't do these things because we're expected to, but we shouldn't settle for someone that treats us any less than we treat them.
Truly our equals. Don't go after a girl who you don't think is your equal just because that makes you "feel like a better man".
...just to quote a line from another one of those movies that are made to evoke emotions from insecure women.
No, as men, we don't "get" alot of the "Chic-Flicks", just for that purpose. They are mostly just unrealistic, emotional candy setup as a fantasy to satisfy the undying hunger of the needier of the "emotionally-stronger" sex.
You can certainly do all the things on Jake's list, and anything else that you can learn or do that you think will make a woman happy, but know that that is why your doing it.
Because, most of it really doesn't pertain to being a man. Try Being REAL.

Some people just like to complicate things!.

Look, you only need a penis to be a guy. It's not hard!.


Errr.. well not right now. Not at this minute..

I'll realize that this was a bit of a "Steve" moment, from Coupling. If you haven't seen this show, yes it is very much for guys as well as girls (on bbc). I like it for the fact that they show the neurosis of both sexes, and more so, I like the character "Steve" who tends to take a long winded stance in the defense of the right to be a man while he faces the challenges of a growing relationship that is sometimes derailing his sense of self.
They've got to have some links online with some of these quotes. I'll have a look.
There are way better "Steve Speeches" than this, but here are a couple.

Memorable Quotes:
We are men. We are different. We have only one word for soap. We do not own candles. We have never seen anything of any value in a craft shop. We do not own magazines full of photographs of celebrities with their clothes on.

I like naked women. I'm a bloke. I'm supposed to like them. We're born like that. We like naked women as soon as we're pulled out of one. Halfway down the birth canal we're already enjoying the view. t is the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. We like: naked women, stockings, lesbians, and Sean Connery best as James Bond, because that is what being a boy is. ~Coupling, "Inferno," original airdate 2 June 2000, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Steve