Jakes Guide to being a Guy.

yeah, I have a bad cold so maybe I am overreacting.

That line about... (paraphrasing here)... "protect the poor dear but dont let her know it, so she wont get upset," is a bit much. But definitely better than the "guide to wifebeating" or whatever.

What're you, entertaining the troops?

For an intimate gathering, a French Press is best. Any girl knows that.

(Oh. Right. Of course. No wonder you suggested a percolator. Dear Jake. You unremitting guy, you.)

!. Hot tea, honey, Southern Comfort.
2. Nap.

Hope you feel better soon. This always does it for me.

I think ananda hit it right on the head. My point is not to assault or demean what a woman is capable of, just that a man's conduct towards any woman, should be aimed at making her feel safe, even from himself. This statement is not about what women can do, its about putting forth a simple rule to guide a guy in his conduct towards women. I tried to admonish not to be condescending, or to disempower. That is the tricky dichotomy-so support without smothering.

But really Dianne, my intent was perhaps to provoke and not offend. Rather than assualtme for being a neaderthal, I would hope to hear your take on things. What is the essence you want from a guy in a relationship? I know this is sort of reducing somthing complex to a basic level, but I think its useful to sometimes offer a core truth as a guiding principal. So I ask you (with all respect and sincerity) what would you say should be the first rule of being a guy?

shit thats a damn good prescription when you're feeling healthy

That your job Aimee.

No I grew up with a percolater, and it makes the best coffee I have ever had, from Folgers. However, even with a french press, the secret is the water. And the grind.

i have to agree, if your lover isn't pushing the right buttons, it is your obligation to tell them

(did I say them?)

this applies to both sexes, btw

I didn't say or suggest "it" was about being macho. You said you'd welcome advice from other men.

And now we're back to Aimee's question.

That's why I like the quote in my signature, it is a grouping of words that works on so many levels.

apparently unremitting 50-ish guy.

I bet he recommends a backrub next, or that yawn thing where you put your arm around her in the movies.

FINE!

The little man is close to the bow of the boat. Further up from the leak in the boat and MUCH further up than the fish bucket.

I recommend taking a stroll around the boat a few times before before shaking hands with him as he gets irritated if you approach him too quickly.


What are we talking about again?

If you all wanna see what being a "Guy" is all about just look at my profile.

I'm already on the couch with many boxes of kleenex and my laptop (luckily its a holiday today). I have been drinking tea during the day, and shots of whiskey after 5:00.

Is that the same as Southern Comfort?
I am clueless on drinks except wine and beer.

You are correct. I misread. I am sorry. And I concurr whether or not you agree with Bly's assesment, Iron John is a book that any guy should have read.

Speaking of reading, I think every guy should know the work of at least one poet, and be familiar with thier life. And really every guy should have memorized one poem.

Peach flavored bourbon. I recommend the 100 proof for full comfort.

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.janisjoplin.net/stuff/southern/southern.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.janisjoplin.net/stuff/southern/&h=218&w=300&sz=10&tbnid=3Ex5dqn8MmUJ:&tbnh=80&tbnw=111&hl=en&start=18&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsouthern%2Bcomfort%2B%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D

This is all cool Jake.

I think I over-reacted, and then I think maybe you read more anger or upset into my words than I put there also. (I tried to use a lot of smilies but they get too sickening in large numbers.)

I am not interested in guys at all, except that I think that the failure of the men's liberation movement in the late 1970's is the source of most of the worlds problems today. (really obscure comment I know)

Your advice is good, there is some language in there that kind of makes the female look like a bit of an object instead of a person, but perhaps that is more about targetting your message or putting it into a form that the target (men) can understand better.

My only (simplistic and possibly offensive) advice to guys is that if you are behaving in a way that (under any circumstances!) could be referred to as "Macho" then you are in the wrong and most likely being an idiot. Stop immediately and think seriously about doing something else. "Macho" is never good in any way shape or form IMO.

my opinion only of course

Well I am certainly to young to be 50-ish. I do recommend being able to give a good back rub-to either men or women.

The yawn thing where you put your arm around her in the movies only workd if you and pull it off with a wry smile and bit of sincerity. The accidental boob grab, never really works. If you are going to go for someone's boobs I think its better to act like you know what you are doing than to act like it happened on accident.

If you have to disguise your intentions its too soon be going there anyway.

mmm..

Never would have guessed peach.

It's also absolutely pissing rain here today so I aint going to walk all the way to the Liquor Distribution branch for that.

Really well tell that to the Village People.

That's it?

That's all?

I'm so glad to know that your builds are such poetry of architecture that I can be less than horrified by your assertions here.

Or else, Mr.Reitveld, I'd be rising out of the ash with my red hair, you betcha.

Well, I expect a guy to die for me if necessary. It's not too much to ask, really.

coco

I would say, Memory, that his assertions are a good start to returning at least SOME sense of class to the male of the species.

No, he is not trying to return us to the Neanderthal era; however, you have to consider his audience, most of whom have eschewed poetry altogether for fear of it making them look "Girly" or "Queer".

What Jake is outlining are the cultural keys to being a gentleman.
As a lady, you should know this and accept that the vast majority of chivalry in the west has been eroded by women who are seeking to be "equal" to men but never actually accepting that, by the time you could smell the brasmoke, they already were. This gender war is nonsense. As my mother was used to saying:

"EQUALITY!?? Why in hell should I step DOWN? Men open my doors for me, pull out my chair, help me with my coat and in every way make sure that my life is easy and comfortable. If I want to work, I can, but because I don't have to, I can devote my life to the things I want to do, like Art, Philosophy, Culture and raising my children tio appreciate those things."

Since that time, my mother has become a victim of the "Equality war"... people no longer open doors for her, she has to work to maintain an living income in her household and the only one who pulls her chair out now is her husband, who treats her like a queen. My stepfather is a gentleman.

If Jake is trying to instill in the current generation of Neanderthals a sense of class, style and culture, I can only say, "Here Here!"

Women said they wanted the Alan Alda type of man for a long time, but when presented with him as a cultural norm, they threw him over for Tom Selleck, Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt. You wanna know what? If women would stop trying to tell men how to be men, I bet you would probably be happier in the long run with what you get. Tell your men what they're doing right, but don't tell them what to do (...except when it comes to the man in the boat - in that arena, str8 guys apparently need all the help they can get. Me? I play with guys; I know how the equipment works).

And Jake is also right about the fact that even gay guys need this advice.

WE are discussing minimum things here, not every guy can, or should, be able to teach english literature 101, but knowing the work of one poet, and memorizing one poem is not beyond the realm of the possible. I am not trying to build anyone's Ideal man, I am just trying to offer advice on things guys should do.