Jakes Guide to being a Guy.

Ok so the plethora of "Ask [random name]More importantly, I invite all the other guys to share thier tips and insight into being a guy. Tell us what skills you think are essential to being an all around guy.

I read "Jake's Guide to being a Gay."

As a guy it is your job to make a woman feel safe. Whether she is your wife, your girlfriend, your wife's girlfreind (you lucky dog!), your sister, your mother, your secretary, or the woman sitting next to you on the airplane, it is your job to make her feel like in a pinch you will protect her from the world.

How long do you wait, according to good form, to try to knock at her "back door of love?"

till she stops kicking you in the nuts when you try

How long do you wait, according to good form, to try to knock at her "back door of love?"

Stop being macho and read Iron John by Robert Bly.

... That being said I will start with the core truth of being a guy, the basic rule:

As a guy it is your job to make a woman feel safe. Whether she is your wife, your girlfriend, your wife's girlfreind (you lucky dog!), your sister, your mother, your secretary, or the woman sitting next to you on the airplane, it is your job to make her feel like in a pinch you will protect her from the world.

The trick (and nothing is simple when a woman is involved-if its easy you are doing it wrong) is that you have to make her feel safe without making her feel condescended to, disrespected, limited, unable or out of control. ...

How long do you wait, according to good form, to try to knock at her "back door of love?"

I know your trying to be nice, and possibly funny, but I find most of this quite offensive.

I also note that you have failed horribly on your first attempt in that I cetainly *do* feel condecended to. Also what the heck does "without making her feel (like she is)... unable or out of control" mean?

Poor wittle girl get hysterical if big stwong man not around?
This is garbage.

Ok so having dispensed with the introduction, lets get right down to the nuts and bolts. We are going to start with the bar. Sooner or later you are going to be called upon in this life to make a drink. This might be for a woman, or it might be for your friends but sooner or later you are going to have to make drinks. So I came up with a basic list of drinks every guy should know how to make. (Serving beer or pouring shots does not count as making a drink). Your basic repitoire should include:

1. A Classic Martini (not one of those fruity silly drinks in disguise an Appletini is not, despite what most flair bars will tell you in thier menu, a martini) -

Put 3 oz of gin into a shaker of ice. Add 1 teaspoon of dry vermouth. Shake and strain over a chilled martini glass, and add an olive or lemon peel.

For a dry martini, put only the gin into a shaker with the ice. Put the vermouth in a chilled martini glass and swwirl it around, coating the the glass. dump the vermouth out of the glass, and add the shaken gin. Add a lemon peel, or an olive.

If you must, use vodka instead of gin, but nothing else is a martini.

2. A bullshot. Forget the egg, beer and tomato juice stuff you learned watching Cocktail, this is the best hair of the dog. Its also a damned good drink in the evening, and is a geniune guy drink -

Put 3 oz. of vodka into a shaker with 4 Oz. Of strong, cold beef boullion and 3-4 ice cubes, add salt and pepper to taste, and strain inot a wine glass or highball glass.

3. Something stupid and fruity that women will like. Every man needs at least one chick drink in his repetoire. I myself like the Zombie, but hey a good fuzzy navel will do in a pinch (shots of Jager, while defintely a chick drink, do not count) -

The zombie for two, (not for the faint of heart):

2 oz Dark rum
2 oz light rum
2 oz gold rum (or for the jake special, spiced rum)
1 0z 151
1 Oz Cherry heer
3 Oz Orange juice
1/2 oz Lemon or lime juice
2 dashes of grenadine for color.

Pour all ingredients into a shaker, mix and strain over ice. Garnish with Cherries and pinapple.

4. A chilled glass of champagne (this includes not using the cork as a projectile weapon to knock over a wine glass half a room away).

1. How to open the bottle- Hold the bottle at a 45 degree angle facing away from anything you might hit should things go wrong. Pell the foil and untwist the wiring to release the cage without removing it. Keeping your thumb on the cork at all times, puch down on the cork and twist the bottle to the right, moving it from side to side, releasing pressure. Once the pressure has seeped out, remove the cork with littel fanfare and loss of the bubbly.

2. How to pour- First of all champagne is served in a flute, not one of those plastic party glasses that look like marie antoinette's boobies. You hold the flute by the stem, not the glass (this is so you do not warm the chilled flute up with your hand. You wrape the neck of the bottle in a napking to catch the dribbles. Tilt the glass, and pour until 3/4's full.

5. A root beer float. Not all drinks are alchoholic, and one should be able to whip up this guilty pleasure to go with the popcorn while you are watching DVD's.

The trick here is whether the occaision demands frothy or not. For the very frothy effect, put the ice cream in the glass first. To reduce froth pour the root beer first. You'll want to use, if you can, A&W draft root beer.

6. A fresh pot of coffe.

Get and use a percolater to make your coffee. If you cannot, the secret to coffee is in the water. Use bottled or filtered water for the best pot.

Oh controversy.

Actualy, Its says very much the opposite of "Poor wittle girl get hysterical if big stwong man not around." I would concur, such a statement in garbage. And it is very obvioulsy not the one I made.

When do you teach them to find the little man in the boat?

hahaha!

hey... why is it a little man anyway?