How to cope with my own bigotry?

This morning, I logged on to find someone's house sticking through the walls of my own home. I checked the owner's profile and found that the offending home belongs to a French lady who is not very good with English (by her own admission.)

Wanting to be a good neighbor, I went to a translation site and wrote out a nice notecard letter welcoming her to the neighborhood and asking politely if she would mind making sure that her prims are on her property.

An hour or so later, she appeared and declined my notecard. Wanting to be cordial, I sent her an IM with the exact same message I had gotten translated. She apologized and re-positioned her house, erected ban lines around her property, and then began decorating her parcel. Here's where I get to the point.

Apparently, my new neighbor is a fan of BDSM. She installed a few cages and Excite! accessories and other paraphenalia, and then began inviting her "Master" and friends over to check it all out. I didn't have to cam over to see it; she had problems placing it all and "accidentally" deleted her walls and roof a couple of times.

Now, I'm all for people having their own kink. I'm gay, liberal, and pro-choice; I'm not about to tell someone else what to do with their (virtual) body, but I find that I'm having a real problem with this. We're in a mature sim, she's on her property, and within her own walls (when they were up,) but I have this irrational disdain for the whole BDSM thing. Slavery, even consentual slavery, is a little offensive to many Americans raised in the south. There's so much a 3D environment like SL can offer, why limit it to cybersex?

She just moved in today, so I don't want to be rude. I'm tempted to ask her to role-play wearing a ballgag at all times, but that's forcing my wants on her and her guests. Beyond that, she does not speak very much English, so I'm afraid I will be translated as being a prude and an ass. I know I could spam the wall of my property with particles and sounds and try to drive her off, but two wrongs do not make a right.

So, do I just bite the bullet and change my attitude to be more accepting of these people and their particular fetishes? Pretend that "Slave" is a happy, free term? Mute her and hope visitors to my home can also ignore the French grunts of passion? Do I move and possibly take a loss on the sale of my property? I don't know much about the whole BDSM scene; is there some nice way to ask her to knock it off?

it's her land

so you want her to stop her bdsm lifestyle on HER land in HER house?

how would you feel if someone asked you not to be gay on your land in your home because it offended them?

im sorry that you do not understand the bdsm lifestyle and slave by choice but its not up to those that practice it to get your permission

my feeling about this is: judge not lest ye be judged

You could always put up a wall to shield your view? Not fun, I know but like Kyrah said, it's her land...

I apologize. Perhaps I wasn't clear. I could hear her and her guests from MY PROPERTY. I could see her and her guests when her walls were deleted from MY PROPERTY. Again, sorry for any confusion.

You can ask her but I doubt it would do any good. You should just learn to deal with it. Fair chance the excitement for her will wear off after a while anyway and they won't even use the place much.
Seriously though cybersex is the main reason a lot play SL. All the other stuff you speak of is not very interesting to most people. If you don't like mature content move to a PG area. Unfortunately you don't have much of a choice what kind of mature content you have to deal with.

Also remember many people find gay people unacceptable (I am not one of them) and would not want you next to them. However they have to put up with it also.

Yes mute is an option, if your friends don't want to hear it they can use it also.

I am assuming here that you know well enough that the BDSM "slave" thing, with people exploring their own attitudes towards domination and submission, is worlds apart from, you know, a group of people being kidnapped and forced at risk of death to obey another group, over generations.

Given that - leave them alone to do what they want.

im sure she wont be accidentally removing walls all the time

you would have to be 20m or less close to her to her what they are saying

you could move up into the sky or move your house to the oppisite side of your property and not hear her

ive never lived that close to someone in sl for it to bother me

who should compromise?

should she move or stop roleplaying or whatever because you do not like it

or should you move because you do not like it

or maybe you could build a skyhome

or she could


personally if I had neighbours that bothered me that much, I would move

they should not have to hush, or move because I do not like it

sorry forgot to answer the question heh

I would say learn to be tolerant of that which you do not understand

slave as in the way it is used here, is not the same as the black slaves of our history.

In your land options, on the Media tab, there is an option to use a private channel for spatial audio... worth a try... Also, your account has a mute list... Good luck...

Yep.

Maybe the wording in the translation insulted her (it happens...) and she "accidentally" deleted her walls just to shock you. Did you mention your feelings toward her lifestyle? Things will probably settle down sooner than you think. She won't live in a roofless house for long.

Gosh next thing you know people will be complaining about normals (augh) SL sex in peoples own homes on their own land..

"sigh"

Thank you for the speedy responses. I'll try working with the spatial audio, a temporary mute, and wait it out. I'm sure she's a nice person who just has a hobby I don't know much about, and that we'll work out to be good neighbors.

I do know that the word "slave" is not used in the same context as in the past, but I still get the willies over this. It's not a matter of fearing or hating BDSM practitioners because I don't understand it, it's a case of feeling uncomfortable because it encroached on my own space.

In terms of chat. The room with the BDSM equipment is built right up against the property line. My own home is also built right up against the property line. Hence, her walls overlapping into my rooms.

In my experience living in a BDSM community, people used IM instead of chat when others were within chat range. When engaged in roleplay in a "playground" environment, roleplayers of all sorts often prefer to use chat so others can join/listen easily. However, you on your property are obviously not in a shared roleplay environment with her, and I think it would be quite reasonable to ask your neighbor if she could be a little more discrete with her kink when you are home.

I think it would not be at all out of line to suggest politely that she use IM when you are home. Group IMs are perfectly easy to start, and generally more convenient than chat anyway. You could make it easier for her by giving her a chat notifier HUD.

I think you can right click and mute objects as well so you do not have to 'hear' the text they spam. It should work like the avatar mute list and remember what you do not want to hear.

What a great suggestion!!! It'd be a house-warming present! I'll give this a try, thank you!

Mute. Then mute again.

Bonjour Chere.
I'm Pleased that you approach your issues in this way, It shows that despite the fact you have prejudices (And if we are all honest with ourselves we ALL harbor them to some degree) You are More concerned with doing what is right, and Just. Many would just go ahead and take aggressive actions that would end in Needless animosity.

The other posters are right, and it IS her land, On a mature Sim so she Does have the right to use it as Long as she remains within TOS/CS. A few of the things you said make me think that perhaps she is relatively New to SL? You MIGHT gain better relations with her by Offering to show her the ropes (No Pun Intended) and in this way guide her gently into being a good neighbor.

Dealing with people in the lifestyle isn't that different from dealing with Anyone else. You'll find they Give as much respect and courtesy as they are shown. I Understand the reasons that you may have prejudices against the lifestyle, But as i've shown others, these are usually based on Misconceptions Rather than truths. If, as your thread title suggests you want to overcome this prejudice, you can always come and talk to me. IRL i've been a Domme since i was 19, so I know what I'm talking about (And if you vaguely suspect some kind of recruiting, you can be comforted to know i councel more people to Stay Out of this lifestyle than i suggest take it up). You'll Find "Changing your attitude" isn't as difficult, or painful as it sounds, and in the end, expanding your knowledge and experiences helps you lead a more peaceful life in the Long Run.

Oh, One more point that will Help you, When you DO speak to this Girl using a Translation program of any Kind, let her Know that is what you are doing, Anyone who has had experience with these programs knows that they do not translate 100% accurately. Errors in Grammar, and Syntax are very common. If she Knows you are using one, she won't be taken aback by any unintentionally Odd things you might say to her. A simple preamble to your first Contact such as "Translated from English using Babelfish:" for example. it will help you avoid misunderstandings.

Angel.

if her prims are on your land, but the root is on her land, you can first ask her to move them, explaining how to turn on property lines (in case she doesn't know)
if she refuses then ar them, and a linden will clean it up (eventually) heh

This is why it's good to not build right up to the property line. For ease, one of you should lift your house up about 200m. I mean, really, do you want all casual chat - sexual or not- to be audible from the next plot?

Sorry, but I don't think Eben has been prejudiced. I think he made it quite clear that he's ok with people doing their thing, but isn't comfortable with having to live with certain things within his space. I'm quite happy that some people like feet (to pick the most innocent example I could!) but I'm not going to be comfortable sitting in my living room hearing my neighbour moan over how sexy her friends toes are. That doesn't make me an Evil Anti Footist.

Mature land allows us to do mature things on our own land - but social respect should, I think, make us consider the people that affects, and work something out that won't upset the people we live near. I guess the main problem here is language and I don't trust BabelFish to come up with a good translation of "please could you contain your porn to somewhere I can't hear it" without saying something like "I really like chess! Play in my house?!"

Best Suggestion! Since she clearly has building issues, it should be you that moves into the sky.