When did it become polite to just walk away when talking to someone?

That's a complete mischaracterization of what people are saying.

Those who are managing without having to go that far.....probably aren't analyzing every day.....and couldn't care less.

That's probably because what they naturally do worked for them. But, for me, it didn't - so I'm analyzing to work out what to do instead.

So.....how's that workin' for ya?

I may be way off beam here, but the more I read this thread the more I am reminded of this:



I don't know what the answer is, because I never finished the book, sorry.

Well, um, sorry, you're saying that the strategy of "trying to work out what to do instead" is failing? What other strategy is there? Even if you're saying I should give up, I would have to think and decide to do that first!



Wow! Somebody quoted from that book and remembered to include the bit that mentions that the people giving advice are playing tha geme too. In other words, you have to scrutinize the advice, too. Giving good advice isn't necessarily easy. And stopping giving advice isn't the only way they can stop playing the game.



No, most of the advice I've gotten comes down to one of two things:

a) fit in, join in things, play along with folks. There's nothing wrong with this, but it gives no space for doing anything _I_ want to do, nor even building or contributing anything.

b) build something I want to do, in spite of the lack of interest from anything else, apparently believing that just because I have made it magically people will suddenly become interested. This is really just a dismissal ("if she's off working on a build, she won't be complaining for a few weeks, and we can always say that the build isn't good enough yet". From speaking to people who did well at starting places or activities, NONE of them started building or organizing them in a social vacuum where they had no idea about interest; and certainly none of them started in a social hostile environment (ie, people attacking them and telling them to quit).

You forgot the 3rd category of advice which is to seek professional counseling. This is the one you completely ignore. Seriously, posting the same question: "Help me, please tell me how to fit in", multiple times over a couple of years indicates a problem that no one here is qualified to help with.

I ignore it because it's another dismissal. I have actually been through counseling, as I have mild OCD and slight social phobia. Neither has stopped me being reasonably accepted IRL and on other games/worlds, though.

(Free bun for the first person who suddenly decides that they _are_ qualified to disagree with the professional ; )

Possibility #1: "what I want to do" is always "exactly what I want to do, with no modifications, trying to fit it into what other people are doing is completely off the table", no matter what you're trying to do.

Possibility #2: there's only one thing you want to do, there's nothing else in SL that you're interested in doing than the single specific thing you're trying to get.

Either way it sounds like you're being just a wee bit OCD about things.

You're pulling it way too far in the opposite direction. Let's take as an example what Lear said:



This makes no allowance for anything I'm interested in _at all_.

The opposite of this does not mean making no allowance for anyone else!

Sure it does, unless what you're interested in is so specialized that nobody else is interested in it, and you're not willing to make any accommodations whatsoever in its pursuit, it seems inconceivable that you can't find something that you and other people are BOTH interested in.

Hi Yumi,

I guess I will put in my two cents here on what might be part of the problem. Basically a little charm is necessary... and charm requires a few things:

1) Actually being interested in other people. For more than what you can get out of them or for the sake of having an audience. If you are thinking too much about yourself and talking too much about yourself instead of the other person, people will get bored of that. It's give and take. Show interest in other people's activities and sometimes be willing to try something that was not 100% what you planned to do.
2) Being positive...Nobody likes to hear downer stuff all the time (that's why therapists get paid). I'm not saying that everybody can be fluffy cheerful all the time and bad stuff never happens, but the lion's share of negativity is a choice. Whatever negative thing you start thinking, stop and just repeat the opposite to yourself as many times as necessary. This will make your mojo stronger
3) Having fun. If you are having fun, other people will want to join you. Tom Sawyer, and all that.

BTW we used to be friends... like back in 2005 or 2006... and I don't recall the circumstances under which we became unfriended.

Sure, that's fine, but (for example) the instructions above limit me to things that already exist in SL. Thus my claims about there being no point building.

On just disappearing with no "bye", I don't like it at all, unless I am familiar enough with the person to be that relaxed.

I find it hard to believe that you are misunderstanding the point as badly as you're making out here.

you're a stranger in these parts, ain't you...

kind of looks that way, but I wasn't around for the first two years.

You've tried strategy A & B.....try C and D and E and F and...............I think Argent has those in his hip pocket.

Yumi it seems obvious you are using the board as an OCD 'stim.' Satisfying an OCD urge by asking the same thing, again and again, going in circles for months at a time, or even longer. Resolving anxiety and a need for ritual by repeatedly refusing actual solutions, and going back to the same basic question again. CLASSIC OCD.

What would your shrink say? Probably "stop it."

Hee hee thank goodness my OCD is limited to things like counting and repeated sorting. The counting is done quietly to myself. The sorting is actually a benefit. I probably have one of the most well-organized inventories in SL lolol.

Too bad you can't sort mine...A touch of OCD can be productive...but then in your example, it's probably more like perfectionism.

Why? Look at everything in Lear's post - it's all to do with joining people who are already doing things, things that people already do - and that they are presumably happy doing in the place and circumstances they're doing them in now.

Yes, we've had this discussion before. You keep telling me that you would be imposing on people by trying to contribute to what they're already doing. But you have no objection at all to imposing on people in the forums, so that's just an excuse. Go, find people who are doing things you enjoy doing, and do things with them.

It's not a question of "imposing on people", it's a question of "not being able to do anything". They have all they need and have no need for my contribution.

And you know this how? You know every group of people who are doing things you might be interested in have finished everything they're doing and just cruising, they're never going to build ever again?

Usually they are using things that already existed rather than having made them themselves, and they are quite happy with them, otherwise why'd they buy them?