When did it become polite to just walk away when talking to someone?

let's hope that that "some of whom" doesn't turn out to be the other 5% or we're all screwed...

Yumi, you have a choice.

You can choose to let circumstances dictate your life, or you can choose to take an active role, taking full responsibility for your situation. You can live as the cause or as the effect. Take your pick.

If you assume you're powerless, you'll be right.

In the words of Richard Bach, "Argue for your limitations and surely they will be yours."

BTW, "taking responsibility" doesn't mean "blaming". It means acknowledging that you are the one who needs to do whatever is possible to achieve your goals.

BTW, your experience of feeling alone in SL is common -- I bet most of us feel it at one time or another, even those of us with lots of friends.

I tend to do a lot of scripting or making products, which tends to isolate me while I'm working; I tell lots of people "Sorry, I'm busy now", and they leave me alone. When I'm done with an extended project and just want t hang with friends, if none of my best friends are around, I'll IM a few, who (gee, go figure) are often busy themselves. Since I don't really get out much, I only have a short list of places to visit, and sometimes they're all empty.

I'm naturally a gregarious, outgoing, optimistic type, and yet I still experience a bit of loneliness from time to time. I bet I'm not unusual in that respect.

I bet you're experiencing this a lot. The only way to get past it is to change your behavior.

Find someplace to hang out where you like the people there -- hopefully, one where people are outgoing and accepting and positive. Go there a lot, and when you chat, pay attention to whether you're saying something positive or negative. If you find it's negative, try rethinking and seeing if you can say something positive instead. (No, not every time, but most of the times.)

Find people you like, and simply be friendly to them. Be willing to be interested in things other people are interested in and want to talk about. Learn things from people.

Try sitting at a telehub you like and just listening and chatting a little, and when a newbie has a question, help out. With patience, walk a newb through a list of things you've learned about just using SL, like sending IMs, adjusting prim attachments, etc. Do this for the FUN of it. You'll find that many will take the lesson and move on without a second thought to you, other than a quick thanks or less. Fine. You'll find that others have some kind of agenda and will try to use you for their purposes. Fine, if you're interested, go along, if not, let them move on. And a few will actually like you! (Some may like you a bit too much ... i.e., more than you like them. Such is life.)

Make freebies to give to people. That can be fun. Keep in mind that many or most people will be uninterested. I've made a lot of what I thought were cool things that only a few people liked!

Find things people are interested in, and go do them with them. Just building a pretty place isn't the best, because then you have to attract people to come see it. Consider activities that people do get together to do, or consider taking classes and finding groups or places where people actually get together to do or discuss the subject. Of course you'll spend some time alone honing skills. Like, go hang out at the Particle Lab and see what people are trying to do, and see what you can do yourself with particles. (That's still there, isn't it?)

None of this is theoretical. I've done all of it.

But, if you try it with the assumption that it won't work, you'll be right.

Well that makes 2 odd ducks, because I enjoy it too and I'm like that in rl. I don't view being alone as lonesome, I look at it as allowing myself to recharge.

Hear here!
IRL I am a very private person and I love my alone time. However, I am also very satirical and love regaling anecdotes to others.
As for the 5 per cent of whom I've been sexual with in my SL past, they are included in the aforementioned 95 per cent of "nutters" I have encountered in-world.

Lear, that's a really kind and helpful post - thanks!

I've helped new folks for a long while, and I often try to meet up with people. The problem is.. well, I'm going to sound really selfish writing this, so let me emphasise that I do understand that these things are a matter of "give and take". But for me, the balance seems to be skewed, and it has the effect of adapting almost all the aspects that make SL be SL into oblivion.

For example, why spend time and money on an av (beyond looking generally good and not like a newbie) when ultimately you will just be fitting in with what other people want to do, so it won't matter? Why try to build anything, or experiment with particles, when ultimately you will just be fitting in with what other people want to do, and why would they start caring just because you've made something?

Now, I know that not everyone is in the "constantly fitting in" trap, because I could even name people who aren't in that loop but for the forum regulations. But for me, the choice seems to be fitting in or being alone, since if I am upset at being alone, people just tell me to fit in more.

I think it's more a question of finding those you fit in WITH.

Sometimes when I'm walking away from its because the darn Asset server has lost the last two letters of its name...



But other times - its just harder to tell when the other person thinks the conversation is over when you have combinations of lag and a lack of body language.

I have had that situtation plenty of times. Just remember you are not the only person they are chatting with,and odds are they forgot they were even in an IM with you. Other people,well,they are just plain downright rude and don't deserve you're time or ear.

Also IF this is constantly happening with the same person,you might want to find new friends. I know this is off topic,but,I also get perturbed when creators don't bother to greet back.It doesn't take but a split second to say hi,and yet so many are very rude about not doing so. That is lack of people skills.

Oh, there are people I fit in with, and I get on with them really well.

I get on with them so well that it doesn't matter what I look like or where I am.. so again, the neato features of SL collapse.

Uh..I'm not really sure where you're going with this, Yumi.

SL isn't for everybody. If you like it, fine. If you don't, well, that's your value judgement and you're entitled to it.

I won't disagree with that, but it's not a good argument because I see others having experiences I would like that aren't affected by these problems.

And what are they doing that you aren't? What are you doing that they aren't? Start with "they're not complaining about not having cool experiences all the time".

Well, for all I know the only reason they aren't complaining is because they're _having_ "cool experiences", so that's a bit difficult to learn from.

*Sigh*
You make your own experience in SL, just as in the real world. Sure sometimes things happen over which you have no control, but how you deal with those situations speaks to who you are.
I have had A LOT of "cool experiences" in SL; I have had some not so great experiences in SL. I have to say though, that if the not so great experiences outweighed the cool ones, I would cease and desist.

You can make your own solitary experiences, but for social ones, the other people involved have a say, too.

Whenever I initiate an attempt at conversation, particularly with someone I do not know very well, I'll ask the person if he or she is busy, or if he or she has "a couple of minutes to chat." I don't 'expect' a conversation to be exclusively based upon my schedule and availability. Honestly, I consider it rude when someone expects a 'real-time' conversation without showing the courtesy of asking for one. Something along the lines of 'Are you busy?' Or 'Do you have a few minutes to chat?' Though certainly it depends on the person, as well as the circumstances. Multiple IM conversations can be tricky for me and my ADD too ...

Second Life has evolved for me into more of a creative than a social outlet, and were it not for that, I would likely have left long ago.

Between work and family, I don't get as much time to 'play' in SL as I used to, and my 'create' time is very important to me. I spend quite a bit of time jumping between sessions of Paint Shop Pro, Painter X, SL, and Flickr, among others. I'm often tuning poses, lighting, etc., for the pictures I am working on - some taking extended periods of time to set up to my liking. I try to always be busy in my Second Life, and I like it that way.

I try not to presume that another person's Second Life follows the same 'rules' as mine, and I really wish other people would consider doing the same.

Yumi you missed my point entirely. It is not up to other people to make SL a quality time for you. IT IS UP TO YOU!

It's become normal for me since people started answering their mobile phones while I am talking to them. If I don't like them I will actually wait for them to finish their call, then as they try and resume the conversation, dial up a friend on my mobile just to say hello and just walk off.

LOL a few years ago, I was with a friend of mine who was taking cell phone calls the entire afternoon. I finally told her that if she didn't knock it off, I was gonna throw the thing into Lake Superior LOL!

I didn't actually miss your point. The involvement of other people _is_ necessary (for me, and for quite a few others too I suspect) to make SL enjoyable. Whether or not they can be held responsible for it is a different matter, and I agree with you that they can't - but the reality that they're an important part of it doesn't change. Everyone, especially businesses, would love it if causation and responsibility always travelled hand in hand, but they don't.

Plus, I do acknowledge that it's up to me - and in most cases, what I'm asking on these threads is what I can do to improve things. "Stop complaining" isn't an answer because the circumstances existed before I started complaining about them, and "give up everything to fit in" isn't an answer because others manage it without having to go that far.