When did it become polite to just walk away when talking to someone?

Have you tried saying what you mean?

What she said. But far too many people treat others as if they were NPCs in an online game.

I don't know Yumi....count your blessings.....some times dead silence and being finished works better than this:

"it was great chatting with you"

"great chatting with you too!"

"ok - see you later"

"See you later"

"ok - you have a great day"

"I will, and you too!"

"thanks for all your help"

"you're welcome - enjoy your day"

"you too hun"

"take care"

"ok - you take care, too"

"see you later"

"will probably be later tonight"

"ok - see you then"

"have a great afternoon"

"you too"

"ok - take care"

and it can go on.

I never feel the need to tell complete strangers that I'm making a cup of tea, letting the dogs out or need to go to the toilet....

IM's I think of the same way I think of text messages on my phone, sometimes I reply straight away, other times there's a gap. If the person goes offline I know they're still going to get the message. Quite often I'm dealing with RL stuff at the same time or have several IM sessions on the go at the same time as I'm trying to do some building or scripting.

I multitask a lot in SL - not always by choice - and I do try to let people know when they are not my sole focus of attention. When someone strikes up a IM conversation with me I'll try to say "btw I am working on a script also, so if I am slow to respond, that's why" or "btw I am in 14 IM conversations at once, so if I am slow to respond, that's why."

Also, if appropriate, I'll say "It's not a great time to talk - can I catch you another time?"

And when I think the conversation is over (or I want it to be ), I'll say "have a great night" or something along those lines to signal that.

Having said all of that - that is how I strive to comport myself in IM conversations; I'm sure I don't always succeed. I wouldn't intentionally leave an active discussion or stop responding when there is a question pending, but I have had situations with close friends, where idle chatter sort of goes dormant for a long while before one or the other of us logs out. I don't find this particularly rude, especially coming from someone I know quite well.

I . . .

Pep (brb)

I always try to end the conversation with a goodbye or have a nice evening, etc...Sometimes the choice is taken away from me if I crash, have to relog and so forth. If I am in open chat with a group of people, I don't worry about it. But, if I'm in an IM, I always send a msg back after I relog back in to let them know what happened. Seems only decent.

Now I really find two sets of "rules" here.

#1 IM conversations.
This has a different set of rules I feel. Slow motion conversations are ok, sudden ends are mostly ok too. It is just the nature of the type of conversation.

I often have several conversations going on in IM at once, and be building/scripting at the same time. My friends know this and tend to understand that what should be a 10 minute conversation could take an hours. SLowmo conversation is somewhat normal for me.

Sometimes a conversation just slows down and stops. I don't get offended. People are busy here. If they are not then they are doing something wrong. I don't think it is rude to not "end" every conversation. And expecially in IM, both parties might get busy and there might be a long lull in the conversation, only to have it pick back up minutes or even hours later. It is just the way things are online. Some of the normal rules don't apply.

#2 Face to face in open chat, that is a different matter.
This is more like taking with someone in RL. And then yes it is rude to just walk away. A simple excuse to end the conversation is always required I feel. Something as simple as "Well I have to be going now, it was nice talking to you" (even if it wasn't )
Basiclly normal rules of behaviour are expected. And at least for me if they are not followed I tend to think of the other person as being rude.

Just my two cents.

Lizzy

Yeah it can go on, that's a short one

Even in IM I make it a point to say 'good day' or 'night dude' or even 'see ya wouldn't wanna be ya.' I need closure.

Hi Yumi!

This post is kinda timely cause I got into kind of an argument about this recently. I don't mind if my IM convo's kinda trail off cause most people are busy a lot of the time (myself included) but I do find it rude if I'm talking and suddenly there is no response...for an hour or more with no BRB or AFK or BYE... especially from someone on my A-list of the moment. If I feel like I want to say "helloooooo?" on a regular basis, I consider that a fail and a pretty good sign that I'm not on their A-list.

This is where I disagree a bit - it's ok to be busy, but it'd be much more polite if you could actually say, "I'm busy so I might be slow". The problem is, for all you know the other person _isn't_ busy and is just having to sit and wait for you. "If they're not busy then they should be" isn't really right, not everybody enjoys doing solitary things such as creatin content, and maybe they are trying to be busy chatting.



I don't see it so much as such because it is only an Offer Teleport away.

If by going idle, you mean slumping over as in having entered away mode, then you can practically bet your bottom dollar they've got another version running, with another av online, and have switched over to that one for some reason - one of that av's friends has come on, or something similar.

Rude? You betcha

AKA: The Minnesota Long Goodbye...


~

It's not fair to compare SL conversations to RL.

In RL, you don't just start a conversation with someone at any time. If you see they're talking with someone else, you don't interrupt unless it's urgent. If you see they're busy, you use some judgment to decide whether to interrupt or simply ask them to contact you later. If you call someone and they choose not to answer, it's not considered rude.

In SL, when you start a conversation with someone, you essentially zero knowledge about anything else they're doing. At best, if you're at the same location, you can see if they're building or engaged in some other activity in local chat. But even if they're not, you can't assume that they're not engaged in several other IMs in SL, or running a non-SL chat client, or working on homework or whatever.

Now throw in the difference between text and voice. Typing is slower than speech, even for fast typists. There's no intonation and no body language to communicate mood. If someone in person needs to think about an answer, you can tell by body language; you can't tell in SL (and typing 'hmm' can feel weird).

When you talk, once it's out of your mouth, it's gone. When you type, you can (and often should) read what you're about to say, and might have second thoughts about it. It's possible that while you're waiting, the other person has started three different responses, and erased each one.

Excellent points, Kidd.

Bottom line: being polite requires empathy on both ends. That includes understanding when someone doesn't respond right away, cluing someone in when possible that you might not be 100% devoted to their conversation, and being aware that just because you IM'd someone, you aren't necessarily their highest priority.

Well given some of the posting in the evil, haters thread and Jig's what kind of occupation you have irl, I would say to OP this is a good time to start.

Awww, I'm sorry Smith! *HUGS*

I've told you, that person is just like that. Don't take it personal. Last time they logged off abruptly, and I was with them 'face to face' lol

Oh.

Yes, this happens to me too. And I've done it to others. Sometimes, I'll just get busy with something, and the conversation comes to a halt. Sometimes, I run out of things to say, but leave the IM window open in case the other person has anything to add.

It's nice to end an IM all neat and tidy, with "bye, talk to you again soon"...but it just doesn't always work out that way. I'm not offended when that happens, and nobody else until now has mentioned that they find it offensive.

maybe their husband walked in the room and they had to minimize SL?

there is a term, SL blue balled

Spouse/parent/child/roommate are all possibilities.

Or they're on call and got a call. Or an urgent non-SL IM.

Or they lost track of time, the timer went off, and if they don't get the roast out of the oven now, it will be ruined. Or if they don't get their laundry out of the dryer on the first bell, it will be wrinkled and take twice as long to iron the shirts.

Or they typed a reply, hit the backslash instead of the return key by accident, didn't realize it and moved to a different IM window, and are getting annoyed because you haven't replied to the note they thought they sent.

Getting up for a glass of wine, and tripping over the cord does it every time.

Sure, network faults are understandable, but I don't think they account for every case.

Dunno. Was just frustrated at several sessions where I log into SL, IM people, wait 10-20 minutes per reply and wind up logging off after about 2 hours having done effectively nothing apart from web browsing waiting for answers.

It really depends on context imo.

The more personal the conversation is the more baffling it is if someone goes missing without warning or later a word of explanation. It's hard to define in words when it's different though. If someone is asking a question I try to answer quickly but sometimes I don't even see it for a while. If I ask someone something and I wait I assume they are busy or afk or did not see it yet. And it's okay to have to wait. It is understandable. Why should I be the thing they drop everything else for? I don't expect to be.

Most conversations are slower online, since people are doing other things or even doing many things or talking to many others at the same time. So some pause between posts is also fine.

But to be mid conversation and suddenly they are gone...or they ask for something urgently then are gone before you can respond, and meanwhile you have worked on their request - that is a bit baffling. Still I realise that something might have come up in real life or they crashed. etc.

But the line into 'rude' is difficult to define. Maybe it is this: "Did you have a *choice* to do things differently and did not, because that person's feelings just did not matter to you? Were their feelings not worth two more seconds of time?"

If people treat others how they would wish to be treated how different would the world be. That to me is the real question.

Nuts. There you go again, Yumi. Ask yourself:

- Why did I spend my time "waiting for answers"? When I could have gone shopping, or built something, or talked to someone else? There's no reason to obsessively focus on an IM window.

- If I was annoyed, why didn't I just say, "Hey, I can tell you're pretty busy. I'll call you back another time", and then close the IM window and go off to do other things?

- If I REALLY wanted an in-depth conversation with someone, why didn't I invite them over for a face to face chat, or go to visit them?

Politeness, even in IM, is a Good Thing. But I think that most people realize that IMs take second place to whatever/whoever is right there with you at the time.

Oh man. Yeah I finally ascertained that she don't have an A-list.