How do you feel about SL Relationships...

I was out shopping for an anim-equipped shower once, and saw a nice girl avi in one - fully clothed, of course - obviously examining the menu. I asked if she'd like to see how it looked with an activated couple? She welcomed that and we had a nice time for a few seconds in each of a bunch of poses. We each bought one and went on our way.

I just love cooperative shopping.

I tend to do that too. If my sl boyfriend isn't around to help shop then I chat with the person there who may be trying the same thing. But, there's always cooperative shopping that's fun and shopping that''s creepy. I've run into my share of the creepy. Once it gets to the point of "why don't you take that off so we can see more of how it would REALLY work" or if the situation lasts more than a couple of minutes, it's time to back away. LOL.

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As for the main topic @ hand...

I've only been on sl for about 2 months now. I've run into my share of failed relationships (well, I wouldn't call them relationships - more so, getting to know each other/catching feelings) and it's hit me hard in rl too. In the beginning I told myself not to let it get to me but I can't help it. You're still talking to another person who's sharing their personality, etc. with you. -- that's what you start falling for.

It's a good thing I did not completely dismiss all relationships here though. My sl boyfriend is now also my rl boyfriend. =)

Many things work out for the best.

Very true Trout. I think so anyway.

However it does take two to tango.

I met my RL partner/fiance in SL in April of '04. About 6 months after meeting in world, we met in RL. We've been living together in RL now for over two years and we still play SL together. When we are in world, you can usually find us in Periwinkle, one of the mainland sims. We have wonderful SL friends we chat with regularly and we plan to meet with the local group of Houstonians (SL players from Houston) sometime soon.

How we "use" SL has changed over time as our relationship moved from SL to RL, but we still enjoy creating a pleasant online environment and meeting people.

After reading your posts i think we already assumed that.

God i'm sorry Travis, But that set up line was too good to let pass.

Angel.

My partner and I have been in an SL relationship coming to about the two year mark this June. It's been a great experience and I honestly can't picture myself without her in Second Life. It all comes down to finding the right person really, just like RL. It's not impossible but it's very hard and takes a LOT of work - just like RL relationships do. I consider myself quite lucky.

We both have our RL's though, and keep them very seperate as we're both realistic and will never meet in person.

Now that's a double standard. I'm sure you would not mind if you penis in RL had a girlfriend

Note to self - go poseball shopping with Brann ASAP.

Second Note to Self: Animation shops are a good place to hit on unsuspecting women.

Hey beautiful, how about we do some product testing back at my place? Crap, wait. The Hanson Infohub has build turned off. Let's do some product testing at your place instead. Hey! Where are you going? I'm still talking to you.

Hmmm.... Mine kinda didnt fit the poll.

Had one, broke it off, to both of us it was no big deal.

She didnt like being in SL, and I didnt feel like she should think she should be here if she didnt like it.

How come people never question friendships you create in SL with that same air of suspicion? I'm as committed to my SL friends as I am to my husband (who I met in SL), and consider them real friends, not virtual friends

I also voted for the last option....since #1 was a bit too much. It can't beat my kids RL...but in SL it's absolutely marvellous. So "best thing happend to me in SL" is true. Both because of friendship and the tingling sensation when he types in :"You're the only reason I bother to log into SL tonight".

LOL

How is this approach working out for you?

Wow Angel how right you are .. its so sad that more people do not realise how real SL is .. many are just playing a game. Some of us are trying to live a life .. with all the contingent highs and lows.

It just would not be worth doing otherwise .. though I do wish for more citizens and less players.

.

Surprisingly poorly.

Oh Jezabell hunny *wraps you up in a big warm snuggly hug*

Thanks for the hug baby doll, I was just in a bad place when I wrote that relationships suck ass, hey wait... I am still in that bad place and relationships STILL SUCK ASS. Do I sound a little heart broken?

Muah,
Jez

Bravo. The players have no idea how much they mess with people.

Personally I think many of them do know that very well - but they simply don't care. My SL was almost destroyed last year by one such 'player' and I know now that he knew exactly what he was doing.

I agree the effects can be both damaging and long lasting. It's difficult not to let that sort of experience colour how you view the next person that comes along wanting to make friends.

If only there was a HUD that could alert one to liars, cheats and hypocritical emotional abusers. : )

LOL if they had one of those for RL too please.

It's not always deliberate either tho. Sometimes, people simply have no real frame of reference to understand other people - I'd be fascinated to know the instance of such things as Aspergers here, for instance, where people genuinely have no mal-intent at all but things just don't work out QUITE right.

That being said, there's train wreck stories all over the place and yes, definitely, as time goes on it's less easy to trust. I know the bright eyed happy monkey that once was me is now cynical a lot of the time. Such a shame, as this was my escape from being so cynical rl in many ways.

I guess the asshat community still are asshats in any guise - and like any other part of the net, truth will out eventually.

But there is! And it's working right now. The AV's that look like men are liars and the ones that look like women are the hypocritical emotional abusers. If they are cheats, you will see a name above the AV's head.


/me sighs.
Sorry, sometimes the little voices get out of my head.

Have one, and despite the downs, the ups are so great! And I am not talking Cyber. We work together as DJ and Host, we both DJ so we host each others events when we can. We sit and talk, have our romantic nights we just go out dancings and loose ourselves in each other, we build little projects together. More often than not our downs are things we can not control, but in the end we do our very best to be sure we both go to bed happy.

This was exactly what I was going to touch on. Whether it's SL, online dating, or RL...actually it's quite interchangeable as all three deal with real human emotions. I agree that some people might view SL as a game and not realize that they are hurting someone's RL feelings, but I feel a majority of the time, people do realize it and just as in RL, people get hurt in relationships. You never know unless you try though. Whether RL or SL, when you get emotionally involved with another person, there is always that chance that someone will get hurt, but there is also that chance that you meet that one person that makes your world so much brighter as well. We learn from our trials and our pain, it doesn't make much sense to allow that pain to stop you from trying again, though I know how difficult it is. Trust in yourself is what you lose when someone else hurts you, that is what makes so much more difficult to allow another person to enter your life.

/me hands Jezabell and Yosef each a steaming cup of Commiseration Cocoa (dosed liberally with Fra Angelico) and sends them up to her 2 meditation cushions, tucked high in lovely hills, hoping they get drunk on the view or the cocoa or each other, and come down happier.

I have to say that I know someone who is upfront and honest when he talks to women - married in RL and not wanting a SL partnership but would be happy to bed them as long as they understand it's nothing serious, and I swear, women do their utmost at that point to try and get him to change his mind. It's like, WTF, what part of that did you not understand?

And then, of course, they boohoo because he went off with someone else...

You know its true..

People will often lie to you in SL relationships and hurt you.

This happens in relationships. It happens in RL too.

Many of us, including myself, have been hurt many times.

But that doesn't mean its going to happen to everyone. And It kind of surprises me to read how negative some posters are about dating in SL.

Its like they have an axe to grind on the subject and need to get their 81 whacks in every time it comes up.