Second Life Forums Archive - How to prove to someone you are not someone else on SL?

Talon DeCuir

Angel

Join date: 19 May 2007

Posts: 350

10-02-2007 07:59

Most definately, things in SL are very unrealistic! I can see where some people would think that things in SL are show they should be. Definately a no-no. For me most was realizing things that I would not put up with in SL are things I was putting up with in RL. Things that should not be "put up with" no matter where.

The OP definately needs to think things through with the mind this time, and not the heart. Which is a very hard thing to do.

Lexxi Gynoid

#'s 86000, 97800

Join date: 6 Aug 2007

Posts: 3,732

10-02-2007 08:06

From: Talon DeCuir

For me it has. SL has gotten me out of my narrow view of "this is all it is, this is all I can ever hope for" . My RL is undergoing massive change right now, all because of the insights that I knew in my heart - but were "proven" correct here in SL. In the end, I will be better off for it.

Yes, my RL has changed because of what SL has shown me.

_____________________

Her Royal Highness Buttercup Meow the XXI

Nina Stepford

was lied to by LL

Join date: 26 Mar 2007

Posts: 3,373

10-02-2007 08:08

well i think any hope of getting through to this girl gets shot to hell when the guy is characterised as a woman beater and whatnot based only on the little info in this thread. you lose all credibility with her when that stuff starts getting thrown about.

Love Hastings

#66666

Join date: 21 Aug 2007

Posts: 4,094

10-02-2007 08:12

From: Nina Stepford

well i think any hope of getting through to this girl gets shot to hell when the guy is characterised as a woman beater and whatnot based only on the little info in this thread. you lose all credibility with her when that stuff starts getting thrown about.

True enough.

Love.

Lorelei Patel

was here

Join date: 22 Feb 2004

Posts: 1,940

10-02-2007 12:29

From: Nina Stepford

well i think any hope of getting through to this girl gets shot to hell when the guy is characterised as a woman beater and whatnot based only on the little info in this thread. you lose all credibility with her when that stuff starts getting thrown about.

I don't recall anyone saying he is violent, but there are legitimate causes for concern. Below is a list of warning signs for emotional abuse. Having one or two of these apply doesn't an abusive relationship make, but it's not a bad idea for everyone to be familiar with them. It comes from Dr. Irene's website, which has a wealth of information on the topic.

From: someone

Do you wonder if your relationship may be abusive? Ask yourself the questions below. If you answer 'yes' to more than a few, you may want to take a closer look:

ignore your feelings?
disrespect you?
ridicule or insult you then tell you its a joke, or that you have no sense of humor? ridicule your beliefs, religion, race, heritage or class?
withhold approval, appreciation or affection?
give you the silent treatment?
walk away without answering you?
criticize you, call you names, yell at you?
humiliate you privately or in public?
roll his or her eyes when you talk?
give you a hard time about socializing with your friends or family?
make you socialize (and keep up appearances) even when you don't feel well?
seem to make sure that what you really want is exactly what you won't get?
tell you you are too sensitive?
hurt you especially when you are down?
seem energized by fighting, while fighting exhausts you?
have unpredictable mood swings, alternating from good to bad for no apparent reason?
present a wonderful face to the world and is well liked by outsiders?
"twist" your words, somehow turning what you said against you?
try to control decisions, money, even the way you style your hair or wear your clothes?
complain about how badly you treat him or her?
threaten to leave, or threaten to throw you out?
say things that make you feel good, but do things that make you feel bad?
ever left you stranded?
ever threaten to hurt you or your family?
ever hit or pushed you, even "accidentally"?
seem to stir up trouble just when you seem to be getting closer to each other?
abuse something you love: a pet, a child, an object?
compliment you enough to keep you happy, yet criticize you enough to keep you insecure?
promise to never do something hurtful again?
harass you about imagined affairs?
manipulate you with lies and contradictions?
destroy furniture, punch holes in walls, break appliances?
drive like a road-rage junkie?
act immature and selfish, yet accuse you of those behaviors?
question your every move and motive, somehow questioning your competence?
interrupt you; hear but not really listen?
make you feel like you can't win? damned if you do, damned if you don't?
use drugs and/or alcohol involved? are things worse then?
incite you to rage, which is "proof" that you are to blame?
try to convince you he or she is "right," while you are "wrong?"
frequently say things that are later denied or accuse you of misunderstanding?
treat you like a sex object, or as though sex should be provided on demand regardless of how you feel?

Your situation is critical if the following applies to you:
You express your opinions less and less freely.
You find yourself walking on eggshells, careful of when and how to say something.
You long for that softer, more vulnerable part of your partner to emerge.
You find yourself making excuses for your partner's behavior?
You feel emotionally unsafe.
You feel its somehow not OK to talk with others about your relationship.
You hope things will change...especially through your love and understanding.
You find yourself doubting your memory or sense of reality.
You doubt your own judgment.
You doubt your abilities.
You feel vulnerable and insecure.
You are becoming increasingly depressed.
You feel increasingly trapped and powerless.
You have been or are afraid of your partner.
Your partner has physically hurt you, even once.

_____________________

============
Broadly offensive.

Oryx Tempel

Registered User

Join date: 8 Nov 2006

Posts: 7,663

10-02-2007 12:52

My two cents: It is STILL against the TOS to let someone else use your account. This guy is "too lazy" to create an avatar, but he likes to build in SL? "Build" and "lazy" are incompatible words. His using her accounts is NOT appropriate. Ever. Ever. I don't care how long they've known each other. I wouldn't give my own SISTER my account password.

Get rid of the guy and move on, sez I.

_____________________

Cristalle Karami

Lady of the House

Join date: 4 Dec 2006

Posts: 6,222

10-02-2007 15:44

Sounds like someone is projecting... I would bet dollars to donuts that he's cheating, and has found an excuse to cover it up.

_____________________

Affordable & beautiful apartments & homes starting at 150L/wk! Waterfront homes, 575L/wk & 300 prims!

House of Cristalle low prim prefabs: secondlife://Cristalle/111/60

http://cristalleproperties.info
http://careeningcristalle.blogspot.com - Careening, A SL Sailing Blog

Ann Launay

Neko-licious™

Join date: 8 Aug 2006

Posts: 7,893

10-02-2007 16:40

And I'd bet Jodi wouldn't have posted this if she didn't, on some level, realize there was a significant problem with the relationship. People just generally don't share this sort of info with strangers unless they're looking for validation.

_____________________

~Now Trout Re-Re-Re-Certified!~

From: someone

I am bumping you to an 8.5 on the Official Trout Measuring Instrument of Sluttiness. You are an enigma - on the one hand a sweet, gentle, intelligent woman who we would like to wrap up in our arms and protect, and on the other, a temptress to whom we would like to do all sorts of unmentionable things.

Congratulations and shame on you! You are a bit of a slut.

Har Fairweather

Registered User

Join date: 24 Jan 2007

Posts: 2,320

10-02-2007 17:52

From: Ann Launay

And I'd bet Jodi wouldn't have posted this if she didn't, on some level, realize there was a significant problem with the relationship. People just generally don't share this sort of info with strangers unless they're looking for validation.

Interesting point. And if true, let's all help her validate getting rid of this guy.

Bodhisatva Paperclip

Tip: Savor pie, bald chap

Join date: 12 Jan 2007

Posts: 970

10-02-2007 19:19

From: Oryx Tempel

This guy is "too lazy" to create an avatar, but he likes to build in SL? "Build" and "lazy" are incompatible words.

You read my mind, girlfriend.

From: Ann Launay

And I'd bet Jodi wouldn't have posted this if she didn't, on some level, realize there was a significant problem with the relationship.

You read my other mind, other girlfriend.

I've seen it multiple times in RL with two sisters. Sad, but there's nothing anyone can do really if they just don't see it themselves.

Susie Boffin

Certified Nutcase

Join date: 15 Sep 2004

Posts: 2,151

10-02-2007 21:16

ID verification will solve this and all such problems.

_____________________

"If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life." - Henry David Thoreau

Colette Meiji

Registered User

Join date: 25 Mar 2005

Posts: 15,556

10-02-2007 21:35

From: Susie Boffin

ID verification will solve this and all such problems.

Yeah will help them get your RL info so they can stalk you in RL , so they KNOW you're only playing on one account.

Carli Dancer

Registered User

Join date: 15 Aug 2006

Posts: 411

How to prove to someone you are not someone else on SL?

10-02-2007 21:45

Press the ALT key.

It brings up the ALT menu, letting you control ALT functions. The last one is "Prove to paranoid internet boyfriend SO and SO is not your ALT"

He will get a message from Secondlife stating "Your girlfriend is not *so and so*, good day."

Ann Launay

Neko-licious™

Join date: 8 Aug 2006

Posts: 7,893

10-02-2007 22:02

Now Carli, some poor little noob might actually believe you.

_____________________

~Now Trout Re-Re-Re-Certified!~

From: someone

I am bumping you to an 8.5 on the Official Trout Measuring Instrument of Sluttiness. You are an enigma - on the one hand a sweet, gentle, intelligent woman who we would like to wrap up in our arms and protect, and on the other, a temptress to whom we would like to do all sorts of unmentionable things.

Congratulations and shame on you! You are a bit of a slut.

How to prove to someone you are not someone else on SL?
Talon DeCuir Angel Join date: 19 May 2007 Posts: 350	10-02-2007 07:59 Most definately, things in SL are very unrealistic! I can see where some people would think that things in SL are show they should be. Definately a no-no. For me most was realizing things that I would not put up with in SL are things I was putting up with in RL. Things that should not be "put up with" no matter where. The OP definately needs to think things through with the mind this time, and not the heart. Which is a very hard thing to do.
Lexxi Gynoid #'s 86000, 97800 Join date: 6 Aug 2007 Posts: 3,732	10-02-2007 08:06 From: Talon DeCuir For me it has. SL has gotten me out of my narrow view of "this is all it is, this is all I can ever hope for" . My RL is undergoing massive change right now, all because of the insights that I knew in my heart - but were "proven" correct here in SL. In the end, I will be better off for it. Yes, my RL has changed because of what SL has shown me. _____________________ Her Royal Highness Buttercup Meow the XXI
Nina Stepford was lied to by LL Join date: 26 Mar 2007 Posts: 3,373	10-02-2007 08:08 well i think any hope of getting through to this girl gets shot to hell when the guy is characterised as a woman beater and whatnot based only on the little info in this thread. you lose all credibility with her when that stuff starts getting thrown about.
Love Hastings #66666 Join date: 21 Aug 2007 Posts: 4,094	10-02-2007 08:12 From: Nina Stepford well i think any hope of getting through to this girl gets shot to hell when the guy is characterised as a woman beater and whatnot based only on the little info in this thread. you lose all credibility with her when that stuff starts getting thrown about. True enough. Love.
Lorelei Patel was here Join date: 22 Feb 2004 Posts: 1,940	10-02-2007 12:29 From: Nina Stepford well i think any hope of getting through to this girl gets shot to hell when the guy is characterised as a woman beater and whatnot based only on the little info in this thread. you lose all credibility with her when that stuff starts getting thrown about. I don't recall anyone saying he is violent, but there are legitimate causes for concern. Below is a list of warning signs for emotional abuse. Having one or two of these apply doesn't an abusive relationship make, but it's not a bad idea for everyone to be familiar with them. It comes from Dr. Irene's website, which has a wealth of information on the topic. From: someone Do you wonder if your relationship may be abusive? Ask yourself the questions below. If you answer 'yes' to more than a few, you may want to take a closer look: ignore your feelings? disrespect you? ridicule or insult you then tell you its a joke, or that you have no sense of humor? ridicule your beliefs, religion, race, heritage or class? withhold approval, appreciation or affection? give you the silent treatment? walk away without answering you? criticize you, call you names, yell at you? humiliate you privately or in public? roll his or her eyes when you talk? give you a hard time about socializing with your friends or family? make you socialize (and keep up appearances) even when you don't feel well? seem to make sure that what you really want is exactly what you won't get? tell you you are too sensitive? hurt you especially when you are down? seem energized by fighting, while fighting exhausts you? have unpredictable mood swings, alternating from good to bad for no apparent reason? present a wonderful face to the world and is well liked by outsiders? "twist" your words, somehow turning what you said against you? try to control decisions, money, even the way you style your hair or wear your clothes? complain about how badly you treat him or her? threaten to leave, or threaten to throw you out? say things that make you feel good, but do things that make you feel bad? ever left you stranded? ever threaten to hurt you or your family? ever hit or pushed you, even "accidentally"? seem to stir up trouble just when you seem to be getting closer to each other? abuse something you love: a pet, a child, an object? compliment you enough to keep you happy, yet criticize you enough to keep you insecure? promise to never do something hurtful again? harass you about imagined affairs? manipulate you with lies and contradictions? destroy furniture, punch holes in walls, break appliances? drive like a road-rage junkie? act immature and selfish, yet accuse you of those behaviors? question your every move and motive, somehow questioning your competence? interrupt you; hear but not really listen? make you feel like you can't win? damned if you do, damned if you don't? use drugs and/or alcohol involved? are things worse then? incite you to rage, which is "proof" that you are to blame? try to convince you he or she is "right," while you are "wrong?" frequently say things that are later denied or accuse you of misunderstanding? treat you like a sex object, or as though sex should be provided on demand regardless of how you feel? Your situation is critical if the following applies to you: You express your opinions less and less freely. You find yourself walking on eggshells, careful of when and how to say something. You long for that softer, more vulnerable part of your partner to emerge. You find yourself making excuses for your partner's behavior? You feel emotionally unsafe. You feel its somehow not OK to talk with others about your relationship. You hope things will change...especially through your love and understanding. You find yourself doubting your memory or sense of reality. You doubt your own judgment. You doubt your abilities. You feel vulnerable and insecure. You are becoming increasingly depressed. You feel increasingly trapped and powerless. You have been or are afraid of your partner. Your partner has physically hurt you, even once. _____________________ ============ Broadly offensive.
Oryx Tempel Registered User Join date: 8 Nov 2006 Posts: 7,663	10-02-2007 12:52 My two cents: It is STILL against the TOS to let someone else use your account. This guy is "too lazy" to create an avatar, but he likes to build in SL? "Build" and "lazy" are incompatible words. His using her accounts is NOT appropriate. Ever. Ever. I don't care how long they've known each other. I wouldn't give my own SISTER my account password. Get rid of the guy and move on, sez I. _____________________
Cristalle Karami Lady of the House Join date: 4 Dec 2006 Posts: 6,222	10-02-2007 15:44 Sounds like someone is projecting... I would bet dollars to donuts that he's cheating, and has found an excuse to cover it up. _____________________ Affordable & beautiful apartments & homes starting at 150L/wk! Waterfront homes, 575L/wk & 300 prims! House of Cristalle low prim prefabs: secondlife://Cristalle/111/60 http://cristalleproperties.info http://careeningcristalle.blogspot.com - Careening, A SL Sailing Blog
Ann Launay Neko-licious™ Join date: 8 Aug 2006 Posts: 7,893	10-02-2007 16:40 And I'd bet Jodi wouldn't have posted this if she didn't, on some level, realize there was a significant problem with the relationship. People just generally don't share this sort of info with strangers unless they're looking for validation. _____________________ ~Now Trout Re-Re-Re-Certified!~ From: someone I am bumping you to an 8.5 on the Official Trout Measuring Instrument of Sluttiness. You are an enigma - on the one hand a sweet, gentle, intelligent woman who we would like to wrap up in our arms and protect, and on the other, a temptress to whom we would like to do all sorts of unmentionable things. Congratulations and shame on you! You are a bit of a slut.
Har Fairweather Registered User Join date: 24 Jan 2007 Posts: 2,320	10-02-2007 17:52 From: Ann Launay And I'd bet Jodi wouldn't have posted this if she didn't, on some level, realize there was a significant problem with the relationship. People just generally don't share this sort of info with strangers unless they're looking for validation. Interesting point. And if true, let's all help her validate getting rid of this guy.
Bodhisatva Paperclip Tip: Savor pie, bald chap Join date: 12 Jan 2007 Posts: 970	10-02-2007 19:19 From: Oryx Tempel This guy is "too lazy" to create an avatar, but he likes to build in SL? "Build" and "lazy" are incompatible words. You read my mind, girlfriend. From: Ann Launay And I'd bet Jodi wouldn't have posted this if she didn't, on some level, realize there was a significant problem with the relationship. You read my other mind, other girlfriend. I've seen it multiple times in RL with two sisters. Sad, but there's nothing anyone can do really if they just don't see it themselves.
Susie Boffin Certified Nutcase Join date: 15 Sep 2004 Posts: 2,151	10-02-2007 21:16 ID verification will solve this and all such problems. _____________________ "If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life." - Henry David Thoreau
Colette Meiji Registered User Join date: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 15,556	10-02-2007 21:35 From: Susie Boffin ID verification will solve this and all such problems. Yeah will help them get your RL info so they can stalk you in RL , so they KNOW you're only playing on one account.
Carli Dancer Registered User Join date: 15 Aug 2006 Posts: 411	How to prove to someone you are not someone else on SL? 10-02-2007 21:45 Press the ALT key. It brings up the ALT menu, letting you control ALT functions. The last one is "Prove to paranoid internet boyfriend SO and SO is not your ALT" He will get a message from Secondlife stating "Your girlfriend is not so and so, good day."
Ann Launay Neko-licious™ Join date: 8 Aug 2006 Posts: 7,893	10-02-2007 22:02 Now Carli, some poor little noob might actually believe you. _____________________ ~Now Trout Re-Re-Re-Certified!~ From: someone I am bumping you to an 8.5 on the Official Trout Measuring Instrument of Sluttiness. You are an enigma - on the one hand a sweet, gentle, intelligent woman who we would like to wrap up in our arms and protect, and on the other, a temptress to whom we would like to do all sorts of unmentionable things. Congratulations and shame on you! You are a bit of a slut.

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How to prove to someone you are not someone else on SL?