Dating/Relationships

There is a ballroom called the Arabian Ballroom (I think) or something similar. It advertises a "Dating HUD." My partner and I are always looking for new places to dance so we checked the place out. Very nice and different than the average place due to the Mid-Eastern decorations.

Anyway, being a curious type, I got a notecard to see just how this "Dating HUD" would work. Apparently when people wear it in the ballroom, others also wearing a HUD know who is looking to meet someone. If a person wears it in other places of SL, no one in the ballroom knows that person is available but the person in another part of SL gets periodic updates of who is currently in the ballroom also looking for someone.

Interesting concept.

(And to further answer the OP, neither my partner nor I were looking for a relationship when we came to SL at about the same time. We were definitely in two different "worlds" so to speak. However, we met at a jazz club where we both worked, he asked me to dance, and we have been together since last July - 6 months partnership anniversary on the 21st of this month ) So, right place at the right time, meeting the right person. )

Yeah, this stuff would be great if SL were a dating site. But... it's not. You can use it as one. However that's not all it is here for.

True,but if you look at it, LL is already doing half of it by verifying the age

I observed someone going round saying "come sex" yesterday. Which made me laugh.

Also true, but I don't think the primary purpose of age verification is to let you know how old your date is.

Sorry, I don't want to be negative on dating in SL, I think it's great. I just enjoy relating to people in SL how the present themselves. Which may or may not include RL information.

RL pics can be of anyone. Are you seriously suggesting that to play SL I must open a facebook account, something I have no interest in and have never even visited the site?
There is no need for anyone to know another AVs RL gender or sexuality unless they intend to get into an intimate relationship with them. Many people in SL have no interest in such things. Why should they be required to give everyone details of their RL? Even if you do want to get into an intimate relationship, ultimately I can't see the other person's gender is important unless you want to take it beyond SL. I'm reasonably sure that some of the AVs I cybered with before meeting my current partner were men wearing female AVs. Frankly, I couldn't care less.
If you are sufficiently paranoid about who you are cybering with, then insist on voicing with them first - but you'll find a lot of people won't go there, not because they have something to hide, but simply because they don't like voice, or don't like being distrusted.

As for your initial question about SL dating, it works just like RL, you meet someone, get on with them, take it from there. I met my partner a year ago on Sunday. By the end of this year I expect to have moved to a different continent to marry her.

smiles...

much of relationships here, like in rl, are pure chance... a month in SL, i was exploring in an area i found interesting and started chatting with a cheeful, kind blond woman... and promptly fell in love.

beautiful soul; intelligent, gentle, joyous, loving, sensual...
Seven months later, we're still in love. and i'll love her, quite frankly, for the rest of my life... she is my heart...

Never forget that SL is real.... relationships here can be quite powerful, emotions here are pure.... many hearts are broken, some mended...

many souls here are seeking love... some find it. your poor author offers himself as an example...

I guessing you mean "gender" where you said "sexuality". Or are you saying people should be required to put in their profiles that they are Straight, Gay, Bi, etc?

If so, then you are really going to have trouble finding dates, as there will be probably 12 people left in SL. And their Alts. As far as the Age Verification System goes, some people can't verify legitimately, and some are getting through as dead people or Elvis. Enough said.

How dare you call me fat!

(only a bad attempt at a joke. Please do not take me seriously today.... )

I don't think there is any real way to truly know that the other person is telling the 100% truth. Even face to face meetings can't stop some lies.
Facebook profiles can be faked - I know, because I have seen it done.
Pictures can be faked - again, first hand experience.

The only thing you can do is learn to trust that the other person is telling the truth. Being untrustful can hurt a relationship before it has even begun... if you cannot bring yourself to get over the suspicion, then maybe an internet relationship is not for you
Just my 2 pence...

Ok, now back to being silly lol.
what was that about a derailment? ....

I've never gone out directly seeking a relationship, but had a number just evolve... feelings develop... feelings wain and move on...

Much like in RL I guess, but in RL things generally move slower, unfettered as we are with various RL mores that have to be followed.. the rules of dating in SL are abstracted; and generally people are a lot more open about their feelings, as at the end of the day, their av is working thier little pixellated limbs off as an emotional gobetween.

My most successful relationships have, doubtlessly, been the once where I know LEAST about the others' RL side... and that to me holds for friendships too. All I generally ask is location (after a few conversations - for the purposes of when I can expect to see people on), but I often get (raesonably trivial) information like age volunteered... which I'm OK with. Personally that's all I need to know... and anything more is generally not welcomed. In fact, the relationships that have gone down the pan the fastest have been due to an overload of RL information that I didn't request nor want.

QFT

At the two ends of the spectrum I've met people who 'play' their avatars, are amusing, interesting and intelligent. These are the people I get on with. I might find out where they live. Not important though. At the other end of the spectrum there are those whose opening lines are like 20 Questions. Who needs that?
If someone is good company and you create a bond with them, fine. That is a start of a relationship.
Kick off with a questionnaire and you're missing the point of SL.

Claire said find places you like and you'll find people who like it too. That's an excellent start, but heck, someone at a shop might be just bored and lonely .. except Ann .. she's on a mission

Well that goes without saying....shoe shopping is very important! A girl/kitty can never have too many shoes!
And I am being deadly serious here!

I think he meant "their RL sex". Gender has to do with language, sex (in this context) names which set of organs you were born with.

You got that right sister!

QFT

I don't cyber with people anyway until I really know them - and if there's some doubts there even so I am wary. I don't care who or what someone is unless they are lying to me and TRYING to get close to me.

Irrelevant now anyway.

I voice all the time, however I won't on demand to satisfy curiousity. Better that person just moves along really...

Good luck Wulf

I have a sister! omg!!!1!!

I agree with you there actually. Leaving aside my partner here, whom I ironically don't get to spend much time with in SL these days, the best relationships I have are based in game and around each person. Within SL itself what is more important that the person you're interacting with has some respect for your SL time and what you do in the world really.

I've learned that if someone doesn't 'get' you but still wants you, then it's probably kinder to them and to yourself to just say "this doesn't work" and move on. When you get to the stage where you resent them for making claims on you but not actually making any concession to your needs as you are to theirs ... move on. In fact, run like hell.

/me makes note to catch Ann when she is not shoe shopping.

NOW I know what to get you for your Birth Day!

If you are uptight about this aspect it would be best not to date in SL at all. Unless you find someone who will voice chat, but even then there are voice changers out on the market. There is no way to really know unless you can meet the person in RL.

Pictures can be faked and taken from anywhere on the internets. Voices can be changed.

And then, sometimes you propose and...

Oh, wait, we're not talking about that anymore. *stifles a sob*

Heads up. As one guy to another, it's my duty to give you a warning that unless she takes you to the shoe store and points to a pair of shoes and says, "I want those exact shoes" you're better off with a gift certificate to her favorite shoe shop. Women are tricky. They have this unbelievable inventory of shoes that boggles our mind. It fools us into thinking that they aren't really picky and they'll buy any pair of shoes they find that they don't already have so that they can eventually own one pair of every shoe ever made in the history of the planet.

This is a false and dangerous assumption. Women are incredibly picky about their shoes. How they can be so picky, yet own so many shoes that they have to be measured by the cubic yard is one of life's great mysteries. We cured Polio, invented the dump truck, landed a man on the moon, split the atom and conquered continents, but we men haven't even scratched the surface when it comes to mysteries like this.

At any rate, buying her a pair of ugly shoes is like hitting your thumb with a hammer. Painful and humiliating.

Good luck and Godspeed.

on the topic of registering Gender: I used to know a couple who played a single toon (female) in Everquest who used to think it was fun to try and make you guess which one was playing that night .. and they were good, it was hard to tell at best of times.

And all on-line relationships don't end in heartbreak. In the guild I was in (not a huge one, 100-120 members) we had 6 couples who met in Everquest who were eather now married or living together in RL.. and some were even guys and girls!

One of the most gueling activities is to be taken out by a guy who wants to buy me something. Then they are standing their afk for an hour while I'm browsing the shop only to be told that there is nothing they have that I like. Then it's off to another store where he must stand for another hour or two while I browse.

Believe me you WANT to give her the money and let her shop without you