We Know You're There

I do something similar but in a human AV. I have intentionally made my body shape non-sexual -- reduced the bustline, increased the waistline, only wear clothing that covers everything. No belly button showing, mostly jeans and long shirts. Then if that doesn't work, I slip something into the conversation that lets them know I'm probaby their mother's age -- even if I'm not. They usually go away after that.

Yep - clear but friendly is good. Then it's up to the other person if they want to be simply friendly or not.

I don't deny it can be tough going. At least, I don't always find it very easy. Sometimes I think I've been clear as day (as Dae?) speaking to another English-speaking person and still find out later they thought I meant something quite different - or vice versa.

--
Aes

One time I got an IM from a COMPLETE stranger. He apparently simply searched people at random, and IM'd them when he found a profile he liked. I was very nonplussed, but he was friendly and well spoken, and we had a nice little talk. Never heard from him again.

So it can happen, even if you don't belong to ANY groups.

However, an unsolicited IM from someone you don't know, who isn't physically present, is generally considered rude. It can be done, but it must be done very delicately and politely. The person called is perfectly justified in saying, "Look, you. I don't know you from Adam. You don't know me. I'm busy. Have a nice day, and please don't call me again."

On the other hand, if they seem nice, you could talk with them a while, and if it seems warranted, go to meet them somewhere and get better acquainted. Not your new home...you don't want strangers setting landmarks in your living room.

SL is all about people, so I try to be more open than I might be in RL. I only get testy if they prove to be a jerk.

I just tell them, "No thank you, I don't do those things" Some times it works, some times you have to give them a little shove.

It sure seems to be the rage. I don't use it, but a lot of people do.

That does seem a useful option for extreme cases. Do you know if the muted person is made aware of it? Like, do they get a message warning them? Or is there just silence?

It's a good strategy. But I still think it's disappointing that such can be necessary at all.

Perhaps that is because some hear what they want to hear instead of what's said? I'd guess in someone is in a particular mindset, then they are going to interpret things within that mindset no matter what the actual conversation is?

Well that's good to know, as I admit I felt that way about it. As I think I've mentioned, I really wouldn't have minded so much if I had been out and about somewhere and someone approached me. It's this "harvesting" of group lists that bugs me. But ...



... and you are so right. That wasn't the reason I first tried SL, but the more I go in-world, the more I appreciate the possibilities it offers in social terms. And I am pushing myself in that direction.

I will certainly do that too if I get asked to do anything I don't want!

I'm satisfied with the usual viewer myself. Doubt I'll be trying Emerald anytime soon.

kay...muted people as far as I know, don't get advised they are muted. They will probably realise it after a while, especially if their messages don't seem to getting through or 'gifts' aren't accepted. If you interact with them again, the mute is overridden. I have only ever muted a few people and I have done it for good, so there is no second chance in my book. It's an extreme and final step. Ignoring idiots is the best initial approach, they usually get bored and move on. I have a girl at the moment who IM's me all the time. I am polite and last night checked out her club and her home at her request. Usually these people have some trait, or act oddly that doesn't gel with your SL, or makes you plain uncomfortable. After you have sussed them out, you should feel comfotable in ignoring/muting them as you see fit.

Run multiple viewers. There seems to be a new bug that will crash SL when I turn on any outside IM client with more than one viewer going. I don't recommend running the regular SL client with more than one viewer because it does not work very well (on my puter anyway.)
SnowGlobe is the most stable for me with multiple enabled.

Kay - you sound like a dear, sweet soul.
I will say, that the longer you're in SL, the better you'll get at rejecting unwanted advances.
And, the longer we guys are in SL the better we get at being rejected *grins*
I can see where your dilemna lies - a friendly IM slowly turns into something else. Overt requests for sex are easy to turn down, but, this guy is more subtle.
The best thing to do is not to respond to any sexual words, keep things light. You can also take longer and longer to respond, and also say less and less.......
Friendship requests after a single one sided IM can be justifyably rejected.
A sensitive male should pick up on these cues and back off.
You'll get better at this, I promise, and, again, you're a dear sweet soul *smiles*

Thanks; it's useful to know that.

Wow. You must have a fast computer there!

Ah, clearly you don't know me. Naive? Yes. Timid? Socially inept? Yes, to all those. But sweet? My soul is a dark pit where your nightmares are made reality; where you will flounder like a mewling kitten until you sink beneath the surface, and your final thoughts will be of horror and desolation. Hmm, that would have come across better with more echo. Sound engineers, can I have more echo on my voice, please? And maybe some timbre?



I hope so.



Do you mean guys will learn to handle rejection better, or that they will find more and more ways to be rejected?

Drama queen.

Moi? No, I'm sweet

I love being IMed by strangers when I'm actually on line. Its exciting to be prepositioned by some bloke who you've never heard of and he's all shy and vibrating like a sheet on a line in a high wind.

I don't think I'm going to get that image out of my head anytime soon.

Kay, friend Jig and pass her all the blokes!

I don't think this will be a worry. I mean, you took the time and trouble to begin a thread topic because you were concerned about hurting the feelings of someone who shows all the signs of being a nattering bore, or a pushy palm tickler.

I can't think that someone with the sensitivity/consideration to be more thoughtful than that, would get a rude word from you. And if they did, well, you are human too.

If someone IMed me out of the blue just because we shared a group and I was online, I'd be a bit taken aback. But then, IMs from people I've never met and can't see are a bit unnerving, I feel. Especially ones who don't take the time from the start to tell you where/why they felt obliged to IM.

I'm with you on NOT feeling flattered by a guy obviously blind-trolling for 'company' that way.

Heh. I am uncomfortable with both.

But your " I just wish everyone were clearer about that from the start. " reminds me of threads involving men wandering around IM'ing out of the blue with "sex nao?"

Damned if you do (conversation, etc.), or don't (clearer from start; well, whichever would be do or don't). heh.

Invisible members are visible to members in the group, but invisible to those not in the group, at least they used to be, I haven't checked in a while.

(dang, I just realized I responded to something very early in the thread; everything I posted probably already noted, and or stale)

There's a difference between 'clear' and 'crass.'