We Know You're There

Is there a way to hide ones online status in a group?

There is a group of which I have to be a member if I want to rez things in the room I rent. Last night someone also in the group IMed me out of the blue. Not someone I knew, and it was pretty obvious where the conversation was going.

Not a problem in itself, but I am not very good (in SL or RL) at dealing with conversations like that. Way too shy and uptight. I prefer to come across people in sims and decide whether I want to start a conversation, rather than be called up from a group listing.

So is there a way to hide my online status in a group? If not, what's a nice way (is there a nice way?) to tell someone you're really not interested?

You can't hide your online status any more. If another person has the Emerald viewer, they can see if you're online regardless of what you do.

But to answer your question, I don't think there is a way to hide your status from a group.

What if you request the group owner makes the member list invisible? I'm not sure if that hides from other members, though.

What "type" of conversation it was, or what type of person, is not clear to me at all from your original post. From the uncomfortable tone and the word "uninterested" I am extrapolating it was someone flirting with you. Since some flirt by sort of ambushing, talking to you a long time and then slowwwwly beginning to introduce racier words, it is difficult to be direct.

In such a case, make a weak excuse if hints aren't taken; do this sooner if you are busy. It is perfectly okay to say you are busy. "I'm sorry but I'm a bit busy; it was nice to talk with you." If the person assumes this means you wish them on your friend's list, it's a bit presumptive so soon. You have no obligation to accept.

Just state that you need to go, and why, (shopping, building, meeting a friend) and then do it. Some people will ignore all of this; at that point just decide whether to mute them or to log off a while. If it's someone who's just trying to wheedle you into something you don't want to do (whatever that might be) when you've never even met, you really have zero social obligation to them. Some might be polite but misguided, some may not realise you are uncomfortable and others are simply trolling for company in a sleazy sense. If it's the latter, you can be a bit more abrupt.

I hope that answers...It would've been easier if there weren't so much left out.

Sigh. Thanks, Seven. I thought that was going to be the case.

This seems a serious flaw to me. I know there appears to be much to complain about in SL, but I'm easy with most of it. But there really ought to be a way to hide online-status if one chooses.

Oh well ...

I do, too.

If this is your first av, consider making an alt, one that joins nothing and talks to no one.

It can be just the break you need.

I didn't know that was possible. I'll have a word with my landlady when she's online.



Yes, that's what it was. Maybe the fact I didn't even make that clear shows how difficult situations like this are for me.

It was the typical thing that happens in RL. Guy approaches (or IMs) and starts a long conversation that gradually makes it's way to "do you want to go out?" Thing is, I just don't like men "that" way in either world.

There was nothing nasty or racy. But I have put some hints in my profile as to what I do and don't like, but all this person picked up on was that we both in the UK; the rest he ignored.

He offered "friendship" to make it easier for him to find me! Again, nothing nasty, but that's a bit hasty for my liking. I turned that down.

I'm not going to end up doing things I don't want. But I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings (my own included) either. Wish there was a way to avoid situations like this.

Thanks, Melita. I'll give some thought to what you said.

lol

It is. But I was kinda thing of this being my only av. I just want to choose when I interact

Unfortunately no real way to completely avoid such situations; there will always be someone whose pressing need of the moment jars with someone else's. But, it sounds like you stood your ground, kept your boundary and had no trouble sticking up for yourself. You are conscientious enough to not wish to do so in a hurtful manner, and that's to be commended.

I always found that uncomfortable also, in RL and in SL. It feels a bit like being sandbagged. Sort of like they are in with a hidden agenda, where you thought you were just talking. Suddenly it's clear you are on a 'date' in their mind. Bleh.

I can't blame them for trying to find what they want, I just wish everyone were clearer about that from the start. Or not so hasty or presumptuous. Since the person WAS hasty and presumptuous (it sounds like), then just do what you have to do to look after your own interest, which - isn't them. Lol.

Some men also rely on women's being 'trained' socially to be polite, and sort of almost get in via confusion. We continue being polite past the annoyance point, then suddenly feel we've led THEM on and can't turn them down. I'd say most trap a fair amount of women into going past their comfort zone this way. Again, bleh, and doesn't deserve much concern.

I'm not sure if invisible members are invisible only to those outside the group or not.

Then trust your spidey senses. As soon as you sense someone's not actually interested in talking with you but has some other agenda - remember the cake in the oven. Lol. The one that's about to burn.

In situations like those I find some well placed silence works wonders. If that doesn't work, a polite but firm "I'm sorry, but I'm a bit busy right now" . If that fails the are told to "Cop a mope", as we say in The City. I also don't believe in using an alt to get away from idiots. I prefer to make them get away from me.

It doesn't hide the members from other group members group though (and if someone isn't a member of the group they wouldn't see the online or last online time indicator).

People who live "near" you often seem to feel that they're exceptions just because of proximity .

I personally don't think "Not looking for sex" is a good thing to put on your profile though because some people inevitably seem to add "except for the right person which is.... you! Yes, you! Come get me!)" whenever they read it; or because some people put the same thing but don't actually mean it at all.

It does get better with age... the older your rez date the more intimidated they get .

"Sandbagged" is a good word for it



Gosh, no. I don't blame anyone for trying. Imagine having to actually do that. It must take guts for the thinner skinned.



That's the thing, isn't it? I often wish I could be more like Phoebe (from Friends) and just say what's in my head.

It's something I going to have to practice, although I really hope I don't get much need to.

That's a pity. I'll still have a word with the owner and see if she can suggest something.



Oh dear. I thought blunt would be good. People really think that way "Am not" is really "Am"? I am way too naive.

Good idea.

I was toying with the notion of inventing a partner. You know, "Sorry, have to go. The love of my life has just IMed me. Bye."

You probably will need to more than you think. There is nothing wong with it. There is a part of SL's population that seem to think that you should be in "social" mode from the moment you log on, and be at the beck and call of everyone. They ask "Why did you join SL if you want to be by yourself?" Part of it is, I think a holdover from the early days when everyone knew each other, and LL had the Hippy , everyone is your friend mindset. There are way to many ways someone can find you online built into SL, never mnd what a scripter can do. Now with all the Emerald nonsense, it it's even more impossible to be left to yourself if you so desire.

Time will tell - I'll bear that in mind though.

I hear more and more about Emerald. Is that the way things are heading?

Those random conversations can be fun! Are you sure he wasn't just a nice guy trying to meet new people? Obviously something in your profile intrigued him - that could be flattering - sure doesn't happen to me anymore. Run with it!

People who do that, are not necessarily wacko - I do it all the time.

I wouldn't ask the group owner to restructure the way they do their group, just for your convenience.

You can be Pheobe here.....if you want to.

And this is why I am often found as a tiny otter in gender neutral clothing. It tends to weed out the pervs, and the people who actually do speak to me are pretty cool

I think he was a nice guy trying to meet girls. I could be flattering myself, but the conversation did have all the classic "will you date" characteristics.



He ignored everything in my profile except the UK part. I am pretty sure the only relevant factors he picked up were female and online. But I take your point



I don't think for a moment he was wacko, honest.



Not to me, please ... no, really That's a "no" that means "no." Negatory. Niet. Non.



Wouldn't dream of it. I was more hoping she could maybe make me invisible within the group.



No, it doesn't work that way, you lame-brain ... oh, wait, maybe it does

I now see one of the attractions of being a tiny.

Was he cute?

That has issues too. Especially for me. Sometimes you dont want your partner to be there to fly to. Mine has got used to it by now and calls me The Great Adulteress or Madame Bovary sometimes.

Are these small weaselly creatures meant to be otters???
I thought in sl they were weasels or misshapen rats.
I seriously never knew that

Haven't a clue. Wasn't to me.