We Know You're There

Sounds like we have problems which are pretty much polar opposites.

Sounds kinky.

If you really don't want to be bothered you can make an alt and partner it. That way you don't have to tell any lies, because the information is there, and will put off the people it puts off.

Hints tend not to work in SL, but you have to be careful that you don't scare away the nice people you are happy to chat with as well as the romantically inclined. You may have been wrong about them if you are too shy to call them out on it.

I read somewhere that it is possible to offer people your calling card while declining their friendship offer, which gives a mixed message, but leaves them able to IM you and not able to see you coming online etc.

Be clear and fair with people, is what I say. I have often told casual acquaintances that if I don't have time to chat I will say so, and they mustn't take that personally. Anyone who works in world is going to have times when they simply can't chat, and that's fair enough - anyone who argues against that is over the line, basically.

Cali

Must go - my day starts and my trainer isnt inclined to be merciful at 8.30 am.

this is exactly what a friend did. after a very short, disasterous relationship with a guy to whom she was too polite to say no to & who didn't take hints, she became a tiny grey kitten. she loves it! she doesn't get hit on any more & she has lots of fun exploring again.

good luck, Kay!

Kay maybe you should try telling them that you're a guy using a female alt as a college project but you're not in the mood for school work at the moment.



I use a female ALT to shoot bits of machinima. I have only been "in public" with her twice and I have been asked to dance and been flirted with by 3 different guys, this morning while both Rafe and my alt were sitting at a bar facing one another. LOL the first thing I tell them is "read my profile bro." My profile states that I'm a guy using a female alt for movie making.

The first two guys were at Sweetheart's Singles Club and Eraf was actually dancing with Rafe when the first guy IMed 'her.' The first guy responded "maybe some other time" after I told him to read my profile. The second guy never responded and just disappeared.

Last night in Dublin the third guy IMed me with no precursor while it was obvious that Rafe had TPed Eraf in just a minute before and she sat with him....

[2009/12/08 2:32] r: hey
[2009/12/08 2:32] Eraf Earst: hello (at this point I am thinking that he may have read my profile stating that I'm using the ALT to make a movie and he has a question.)
[2009/12/08 2:32] r: wanna dance?
[2009/12/08 2:33] Earst: lol no thank you, I'm here with Rafe, I am his ALT, shooting a movie right now
[2009/12/08 2:33] Eraf Earst: read my profile bro
[2009/12/08 2:34] r: its a weird one.
[2009/12/08 2:34] r: wanna dance?
[2009/12/08 2:34] Eraf Earst: I use two avies at once so that I can shoot movies without bothering other people for simple shots

I answered with Rafe....

[2009/12/08 2:35] Rafe Phoenix: thats why its a weird profile
[2009/12/08 2:37] r: i saw you'r weird
[2009/12/08 2:37] Rafe Phoenix: lol I make SL movies, what is weird about that?
end of IMs


Yeah maybe it is weird but cold IMing someone without even looking at their profile to ask for a shag is weird too.

Oh yeah...

I've seen sitcoms based on those ideas.

Look on the bright side. SL is a great environment for experimenting with all sorts of things we wouldn't normally give ourselves over to in RL. 'Experimentation' doesn't necessarily have to mean making a weird and wonderful lifeform of your avatar, setting up home in a giant bottle or getting involved in extreme role play situations for that matter. It could be about something as simple as learning to be blunt with folks when they are intruding, which can be a painfully difficult thing for shy, retiring types to manage in RL. Nevertheless it's that much easier to work on this in an online exchange because the repercussions of unpleasant feelings like embarrassment and self-consciousness are less overpowering and easier to manage as a consequence.

By the same token it can be even more of a necessity to learn to protect your privacy and interests in SL than in RL. As you have just learned, privacy isn't even at a premium in SL, it is a virtual pipe-dream. That pipe-dream can easily turn into a nightmare when you understand the phenomenon of online anonymity whereby otherwise reasonable individuals may be a royal pain in the ass. I can't speak for anyone else, of course, but I would say that the ratio of arseholistry to swellness is definitely higher in SL and many other varieties of online situations than it is in RL. Perhaps I just have a sheltered RL.

Who knows, you might discover some very useful personal resources as a result of your SL experiments and maybe even take some of what you learned back into RL? Stranger things have happened.

In which direction does it weed?

Kay, there's no definitive way to hide your online status, groups or not. If you're not interested, simply say, "Sorry, I'm not interested." If they rudely persist, Mute them.

The first tiny I ever saw/met, after being in SL several months was a friend (had been human, went tiny after a relationship break up). She told me lots of folks in the tiny and/or furry communities choose to be tinys and furries to avoid all the human date dance mind games. They are there for other purposes, not for the sexxors, and don't want to be bothered with the nonsense. (of course I"m sure 20 people an hour telling you 'OOOOOH you're SOOOO CUTE!' could be annoying too) but is easier to blow off than being hounded for a date. At least the guy tried to talk to you and didn't just say 'WANT SEX'. Could have been worse......?

Only to you, Jig; only to you.



Now that has the smack of kinkyness about it

That is something which concerns me: driving away those I might want to get to know. I guess some kind of balance has to be struck.

Thank you.

lol Yes, fabulous idea!





How do you have two avatars in world at the same time? Two computers, or do you run two viewers?

Indeed. It could all end in tears.

Hmm, I hadn't considered it that way. While I don't believe it is possible for people to change fundamentally in personality/character, I have found it is possible to act differently in spite of feelings to the contrary. So, yes, food for thought there. Thank you.



To a degree, something along those lines is already taking place because of SL and posting at this forum.

Oddly, I think I could deal with out-and-out rudeness better. It's those less-black-and-white situations where it is awkward.

What does "mute" do? Does it just block calls from one person or fro all?

You know, I don't think I've ever seen a Tiny in SL. Was beginning to think they were mythical



Yes, you're quite right; it could have been awful. And I think maybe I would have dealt with it better if it had happened just about anywhere else (maybe). It's the thought that I could get this a lot via group listings that bothers me more than anything - you know, complete strangers who aren't anywhere nearby calling out of the blue simply because they can see I'm online.

Please don't walk away thinking that it is rude or unacceptable to IM people at random, or out-of-the-blue. For the sake of those nice people who might want to start a conversation with you....and for the sake of yourself, when you spot someone really interesting that you want to talk to. Please don't hesitate to tell them so. Most people welcome that. I don't recall anyone ever being put off or rude about it.

That's it, absolutely agree. Being clear and direct but still as tactful and pleasant as possible is the best way - right up to the point that someone persists in crossing your stated boundary and then you have every right to be very blunt, or ignore them, or in the final event mute them (I can't think of a time I've ever done that though, it's rarely necessary IMO).

That said, I do understand exactly what you mean about being shy and not wanting to hurt feelings. It can be difficult and cause lots of awkward situations, but remember it's just as difficult for the other person to know exactly where they stand or what you really mean *unless you tell them*. There aren't the usual conversational cues of facial expression or body language to go on and people aren't mind readers.

I'm reminded of a bloke I used to know who absolutely hated anyone peppering IMs with smiley icons - however when I didn't, he often couldn't tell when I was joking or pulling his leg or being coldly sarcastic.

--
Aes

Yes, I see what you mean. I could cause far less hurt by being clear from the beginning than by dropping subtle hints. Thanks; another good point to keep in mind.




I have to confess I'm not keen on the overuse of smilies. But you may notice my posts are full of them. That's precisely because I don't want to be misconstrued as being sarky. So, I guess they do have their uses.

Yes, cos if everone refrained from making the first move for fear of being thought rude, then nobody would ever speak to anyone.

--
Aes

When you Mute a person, it means you can no longer receive IMs from them or hear them in Local Chat or get inventory offers from them or animation requests. They appear to you in world as a gray silhouette and have (Muted) after their nametag.

It's done on an individual basis.

Exactly. RL, too.