Is it just me..

Can you tell the difference between an insightful (albeit provocative) response to a request for a male viewpoint, and an uninformed out-of-context post?

Pep (Anyway, you'll have forgotten what I was talking about if I posted in half an hour.)

Careful Spinster . . .

Pep (Cato might report you for stick porn. )

Well, if by "concentration powers" you mean the tendency to stare endlessly in mindless fascination and delight at a repetitive and crudely-animated simulation, then I'll have to concede that, in my case at least, you are right. I might also suggest that if I am getting bored by the process, it is not MY fault, but that of my putative lover, who may perhaps be relying a bit too much upon the stimulating powers of said crude animation?

To be honest, however, I'm not sure that I buy this particular gender difference. If it IS true in any degree, I suspect that the frequency of exceptions to the rule makes it pretty much all but useless as a generalization. But maybe more (*ahem*) research is needed?

I enjoy visual stimulation, but I like sounds almost as much. Music can really heighten my mood. And once I get going the sounds of the passion drive me wild. Smells do wonders, too. A clean body fresh from the shower turns me on like a switch.

But I think where the stereotype comes from is that a visual is all a man really needs but for women it is more of a total package deal. At least it is that way for me. I have also been around enough to know that the things that turn people on are varied and dispirit.

Wow... how did I lose track of this thread?

Speaking for myself, it is not just the images of naughty avatar sex that turns me on (but it would be a total lie if I said that didn't turn me on at all) but mostly the fantasies played out in text or voice. SL is like phone sex plus. Interactive almost-porn. It works for me... although sometimes my wrist gets tired

My advice to any girl who really wants to keep an SL guy around is to play along and use the pose balls even if ya aren't touching yourself (which I really believe is the case 90% of the time, anyway) and don't ever mention that you find it hilarious and/or non-erotic yourself. If you absolutely don't wanna pixelslap then you might stick to girl or guy friends.

It's unrealistic to expect a guy to stick around on SL without sex when there are other girls (or let's be honest, guys pretending to be girls) who will do it (and who are probably IM'ing him right now).

Hey, ya know, I do believe that the best sex involves the brain

From his POV, he may have been hurt/angered/irked by your unwillingness to continue the relationship as it was for over 2 years... or even pretend.

QFT!

Maybe guys think that a slutzilla is more approachable?

In any case, I assume that EVERYONE is shy, and that all they want or need is a little opening. Sometimes "hi" is enough. They don't need encouragement, they just need to feel they have permission.

Usually at places like Sweethearts, while I'm standing near the entrance waiting for everything to rez, I chat with people. If no one talks to me first, I start talking. (I will start with something immensely clever, like, "Everything is still rezzing."

Usually the chatting leads to an invitation to dance.

If that doesn't happen, and no one asks me to dance, I ask somebody.

As I said previously we discussed this extensively and I gave him many opportunities for an "out" when I couldn't go on with the sex thing (again, very personal reasons involved).* HE was the one who said, "I've never just cared for you for your body; I think you're a wonderful person, witty, I love being with you, talking to you, etc." So I thought we were on the same page but shortly thereafter he began his distancing routine. THAT is what hurt, after we had talked, I had given him an out (and as good friends, not in an argumentative way), and he still chose to stay with me.

For the record...I was the one who unpartnered him to let him find "greener pastures", but HE wanted to repartner, which we did. But I think that old adage is true...once a break has occurred, it's almost impossible to regain what one once had.

*The reasons were not just one day I woke up and thought "Oh, I don't want to have pose ball sex anymore." I care for this man deeply. However, there are external, read RL, issues involved. Didn't want to leave your comment with the impression I just stopped on a whim. My close friends know the agonizing I did over this decision.

/me sends a big hug

The way you said "put a stop to the intimate pose balls" in your other post, it sounded like this was a decision that you made without consulting him (whatever your reasons) and you then "gave him an out" so it sounds like there was no compromising really. In other words, "Go along with my decision or take a hike"? I for one would have taken that alone as a huge blow.

He may have tried to go along with you because he really does care about you deeply (although he might have felt resentful for being put in a position that would make him feel like an ass for having to admit that he couldn't stay with someone who didn't at least pretend to sex him once in a while), but I suspect that most guys would also find their interest waning after something like that happened, whether they want it to or not.

Still, it seems like you are saying it was a decision made without his involvement.

He could also have been hurt. After all, if HE likes to hump pixels, he might think that YOU decided not to because there was something wrong with his technique. ("Oh crap, she's bored with me."

The reason doesn't matter. The problem is, the two of you wanted different things out of SL. In that case, it's better to shake hands and move on.

Couldn't resist posting this. There is a 1937 movie by this name but I could have sworn a more recent move came out with the same name.



Ok, on further Googling, the more recent movie is called "The Ugly Truth" - the similar figures had me confused.

http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/theuglytruth/

Thanks Seven, I needed that.

Smith, since you don't know me or my former partner, all you have to go by is my posting which I've apparently done badly. I said we *did* have many, many, many discussions over this issue. I didn't just imperially dictate it was going to stop. I would agree with your comments if that had been the case. I offered the "out" so he *wouldn't* feel any obligation to stay with me, if he did feel that. So, again, not knowing the situation in its entirety, not knowing us, and this being the extent of how much I wish to reveal in a public forum, I can only state again that your perception of it was definitely not the way it happened.

He actually has recently apologized for the pain he's caused me. The anger/irk, etc. was that during all the discussions (months worth) that he kept maintaining that the online sex was not important to him but then he began distancing. So it boiled down to my losing a bit of trust.

He still remains the dearest person to me on SL and I hope he and I can at some point come to a workable relationship for both of us.

@Lindal - Same thing. I admire you and your posts, but again, this issue happened over months of time. We spoke daily for I'd estimate 6 hours/day on voice and know each other very well.

Yes, that's how I interpret it also.

All joking aside, most guys DO have feelings. Just because we have higher sex drives doesn't make us heartless bastards. It's when women use sex as weapon, reward or some kind of commodity that it all starts to go downhill fast for me If two people care about each other they should compromise and try to please each other -- out of love.

Czari, nothing personal here, I am just responding to what you wrote on this public forum. I would just say that he might be more hurt about it than you realize, as guys sometimes have trouble talking about stuff like this. I really do hope it works out for both of you.

*sighs* Apparently I'm not getting through. I'll say this one more time and quit...we had a wonderful relationship and cared for each other deeply. I greatly resent your implication I used sex as a weapon because that is DEFINITELY not the case.

I was not addressing you specifically in that post You have never used sex as a weapon against me

They do. The good ones, anyway. What makes it difficult is they often have problems expressing their feelings clearly. They may be hurt, but they can't say exactly WHY they feel hurt, sometimes even to themselves. All they know is that they're unhappy.

Yeah, but, both of you are *assuming* a lot. And I think you both made your point already.

One thing that I notice in what she said is that he apparently never said, "I miss the poseballs. It's difficult for me to give that up."

That is very, very true. Unhappy, and horny

The day's still young