Love this idea!!!!
I 2nd this idea! He's a jerk!
JulieAnne
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Difficulty Separting Rl From Sl; Advice? |
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JulieAnne Rau
Curious Girl
Join date: 21 Jun 2007
Posts: 201
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10-25-2007 12:07
I 2nd this idea! He's a jerk! JulieAnne |
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Lorelei Patel
was here
Join date: 22 Feb 2004
Posts: 1,940
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10-25-2007 12:51
Boundaries. Know 'em and love 'em. And most of all, defend them.
You don't owe this guy doodley. If you're not comfortable meeting him — don't. Don't let any amount of whining or pleading or cajoling or threatening or demanding sway you from that. If you are not happy with the way he compartmentalizes you and this other person, say that. State your terms. Set out your limits. Draw your boundaries. And don't accept someone who doesn't respect that. _____________________
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Broadly offensive. |
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Lorelei Patel
was here
Join date: 22 Feb 2004
Posts: 1,940
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10-25-2007 12:55
Problem is, on SL, he is always with her, making me sad. So, in other words, he knows his actions hurt you but he doesn't really care... _____________________
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Broadly offensive. |
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Trout Recreant
Public Enemy No. 1
Join date: 24 Jul 2007
Posts: 4,873
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10-25-2007 13:09
So, in other words, he knows his actions hurt you but he doesn't really care... I think this is the crux of the issue - this and the dishonesty, if there can be two cruxes. Bicruxial analysis was my second major in college (Lying about my majors was my primary field of study). He's not being honest and he's hurting you. He knows that and he isn't stopping. If a person is in a serious relationship, SL or RL, then that person should be really horrified at the thought of hurting the other. He should care that he's making you sad. It should be really upsetting to him, and he should be doing everything he can to stop doing that, if he really cares. It's not a happy time right now for you, but I think you should seriously reconsider where you are going with this guy and maybe think about walking away from the relationship. It's your call, but there are a lot of people here saying the same thing I am, and when you get that many people to agree on something in these forums, it's probably worth paying attention to. Best wishes. I'm sorry you have this dillema _____________________
A Trout Rating (tm) is something to cherish. To flaunt and be proud of. It is something all women should aspire to obtain! |
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Conifer Dada
Hiya m'dooks!
Join date: 6 Oct 2006
Posts: 3,716
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10-25-2007 13:33
I gave my sensible, helpful and informative answer earlier in this thread, so here is another simple piece of useful advice.
Get your RL to send you to a sandbox and then rez a sphere. Make it a bit smaller, then texture it blank, colour it white and set it to high shiny. Presto - we have a steel ball. Position the ball above your foot and set it to physical and prepare yourself for the pain. Now get your RL to find a large RL steel ball, hold it at waist height and then drop it on their toe. Ask your RL if they noticed any difference between RL and SL.... _____________________
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Trout Recreant
Public Enemy No. 1
Join date: 24 Jul 2007
Posts: 4,873
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10-25-2007 14:02
I gave my sensible, helpful and informative answer earlier in this thread, so here is another simple piece of useful advice. Get your RL to send you to a sandbox and then rez a sphere. Make it a bit smaller, then texture it blank, colour it white and set it to high shiny. Presto - we have a steel ball. Position the ball above your foot and set it to physical and prepare yourself for the pain. Now get your RL to find a large RL steel ball, hold it at waist height and then drop it on their toe. Ask your RL if they noticed any difference between RL and SL.... I see your point here Conifer. I'm not opposed to it. I just wonder if maybe we can find a way to achieve the same purpose that would not result in a such a significant number of broken bones in the RL foot. Those are tough to set right and they tend to heal funny. Maybe we could find a way to just fracture on of the bones in the forearm. Those heal up pretty well. Dislocated knuckles hurt enough to get the point across and they are easy to reset. If you break a rib carefully enough, you can avoid puncturing a lung. Just not the foot. _____________________
A Trout Rating (tm) is something to cherish. To flaunt and be proud of. It is something all women should aspire to obtain! |
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Paulo Dielli
Symfurny Furniture
Join date: 19 Jan 2007
Posts: 780
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10-25-2007 14:09
Any guy who isn't completely dedicated to one woman, and one woman only, isn't worth the trouble.
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Wald Schridde
Registered User
Join date: 28 Jun 2007
Posts: 19
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10-25-2007 15:04
I agree with most of what has been posted here. This whole situation sets off alarm bells for me, and sounds way too risky to pursue any further. At best, this guy is shifty; at worst, he could be very dangerous. Don't give him any information that would enable him to locate you in RL. Don't worry about hurting his feelings. If that happens, he'll get over it. Your safety matters much more than his feelings.
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Ashley Ennui
Registered User
Join date: 15 May 2005
Posts: 141
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10-25-2007 15:20
my own thoughts, for what theyre worth...
dont... dont meet him... id spend your time in SL having fun and you will run into someone else to make you feel happy again...this one isnt worth your time or energy...yes, right now theres the hurt, and a bit of panic, "i'll lose him completely"...because yes, you fell for him. but truly hun...get over him now... don't drag it out... dont let him keep you stringing along... don't fall for the line... just...don't... *preachy motherly advice mode off* _____________________
Love you, Kitten and Stephani.
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3Ring Binder
always smile
Join date: 8 Mar 2007
Posts: 15,028
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10-25-2007 15:36
Okay so I think i screwed up majorly here. Came to SL with no intentions on mixing both worlds. Met someone much older than I am, but saw him as a friend. However, he was extremely nice, well mannered, and always mentioned RL situations and asked lots of questions. Made me comfortable so we spoke of RL things (think mistake there). Anyhow, we ended up getting really intimate in SL, i made sure to separate by always stating (avatar to avatar), but he kept insisting it was US. PROBLEM: I planned a trip to his country a month before I ever met him; he was aware of this. So eventually, we talked about a meet up in RL. Problem is, he was speaking with another avatar on SL at the same time speaking to me. Even more, has her in his personal IM, website networking, etc. Confusions came up, he tried hard to keep us separated, we found out of each other, things got ugly on SL. Now, in RL (tele and email) he apologizes but tells me that there is a difference. Tells me that she is SL but I am RL because we will be meeting and spending time together. Tells me that I need to see the difference, we cannot be in SL but can be in RL. Tells me that I will understand it all when I meet him in RL and that I just need to understand the difference between SL and RL. I kind of get what he is saying, yet I am having trouble understanding the difference and separating because we met in SL. Has anyone had this problem, and how do I deal with this? It is all too confusing, heart breaking, and I am embarrassed to have even gone through this. It is just plain silly to me, WE ARE AVATARS. Why am I feeling like this and is there a fine line that i crossed and can't seem to go back? ADVICE, COMMENTS, OPINIONS----WILL TAKE ANYTHING yeah ummmm..... real life is real life. SL is a game. dump him and never meet him. he's going to use you up and then dump you. then you'll REALLY feel chumped. be smart. ignore him. _____________________
it was fun while it lasted.
http://2lf.informe.com/ |
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Cocoanut Koala
Coco's Cottages
Join date: 7 Feb 2005
Posts: 7,903
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10-25-2007 16:43
What a line this guy is talking. And it's just the first of many! Don't try to apply logic (especially not his logic) to any of it.
Like someone else said above, he's a jerk. End of story. We've all fallen for jerks - it's how we learn who the jerks are. Your instincts are telling you the right thing, that he can't be trusted. Now, or ever. Don't pine after a guy who doesn't want to be with you, in SL or wherever. Don't offer yourself up to him on your vacation either. He's cruel. Lots of fish in the sea, even the SL one. Go fishing. coco _____________________
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Alyxanndria Imako
Crazier than Thou
Join date: 15 Oct 2007
Posts: 93
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10-25-2007 18:03
Good advice.....the one thing I have learned in my very short time in SL is to go on the premise that no-one here is as they seem. This is not always a bad thing, but better to err on the side of caution. Go with your gut; if it says run, then run. Good luck to you, my dear.
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Desmond Shang
Guvnah of Caledon
Join date: 14 Mar 2005
Posts: 5,250
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10-25-2007 19:05
send a man in your place
preferably 400 pounds of muscle and leather and a fan of bauhaus style take pictures from a distance edit: and bald _____________________
 Steampunk Victorian, Well-Mannered Caledon! |
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Cristalle Karami
Lady of the House
Join date: 4 Dec 2006
Posts: 6,222
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10-25-2007 19:11
lol Des
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Affordable & beautiful apartments & homes starting at 150L/wk! Waterfront homes, 575L/wk & 300 prims!
House of Cristalle low prim prefabs: secondlife://Cristalle/111/60 http://cristalleproperties.info http://careeningcristalle.blogspot.com - Careening, A SL Sailing Blog |
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Schwanson Schlegel
SL's Tokin' Villain
Join date: 15 Nov 2003
Posts: 2,721
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10-25-2007 19:16
I would take the college course: Unlatching automobile trunk locks, from the inside 101, before meeting him.
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Bloodsong Termagant
Manic Artist
Join date: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 615
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10-26-2007 06:53
heyas;
depends on how long you've known this guy. i have a rule. some people may find this extreme. (okay, two rules.) 1: nobody is really my friend until i have known them one year. (this was instituted due to a lot of online people i pal around with every day/week seeming to suddenly poof after knowing them about one year.) 2: i dont meet anybody in real life until i have known them seven years. (this is just an arbitrary number, because it is how long i had known someone that was close to me online before meeting them face to face.) really, just knowing someone a few weeks/months is.... nothing. if it IS real, if it IS commitment, then it will develop over a few years. time won't destroy it. if not... eh, hunt 'em down and kill 'em, or however that saying goes. ::shrug:: |
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Dnali Anabuki
Still Crazy
Join date: 17 Oct 2006
Posts: 1,633
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10-26-2007 07:08
Your instincts are right. You need to move away from this situation and him...fast.
At the very least you need the space and time to get solid with your own feelings. Do not meet with him in RL. A real friend would give you that space. A creep would not. |
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Dnali Anabuki
Still Crazy
Join date: 17 Oct 2006
Posts: 1,633
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10-26-2007 07:16
Oh, and if you can, try to arrive at the appointment in an armed personnel carrier and take a very powerful handgun. You may feel the need to shoot him. This guy suddenly sounds like evil personified. If you are a woman in RL Chas, you are the luckiest one I've ever met. If you are a man in RL, you need to ask your RL friends who are women what their experiences are like. Nice guys often are really shocked to find out how revolting and creepy other men can be. I can only think you must be a hell of a nice guy to be so oblivious. |
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Argent Asbrink
Registered User
Join date: 27 Jul 2007
Posts: 217
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10-26-2007 07:19
Be safe. Be smart.
Ditch this incredible loser, now. Don't wait another minute. And keep your romances in RL. It's waaaaay to easy for someone to take advantage of you in ANY virtual environment. |
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Chas Connolly
Registered User
Join date: 24 Jan 2007
Posts: 1,433
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10-26-2007 08:00
If you are a woman in RL Chas, you are the luckiest one I've ever met. If you are a man in RL, you need to ask your RL friends who are women what their experiences are like. Nice guys often are really shocked to find out how revolting and creepy other men can be. I can only think you must be a hell of a nice guy to be so oblivious. I'm a hell of a nice guy |
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Sioban McMahon
Registered User
Join date: 1 Mar 2007
Posts: 203
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10-26-2007 08:53
I'm a hell of a nice guy And as such, I bet you don't do what this guy's been doing. |
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Layne Sinister
Registered User
Join date: 24 Sep 2007
Posts: 1
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10-26-2007 08:56
you say hes older, just stay away probally some pedaphile loser.
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Sensual Casanova
Spoiled Brat
Join date: 28 Feb 2004
Posts: 4,807
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10-26-2007 09:06
Okay so I think i screwed up majorly here. Came to SL with no intentions on mixing both worlds. Met someone much older than I am, but saw him as a friend. However, he was extremely nice, well mannered, and always mentioned RL situations and asked lots of questions. Made me comfortable so we spoke of RL things (think mistake there). Anyhow, we ended up getting really intimate in SL, i made sure to separate by always stating (avatar to avatar), but he kept insisting it was US. PROBLEM: I planned a trip to his country a month before I ever met him; he was aware of this. So eventually, we talked about a meet up in RL. Problem is, he was speaking with another avatar on SL at the same time speaking to me. Even more, has her in his personal IM, website networking, etc. Confusions came up, he tried hard to keep us separated, we found out of each other, things got ugly on SL. Now, in RL (tele and email) he apologizes but tells me that there is a difference. Tells me that she is SL but I am RL because we will be meeting and spending time together. Tells me that I need to see the difference, we cannot be in SL but can be in RL. Tells me that I will understand it all when I meet him in RL and that I just need to understand the difference between SL and RL. I kind of get what he is saying, yet I am having trouble understanding the difference and separating because we met in SL. Has anyone had this problem, and how do I deal with this? It is all too confusing, heart breaking, and I am embarrassed to have even gone through this. It is just plain silly to me, WE ARE AVATARS. Why am I feeling like this and is there a fine line that i crossed and can't seem to go back? ADVICE, COMMENTS, OPINIONS----WILL TAKE ANYTHING Here's my advice and thoughts... You guys met in SL and are taking it to RL, that doesn't give him the right to go on ahead and date in SL... if he cares enough to meet you irl, he should be getting rid of the other SL girl... The way I see it, if your partner irl plays SL then you shouldn't be dating in SL, unless it is a mutual decision... I am married of 12, nearly 13 years and my husband doesn't play SL, he barely knows how to surf the internet, but he is well aware of what I do in SL (which isn't much lately lol) but I have "dated" before in SL and as a rule, I will only "date" someone that is seriously involved or married irl... to me that is a sort of a security to insure SL doesn't cross over to rl... Except I guess I am a little different, I think of rl as physical contact, I will still talk about my rl, talk on the phone, etc just like I would with any other friend, just the whole meeting thing would never happen... If my husband or partner irl were also in SL I most certainly wouldn't be dating anyone in SL nor would I allow him to... Anyways, what I am trying to say is, it is only OK if YOU feel it is OK, if not, something needs to change. _____________________
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Chas Connolly
Registered User
Join date: 24 Jan 2007
Posts: 1,433
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10-26-2007 12:16
you say hes older, just stay away probally some pedaphile loser. This is what I mean. The OP would have to be a child to make this guy a paedophile. This is the nastiest thread I've come across in a long time. Have fun! |
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Colette Meiji
Registered User
Join date: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 15,556
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10-26-2007 12:58
This is what I mean. The OP would have to be a child to make this guy a paedophile. This is the nastiest thread I've come across in a long time. Have fun! Everyone is projecting every loser guy they ever dated onto this guy is all. this is just reminiscent of the break up catharsis, its just not normally done in public like this. When its time to dump a guy and its in private with just the girls, it gets much nastier than this. |
