Question for the Ladies with male partners on SL

I'm putting forward a scenario and would like your thoughts on it:

So, Ladies:

Say you had a boyfriend, Husband, Close male friend / Partner in Real life.

This male partner had a female friend (poss one of many) on Second Life (and you knew her name)

Whilst online, this female friend invites your RL partner over to show him her SL place for a few times.

They stay at her place a while, on and off (going back for chats etc)

You then say, Can I see her place then dear (to your RL male partner/friend)

He says, well, I'll ask her if it's OK and if you can come over and take a look.

He asks this SL female friend and they say no, they don't want that.

So your male RL partner/friend tells you that sorry, she says no, and I respect her privacy, so sorry, but you can't see her place or know where it is.

How would you feel abouit that?

I would definitely ground him. Yup. Smack him up a bit too.

ok, I'm kidding. So all kidding aside, I think it would be time for a talk about boundaries/rules for our SL co-existence.

look him up on the map and tp to a nearby sim while using remote cam to see what they are up to

life`s easy

Thanks for the 2 replies so far. I welcome many more thoughts on this please.

On the point you made, well that's not possible is it, unless he had the "Find me wherever I am" tickbox checked on his contacts list for you (his RL friend/partner)

He's your SL partner and he doesn't let you map him? I hope he doesn't insist on being able to map you. If he does = *alarm bells*

Buy yourself a time machine and go back to when you should have started worrying about it and discuss the issue with him before it happens.

Pep (It's too late now)

Time Machine..... Interesting idea

Only thing is, you only would realise this is an issue when it becomes an issue.

Only when you 1st say, what'ya doing, and he may say, oh, I'm chatting to Sharon again, and you say, oh Sharon? Yeah he says, very friendly person, good laugh, and you say, (possibly slightly concerned in yourself) where does she live then, and you then get told, oh sorry, she does not want me to let you know.

Only then (when it happens) may you be confronted by it.

And be told be your RL partner, he would respect his new SL friends privacy over your right to know (as his RL partner/friend)

So you may well not know until it happens.

and is the question I'm asking.

Would you be happy getting told this and respect your male friends pricacy with his new friend?

I don't see why a male shouldn't respond.. Since both genders have feelings in these kind of situations.
So as male, here are my thoughts:

Since it's your RL partner, he should know the boundries.
Sexual/intimite activity with someone else other that your real partner (RL comes first), is considered cheating, since for SL speaking, a REAL person is still in control of the av doing it. Thus also RL, this person thinks of doing it. otherwise the av wouldn't be on the poses etc.
Simple realy.

Not that i imply he IS cheating.. just a general opinion.

IN your particular case, because he's your RL partner, you can ofcourse visit him (if not living together), and then together you go to this house inworld, through HIS av.. *you looking on the screen*.
It's cosy too, lol.. an humoristic, since this lady doesn't know. so you both can talk to her (chat), without her knowing.
(but keep it respectfull)

In other words, if you don't trust your RL partner, i think there is something amiss with the relation all together.. (trust is the foundation of every relationship)
is there a good reason for being suspicious? (cause that's what i read in between your lines)
or is it yourself, not beeing too trustworthy, and that you are afraid he's doing the same? (and you cured/learned your lesson back then?)
just think about that.

I'm just guessing in blank air though.. not sure, why you asked us..
maybe i'm right in my opinion, maybe i'm way off..

however, there is ofcourse the communication aspect.. talk about it with your partner.. ask him questions that are inside your head.
A good relationship, means also be able to discuss ANY subject.. (positive, negative etc)

good luck

The principal difference between human beings and animals is that humans are able to look into the future to some extent and anticipate the probable consequences of their actions (or inactions). I am astonished that the OP was not able to work out what might happen.

Pep (Never fails to be amazed at the naivety of people)

I think that's BS. & *red flags*

Can you explain?

And in case you are wondering, yes it is/was a real event and I will explain in more detail later.

Maybe not a picture, or tping into her place, but if the man did not have anything to hide he would at least tell you where her home was. His loyality should be to you FIRST AND ONLY.

Secretly install a hidden camera that's zoomed in on his monitor so you can see what he's up to...
...I mean...
Hop onto his computer and see if he saved any chat logs
...I mean...

Whip up a couple cappuccinos, and sit him down at the kitchen table for a nice calm honest talk about:
RL/SL boundaries
How this situation made you feel
How much or little the two of you are going to share in your sl.
Your respective views(yes his too!) on how SL relationships affect your RL.

and finally, where he's sleeping if he breaks the rules.

one user agrees.

Cancel your SL accounts and spend more time together in RL.

perosnally?

I'll start worrying when it gets down to constant online chatting, or phone calls, then the question becomes "is this serious" and "is there a problem"...

past that I just don't care... but then I've never believed in exclusivity... or dating men... YMMV

Why does it matter where she lives? Why do you want to visit her, she is not your friend, but your hubbys. You have your hubby rl, why do you want to control him also sl?

Nah, let it go. Let him have a breather, he will realize soon that you are the best woman in his life, especially if you do few nice gestures to him, like unexpected pleasant surprises. No virtual world can beat good rl stuff.

Have your own sl relationships. Chill a bit. wink.

First and foremost comes RL. If this is causing you real concern, give him the "come to Jesus talk". If he's not willing to recognize the anxiety this might cause you, then drop it like it's hot. Don't ever let a man crap on you. Meh...I'm too much of a Leo to get myself caught up in a situation like this.

Otherwise...give it right back to him. If he can map you and you can't map him. Uncheck that box NOW! Go dancing and find yourself a friend to equal that of his friendship with this person. Remember, if there were nothing going on, she wouldn't have denied you to visit her SL home where she's entertaining your RL partner. Maybe then he'll figure out how he's damaging your RL relationship. Sometimes you just have to hit them over the head really hard to make them understand.

I'm married in RL, and my husband is in SL. When he first came inworld, we partnered, but rapidly discovered that, as good as we are together in RL, we weren't good together in SL, and unpartnered.

After his first SL relationship, we sat down and discussed what is, and is not acceptable, for our avatars. Odd people that we are, we pretty much agreed that what happens in SL stays in SL, and as long as it does, there are no issues, and we are free to do whatever we want. I, personally, would not have even requested to see his gf's home...an incredible breach of privacy, in my mind.

Now, that said, if you are partnered in SL, and have agreed that he's not supposed to have "extracurricular relationships", then yeah, you were within your rights. I think it's time for you two to have a frank, open discussion about your expectations.

I don't think you are odd at all. That would pretty much be my philosophy if I were in a similar situation.

It almost has to be, if you're going to keep your sanity. When he got hurt, I held him while he cried (don't tell him I told you he cried), and when I got hurt, he held me. THAT was the weird part....crying to my RL hubby about my SL love.

But...he understood (thank gawd), and gave me all the support I needed to get over it. I am truly one of the fortunate ones.

I'll throw teh cat among the pigeons. But I'll try for a serious answer.
I dont have a male partner at teh moment BUT if he wants to hang around with a woman in sl - or reality for that matter - that is fine with me. I dont own him. I also wouldnt want to go round to check the sl girl out - I think sl works better if someone isnt staring over your neck at the screen.
One point I would liek to make is that a relationship where you cant allow freedom for your partner is constricting, suffocating and controlling. Maybe it's a cultural or even generational things. Maybe its how I was brought up but to impose one's will upon another person is really dooming that relationship to control and co-dependency. Check out Kate Chopin's short story "The Story of an Hour" It's only two pages long.
I have had boyfriends and lovers BUT never have I banned their relationships with other women. We don't part over such issues - most often it's career demands, time restrictions or simply moving on.
An interesting question.

It wouldn't worry me remotely unless L$ are involved - in an outward direction!

I'd think this would be a "red flag" for your partner!!! Soon as she said NO.. It's time to sit down and have a RL/SL barrier talk..

In my view, as soon as you are giving your partner (RL or SL, whatever) reason to worry about what you're up to (be that based on fact or not), you are showing an utter lack of respect to that person by continuing that behaviour.
It's quite possible to have friends of the opposite sex and interact with them in ways that don't cause anxiety for your partner (hanging out in public or WITH the partner, or talking over IM)

She is certainly entitled to not wanting you to come to her place - it's your partner that is the catalyst.
Suspicion, distrust, jealousy in SL (even if those two are just 'chatting') is going to translate into your RL.

My 2Ls