Is Cybersex and voice sex cheating???

I have a friend, who shall remain nameless, whose recently discovered that her RL spouse and SL partner was participating in explicit sexual conversations with other females in SL. He maintains that this is not cheating as there was no physical contact, and compares it to looking at Playboy, which she does not object to. She maintains, as do I, that it is cheating as it is sexual interaction with another person whereas looking at Playboy does not involve interacting with another person. He also states that he receives no gratification from the interaction which I dismiss as bunk....if he received no gratification from it, then what impetus or motivation would he have to continue to pursue this type of activity, especially knowing the damage it could cause to his marriage? What do the rest of you think? Is participating in cybersex or voice sex in SL cheating on your partner or spouse?

Official Answer: It depends.

How did she find out? She didn't walk in on him whilst he had his headphones on and leave a cup of tea on his desk did she?

*flame on*

Oh lord Elani please, not another one of these is-this-SL-sexual-practice-cheating threads. Yes it's cheating if the couple involved thinks it is, no it isn't if they don't, and if the two of them disagree about it then there is trouble. The rest of us should mind our own bloody business. Are we done now?

*lock*

dammit

*lock*

Oh well. Odd how this topic is both inflamatory and boring.

*flame off*

It doesn't matter what we think...if she considers it cheating, he should have enough respect for her, and for their marriage, to stop.

/whine

Can we please not do this again? It never ends well. Nothing but heartache distress and grief - people who would otherwise be freinds judging each other and pointing fingers. I really hate these threads and I'm feeling a little beat up by RL this week, so is there any way to just make this go away?

/whine off

/me bangs his head on the table repeatedly... groaning incoherently

I don't believe that was an option.

This topic comes up every couple of weeks.

Short answer: If you're keeping it a secret from your spouse/partner (and it sounds like this guy was), it's cheating.

Does your friend want an offical answer that "its cheating" so that she can use it against her husband?

Is our opinion on whether its cheating or not really going to influence whether she is willing to allow the current situation to continue?

One of my RL friends wants watching Porn to be officially cheating. She often seeks justification and validation from others. Why? What will others deciding watching porn is cheating somehow change how she chooses to deal with the situation.

One thing for sure though, Cybersex and voice Sex is NOT the same thing as him watching playboy (and or porn) for the simple reason that theres a LIVE (rather than recorded) human on the other end, who is ACTIVELY participating in the cyber sex/voice sex with him.

I wonder why people feel they need the word "Cheating" to become involved. They seem to need it for some reason.

"Shes running around having phone sex with other guys" is never enough it seems to have to be "Shes cheating on me."

Im curious on how the distinction is so important.

If the first version is enough to upset someone, why does the label matter so much?


While I agree an Online affair w/o a partner's consent is a form of cheating. I dont see why the label matters so much.

I'm with Derbor on this one.

Is banging your head on your desk at work, cheating on your Desk at home?

My desk at home gets banged on quite enough. It's tired of having to do all the work.

I'll give you the official consensus from other threads:

1. It's not cheating regardless of whether you tell your other half or not

2. It's not cheating if you and your other half agree it's ok

3. It's cheating no matter what

In a nutshell, the official consensus, is no consensus.

** Ends by joining in the head banging **

It is really between the two of them to decide what it means to them. Why are you getting involved in it? Stay out of it and mind your own business.

And dont forget the classic :

Its cheating if you do it, but its not cheating if I do it.

"Cheating" implies the unwritten contract of marriage or monogamy was broken. It changes the playing field. There are some people with the attitude that "If you cheat on me, I'm outta here." That's a very serious decision to make, and they need criteria on which to base their decision. As we've seen discussed many times here, there are many different criteria. Mine are simple:

1.) It involves someone outside the relationship.
2.) It happened without my knowledge or consent.

If one partner knows enough to conceal it from the other partner, that's enough evidence for me.

Yes I get that. I just dont see why people are so wrapped up in the word "Cheating" as opposed to just describing what took place.

The word Cheating seems like a Switch to some people .. Like they can do a bunch of crap I object to and its okay but once they cross the line and suddenly its officially "cheating" then I have to do something about it. Thus they need validation from the use the word.

Im not so much arguing what equals "cheating" Im more curious about WHY the word is such a trigger.

"My husband is masturbating while voicing another woman" is enough to me to act on..

I dont need the "Cheating" word to somehow further validate my reaction.

/me gives up and goes home to pray for an early demise for this ill-advised excursion into previously salted and burned earth.

IOW - trout joins the others in beating his head against the desk. Ahhh sweet concussion. How it kills the pain.

*slides pie under the headbangers' faces*

/me bakes "Tears on My Pillow" pie and gives it to Ann to serve, then joins the headbangers.

http://recipejoint.com/recipe-pie/amish-tears-on-your-pillow-pie.html

---- make ----- it ----- stop ------ *ouch*
---- make ----- it ----- stop ------ *ouch*
---- make ----- it ----- stop ------ *ouch*

I was hoping for more of cream type pie....it makes a lovely "phlut" noise when the faces go in.

QFT

And it ought to end the discussion, because there really isn't any more to be said except between the two people involved.

(Unless you are the notorious Howard Stern, of course, whose take on the whole subject is "S___ing ain't F___ing (so it ain't cheating)," so I can imagine what he would make of pixel sex - though I'd really rather not, and let's not do the same...)