What about the D/s Community?

So glad health is better and i for one look forward to more events and gatherings - will also be returning to game in about one week - can't wait!!

Yup, just the regular forums... uhm.. *cough* stuff.

No drama?

They're a bunch of (edited) and no mistake. They seem to take exception to you being anywhere near them - probably because they're sitting there wanking and you're disturbing their rhythm.

In the time I've been in SL, ignoring the grief from complete idiot children who usually get banned shortly afterwards, the vast majority of trouble I've had has been from these D/s types. A few months ago, I was land-banned from a parcel I was flying over because a master and a slave were getting down to their, erm, thang. Only now, I went to say hello to my new neighbours at Effra Place, who were downright rude to me - and stuck banlines up.

Can they just carry on with their (edited) on a private island or something? Because I've had just about enough of them on the grid.

sigh...

I am a little late to the discussion (couldn't get online for half the day), so you got a lot of replies to that question already. I would like to add my own answer, though.

This question obviously was a rhetoric one ... but I would like to point out that it already contains its answer, Charlotte. I think SL attracts all these people exactly because IRL they get reactions like your comment! SL gives them an opportunity to live out their desires with no fear (or at least a lot less fear) of discrimination. And that is a good thing!

I really cannot understand what's your problem. These people have desires which, when fulfilled, make them happy. It’s voluntary. They do not hurt anyone. Nobody forces you to join that lifestyle. A lot of them are nice decent people. Some are not. But that's no different with any other group and any other kind of sexual orientation. It's hard for me to understand what makes you so angry with people that have different interests and lifestyles - or opinions for that matter, it seems sometimes when reading your posts. Wouldn't the world be boring if anyone was 'just like you'?

I am as boring straight as they come. But, if I ever would feel the desire to live out some fantasies I would definitely do it in SL. And it would make me very sad to get reactions like your reply here. *That* would hurt me. Not looking at someone who has different desires, not looking at two people who have a different way of showing their love for one another than is “normal”.

Kyrah, I think we met once; only briefly. I think it was in Versu's Castle. We did not talk much. But it was nice meeting you. I really want to thank you for starting this thread. It helped me straighten out some of my own thoughts about SL society and about myself. TY!

i was finding the community a bit silent , i was wondering why we wherent a bit more "soundy" ?

too many submissives?

Hmm, I have to say, there's something quite unsettling about the idea of any person being treated as less than equal to another person. However the tolerance in me tells me to say "to each his own" and just leave the scene to itself. You guys entertain yourselves, but I'm not up for it myself...

I think biggest question here is who do you get along with? from what I can tell based on the forums, the list of people/groups you have issues with is pretty large; D/Sers, land barons, IGE... probably me after this post.

Jsecure,

<<Hmm, I have to say, there's something quite unsettling about the idea of any person being treated as less than equal to another person.>>

It is not a question of equality. It is a question of a freely given power-exchange.

The sub gives to the dom/me the ability to control many aspects of their lives. The dom/me gives to the sub the utter security which comes from taking the responsibility to ensure that their needs are always met.

Both partners remain equals.

This is not necessarily true of the more extreme forms of d/s - but like all walks of life it tends to form a spectrum, and it is down to individuals to decide which colour they most match on that spectrum.

*snort*

AND ON ANOTHER NOTE TO THE TROUBLEMAKER(S):

For those people who think the D's world is all about sex - you couldn't be more wrong! Sure it's a part of it - for some a big part - for others a small part. Personally, i have not experienced the sexual aspect of the D's lifestyle but have been totally transformed by the close bond of the people involved as a group and the warmth of the welcome i received when i first started. There is an abundance of kindness, knowledge, acceptance and protectiveness in this community that overwhelms me with a feeling of serenity. Which makes it quite easy to turn the other cheek to those who are ignorant and opinionated but have never taken the time to learn about that which they condemn.

For those people...and you know who you are (in fact most of us do) - try spending some time at www.castlerealm.com and learn a little more before you continue to judge it unfairly.

Hello, Kyrah, thanks for starting the thread, and I suppose, the community, is more silent.. no pun intended, noting my name.. that this is to perhaps avoid being judged, but as it stands, I think that even those that don't like the lifestyle or those that practice are entitled to their opinion, even if if we find it unfavorable so I won't return negativity with yet more negativity.

I do what I do, and I don't apologize to anyone for doing it. I'm secure in myself, my center, my sanity, and my person.

It's good to see thoughtful discussion on this, and...



YES! So well said. Or colors, plural... LOL... whateva!

colors? you talking about bandana codes Torley? i'm shocked! i thought you were so wholesome.

This is a very interesting an productive thread, I think, barring a few folk who seem to want to stir up some trouble.

This seems a good place to bring up something, though, that's been puzzling me a bit. Until recently, I was sort of out of the D/s scene, both online and RL... that is, until I met someone just over six months ago that went on to become the best sub and pet I could ever wish for.

Anyway, shortly after my pet Eloise and I got together, I noticed some interesting responses from the more "vanilla" of my friends. No one had a problem with us... but there seemed to be a general feeling that D/s has kind of taken over SL. That there are *so* many people on SL that are involved in the lifestyle to one degree or another.

Now, I'm probably biased, being that I *am* in the lifestyle on SL... but it's starting to seem that way to me too. More so than you would find on most MU*s, for example, that aren't specifically themed for D/s.

Is anyone else seeing this trend, and does anyone have any thoughts as to why it might be?

--Carolyn
(Inquisitve Auntie)

Well..more people come into SL everyday, and so the number of D/s'ers, or those curious about it, will of course increase. But I also think it kind of goes in cycles. During my time in D/s, I've seen it go from just a handful, to many folks at least giving it a try, back to a handful, and now a large number of folks. Many are coming over from There, TSO and Seducity, all of which have thier online D/s community. Also, the community used to be so segmented and undercover, that it was hard to know who was into it and who wasn't.

Also, toys, clothing and animations geared toward D/s have made it into more mainstream shops and are pretty abundant. And I'd like to think that Perilous Pleasures has had some part in spreading education and bringing some of the community together so that more folks know about more folks.

It's pretty abundant in RL these days as well..

As long as Y/you don't talk like this I/i'll be fine with it

(More of a spelling thing that makes me annoyed with it than what it represents.)

If I stop talking like that will you remove the "SQU33K" quote from your forum avatar? Its more of a spelling thing that makes me annoyed with it than what it represents.

Disclaimer: I am JOKING. It doesnt annoy me.

I would like to say that I am very new to this lifestyle. In the beginning, I was very confused. I understand now so much more about the lifestyle and truly enjoy it. At this time, I am not currently practicing the D/s lifestyle on a full time basis due to personal situations with my Sir. But what I have experienced so far is way beyond just sex.

I tried to be a sub, but nobody told me that I needed a dom. I just wound up with splinters

Heh... well, I've noticed people tend to be a lot more comfortable exploring certain aspects of themselves online than they would be IRL, which is probably a significant part of that. D/s and BDSM seem to be gaining a bit more mainstream acceptance, lately, which is nice to see, and also likely contributes.

For my part, I've always seen a fair bit of this going on, in various online environments.

The influx of us degenerate furries into SL can't be hurting any, considering how heavily parts of the furry fandom borrow from the D/s community.

Aww you look so scared and alone, like a lost puppy in the rain...

*grabs a stick*

Poking time!

From a Club Owners perspective

Both sides from this discussion are slightly missing the point I think.What your talking about here IS (sorry Sugar but the D/S Lifestyle does have its basis in the bedroom) the fact that what is largely a sexual preferance is displayed openly and in public and thats what largely causes the problems.Now just bear with me a moment.

In Second Life there are HUNDREDS of 'fake' Doms & Subs,people who dont have the first CLUE about this lifestyle,people who think it's all about 'hey bitch lick my boots' and its THESE people that are causing the problem.Women in particular have a hard enough time in life without seeing one of their own sex humiliated before a packed club full of people and its when this happens that sparks begin to fly.

For as much as you hope to the contrary this is ALWAYS going to be a problem in a place where fantasy reigns.Many people see 'Subs' as easy prey and thats a fact,hence the silly amount of 'fakes' out there.The only answer I can see are groups,I know of a couple already that have been formed to 'protect' subs from falling foul of the pretenders out there so it would seem like common sense to me to consolidate into groups,get yourselves know as being trustworty,and take it from there.

Someone sexuality should not be the basis for a mindset of dislike/hate but the fact of the matter is that Joe Average hates seeing someone,and a woman in particualr,humiliated in public.Now I'm WELL aware that this is NOT what the D/S Lifestyle is all about but in Second Life it gets bad press from all the pretenders.I myself will NOT tolerate this kind of thing on the dancefloor in my club and I have a fully funtional 'dungeon' on the second floor,all it does is causes problems.

I've been a part of investigations into the Gor lifestyle in real life,I have friends in game here in SL who are genuine D/S lifestylers so I'm not one of the ignorant ones.You need to form well known groups so that people KNOW your not just 'jerking off' as it were.

Not sure what point we are missing. However, your statement about D/s lifestyle having it's basis in the bedroom is not really true. There are Dominant and submissive relationships in nature, and there have been such throughout the history of humankind. In fact, more than a few D/s relationships involve very little, or no sexual activity. A submissive serves and comforts however needed and within the limits of the relationship, be it sexual or otherwise.

While I agree that rubbing it into the faces of a public that would not understand or find it distasteful is generally a bad idea, living a safe, sane and consensual lifestyle between adults shouldn't have to be only behind closed doors.



While I agree that predators and other abusive types do occasionally use the lifestyle to further thier own needs or wants, education and open communication can usually help in recognizing such behavior early on, before it can get out of hand.

Where do get your facts and figures for the "hundreds of fake Doms & subs" in SL from? Did you interview them? Follow them around? I talk to, and deal with a good portion of the D/s and Gorean community on a regular basis and would have to say your figures are greatly inflated. Also, there are many, many variants and flavors of D/s. There is no one right way to practice it, though there are several wrong ways. So just claiming folks are fake would be a bit judgemental and one-sided. Many are just inexperienced and feeling thier way along.

Public humiliation is a tough one. Many folks within the lifestyle find it disturbing and in poor taste, particularly when such a display takes place in a mixed, or mostly non-D/s crowd. Either way, unless it's consensual and agreed upon beforehand, it's certainly not within the realm of the D/s lifestyle. Of course, many non-D/s folks yell, scream and carry on with embarassing behavior in front of crowds, so it's not exclusive to any one type of lifestyle.

Are there bad or inexperienced Doms and subs? Sure. But education and openminded communication can go a long ways toward correcting or at least lessening mistakes or bad judgement.



I wholeheartedly agree.



Well, it is disturbing that you see this on any kind of regular basis. Humilation itself is a none-to-common aspect of D/s or BDSM. Many disdain it's use altogether, and as I said before, it should always be consensual. And to do so in a crowd of people that would be made uncomfortable by it is not, as you say, what the D/s lifestyle is about.



Once again, I agree very much. Communication and education, and taking steps to put an end to such behavior (like a clearly stated IM, or even an abuse report), are all great ways to combat predators.

Uhhh did I miss something? Since when was D/s or Gor was all about sex?