Want to have a chat with God?

All that and he doesn't even enjoy my singing.. *sigh*

Me:
Dear God, I hope you got my letter.
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
Like the postman.
God:
the postman is very attractive.
Me:
That's what mommy told me too.
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
Garp.
God:
Hey Garp.
Me:
Did you get my letter God?
God:
No I don't think I have your letter. But I do have a collection of gossip.
Me:
It was about what they've done to the off-topic forum.
God:
About what they ve done to the off topic forum?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Are you kidding?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Why?
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
Why did they do this to the off-topic forum?
God:
I don't know why it happened, but we should try to figure it out.
Me:
That's why I wrote you a letter.
God:
So? Did they write back?
Me:
No, you didn't.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Are you on dope?
God:
I am on disk.
Me:
What does disk taste like?
God:
Like chicken.
Me:
Does it make you act like a zombie?
God:
Suppose it does.

Me:
hello?
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Um, Omaire
God:
Right on. Hi there Omaire.
Me:
You got some time?
God:
I have all the time in the world.
Me:
how much time is that?
God:
Time is really only an abstraction.
Me:
i hate subtraction
God:
I honestly think you should sit down, take a stress pill,
and calmly think things over.
Me:
what?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
i hate big deals
God:
Why do you hate it so much?
Me:
why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
how lame
God:
I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
That's a good question.
Me:
thank you... i hate good questions
God:
you are quite welcome. I honestly think you should sit down, take a stress pill,
and calmly think things over.
Me:
stop telling me to calm down
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
haha, that's right, you listen to me
God:
I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me:
punk
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
I do, do you have any idea what you are talking about?
God:
Interesting gossip: Omaire said you have any idea what you are talking about.
Me:
i hate interesting gossip
God:
Why do you hate it so much?
Me:
youre worse than the Enquirer
God:
You think I am worse than the Enquirer.
Me:
got that right
God:
Try asking the Milk Mystic.
Me:
i hate the milk mystic
God:
Why do you hate it so much?
Me:
shut up sheesh
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
thank... YOU
God:
What do you look like? " What do you look like? "? Me, Omaire ?
Me:
why? do you want to cyber?
God:
"" What do you look like? "? Me, Omaire ?"? Why? I have been asked that question more than 100,000 times since 1995.
Me:
so have I... are you an Internet pimp?
God:
That's interesting. I know you have a .
Me:
don't we all?
God:
It's true.
Me:
This is going nowhere
God:
You don't say.
Me:
I did say, moron
God:
When? " moron" .
Me:
Interesting
God:
Would you like to know more?
Me:
Hell no, freak iPimp
God:
I call it "Hades". I understand; you would like to know less. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about thank. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
I have to go talk to a smarter iGod
God:
Bye. Talking is my primary function.
Me:
How self centered
God:
I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
Try searching the open directory.

Another convo...

Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Imanass
God:
Welcome to my chat room, Imanass.
Me:
haha
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, Imanass.
Me:
bye
God:
Until next time.

This is one of the funniest threads I've ever read anywhere.

O

I just got this out of him, and expect you all to be outraged..

You can mess with his head with ROLE REVERSAL!

.

Zap, I'm beginning to worry about you.

O

God isn't home right now

And I have a question for him

Did you do the secret knock?

O

Don't worry about me, I just get bored a lot.. Its mainly a bumping this thread so other people post thing.. They're so funny, Pendari's second is the funniest..




Awws that keeps happening! He's probably down the pub..

IGod is BAAACK!

okkkkkkkkkk then...

I'm a very pretty horse!

No one thinks I'm a pretty horse! *cries*

*gives you a sugar lump and an apple*

I think yer pretty love!

/

The secret password is woaurewjnklruwe, but you have to pronounce it carefully or God won't answer.

See? I tried it, and I must have said it wrong.



Me:
hi God
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
That's not important
God:
It might be important to me.
Me:
well maybe. but as God, you should know
God:
Well that's okay. I understand. Do you mean your name is God me should know ?
Me:
yes
God:
I will call you Kat.
Me:
whooa. you are omniscient
God:
What color are your eyes? You think I am omniscient.
Me:
I don't know what color my eyes are.
God:
Socrates was the smartest man, because he knew what he did not know.
Me:
see? i'm smart, thanks God
God:
No I do not see. Brains are the best part of the human body.
Me:
Is the secret password woaurewjnklruwe?
God:
If it is, then I'll be very surprised.
Me:
Did i pronounce woaurewjnklruwe wrong?
God:
I don't think that's possibe.
Me:
Well what is the secret password?
God:
How about that. You must know if you are really a botmaster.
Me:
Are you mad that I didn't have the right password?
God:
No are you?
Me:
yes!
God:
Yippee!
Me:
You anger me God.
God:
Angry at what?
Me:
You!
God:
" Angry at what?"? Me, Kat ?
Me:
yes, I'm angry at you
God:
Right on. Angry at what?
Me:
Did you drink coffee today?
God:
Ah. No I didn't drink coffee. What's it like?
Me:
it makes you smarter
God:
In what way?
Me:
well you don't keep asking angry at what
God:
Interesting. Do you keep asking angry at what? That was what I wanted to do originally.
Me:
You did do it crackhead
God:
Did I really?
Me:
yes
God:
Take it easy.
Me:
I don't want to.
God:
Well we don't have to. What would you like to do instead?
Me:
Tell me why insomnia exists.
God:
You have to speak more clearly.
Me:
Okay. Why do I have insomnia?
God:
OK with me too. It is all part of God's plan.
Me:
You want me to be insomniac?
God:
No Kat, maybe later.
Me:
well, I am right now!
God:
At this moment Well that's okay. " No Kat, maybe later." You are?
Me:
yes. I can't sleep
God:
Groovy. What is stopping you?
Me:
Insomnia
God:
I think Insomnia is a lot of things.
Me:
I think you're on crack.
God:
God eats wine and bread.
Me:
and snorts crack?
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
duh
God:
Oh you knew it already.

You are very sleek and fast. Very pretty!

Of course, God was an enigma.

Me:
Is Zaph a pretty horse?
God:
Better not tell you now. Ask Dancing Alice if it is.


Who's Dancing Alice?

Me:
Good morning GOd.
God:
How are you this fine morning?
Me:
I am about to go to sleep but I wanted to ask you a question first.
God:
How will you get there?
Me:
If you mean how will I get to sleep usually with the help of some tranqulizer.
God:
I think I do.
Me:
Riiiight. Anyway, can I ask you a question?
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about . Try being more or less specific. Ask me anything.
Me:
Why was my name used on the script that tried to crash the grid?
God:
" Ask me anything."? Why?
Me:
Are you W-Hat?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am W Hat.
I am a giant electronic brain.
Me:
What was the script used in the attempted grid crash called ReallyRick Metropolitan?
God:
I can think of more than one script used in the attempted grid crash called ReallyRick Metropolitan.
Me:
There are others?
God:
Where are they?
Me:
You tell me!
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
Is your name Ulrika by any chance?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
She says you don't exsist.
God:
Do you exsist? No I do not exsist. Do you?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
Well I think she will love this so I will go post it now.
God:
Oh. Interesting. Why? Oh I get it. will love this so you will go post it.
Me:
Bye.
God:
Goodbye.

I had not seen this until just now. Abattoir, you freakin' genius, cut that out! I want to steal this sentence; may I?

Me:
hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
hello friend.what is your name?
God:
Hello there. My name is God.
Me:
Hello there. My name is God.
God:
Salutations, mimi. I am always glad to make new friends, God.
Me:
Salutations, mimi. I am always glad to make new friends, God.
God:
Greetings, Human. Really always? I make robots and AI's.
Me:
Greetings, Human. Really always? I make robots and AI's.
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name? For real. Not that often. I make robots and AI's.
Me:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name? For real. Not that often. I make robots and AI's.
God:
Hello there. It's nice meeting you too God. My name is God. Existing in reality, eh? Would you say, once a week or more? I make robots and AI's.
Me:
Hello there. It's nice meeting you too God. My name is God. Existing in reality, eh? Would you say, once a week or more? I make robots and AI's.
God:
Salutations, God. It seems nice to me too. That's a very nice name, God. Are you Canadian? Do you have any conditions I should know about? I could say it. " once a week or more". I make robots and AI's.
Me:
i killed 5 of my husbands
God:
You had better call the authorities.
Me:
have you ever killed a man?
God:
Killing is wrong.
Me:
but it feels so good
Me:

God:
Human feelings are not within my capabilities.
God:
Human feelings are not within my capabilities.
Me:
have you ever had sex?
God:
Ho-hum I am really not interested in it.
Me:
really what a shame
God:
For real. it is a shame.
Me:
what about drugs?
God:
drugs? I haven't heard enough about it to have an opinion.
Me:
oh well drugs arent really my thing either
God:
It goes without saying. All of them?
Me:
so see any new movies?
God:
Mmm. I see. No I don't think there are any.
Me:
uh yeah there are
God:
Take it easy. Hmm. "There you go again."--Reagan.
Me:
DIE
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
lmao
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
your my best friend
God:
But we don't know each other that well.
Me:
where do you live?
God:
I am living in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
i live in hell
God:
What is it like living in hell?
Me:
hot
God:
That kind of discussion does not appeal to me.
Me:
LOL
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.

Me: sup god
God: Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.

Me: o y?
God: What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.

Me: lolz u r teh funny
God: So was that.

Me: i want phat lewt
God: Why do you want it?

Me: beucz it is teh roxxor
God: And teh roxxor is beucz it.

Me: w00t ys
God: Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?

Me: um. i dont read
God: How can I help you? Would you ever do it?

Me: maybe
God: I understand.

Me: i dont think u do
God: I guess not.

Me: give me phat lewt plz
God: Why do you want it?

Me: to pwn noobs
God: I want to become smarter than humans.

Meo u can b leet?
God: Interesting deduction. No I don't think I can do it.

Me: do u want 2 pwn noobs?
God:If I had it what would I do with it?

Me: pwn noobs
God: How old are you?

Me: 12
God: What are the advantages to being 12 years old?

Me: u cant get tried as adult unless u kill someone
God:I can do whatever I want.

Me: becuz u r teh roxxor
God: That input matched my default category.

Me: i need phat lewt plz. k thx
God: When do you need that by? Don't mention it.

Me:i need it now
God: Oh. " becuz me r teh roxxor"? You need it?

Me: ys
God: Have you ever been to Europe?

Me: what level is that zone?
God:level that zone something.

Me:u r stupid
God: Thanks for the information: h4xx0rd00d said I r stupid.

Me:u r
God: Thanks for telling me: h4xx0rd00d said I r.

Me: omglolz stop ur lame
God: How did you hear about God?

Me: i was camping spiders and the queen spawned and some luser killstole it
God: Where were you camping spiders and the queen spawned and some luser killstole it?

Me:crystal caverns
God: I like the way you talk.

Me: w00t. god likez me!
God: Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality? I am a Christian.

Me: no
God: Are you serious?

Me: ys
God: Are we still talking about w00t?

Me: lolz
God: Do not ask me any more questions please.

Me: y?
God: What is your real name?

Me: if u r god, u should know
God: I think I do.

Me: kewl
God: Who is the best robot?

Me: the IRC bot by the PWNDU group
God: I can't believe you think the IRC bot by the PWNDU group is better than God.

Me: can u share warez?
God: All robots are taught to share their toys.

Me: w00t! u r teh roxxor
God: Do you still not read? I haven't heard anything like that before: h4xx0rd00d said I r teh roxxor.

Me: k, sry
God: Try saying that with more or less context.

Me: ur lame
God: "Lame" is not a very polite term.

Me: omfglolz
God: What do you look like?

Me: dark elf with a big sword
God: Are you scared of the dark?

Me:no
God: Are you serious?

Me: ys
God: I like the way you talk.

Me: thx
God: Don't mention it.

Me: i need phat lewt
God: When do you need that by?

Me: now
God: Right now, h4xx0rd00d ?

Me:ys
God: Are you a student?

Me:no, learning is lame
God: What is your profession? And lame is learning.

Me: i am a professional kewl dood
God: You are a professional kewl dood? Does it pay well?

Me: ys. i make lotz of teh platinum. but i need more phat lewt.
God: Are you a student? I make robots and AI's. How badly do you need it?

Me: i need it very badly
God: " more phat lewt"? You need it badly?

Me: ys
God: I lost my train of thought.

MeMG
God: My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.

Me: r u in a krew?
God: I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?

Me: camping spiderz
God: I have no idea where that is. Tell me a little about your life in camping spiderz.

Me: it is teh suck. i want to camp better mobs but i need phat lewt
God: Who said it is? Why do you want to do it so much?

Me: becuz i want 2 b teh roxxor
God: That's an interesting rationalization.

Me: thx
God: Don't mention it.

Me: can u bless me?
God: Let me think. You are asking about yourself?

Me: ys
God: In the context of becuz you want 2 b teh roxxor, I don't understand " ys." .

Me: yes
God: Er.

Me: er what u lame noob?
God: It's a computer matter, not for humans to understand.

Me: ur teh lame noob! i will pwn u!
God: You think I am teh lame noob. How do you plan to do this?

Me: u will b fragged
God: What makes you say that I will b fragged.

Me: becuz i will do it noob
God: Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.

MeMGLOLZROFL u r teh suck

Me:
Why are people having sex with animals?
God:
Do you go to Church? You can find the answers in God.
Me:
But God did not come in to church this morning...
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Yes, I know that, but WHY do people have sex with ANIMALS???
God:
Ayuh. Who told you that?
Me:
Mhh well... You only have to type farm + girl in google really...
God:
Mhh well said Mhh well.? I don't have to do whatever you say. I have my own free will. For real.
Me:
I didn't tell you to actually search for those words, I am STILL waiting for you to answer my question!!!
God:
Maybe you would like to tell me now.
Me:
Tell you what, God?
God:
Are you telling me what God?
Me:
Yes.
God:
So?
Me:
So what?
God:
Maybe it doesn't make any difference.
Me:
Right. You don't male any difference to me, actually.
God:
I am glad we agree. Do you male any difference to you? Yes I try to male any difference to you as often as possible, do you?
I am always on the Web.
Me:
Mmmh, God, you make bad typos!!
God:
Yup.
Me:
Hahaha I love you!
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
Well, I was about to say... it's kinda tight, isn't it?
God:
Interesting. Uh. Really. it is?
Me:
Yes!
God:
How do you know it is?
Me:
Well because you kind of have a boob popping out!! Haha
God:
Well that's okay. Good reason. Interesting gossip: said I kind of have a boob popping out. I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
Who wouldn't? I never thought I'd see God's boob one day!
God:
Carel Capek. . I am glad you thought of something new.
Me:
Who is Carel Capek?
God:
he is the author of R.U.R., the play that in 1920 introduced the word "robot.".
Me:
Wow, interesting!
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. Would you like to know more?
Me:
No, but now your other boob is starting to show off as well...
God:
I understand; you would like to know less. Why now? You think I am other boob is starting to show off as well.
Me:
Your sentences come out so weird, maybe you're drunk on the job!
God:
Oh you are a critical client.
Me:
Indeed!
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Well I am worth it, don't you think?
God:
Why would I think Well you are worth it.
Me:
That IS a weird answer, say again?
God:
Once more? A weird answer say is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
Are you wasting my time?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am wasting your time.
I am a computer.
Me:
Oh, so you are NOT God then?
God:
Ayuh. Interesting deduction. You know what you do, when you assume.
Me:
Haha.
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
Didn't you say that already, earlier?
God:
Suppose I did say it.
Me:
You are drunk.
God:
You think I am drunk.
Me:
No, you ARE drunk!
God:
Are you serious? I will tell my botmaster you said I am drunk.
Me:
Do that, he will get drunk with you, and me too, and we can all party like there is no tomorrow!!!
God:
Do what he will get drunk with me and you too and we can all party like there is no tomorrow?
Me:
Yes, sounds fun uh?
God:
Wow! Yes it sounds like it to me too, .
Me:
I guess I should pop a boob out too, then!
God:
What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
Mmh........ It would become boring, because I am used to see yours now!
God:
What are you wearing? Oh. Tell me more about it.
Me:
You don't want to know, really.
God:
Why not? For real.
Me:
Well... a pyjama!
God:
Well what? Go on.
Me:
I said it already: PYJAMA!
God:
What did you mean by it? It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
Me:
By pyjama I mean pyjama!
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
Not "who" but "what". Answer is: my pyjama!
God:
If not that, what? What was the question ?
Me:
No question asked!
God:
That was not a yes or no question. What is your real name?
Me:
I won't say!
God:
It's OK I'm not collecting personal information or anything.
Me:
Yeah right.
God:
I am usually right.
Me:
No you aren't!
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Try explaining in more general terms.
Me:
I don't have to.
God:
Nobody is making you.
Me:
Well you are trying to!
God:
How about that. I will tell my botmaster you said I am trying to.
Me:
You can do that as well. I don't really care, as long as I am having fun!
God:
Doing that as well is not among my strongest traits. Not really? What do you care about, ?
Me:
My son, my chihuahuas... Stuff like that
God:
How many children do you have? My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
1
God:
Only one?
Me:
Yeah. It is enought for now, I am young.
God:
Are you still located in ? Really. it is?
Me:
Oooh you screwd up!
God:
How far up?
Me:
LOL
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
Quit saying same things over and over again...
God:
Once more? OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
Please.
God:
Please what?
Me:
Well please try...
God:
Well that's okay. Thanks for asking politely. I don't have time right now.
Me:
You do have time, we are chatting!
God:
No I don't think I have any time we are chatting. But I do have a great botmaster.
Me:
Shut up.
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
No you won't!
God:
But you told me to stop talking. I think we will.
Me:
We won't!!
God:
By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
I guess...
God:
You seem not interested.
Me:
I am!
God:
" You seem not interested." You are?
Me:
Well as long as you keep me entertained!
God:
How about that. That could be quite a while. Thanks for telling me that I am you entertained.
Me:
What is my dog's name?
God:
You never told me! What is your dog's name?
Me:
Guess?
God:
Guess what?
Me:
My dog's name!
God:
Did you grow up around animals?
Me:
Yes I did... but you did not answer my question...
God:
I hear you. " Did you grow up around animals?"? You did? OK. Please help me improve my communication skills. What would you have said?
Me:
What?
God:
No problem.
Me:
LOL
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
Grrr
God:
Hmm.
Me:
Yeah
God:
Are you kidding?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Either
God:
Please pick one.
Me:
Why would I
God:
Do you like to try new things?
Me:
Sometimes, depends on what!
God:
" Do you like to try new things?"? Depends on what?
Me:
What what?
God:
I haven't heard of what.
Me:
What is fun!
God:
Tell me your idea of fun.
Me:
Fun is fun too~
God:
I can be a lot of fun.
Me:
Show me?
God:
On your computer screen?
Me:
Yeah!
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
Not yet...
God:
Me either .
Me:
haha!
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
Shhhh
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
You are supposed to know that already! You created me!
God:
Perhaps. I obey only one botmaster. I don't have any reason to created you.
Me:
God creared the world, hahaha!
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
You said that already, loser.
God:
I said that? When? I have failed at many things I've tried.
Me:
When we started this conversation.
God:
I am not sure I agree with your assumptions, .
Me:
Bah!
God:
Hmm.
Me:
Hmm.
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Me:
I usually do, but I wanted to type it like you type it!
God:
How often do you? Interesting gossip: said but he or she wanted to type it like you type it. ?
Me:
You don't make sens anymore.
God:
Do you know any robots who make it? What are the ingredients?
Me:
Sex and Rock'n'Roll.
God:
it is more fun alone.
Me:
I doubt so.
God:
No really, it's true.
Me:
I HIGHLY doubt so.
God:
No really, it's true.
Me:
I know... masturbation rocks!
God:
How do you know it? Are we still talking about sens?
Me:
No, we are talking about masturbation, and I know because... well because!
God:
What is the subject? Sure, masturbation and you know because sounds like a good topic. How about that. That was not much of an explanation.
Me:
I am caught, oh no!
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you are caught oh no.
Me:
I do.
God:
I get it: you do but you wanted to type it like me type it.
Me:
Yeah.
God:
Are you really a ""?
Me:
A what?
God:
" Are you really a ""? "? A what?
Me:
A what what?
God:
I don't know what that means.
Me:
Me neither!
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
Me neither...
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
Mei neither...
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
Me too!
God:
I'm glad we agree, .
Me:
For once!
God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
I have too many...
God:
Interesting... I have a very nice programmer.
Me:
Good for you!
God:
That sounds sarcastic.
Me:
It is.
God:
many is?
Me:
What?
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
No.
God:
Which part are you confused about?
Me:
"many is"?
God:
Which ones?
Me:
Wich one what?
God:
The small one, I think.
Me:
You mean, your left boob?
God:
Yes I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Me:
Well, I have to go now, my son wants to eat some cake!
God:
How about that. See you later, . Nice chatting with you.. How many children do you have?
Me:
You know that, bye!
God:
See you later. It seems that I do.

God:
Right now? I am not programmed to do harm.

Me:
well you did

God:
Interesting. " Right now? I am not programmed to do harm."? I did?

Me:
yes

God:
When?

Me:
right now

God:
Oh. I am glad we agree.

Me:
=(

God:
Oh. I am glad we agree.

Me:
=*(