How Important is Sex to Your SL?

Why do anything in SL when you can do it in real life? Why read a book when you can do it in real life? Why watch sports when you can do it in real life (actually, in this case, I don't watch sports, I'd rather do it<g>.

There are multiple reasons, from fantasy play to safety to "because it's fun". Working, playing, having sex in SL should not be a replacement for RL, but instead just be another aspect of a full and rich life.

i don't need to have sex on second life. i get it in my first life

the only way i'll have any sex on second life is if my boyfriend and i are on seperate computers and feel dorky enough to try it. otherwise. no point.

It's kind of interesting to see a few people responding defensively, when for the most part we're just sharing our experiences here and there's not much judgement flying around. For those surprised by all the "never"s (as I was at first), consider how many SLers are married or involved in RL. Yeah, some of them will still cyber, but many would either see it as cheating or, like Tanaquil, have that need met in RL and so they don't seek it here.

People come into SL to seek what they're lacking and explore what they can't find iRL. Some feel stuck in the boonies so they come here to explore; others travel all the time but come here to have a stable social circle; others have great social life iRL but come here to express their creativity; others are artists iRL and come here to test their business savvy. I've known plenty of people who for geographical, physical, psychological or even just convenience reasons choose to find their sex and/or relationships in SL. No shame in that.

Of course, some people have healthier sex lives than others, and as iRL, plenty of people just repeatedly shoot themselves in the foot with their relationships, but that's another thread

heh, figures that while I'm writing that post a little judgemental tit for tat got going

I flirt with everyone that comes to the club but I am normally Hosting..But then again what is truly wrong with cybering a way to release pent up energy without the risk of getting an STD.. You just have to be really careful who you cyber with and make sure you fins out their age. I had a friend who met someone and just as they were getting ready to hit the bed he found out she was only 14..........

Uhm pretty sure you have to be 18+ to play this game...
so.. there isnt really a problem here.

Whose problem with what? How why whuzza?

oh boy... big topic for me.

1st of all, as misleading as it can be, being furry or into the BDSM comunities does not make you a sex feind or even mean you have cybered. being furry is diffrent for every single furry (honestly, we often argue about(*edit* but in a much more civil way*) it as much as we do with the humans >.> ) and the BDSM is simply a kind of relationship, not a book on kinky ways to have sex, there is a lot of rules there and it ends up being just how one has their relationship.

i role play regularily, and not just the fun happy go lucky kind either, 90% of the time its hot and kinky role play (favorite kind ^.^). i am also a furry and a pet to my wonderful mistress ^.^.

but you'd be hard pressed to see me doing any cybering. i'll explain.

with cybering, you have crudely worded intentions of sex and what not, in SL they even make clickable bits that do this for you. i do this rarely (and only for profit). Xcite and other such auto cybering tools are a sad comparason to a well done RP (role play).

role playing. role playing can be bad, can be toe curling. a mixture of creativity on two (or more) parts and smut. can also throw in fetishes and kinks to spice it up. role playing is not for everyone (consult your phsician...) as the written word doesent help them.

for me, its wonderful, i get to explore and hep other explore not only their sexuallity in a safe enviroment but we get to explore things not possible in the confines of RL.

pose balls and the such = eye candy. and honestly, whats wrong with that? (XD i totally pictured myself as dr. evil when i typed that) it can also be done well, and done... really baddly. i enjoy quickly moving pose balls around (with me on them) mid rp (not missing any beats), taking pictures of well allinged smut and sharing them with the other rp'ers and intrested friends. pose balls and bits when well done give me the cherry on top, likewise if the rp is bad, no amount of amazing 3d graphics are gonna make me put up with "i stick my dik in u and cum deep inside" *shudders*

SL wont crumble without sex, but SL will probably never be able to completely remove it, not without harsh (and really annoying) text filters, near removal of animations, removal of groups that particapate in sex but are not entirely about sex and extremely active enforcers. honestly, if i never did this "cybering thing" and i was in a virtual world as upressive as that, i'd up and leave, simple as that.

HEY!

some of us content creators are sex fiends!

I resemble that!

Superior intelligence always includes strong sexual drive. - R A Heinlein

I find it weird to have sex in SL.Thats just me though.I'd feel like I was cheating on my RL boyfriend even though that sounds crazy.

Ok that made me laugh out loud.

There are also some RL couples that have to be apart for various reasons. SL is a great way to keep some intimacy in the relationship while you can't be together Physically.

It doesn't sound crazy to me. Depending on the nature of your commitments and relationships, it strikes me that SL sex can very much be considered 'cheating'.

Very well said Anya ::claps::

I once heard a funny quote about online sex:

"Cyber sex is like phone sex, only sadder.."

FWIW, whatever floats your boat.



- d.

There is a subtle difference between the sexual and the erotic. The absence of physicality in SL means that any attempt to simulate "sex" utilising the same language tools we apply to RL sexuality is destined to disappoint. However, the erotic - which relies upon emotional and, above all, cerebral content - is as valid a domain in SL as in any other metaverse. For the emotions are real - as we all know. Those erotic pioneers who have experimented in SL with honest descriptions about what they are doing to themselves in RL while their avatars assume illustrative poses, know what I mean. Context is everything. Belief cannot be suspended (a prerequisite for cyber-climax) unless the real becomes the really real...Dont tell me you're gently caressing my nipple...because you aren't. Tell me that you've got one hand down your pants and your typing with the other...and I might just find that interesting... Oh..and timing helps.

*blushs and twiddles her thumbs* well you know...

FOR THE HORDE

and all that jazz, figured we needed another user to make a good counter stance.

I'm with Cindy on this one. And also, why do people have to categorise other people and put them in a little labelled box.

"When you label me, you negate me".

I do what I want when I want how I want and very little of it is directly sexual. A lot of it is SENSUAL though - creating a stream you might want to walk barefoot through is sensual, creating trees and flowers to enjoy is sensual.

Some of it is erotic - a step on from sensual and a celebration of the minds we were given by our creators ...

What about *actual* BDSM huh? Not everyone into BDSM is a Gorean typist you know.

(Shuts up)

There is no way I'd cyber. You don't know who really is on the other side.

It always reminds me of a cartoon I saw once:

We picture a guy sitting at his terminal typing. He thinks to himself laughing "Haha...this guy doesn't realize I'm a guy.".

In the next frame, we see a girl at her terminal typing. She thinks to herself laughing "Haha...this girl doesn't realize I'm a girl.".

Ew!!!

nono, your right, i wasn't specific enough, i just didnt want to make a huge paragarph that undermined my point... which i think i lost track of anyways.

i was reffering to the acual BDSM or more simply the SM (slave/master and all its forms (i.e. pet/master)) personal prefferances dont allow me to touch the gorean rules with a ten foot pole. the rules i mentioned are not universal at all but made between parties involved in the relationship, its is the same as "you do the dishes, i'll clean the bath tub" just in diffrent ways.

in BDSM it is common that the sub/slave/pet follow any and all of their mistress/master/owner's commands. but in some, deviations from this rule of thumb are made. in mine for instance, it would be an insult to my mistress' choice to claim me if i didnt voice my concerns, she doesent need a stupid pet, those can be scripted.

hopefully that cleaned up that mess a little, thank you for voiceing your concern ^.^

*edited for a grammar error near the beggining of the post that changed it's meaning completely. wasn't, not was.

The "in your face" sex side of life in Second Life has filled me with disgust and repulsion on many occassions. It's been the main reason for considering leaving when I first joined the community.

I haven't cybered. I don't want to cyber.

Saying that, I have no issues these days of anyone doing anything, as long as they hurt none and treat each other with some level of respect.

What is this ""in your face" sex""!" of which you speak? I explore all the time, meet people, go to SL bars even, and no one tries to have sex in my face, put sex in my face, or otherwise sex my face. Of course, I don't often go to clubs with escorts, or wander around genital stores, because those places bore me. I always wonder when I hear these complaints, is the sex coming to your face, or are you taking your face to the sex?

Not important at all. I just cannot get aroused by a toon.

I to have noticed that you don't see many explicit postings in these forum discussions from people who find sex to be an important part of thier SL experience. The reasons for that are obvious to me, because I am one of them. For many people exposing thier sexual activities in a forum discussion could put them at risk in RL. They may have let too many of thier RL friends or relatives know what thier SL names is, so it would be easy for them to see a posting here that could be an embarassment to them in RL.

Sex is an important part of my second life as it is to most of the people that I know. As it is in most intimate relationships. And we have nothing to do with the sex industry in SL.

Many people are able to find satisfying relationships here in SL that are not available to them in RL. I know many people here who are in RL marriages that are not completely satisfying, but are still worth preserving, be it for children, finanical obligations or what have you. It is possible to be in a marriage with someone, where the romantic love and passion have faded, yet still care enough for that spouse or family and not be ready to leave them.

I know a women who's husband passed away in the last year after a long and unpleasant illness. Needless to thier sex life wasn't very satisfying for the last several years. It is too early since the death for her to start dating in RL, and her children are not ready to accept that she has those needs. Fortunalty she has found a lover in SL that helps her fill her sexual needs without having to deal with issues it would raise in RL.

My significant other (SO) in SL and I are both married to other people in RL. We both feel committed to maintaining those marriages, even though they are sexually and emotionally unfulfilling, they still have value to us. We both feel extremely fortunate to have found each other in SL, our relationship here has renewed the passions and romance that is missing in our RL.

We have been together for over a year in SL and find our feelings for each other continue to grow and we value this relationship more and more. We live different cities in different time zones in the US so getting together in RL would not be easy. I think eventually we might, but we are approaching the idea of taking this into RL with caution and see no reason to rush it. No doubt sex in RL would be more satisfying physically, but we both find the sexual release we experience together when cybering to be better then the absence we had before we found each other. And sex in RL has many other risks that we are not yet ready for.

I hope that someday we can meet in RL as long as we can do it in a way that does not put either of our RL's at risk. We have no desire to hurt each others families or spouses. We enjoy the passion and sex that we share when cybering. The physical release is very satsifying and we look forward to it. We have gotten to know each other really well, and it is the intimacy and caring that has developed between us that helps makes the cybering so satisfying. We spend as much time cuddling and exchanging sweet talk with each other, before and after sex, as we do in the heat of it.

As long as I have my SO, I am not attracted to going out to sex clubs and picking up strangers, because that intimacy would be missing. But if my SO and I were to split up I would probably go looking for another partner, someone with whom I could establish a meaningful relationship.

I have concluded, as has Regina Lynn, http://blog.wired.com/sex/
that cybering is as real as other forms of sex, just aided by the latest form of technology. My SO and I recently added voice chat (Skype.com) to some of our SL cybering dates. It is a wonderful addition to the experience, I can't recommend it enough to anyone who has not tried it. Yesterday when the grid was down we cybered using Skype only, it was great, but its better with the visual stimulation that SL provides. We were both self concoius at first using voice, and it felt ackward, but we quickly came to enjoy it more then typed chat.... for one thing both hands are free !!!

One of the reasons Sex is "in your face" so much in SL, is that sex sells. I think most sales in SL are linked to sex, wanting to be desireable. The desire to be percieved as sexy, sexy cars, wanting your avatarst o look sexy, even buying big guns, houses, properties and houses, all to make your avatar more desireable. I have tried many different business approaches in SL and its always the sex related things that sell best.