I need wise advice from real adults

I agree with Lindal that Desmond is the one with the right mindset.

Although some kids can "handle it" just fine, others just don't need to be here (and witness what goes on here) for their own benefit.

Another part of the issue is that some adults don't want to have to worry about minors being around and, no, it's not all about sex. One simple example is situations like when you're with a group of adult friends and then someone brings their kid around. Then you feel like you have to clean up your language either out of respect or because you don't want to set a bad example.

The main grid should be for adults. Minors have the teen grid, they don't need to be here.

Exactly which law do you think they're breaking? I know of no law making it illegal for a minor to have cybersex with an adult. As for the adult, it might possibly, just possibly be furnishing obscene material to a minor, but even that is questionable.

This is one of those hypocrisies that's ingrained in our culture. If it's a bad example, then it's bad, and you shouldn't be using that language at all.

Doing it out of respect, or because of the context, or because the kid is too young to distinguish situations where that language is or is not appropriate are all good reasons.

Oh good gawd when are people going to just mind their own buisness and quit starting drama........sheesh!

Maybe I wasn't clear. By "bad example" I just meant something like swearing around a kid making them think it's ok in all situations or whatever. I did not mean the really bad stuff like being a racist jackass, that's always a bad thing.

I know some adults in the 20-40yo range that should be gone from SL to protect themselfs and others. And I know at least one 16yo who would suffer terribly in RL if he was banned from SL/transfered to the teen grid.

Zero tolerance? Stupid. How about using common sense in the single case?

I dont know if this discussion is over BUT are you quite certain they ARE underage?? Speaking as a 28 year old female, I wish that I had said I was 20 many times. Youth grants excuses. I am opposed to teens on the grid BUT if they can hold their own in talk with you, well, "let be" (as Hamlet said).

I agree with Desmond. I'm sorry, but I have children. My daughter is almost a teenager and wants to go on MySpace. My answer.....ummmmmm, no. Kids today might be worldly wise, but are they really. Granted the OP may not have done anything wrong, in fact, probably not. Cybersex with teenagers (not saying the OP participated in that) might not seem like a big deal to some of you, especially if said teenager is 16 or 17...heck that's almost 18, right? They're ALMOST legal, right? Um, but ALMOST would be the operable word....doesn't that only count in horseshoes (or so I've heard). The fact remains that there are predators out there, who may know and enjoy the fact that a certain avi is actually an underager. And as smart as teenagers are, they're sometimes no match for wiley predators, who know exactly how to condition a child (or "almost" adult if that makes some of you feel better) for things that no child should be subject to. Okay, maybe I'm ranting here, but this is something I feel VERY strongly about. Not a day goes by that I don't read somewhere of a child (um, teenager even) missing, molested or murdered by an adult. Yes, it's the parent's responsibility to watch over their kids, but yes, the rest of us do have a moral obligation to watch out for those kids. Geesh.....maybe we should go back to the "it takes a village to raise a child" mentality, and our children would be better off. However, it is each individual's decision to make. I can hold an intelligent conversation with my friends 16 year old daughter...doesn't mean I think she should be exposed to anymore potential predators that what she might meet on a daily basis anyway. The internet (and SL) provides a comfortable anonymity for people, who will do things and say things they might not in RL, and it might start out in all innocence, but doesn't always continue that way. Some "adults" are of the immature mindset that might let them believe that it's okay to "romance" an underager.....might even "fall in love" with one. And kids give away information without even realizing it...it's been tested and proven. I would err on the side of caution, and if I knew for sure they were underage, would report them. They can come back to the adult grid when they're 18, they just have to be patient. Besides, they should be kids while they can.....it doesn't last long enough as it is.

And people wonder why LL wants to bring in age verification...

Any argument on "if they're adult and responsible" is really not worth considering: if they truly were so adult and responsible they'd realize that while they may not agree with the rules, they have to none the less respect them.

The fact that they apparantly can't help themselves from revealing their real age only highlights that they're too immature to be on the main grid.

If not AR'ing a minor when you have strong suspicions isn't an offense in itself, then it should be.

And for those who live in the US, "corruption of a minor" is a crime in some states, even if it only happens online.

Nah. I'm an adult and I don't respect all rules. I don't consider being a sheep a sign of maturity. I respect rules that make good sense for the situation.



Again, nah. Being judged by your chronological age is awful in a society that increasingly devalues and underestimates people because of their age. In this respect, I am so infinitely glad I wasn't raised by a "modern" generation, but by surprisingly old parents - parents who grew up in a time when you stopped being a "child" sometime in your early teens.

Yes, if they just go around blurting out, "lolz I'm 13 my mom doesn't know I play!11!", yeah. Abuse report them. They have some growing up to do. If they told someone else, in confidence, that they were 16, and someone else over heard or that person accidentally let it slip? Not so much.



It's not, and it really shouldn't. I am not LL's police force. I am not, and will not act like, their paid informant, not until they start paying me. Meanwhile my Second Life experience is not harmed by the presence of a precocious 16 year old, so I'm not going to consider it grounds for an abuse report.



Yeah, but I doubt you would find a jury in the world who would convict on that crime for not tattling on a kid who played Second Life.

I know I'm not going to make any friends with my views here... I don't really care. I'm sick of the increasing blinders society puts on with regards to "minors"... Protect them like tiny fragile eggs and shield them from the real world as much as you can until they are 18, then rip the protections away and boot them out the door to fend for themselves because they are an adult. Is it any wonder this generation (Referring to my own, sadly) is so bloody worthless? They were expected to do a half a dozen years worth of development over night.

By the way, a big part of the reason I don't turn teens over to SL? Because the teen grid, as implemented now, is awful. Its like a microcosm of the way too many parents treat their kids in real life... 18th birthday, out the door. Say bye-bye to everything you've ever know up to now, dive headfirst in a whole new world that we've been sheltering you from knowing anything about up until now. And all their old friends? Goodbye. Gone. Adios, unless they made prior arrangements to keep in touch via IM or email... and even then, they can't do anything together.

When SL eventually merges the grid, and just restricts where on the grid a teen can go? Then I might turn them in. Maybe. As it is now? Not unless they deserve it.

So which parts of the TOS and CS do you personally feel you don't have to abide by just because you don't like them?

That didn't refer to not tattling, it reffered to the sexually explicit chats the op was/is(?) having with the minor(s).

Any and all of it, and none of it. LL's ToS isn't going to make me override my personal ethics and morality, but if LL were to punish me for breaking the rules, thats their right to do so.



Well but see, this is the "adult" part of being an adult. There is more to being mature than having had a cake with 18 candles. Don't go hopping into the virtual sack with everyone you meet on SL, and it wont be a problem. I said it earlier in this thread though... if someone gets busted for boinking a 16 year old on a SexBed? Not. My. Problem.

Judas

I would talk to them since they are friends and say that you are going to let LL know because it can put SL is a very difficult position if it is found that these people are underage during any kind of official scrutiny. I would also ask how they got in and if their parents know what they are doing.
Since you stress Very underage, this is how I would respond.
I would want someone to report my kids if they were in SL. Its not you I would worry about but other people they might meet and be influenced by. You seem to have your values in place but I would be concerned with predators attempting to arrange RL meetups..etc.

If you have engaged in any pixel bumping with them, I can see that you would be in a bind and find it difficult to report them; maybe you can ask X or another person to do so? Maybe SL isn't all sugar and spice but you do seem honest yourself that you believed them to be what they presented themselves as and that is kind of sweet.

i'll drink to that.

A lie is a lie. Come clean later really doesn't matter because that "trust" you once had is now tainted. It wouldn't be worth my time to invest in repairing "that trust" with a teen. Only because and depending on their age, they may be too immature to properly deal with it like an adult (remember it takes time for the human mind to fully develop). Not unless you are willing to take on a "Motherly" type of role with them.

A TRUE friend won't back-stab you for one. Also, you don't have to rat them out, just dump them and move on. If you "lie" to your "so called friend" how is that being a "good" friend? I respect people who are honest...even harsh in their honesty, at least you know where you stand with each other.

Nothing like having a friend you can't trust!

Besides, this really is an age issue and here again teens shouldn't be in SL's mature area. There's a reason there is a teen grid.

Oh bull. These are teenagers we're talking about, not five year olds.

Tell your friend your 16 and have them feel obligated to get you kicked off the game (and, in turn, loose them as a friend) or tell a lie. Is it any wonder why people decide as they do?

Then again, maybe my morality is a bit warped. See, I've basically had to do just that most of my adult life, in order to avoid problems. Nothing like being gay to screw up your morality, I suppose.

im sorry but to many people feel nothing should be done let LL figure it out and handle it if i were in this situation friends or not i would report them
kids do not belong on the main grid and should be sent to the teen grid immediately

i have reported someone recently that had they were 16 in their 1st part of their profile they changed their profile and are still on the main grid they admited to me they are only 16 and have no intentions of going to the teen grid i will continue to report them till they are not on the main grid

i know if my kids were on the main grid and doing the things this kid was doing i would be upset...but then again my teenagers are not allowed on the internet unsupervised

Look, kids are kids. I don't care if they are five years old or seventeen. You "think" you know it all as a teen then later find out in life you are lucky to be alive! Don't "bull" me, do your homework on the physical brain development. It does make a difference of what age you are, including experience and wisdom.

Ever heard the cliché "teens are the worst" when it comes to emotional decisions, attitude, flying off the handle, going to extreme to impress their friends, pier pressure and more? Adults tend to be more calm, rational and level headed. Well, depending on your nature of course.

Not ALL adults or ALL teens are alike. Some better in other areas than another, but the general rule is what I've just said above.

I'm sorry to say but there IS a difference!

Right, and at at 17 and 364 days, they are a child, and two days later they are a full fledged adult, right?

Sorry, no. You said it yourself. Not all teens are alike, which is why I will continue to NOT treat each one alike. You do not have to be "motherly" to interact with them, and in many cases they ARE worth it to work to rebuild a trust with.

And on their 18th birthday they suddenly grow up, are mature physically and mentally... Sure. Common sense! Shouldn't be *that* hard to use.

Not true really especially in the teenager years. People used to joke with me when i was a teen that I was 15 going on 30. I made good decisions, didnt skip school, didn't smoke or take drugs and pretty much was "self maintained". Other teens were pretty wild and had to be told what courses to take and their parents had to stand over them and help them make decisions. I was a low maintenance teen mainly due to personality so this is not quite true. Some people are more emotional by nature others are not. Some are wild by nature they dont suddenly change when they hit 21. Some are quiet and thoughtful by nature and dont require much supervision. While some personality traits are learned others we kinda just have. I kinda just was someone who was always too old for my age. To this day my mother tells me that I have always been wiser in my ability to make decisions then she ever was. I take that as a pretty high compliment actually. Esepcially since when she told me this I was only in my mid twenties.. lol

It's so fun when people take $hit out of context! LOL

Again, your brain develops at a different pace than others. NEVER did I say that once you turn 18 you are a full fledge adult. That's just lacking ordinary keenness of mind. Give me a break.

There are many ways to rebuild trust with a teen other than being motherly. That was ONE example. However, why should it become the OP's job to do so? And this is entirely up to her. It doesn't matter what I'd do or not. And it would "depend" on the situation whether or not I would try and rebuild something like that. But I see no reason for an adult to be friends with a child unless they are family, a mentor or simply have a legitimate and helpful reason to be in their lives in such a way. In that case and if I've taken a young person under my wings, and they messed up, of course I wouldn't just dump them. I'd help them. But this isn't the case with the OP's post. She made friends just like many of us do in world. This was an entirely different introduction for her and one based on a lie and with someone whom she wasn't planning on taking under her wing for whatever reason.