Newbs...Relationship risks?
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Briana Dawson
Attach to Mouth
Join date: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 5,855
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02-20-2009 07:17
For sure. A first time SLer is always a relationship risk, not just to you, but to themselves. It is so easy to get sucked into SL and have feelings cross the lines in ways you never expected totally surprising you and taking you on a roller coaster ride of emotion. That can be fun, but often times many people only have 3-4 month relationships and to be on a roller coaster ride of emotion that ends in 3-4 months is devastating. I know because that is exactly how my first relationship went - I was a 1 week old noob, and she was 9 months old.
I think 1st time SL relationships with newbies can be wonderful if they are with someone who does not think in the short term or live off instant gratification because there is a lot to be discovered as a new couple and rediscovered and explored as an Oldbie + Newbie couple. I think any Oldbie getting with a newbie has a greater responsibility than other relationships in SL....This place can be overwhelming for a new resident and a guiding and loving mentor/partner can make a world of difference here, a make or break their SL experience.
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Lindal Kidd
Dances With Noobs
Join date: 26 Jun 2007
Posts: 8,371
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02-20-2009 07:17
^ |
Yeah, that.
Well said, Amaranthim!
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Treasure Ballinger
Virtual Ability
Join date: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 2,745
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02-20-2009 07:20
From: Jerboa Haystack Newbie: OOOh! Look at this [new shiny] I just found! Oldbie: Yeah...I have about 5 of those. The guy that makes them...[yadda yadda] Newbie: <deflates> Oh....
or Newbie: Oooh! I just found this great sim! Come look. <tp> Oldbie: Oh, yeah. I remember when it came online. I still talk with the owner. Newbie: <deflates> Oh...
It's easy to view the "older" person (and here I mean avatar age..NOT RL age!) as larger than life, someone important, and 'out of my league'
Or a "puppy dog" dynamic could develop where the newer person is simply starstruck that someone "famous" or "important" is interested.
The "ooh shiny" attitude can be infectuous and very endearing. But it fades...is the "new av smell" what is so attractive? Or is the click deeper?
Oldbies are generally established. They have favorite places, and activities. Possibly businesses or content creation that takes up quite a bit of time.
Can both people deal with that? Or does the new person, just by virtue of not being established, either feel neglected, or demand more time than is possible?
And while newness can be endearing, it can also be a little frustrating. The SL learning curve isn't short. Sometimes a knowledge gap can easily turn into a misunderstanding. Or make the oldbie feel more like a mentor than a partner.
Very true, even in a 'non-romantic' friend type of relationship. I have a friend like this. He is excited about everything he sees in SL and IM's me saying TREAS!!!! You have GOT to see this place!! And drops a TP on me, when I am terraforming, or trying to get land perms straight, or talk to a land parcel owner about installing waves on her beach. He just doesn't GET the things that I'm doing, doesn't understand them so doesn't see them as important. Maybe some day he will. But he gets his feelings hurt if I don't drop everything and run to see whatever 'shiny' he's found that I saw, bought, and deleted from my inventory 2 years ago. It's frustrating for me (maybe for him too?) but he's such a nice guy that I am not inclined to end the friendship over these things. I think I'll wait it out, from my own experience I know he'll calm down eventually. I think he's worth the wait. And who knows, in the meantime, maybe he'll find a 'shiny' that I've never seen before!
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Key MacMoragh
grrr....
Join date: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 659
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02-20-2009 07:23
From: spike Hydraconis why key it is the one i am snuggled up to as we speak.... Hmmph... guess I walked right into that one. Never mind! I was only teasing anyway... I'm sure *somebody* wants me... no one YOU know, of course.
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Elora Lunasea
Mrs. Llama
Join date: 28 Aug 2007
Posts: 4,828
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02-20-2009 07:23
From: Konu Magic Last night i went to this amazing sim. I never even heard of it... but the person I was with has been there many times before. Even though she had done everything there before, she was so happy that I was excited about seeing it all for the first time. That's how it nees to be with a newbie. I was stunned at the amount of places Ghosty knew about in the short time he'd been here that I'd never been to. Gorgeous places with sweeping landscapes, hidden, secret rooms, etc. There was one place that we walked into the ocean, and wound up in sort of a harem room (for lack of a better word), with lots of love poseballs in it, a stunning swimming pool, very Turkish looking. Gorgeous. Who would know this was there unless somebody else brought you there? When I look back, I think he brought me to more interesting places than I brought him 
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Konu Magic
Certified Insane
Join date: 25 Nov 2008
Posts: 704
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02-20-2009 07:27
From: Elora Lunasea I was stunned at the amount of places Ghosty knew about in the short time he'd been here that I'd never been to. Gorgeous places with sweeping landscapes, hidden, secret rooms, etc. There was one place that we walked into the ocean, and wound up in sort of a harem room (for lack of a better word), with lots of love poseballs in it, a stunning swimming pool, very Turkish looking. Gorgeous. Who would know this was there unless somebody else brought you there? When I look back, I think he brought me to more interesting places than I brought him  When it comes to exploring, I am still a n00b. I haven't done alot but have a fair share of good LM's to head to. I made the mistake of starting to work in SL pretty much from day one. Now, I am starting to find things a bit more... trying to find the unknown areas. So... if any of you have good LM's to someplace amazing/romantic (Yes, i am a true romantic at heart), please send them my way 
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Lindal Kidd
Dances With Noobs
Join date: 26 Jun 2007
Posts: 8,371
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02-20-2009 07:32
From: Briana Dawson For sure. A first time SLer is always a relationship risk, not just to you, but to themselves. It is so easy to get sucked into SL and have feelings cross the lines in ways you never expected totally surprising you and taking you on a roller coaster ride of emotion. That can be fun, but often times many people only have 3-4 month relationships and to be on a roller coaster ride of emotion that ends in 3-4 months is devastating. I know because that is exactly how my first relationship went - I was a 1 week old noob, and she was 9 months old.
I think 1st time SL relationships with newbies can be wonderful if they are with someone who does not think in the short term or live off instant gratification because there is a lot to be discovered as a new couple and rediscovered and explored as an Oldbie + Newbie couple. I think any Oldbie getting with a newbie has a greater responsibility than other relationships in SL....This place can be overwhelming for a new resident and a guiding and loving mentor/partner can make a world of difference here, a make or break their SL experience. My first "serious" SL relationship was like that, Brianna...except he was the noob and I was the somewhat-older avatar. He really got on that roller coaster, and it dumped him off pretty hard in the end. I went for a little less hectic ride, but I got sucked in too. I still feel bad about not being able to...I don't know...sustain it? Give him what he wanted? Warn him? If the two people have similar goals and needs, problems are less likely. For example, if both are happily married, and only want the SL relationship as a diversion, an addition, an extension. Even there, though, you have to be careful. Weird things happen to your head when your emotions get engaged. The key, as in any relationship, is communication. Talk about what you want, what you need, where you can and can't go, how you feel. Not just the chat emotes (fun as they are!) Make sure you understand each other. Age (SL or RL) isn't important. Understanding...is.
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It's still My World and My Imagination! So there. Lindal Kidd
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HoneyBear Lilliehook
Owner, The Mall at Cherry
Join date: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 4,500
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02-20-2009 07:34
From: Konu Magic When it comes to exploring, I am still a n00b. I haven't done alot but have a fair share of good LM's to head to. I made the mistake of starting to work in SL pretty much from day one. Now, I am starting to find things a bit more... trying to find the unknown areas. So... if any of you have good LM's to someplace amazing/romantic (Yes, i am a true romantic at heart), please send them my way  The pimp is a romantic?? Oh please....you've just ruined my whole head picture of you!
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Elora Lunasea
Mrs. Llama
Join date: 28 Aug 2007
Posts: 4,828
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02-20-2009 07:37
From: Konu Magic When it comes to exploring, I am still a n00b. I haven't done alot but have a fair share of good LM's to head to. I made the mistake of starting to work in SL pretty much from day one. Now, I am starting to find things a bit more... trying to find the unknown areas. So... if any of you have good LM's to someplace amazing/romantic (Yes, i am a true romantic at heart), please send them my way  /me makes a note to look through my terribly messy landmarks folder to see if I recognize any of them as being romantic off-hand 
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Elora Lunasea
Mrs. Llama
Join date: 28 Aug 2007
Posts: 4,828
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02-20-2009 07:38
From: HoneyBear Lilliehook The pimp is a romantic?? Oh please....you've just ruined my whole head picture of you! Honey, in my experience many men that make a lot of noise about being "pimps", "boy-toys" and such wind up being the most romantic, stable and loving underneath the bravado they display 
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HoneyBear Lilliehook
Owner, The Mall at Cherry
Join date: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 4,500
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02-20-2009 07:39
From: Elora Lunasea Honey, in my experience many men that make a lot of noise about being "pimps", "boy-toys" and such wind up being the most romantic, stable and loving underneath the bravado they display  lol...gosh...and I missed it completely 
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Bunni Menizah
Bunni Foo foo
Join date: 4 Dec 2008
Posts: 216
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02-20-2009 07:42
Hm. I think from a noob stand point (my account being less than 6 months old), the older accounts are more of a risk!  I've had two relationships so far (both with accounts that were over 3 years old); one died due to drama and the other ended in a partner. /me beams. However, my eyes are still all sparkley with SL (except for wanted to beat the servers to death last night). To me, the possibilites are endless...and I want to explore all of them.
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Konu Magic
Certified Insane
Join date: 25 Nov 2008
Posts: 704
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02-20-2009 07:42
From: HoneyBear Lilliehook The pimp is a romantic?? Oh please....you've just ruined my whole head picture of you! well yeah... I am a romantic at heart. I just like messing with people's heads. Guess my secret is out now... lol Honey, It's not too late to get with an older AV ... lol
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HoneyBear Lilliehook
Owner, The Mall at Cherry
Join date: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 4,500
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02-20-2009 07:44
From: Jerboa Haystack Or a "puppy dog" dynamic could develop where the newer person is simply starstruck that someone "famous" or "important" is interested.
/me whimpers....I just caught this. I better get some reassurance FAST here.
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Konu Magic
Certified Insane
Join date: 25 Nov 2008
Posts: 704
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02-20-2009 07:45
From: HoneyBear Lilliehook /me whimpers....I just caught this. I better get some reassurance FAST here. Well you are famous Honey... well at least here. On the other hand, I am famous also... famous in my own mind 
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HoneyBear Lilliehook
Owner, The Mall at Cherry
Join date: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 4,500
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02-20-2009 07:45
From: Konu Magic well yeah... I am a romantic at heart. I just like messing with people's heads. Guess my secret is out now... lol Honey, It's not too late to get with an older AV ... lol Erm. You know. Well. Remember that 15 seconds?
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Konu Magic
Certified Insane
Join date: 25 Nov 2008
Posts: 704
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02-20-2009 07:46
From: HoneyBear Lilliehook Erm. You know. Well. Remember that 15 seconds? Yeah but something tells me I was too late even then lol
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Elora Lunasea
Mrs. Llama
Join date: 28 Aug 2007
Posts: 4,828
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02-20-2009 07:48
From: HoneyBear Lilliehook Erm. You know. Well. Remember that 15 seconds? 15 seconds? Honey, if you devote that much time to a guy, you could go through the whole grid in a few months 
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Aeslyn Dae
over and out
Join date: 12 Jul 2007
Posts: 453
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02-20-2009 07:48
I think it's not so much whether someone is a noobie or oldbie here that counts, but them as an individual. People are people, and their motives and attitudes towards SL friends and partners will vary however long they've been resident. Some newcomers might not quite understand the depth of genuine attachment that other people can develop towards them, but then even some long-termers can be downright cynical about using others just for a bit of fun. You need to get an understanding of the person, IMO. What I'd personally be wary of is if anyone wanted to dive right into a 'relationship' before I felt we knew each other very well. -- Aes
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Key MacMoragh
grrr....
Join date: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 659
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02-20-2009 07:49
To give a serious answer: I've been the n00b in the relationship, and I've been very very lucky.
My friend has been very patient when I went wild exploring... in fact, she is pretty wild herself, and we used to get together evenings to talk about the things we'd done and the people we'd been with.
For me, the whole business of sex beds, poseballs, nonhuman avatars, was all NEW... she'd been in SL for years.
We were lucky in many ways, but it was easy to not be jealous because all the crazy experiments and just plain fun were ephemeral. They didn't really mean anything, and it was SO MUCH FUN to have someone to be able to talk about it all with.
Being the n00b, and being an impulsive n00b, I so often found myself in deep water... I said yes so much to so many things... the result was that more than once I was very frightened that I'd blown my most important relationship in SL by getting sucked into something else.
I can see that a lot of it was just plain luck. If I'd hooked up with someone else, it wouldn't have worked, I don't think.
It was who we are that determined how the relationship went (and -- thank God! -- still going).
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HoneyBear Lilliehook
Owner, The Mall at Cherry
Join date: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 4,500
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02-20-2009 07:52
From: Elora Lunasea 15 seconds? Honey, if you devote that much time to a guy, you could go through the whole grid in a few months  No, he was invited to the hangout after telling me he had to see me with his own eyes to make sure my pictures weren't doctored...was there long enough to rez and then bailed. Tell me *that's* not bad for the ego!
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HoneyBear Lilliehook
Owner, The Mall at Cherry
Join date: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 4,500
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02-20-2009 07:53
From: Konu Magic Yeah but something tells me I was too late even then lol Wasn't then. 
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Elora Lunasea
Mrs. Llama
Join date: 28 Aug 2007
Posts: 4,828
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02-20-2009 07:54
From: HoneyBear Lilliehook No, he was invited to the hangout after telling me he had to see me with his own eyes to make sure my pictures weren't doctored...was there long enough to rez and then bailed. Tell me *that's* not bad for the ego! That's really weird! Who is this noob that dare offend thee? /gets pitchforks ready for all EDIT: Wait, was that Konu????
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Bunni Menizah
Bunni Foo foo
Join date: 4 Dec 2008
Posts: 216
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02-20-2009 07:55
Honey, I saw you with my own eyes yesterday. Don't let your ego be damaged. You are stunning.
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HoneyBear Lilliehook
Owner, The Mall at Cherry
Join date: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 4,500
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02-20-2009 07:56
From: Elora Lunasea That's really weird! Who is this noob that dare offend thee? /gets pitchforks ready for all EDIT: Wait, was that Konu???? Yep. More's the pity.
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