Newbs...Relationship risks?

Do you find newbies to be any more or less a relationship risk than someone who's been inworld for 3 years?

hey newbies can be wonderful..especially if they know what they want.... they have this whole world in front of them to play in.. but some find out real quick what is important to them

No.

hmmm...yes in a way I think they might be...

Im dipping my toe here verrry cautiously...but...its a whole new world for them (it still is to me most days) but more so when new..so many distractions...so much to learn ...I meet a lot of new people through my rental homes & land sales..they seem to strike up a love interest very quickly..then move on..and on...and on...the new one always seems to be *the love of my LIFE* until the next new thing comes along..but hm...i also know a lot of not so new people like this !

So...I'll take that seat on the fence then..and say..Im not sure.

I'll answer this seriously instead of giving it a typical Friday response.

I don't think you can make a judgement based on how long someone has been inworld, has more to do with the persons personality when you come down to it and how you "click" together.

Ghosty was a noob when we met. True, it took him a bit to settle down somewhat and get his ya-ya's out (hey, I went through the same stage too when I arrived here so I have no judgement on that) but it was worth the (short) wait, as it turned out

Awww....

Awww....

So which of us is important to you, Spike?

why key it is the one i am snuggled up to as we speak....

I don't think I have got close to anyone of three years standing (although who knows - an apparent n00b might be the alt of someone ancient in sl terms) but I think that the longer someone has been in sl the more likely they are to be a better "risk" because of their experiences.

Pep (the older they are in rl is a much better indicator)

So long as you're sure they're newbs and not someone's alt setting you up for rickrolling.

(of course I've got an alt older than I am, but pay no attention to that man behind the curtain)

I've actually considered that, but I'm pretty sure he's not.

Honey I am 100% sure he is not............

isnt everyone regardless of how long they have been in world

Spike: are you still wearing that horrible white shirt?

Nope.. but thanks for asking... hadnt had a chance to shop when you first noticed... much better now

I've had several people voice the opinion that newbies are more of a relationship risk because they haven't had enough time to experience all that SL has to offer.

There's *some* truth to that I guess, but it's all a matter of priorities.

I think there are some distinct pitfalls.

From the perspective of a new person, someone established can be intimidating. It's easy to fall into a dynamic where the new person is excited about the littlest thing, that the established person finds mundane:

Newbie: OOOh! Look at this [new shiny] I just found!
Oldbie: Yeah...I have about 5 of those. The guy that makes them...[yadda yadda]
Newbie: <deflates> Oh....

or
Newbie: Oooh! I just found this great sim! Come look. <tp>
Oldbie: Oh, yeah. I remember when it came online. I still talk with the owner.
Newbie: <deflates> Oh...

It's easy to view the "older" person (and here I mean avatar age..NOT RL age!) as larger than life, someone important, and 'out of my league'

Or a "puppy dog" dynamic could develop where the newer person is simply starstruck that someone "famous" or "important" is interested.

Plus, because everything is so new, things will change fairly quickly. The way that you use SL, and what you expect out of SL can be vastly different after only a month's experience. Can a relationship survive the rapid change in dynamic?

From an oldbie perspective:

The "ooh shiny" attitude can be infectuous and very endearing. But it fades...is the "new av smell" what is so attractive? Or is the click deeper?

Oldbies are generally established. They have favorite places, and activities. Possibly businesses or content creation that takes up quite a bit of time.

Can both people deal with that? Or does the new person, just by virtue of not being established, either feel neglected, or demand more time than is possible?

And while newness can be endearing, it can also be a little frustrating. The SL learning curve isn't short. Sometimes a knowledge gap can easily turn into a misunderstanding. Or make the oldbie feel more like a mentor than a partner.

Anyway, that's my take on it....being only 6 months old myself.

That's not to say that these things are unavoidable, or show stoppers. They aren't. Of course, the true measure is what are you after, and does it work for you? And most importantly, are you enjoying yourself.

Well what you say here holds some truth. While the age of the AV might be that of a newbie, it may not hold true for the person behind the AV. I agree with what someone said when it depends on how 2 people get along. The newbie can experience SL with the experienced player and see everything with her. And the experienced player gets to experience everything, even if he/she has been to a place before, with a new perspective... by seeing it through the eyes of the newbie.

As I say in RL, age is but a number...

it is in ways

When I was a newb I met the most wonderful, neighbor, we were together for many many months. I did hurt him by needing to make my my own history and experiences in world, spread my wings and such. never even intended to get into any relations. I have spread my wings pretty far, and hes still there. So newbs can hurt the old accounts just as well too.
I see it both ways one who doesnt know the workings of SL can easily be blindsided that did happen to me.

It's not the newbie that's the cause of the problem in this example.

Newbie: Oooh! I just found this great sim! Come look. <tp>
Oldbie: Yeh, it's really cool, let's go see what they've been doing with it lately. <tp>

Noob or Old- what difference does it make? We have all suffered the slings and arrows, etc – in RL and in SL.

Relationships, generally speaking – change, grow, die at times- what ever. We are forever in flux personally, so how much more so when combined with others? Sometimes we psychoanalyze things into the ground – As Neil Diamond sang- Don’t think, Feel –

Give in- go with it- feel every nuance- if it lasts it lasts and will change and grow. If not, you both will have a pleasant memory or at least a story to tell. Don’t talk yourself out of something wonderful by worrying about what if’s- what if’s may not ever come.

There are other risks to consider other than the age of an avatar. Having a partner in RL, certainly complicates matters more than that. From my own experience, finding myself involved with someone inworld while trying to balance my RL relationship (which was crashing and burning and had nothing to do with anything SL related) was far more problematic than how old I was or he was at the time (I'm not talking about my current sitation at the moment, as that situation had been nearly resolved by the time I met Ghosty, but my first serious relationship in SL). Trying to negoatiate time between the two, let alone the feelings I had was a larger issue for me, since I was the noob in that case.

I suppose one has to remember there is the possibility of complications regardless of age since there are so many other factors involved when two people come together. Being careful with each others feelings, as we always point out, is always the best course of action. Honesty, truthfulness, voicing expectations - if you stick to those basics I think you may avoid some major pitfalls. Might not avoid heartache, things don't always work out but perhaps you can keep in mind that friendship doesn't have to end just because a relationship doesn't work out.

You got a point there Argent. Places change so often that maybe having a newbie bring it to your attention... you go there and see what has changed since the last time you were there.

Mind you, going into a relationship with a newbie, you will need to understand that (1) They are going to want to go places with you that you may have been there a million times... and (2) They can become down very quickly when they find out that their big find isn't anything amazing... You need to have patience and help guide them in SL.

Last night i went to this amazing sim. I never even heard of it... but the person I was with has been there many times before. Even though she had done everything there before, she was so happy that I was excited about seeing it all for the first time. That's how it nees to be with a newbie.

I tend to agree with Argent on this. I had been in sl nearly a year before I met Amara, but as far as exploring sl and learning what it had to offer, I was still pretty much a noob. Many of the places we went to early on were places she knew of and I think she did rediscover some of the magic that can be lost over time. And I saw what wonderful creations are here in sl. One place still holds great meaning for us even though it is no longer here.

It really does depend on the people involved. I can see two people that have been around for a long time not being able to enjoy things because they have both already been there, already done that.

i don't do that relationship thing in SL, but i'd think someone who's been around awhile is a bigger risk because they've learned all the little tricks that get them what they want, even if it's not what they deserve. love 'em and leave 'em.

newbs might be more willing to commit and stay with their new love.

on the other hand, any newb you run in to might be an alt of someone who's been in for awhile, so that (to me) is a greater risk factor.