Top 1,000 Reasons Why I Can't.....

The CIA is monitoring my communications, and I don't want them to find out that I am a young athletic lesbian spy who wears tight leather catsuits.

i play at midnight - 4am so i dont want to wake anyone in the house

i have a fan blowing on me, makes too much noise ( wind buffeting )

I dislike accents

i mumble

my headphones are lame and i refuse to wear them for more than 20mins

i hate people who use a mic with speakers, no headsets, i dont want to hear myself damnit!

and many more, coming to a rumor mill near you

I wouldn't want them to find that out about me either, especially as it wouldn't be true.

I'm sorry, but I have too many voices in my head as it is, and they are telling me there is no more room.

On the Internet, nobody knows that you're a dog.

...unless you start using voice in SL.

"I'm sorry - I don't speak monkey."

"I'm an Alt - my main said she'd whip me if I use voice..."

-TW

I would only be willing to use talk chat if I have a sufficient supply of helium

Sorry, I was born without a mouth.

Excuse? I don't need no effing excuse.

You win. I don't think anyone can say it any better.

You're the e-surance girl?

Exscuses:

I lost my voice in an accident with 3 squirrels and a loose bottle of No-Doze.

My voice causes hemorraging in the brains of small vertebrates and PETA might be listening in.

Sure, I'll be happy to chat voice with you. Just let me inform everyone here that you'll be 'sexing me up.' What was your name again?

You want to chat voice? Wonderful! I was just in the middle of a discussion with some research scientists studying peple who can't separate Reality from Fantasy. I'm sure they'd love to hear what you have to say.

I'm sorry, but I don't know where you mic has been. And if I listen to your mic, I'll be listening to every mic you've ever listened to.

I work as an "adult phone actress"... and I just KNOW I'd forget and leave my mic on while taking a "business" call... and probably get banned for my unladylike vocabulary.

Also; I charge my clients $2.99 per minute for the honor of hearing my voice, why should I do it for free?

what about
"Sorry but my mouth is busy at the moment"

Ooh, a variation on that:

I do professional voice work and I'm under contract. To talk voice, I'll have to charge you 800L$ per minute. Will you accept the charges?

I lost my tongue in a tragic SL sim crossing vehicle accident.

I will probably use it for OOC chat once-in-a-while (especially when planning events, which usually involves a lot of back-and-forth), but for most of the things I do in SL, text just feels more comfortable (and immersive) to me.

The Gentlemen are currently in my town...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/buffy/gallery/season4/images/340/17hush.jpg

"Go ahead... I'm recording. State your name again.. for the record?"

"Sure" (starts blaring music) "Hrm.. something seems to be misconfigured here. Rockin' tunes though"

"Sure" >click< BEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (feedback)

"My child is sleeping"

"Cat bit through my microphone cord"

"My headset is busted from too much Mechwarrior"

"I talk all day at work.. this is my quiet time."

"in RL I'm someone you would recognize instantly by voice. in SL.. I prefer to be 'just another person'"

(related to the above) "I can't take the risk that anyone might make a recording, and leak it to the press. It's a violation of my recording contract"

"My jaw has been wired shut for 3 months, following an accident involving a gas powered scooter, a small child, a gorilla, and a jar of mayonaise."

"I've taken a vow of silence. Go with God, my child."

>MUTE< (anyone who is on me this bad for voice, has annoyed me enough that we have nothing to talk about.. and certainly aren't about to netsex. Frankly this was my reaction to people who asked me 2 times for a photo on IRC, after being told no.)

I live in the UK.. and we're charged for bandwidth here. I have a limited amount of upload/stream bandwidth available each month.. (and if I'm feeling mean):I'd rather not waste it on you.

This one is actually the most likely one for me to use:

"I'm sorry. Second Life requires a much better computer than I have. I only have 500 megs of ram. A dance club with 20 people in it is enough to crash me. I can't stream audio half the time, and video.. forget it. It's all I can do to stay online, and chat. The voice stream, when I enable it, causes me to crash.. so no."

You really don't want me to plug in a mike. If I do that right now, you'll get to hear a huge dog barking in your ear at 110 decibels, asking to be let out!

No, I won't turn on my speakers so my 11 year old daughter can hear that griefer over there, loudly propositioning every female looking avatar in sight, and with such foul language!

Can't. You couldn't hear a thing over the clothes dryer and washing machine in the next room.

No way, I live under an airport flight path, and have enough noise to deal with as it is!

Nope, my computer fan is much too loud for me to use a mike. SL is burning up my video card.

Do you really want your girlfriend to come on to you with a deep, bass male voice?

Three children under the age of 12 are on the floor in the room beside me, raptly watching cartoons. If I turn on the speakers and start using a mike, they will be watching US!

I plan to just put em on hold, get some cheezy elevator music..."you are in queue place 461, your call is important to us, please hold the line"...

This actually happened to me. Except it wasn't a cat, it was a puppy. I was playing Second Life when suddenly the world became silent. "Blah, it's so laggy today it even stops the wind." Then I realised the dog was awake. Oooops.

"if I wanted to talk to you, I'd give you my phone number"

"I AM speaking - can't you hear me?"

I'll just make a squishing sound on the mic. And when they ask what it is I'll tell them it's a baby rabbit.

Having my voice heard by others is against the teachings of my religion. Are you trying to oppress me?