What Value Is An SL Marriage, If We Are Allowed ALT's ?

It seems like it. My face is just recovering from the last time, and I thought she was just being silly.

not if you are keen on keeping both your eyes in their sockets. that's the first thing i go for.... jewels are second.

both simultaneously if my hands aren't full. a thumb deep into the inside of the eye with a hard sharp nail, gouging in an outward motion while squeezing someone's balls with an angry intent to squirt them right open.... gouging and squeezing until they don't know which one to push off first .... well... sniff sniff.... it is a beautiful, powerful moment!

so do you feel lucky? well?!! do you punk?

I think that this horse has been beaten and dismembered, but I I just have to throw in my 2c! I do not think that this is an alt issue or an issue having to be policed by SL. Just like in real life, it is about trusting your mate and the caliber of people that you chose to associate with. I am not flaming you - you are the victim of a piece of s***t. But, I would hate to even imagine SL being micromanaged.
I am so sorry that you were hurt. If you want an IW shoulder, IM me!

/me sends a hug

Not truly your friends. I'm sorry this happened to you. I expect in time, it happens in most SL marriages.

I've been with my partner since December, 07. Not long after I created an alt. Not for shady purposes mind you, but so I could build without all of my friends and groups hitting me with IM's and spam. I told the partner about my alt and he went straight out and created an one of his own and SL married mine. Hehe. All four of us are cross referenced on the friends list into a tight little SL family. The downside is that I don't get to build using my alt. If he see's her on, he hunts her down. Yeah, I don't get hit with the friends and group spam but he can out yack those on a good day!

I know this must be painful for you. I can 100% imagine how this feels. Pick yourself up though. Find something to immerse yourself into and go out there and make fun for yourself! And remember....it's only SL.

OMG ROFLMAO You ROCK 3Ring!

you say that as if i'm kidding. LOL

IOW: don't mess with me unless you have permission.

try it. even if they don't deserve it. very rewarding. LOL

I saw this and was struck by 3Ring's compassion. Please don't take offense, but I always saw you as a hard as nails ball crusher.


Ah, there you are!


People never stop to amaze me and I love it when it is for the better.

RL feelings are hard to separate and I am sad you went through these things.

There was a great discussion group I went to over the weekend that helps put a lot of things in perspective out SL relationships and it helps with rl ones too. Cant think of the name of it but its in my groups if you want to look them up when your in world next time.

Alts are not the issue as stated by many.
Myself I never intended to have any relationships in world but found meeting up with the same friend things just happen. If you can look at things with out any expectations and just have fun with what happens in the moment it may help. Who am I to give advice? Any way I hope you just don't give up on the next person you meet. If you need a friend you can always im me. Take care.

So, the answer to the OP's question is obvious:

The value of an SL marriage when we can have alts is - drama and entertainment.

I'm sorry you were hurt, but what were you looking for out of the relationship? SL-only relationships that do not cross over into the real world should not carry the same expectations as a rl relationship. It's very different, and you need to lay these expectations out very early on... but on the whole, I think it is unreasonable to expect someone in SL to be true to you in all personas unless that person is your rl husband/wife/significant other.

I get this in RL without alts.

I have an RL married friend who's in SL. She has an SL boyfriend. Trouble before alts even get mentioned. Her 'boyfriend' has an alt who has his own 'girlfriend'.
On the other hand, I'm sure there are many true romances in SL regardless of alts.
It's the people who are either sincere or deceitful.

Could not of said it better!
XO

LOL I am not sure if violence is the way to go but no one is going to mess with you - that is for sure.

That is so true. It is easy to say that we can stay totally detached IW (as compared to RL) but that is just not really human nature. If you spend a lot of time with someone, whether you can see their RL appearance or not - you become fond of them. As a newbie, I can say - it is such a weird thing. There is another thread out there about total immersion SL versus not. I have to go over there and ask some questions, but it seems to me that whenever you deal with other people on a regular basis, esp if you like them, admire them, and are attracted to their mind - how can you not care for them, grow attached, even succumb to jealousy, lust, etc?

I keep on reading posts (esp from Broccoli) about how SL is NOT RL. BUT, if you were blind and could not see the people that you interacted with, would that make the relationships (platonic or otherwise) any less meaningful?

This type of experience is new terrain for the human mind - lust and desire without physical contact, intimacy without sight, attachment with the knowledge that the two worlds cannot (or will not) converge. It is pretty heavy stuff...

Back to my carefree self...

So uh.. 3Ring.. you aren't mad at me or anything?? I would hate to get on your bad side.

Lots of good advice here from everyone.

"CX"

It would be great if somehow rules could be made to prevent broken hearts...
I really know nothing about SL romances except what I read here. But in RL I've known a lot of people and situations.
Even the truest hearts can find their affections changing. There just aren't any guarantees.
I do think that the more love, compassion and forgiveness we can fill our own hearts with the stronger we are when things get painful.
I'm trying to send you healing energy, Olias, and hope that everything gets much better for your soon.

Those ones are called morals and being considerate.

I see what you mean. We can each make and enforce rules for ourselves. I think it's a good idea.

Most people do it in RL, it's just that so many people don't see SL as interacting with real people on the same level as RL. To me, my SL is just as important as my RL. Period. To my neighbour..it's a place to come and relax occasionally. That's fine, but EVERYONE needs to understand that some people take it completely seriously, as if it was their RL (As I do).

I know it's been said before, and I know that it's not gonna happen, that there's always going to be people who are here just because they can be, and who don't consider their actions. Who think of their avatar as a character, and nothing more, who have multiple characters without a thought to how this could affect relationships with one of them.

I've been hurt by the alt thing. I know people who've been hurt by it. I also know people who really couldn't care less... the thing is, you can't know someones reaction without asking.

I say go ahead with alts.. I don't care so much about alts. My problem is using them to sneak around behind someones back, when they (Usually rather obviously) would be hurt by it. So I say ask, and if they say don't do it.. maybe consider not doing it. Because we're real people here, and we do care. Not all of us care... but a hell of alot of us.

I've said it time and again. You can try to compartmentalize all you want, but you only have one life. RL is a euphemism for your off-line activities, but everything you do, online, offline, etc. is part of your real life. You may choose to treat the friends and relationships you make and have online as somehow less important (I don't, but others do) just as you may choose to treat your friends from your job as less important than your friends you hang out with on the weekends.

Personally, I think you should treat everyone the way you want to be treated - respect, compassion, and comfort when you are down. It doesn't matter whether you communicate online, on the phone or face to face.

That said, I'm sorry to Olias about the pain you've been put through. It's not the fault of Ll for allowing alts; it's the fault of your partner and friend for behaving poorly and treting you like your feelings were unimportant. There are a lot of good people out there - they far outnumber the bad ones. Chin up - it hurts now, but you'll be fine in due time.

QFT. QFGDFT (Quoted for truth. Quoted for god damn f***ing truth)


Well said, Trout

I am truly overwhelmed with the kind thoughts and comments. And the quantity of them. I never expected this.
Knowing that 'we' are out there, treating both lives with the same amount of regard, and morals as we would our 'real-lives', makes this that much easier to bear.
I, again, would like to hug and kiss everyone of you for what you have all said.

Thankyou all, so very much.
..Oli.

Missy

For whatever reason, there are reasons why people can't be together in RL, but want to be together in SL.... Sometimes SL has to be SL and RL has to be RL.

somebody told me that you had a boyfriend
who looked like a girlfriend
that I had in February of Last Year...


But seriously....yes, to Missy: Not everything is black and white, cut and dried. It's very shallow to think that just because you love someone you can abandon everything you are for them. Sometimes, even if the love is RL, it can only exist in SL.

And re: alts...at least he used an alt. Can't tell you number of creeps I picked up with in thefirst few months in SL who didn't even bother to get an alt to mess around and lie with. They used their main Character...Needless to say none of them are on my friends list anymore...and I cannot be bothered with finding out the drama-du-jour with them.

I've surrounded myself with loyal, honest, like-minded people in SL. If they get into "drama" at all, they aren't around me. That simple.

Put on a pretty dress and go dancin, honey! Forget about him. There are good people in SL. You just have to look for us!

In this regard, SL marriages are not unlike RL marriages.

People get married to each other before they have taken an opportunity to truly discuss their differing expectations of what it means to be married.

Fortunately, the costs and consequences of SL marriages (and divorces) are far less than the costs and consequences of RL marriages (and divorces).

Chalk this one up to experience. When getting involved in an SL relationship, you know that you need to determine whether you and your potential SL partner have the same ideas on what it means to be partners.

The ability to have alternate characters in SL is something that does not really have a RL counterpart.

Particularly for persons who first experienced internet socialization through roleplaying games, one's SL persona is probably thought of as a character who is distinct from the player (the RL person manipulating the avatar). And alternate characters are all considered distinct personalities from each other. To such a person, the concept that the romantic entanglements of Alternate One in any way mean that Altnerate Two is cheating on Alternate Two's partner just doesn't make sense. They are entirely different people. Likewise, any romantic connection exists between the two characters (avatars); no romantic connection exists between the two players (RL people at the comptuer manipulating the avatars).

Other persons come to SL from a background in chat rooms on the internet, in which there is an assumption that the virtual information is at least supposed to reflect the real person typing the information. Such persons more naturally assume that the SL avatar is just a digital stand-in for the real life person. Since SL isn't really a game in the sense of roleplaying games (there is no unified story, plot, game rules, system of character statistics and random resolution of conflict), the idea that someone would be roleplaying a character in SL doesn't make sense. That would be something left to a game like WoW, not a virtual world like SL.

And then some people are experiencing internet socialization for the first time via SL, and they are probably the most confused of all.

There's no real basis to declare that one set of assumption or another are "correct." SL is big enough is that anyone can find areas or groups that most conform to her or his own set of assumptions.

However, it is important to figure out if the people with whom you want to spend a lot of time have the same set of assumptions or preferences as you. Especially if you have an emotional investment in the outcome.

You may have naturally assumed that having an SL partner meant that the RL person behind that avatar was reserving all of his SL romance for you. And he may have naturally assumed that the SL partnership was only valid between the two specific avatars. No set of assumptions is right or wrong. He may not have had any reason to think that having a set of alternate adventures might hurt you.

Now you know for the future that this is a question you'll need to ask a prospective partner. Is this romance with you, or is this romance with a character? It's an honest question that deserves an honest answer.

The value of the SL marriage is the value that both partners place upon it. Some people are happy enough having different alts with different romantic lives. Then some aren't. You're entitled to seek the kind of relationship you want. You don't need to be caught up in how people are "supposed" to conduct their relationships in SL.