Awesome offline IMs

Series of offlines from a customer who clearly did not understand the meaning of the "user is offline" message:

[17:53] Customer: hello stephanie i bying naw skin i dant fand in my inventory
[17:53] Customer: i dant know what i do
[17:54] Customer: answer my plss
[17:56] Customer: i bye it skin
[17:56] Customer: but i dant fand skin
[17:57] Customer: whay???
[18:09] Customer: its to mach for you
[18:09] Customer: i knowwww you want for ather relation

It was definitely too "mach" for me, I was offline! Problem was solved next time I logged on and she must have been a happy customer because she came back and bought another skin a couple of days later, which resulted in the following offlines:

[10:55] Customer: hello stefanie i want to buy skni
[10:55] Customer: but i dant fand it
[11:09] Customer: ok thank you
[11:10] Customer: i fand here in my inentory

[19:59] Raving Lunatic: (Saved Mon Mar 31 02:01:00 200 hello francis
[19:59] Raving Lunatic: (Saved Mon Mar 31 02:01:17 200 need pls your -VIPs (Blinds)

"hello, i have seemed to lost a car i bought from you a while back, would you IM for an arangement"

i have a cousin who is an idiot, so im fluent in dumbass.

the guy could have easily checked his lost and found, and if the car was no copy (seriously, the seller is a retard for selling a no copy item) THEN DONT DELETE IT!

(about the seller, for the new ones, deed the objects on the check box, at copy and thats it, that way they cant mod it or resell it, how ever, some sellers encouraged modifacations, if you want that, then deed it "copy" and "mod" and make sure the transfer thing is OFF, its different on cars, becasuse most makers dont want the script to be fiddled with)

random: can i have a copy of that car?
me: its no transfer, dude
ramdom: can you give me 1800L?
me: i dont give out money, sorry
Random: then can you give me a copy of that car?

*headdesk*

okay, what dont new peoplee get about (no transfer), or that i dont give out money unless its to the united spinal donor box or american cancer scociety, or many other RL charities in SL.

oh, a few more, you will love this one, you see, i am a husky in-world, so noobs see me as just that, a bi-pedal dog.

noob: can i buy you, and keep you as a virtual pet?
me: dude, im not into that S&M stuff, and i hate tailsales.
noob: no, no, i mean to collar you and keep as a housepet
me: dude, im not a dog in some shelter
noob: well, i mean, i was told that animal avatars in second life are for pets
me: yes, its called BDSM, and only like, a small portion of people do it in SL, either they be human or furry.
noob: whats that (bdsm)
me: Bondage Slave Master
noob: whats that mean?.
me: (innapropreate content, i had to tell him, he wouldn't shut up)
noob: EWWWWWW!!!
noob: WHO INVENTED SL?, THEY ARE SICK IN THE HEAD!
*noob logs off of the client*

i have one more offline messege

random guy: your home is a box, suspended in a google, and when its clicked, a flying pig comes out of it, and your body turns all wavvy and stuff.

i really cracked up on that one

Which bit? The BDSM or the furry?

Because neither of those are illegal in any state (USA) I know of as long as it's consensual between legal adults. Furryism(Or whatever) is even legal as long as it isn't beastiality, which as far as I know is illegal in all states, as well as most countries.

BDSM is only illegal if it's..well..true rape, essentially, which I'm meaning to include non-consensual slavery.

I'm not trying to attack you or anything, I'm really wondering where you heard this, and if I somehow missed the memo, considering I practice a BDSM lifestyle.

BDSM, and thats what i ment, the rape part is, i just wanted him to get off my back, i was tired when i wrote it, i was about to log off for the night when he immed me, so i am sorry if i offended you.

Nope, didn't offend me, was just concerned... and okies, thanks for the clarification ^_^

[21:15] Weird Wacko: (Saved Sat Jul 12 12:54:57 200 Kisses, got a copy of your gurney script. Just wanted to say Hi, and thanks.. oh, and the kiss I sent too

..

I have never written a "gurney" script whatever that is.....

You sure you don't have a 'Franics Nightingale" alt?

Whut. The. Hell.


[11:15] SomeoneINeverHeardOf Quan: (Saved Thu Oct 16 08:36:57 200 You are now my master. IM me with "help" for a command list.

Talk about being dragged into someone else's RP... LOL

very funny these residents random IM's.....my mentor friend had one recently on help island

newb - are u a robot, or are u human?
montor- i am a second life mentor and i help new residents like yourself
newb - so you are a robot then
mentor - no I am a real person behind this avatar, can I help u?
newb - so how come you can talk then?

rofl

The one I had personally that cracked me up was:

newb - can you help me fix my face please?, I have messed it up.
me - gee how did you do that?
newb - someone turned me into a wolf

'lil doggie

Once upon a time (I think back in 2004), I was talking with another scripter in SL and we were discussing the progression of being a newb, to learning to script, to becoming a well-known scripter in SL.

After sharing our common experiences, we finally settled upon a metric: You would be considered an accomplished scripter when a stranger finds one of your scripts, and adapts it to suit some unforeseen carnal purpose.

By that metric, I've achieved "accomplished scripter" status several times over since then.

Random IM of the day:

[9:33] Strange Irritant: did you make the blow job anywhere scripts .. if so HOW do i switch who does what? I can not seem to edit them.

For those of you that run a business, advertise in SL, or employ salespeople, I have some advice: learning to type using complete sentences with appropriate spelling and grammar helps establish a professional image. This is especially true when introducing yourself and contacting someone for the very first time.

[1:04] IMSpammer1988 Karillion: hello i have advertisers here for everyone to advertise there bisiness, or anything else lol. Are you intrested? http://slurl.com/secondlife/[redacted]/216/143/352 10L A WEEK can pay upto 4 weeks
[1:04] IMSpammer1988 Karillion: wow you been here so long lol

...

like omg srsly?

LOL!

Francis! *HUGS*!

Then I guess I owe your employer quite a bit of money.
.

[15:56] MyToothbrush IsStuck: (Saved Mon Jul 06 08:16:00 2009)
[15:56] MyToothbrush IsStuck: (Saved Mon Jul 06 08:16:07 2009) and the scul vercion of dominius shadow
[15:56] MyToothbrush IsStuck: (Saved Mon Jul 06 08:16:21 2009) or the free old dominus shadow
[15:56] MyToothbrush IsStuck: (Saved Mon Jul 06 08:16:23 2009) xD
[15:56] MyToothbrush IsStuck: (Saved Mon Jul 06 08:16:48 2009) sorry a mind *sculp

I think they are just bothering you so you will post in this uber cool personal forum fan club.

[2009/06/22 23:53] misterconfused avatar: (Saved Mon Jun 22 03:46:41 2009) waaaaaaa
[2009/08/11 3:45] misterconfused avatar: (Saved Sun Aug 09 11:37:21 2009) hello a need gesture cocacola japonais

...

I'm trying to figure out what would invoke the reaction, "Perfect, just what I was looking for!"