Second Life Forums Archive - RL relationships from SL ones

FlipperPA Peregrine

Magically Delicious!

Join date: 14 Nov 2003

Posts: 3,703

11-13-2004 08:10

I've met quite a few SLers in RL, on both sides of the Atlantic. Obviously, none romantically, since I have the lovely Jennyfur whom I met in RL. That's a funny story in and of itself... I showed up on her new driveway saying, "I'm here to help you move... can I carry heavy stuff?" Great pick up line!

I think SL relationships that have gone to RL I've seen are GREAT. However... I also agree some people do tend to rush it. Most of my close friends who've done it... this is NOT the case. And I guess I'm talking about it over 20 years of "online" experience more than SL experience. When people take their time about the RL side, its normally wonderful.

Regards,

-Flip

_____________________

Peregrine Salon: www.PeregrineSalon.com - my consulting company
Second Blogger: www.SecondBlogger.com - free, fully integrated Second Life blogging for all avatars!

Cartridge Partridge

Noodly appendage

Join date: 13 Sep 2004

Posts: 999

11-13-2004 09:00

From: rinaz bijoux

Cartcart is so good at maths

*looks admiringly*

Well rinaz, everyone has points of strength and weakness. My weakness must be geography. I had to edit a post to change "mid east" into "south east asia"...

BTW, did you put any irony in that sentence? I think i saw some...

_____________________

aku cinta kamu sepenuh hati, rinaz sayangku.

My short term memory died about 10 years ago.
It's the last thing i remember.
Did i tell you already?

Stormy Roentgen

Prim Putter Togetherer

Join date: 25 May 2004

Posts: 342

11-13-2004 21:10

I met Starax shortly after I started playing in April, and he's been here since Sept. He was everything I expected and more, although I am quite dissappointed he doesn't really have a green mohawk.

Relationships with people you've met online can be good or bad all depending how cautious the parties involved are obviously. As long as everyone remains level headed and doesn't let their imaginations fill in the "unknown" then all is good. A downside is falling in love with someone online, getting together in RL and finding yourself in a relationship with someone you know isn't right for you yet still loving them... if that makes sense?? I've been in an online relationship before where this was a case. No horror story.. just a bad relationship with someone I wouldn't have chosen in a RL environment, but the bond was already made by the time we met and you can't just turn it off instantly. Not if you're me anyhow.

Jauani Wu

pancake rabbit

Join date: 7 Apr 2003

Posts: 3,835

11-13-2004 21:38

i think meeting people online is great. i've had friends who've tried it with some succes and some failure, like all relationships. just like meeting in a bar or a bookstore, the relationship has to get on with it. it can't remain a neverending existential conversation in a bookstore, drunken making out on the dance floor, or carefully crafted text on a chat room. to really get to know a person you have to put them through all kinds of situations. and even then there is always risks with everything. but you have to risk for reward

however i think that whenever one meets a stranger, whether it's in a club or in SL, it's wise to be cautious. i disagree with those that say meeting strangers online is better than meeting through friends or acquantences or other socially networked situations. the right person can come out of any situation. while a social network doesn't necessarily increase the chances for a love connection, common sense will tell us that it is more likely to vet out freaks.

what i always found wierd about my friends trying online dating services is that meeting the right person was broken down into checking off the right boxes in a form. how can finding love be as easy as picking the options on your new car? i think SL definitely beats traditional online dating. but still, i firmly believe that for it to be meaningful, it has to be real.

people who perplex me are those who have RL relationships and believe that it is not cheating to be involved in an intimate textual relationship in SL without their RL partners knowledge. when these people try to encourage me to share in their deceitful/immoral lifestyle or project it on me (probably to normalize it and feel less guilty), i am deeply disturbed.

_____________________

http://wu-had.blogspot.com/
read my blog

Mecha
Jauani Wu
hero of justice
__________________________________________________
"Oh Jauani, you're terrible." - khamon fate

rinaz bijoux

is your friend!

Join date: 8 Oct 2004

Posts: 1,238

11-14-2004 07:17

From: Jauani Wu

people who perplex me are those who have RL relationships and believe that it is not cheating to be involved in an intimate textual relationship in SL without their RL partners knowledge. when these people try to encourage me to share in their deceitful/immoral lifestyle or project it on me (probably to normalize it and feel less guilty), i am deeply disturbed.

I that you've just worded out something that I've been thinking of too Jauani. Considering that if someone who is in a RL relationship. What if they had a relationship online too, would that be considered cheating? Even if they never meet up. And would never have a physical relationship.

To me, I believe that when it goes overboard from having "harmless little fun and games" and directly affects real life. I think thats considered cheating.

_____________________

Mi Carissimo Cartcart ... Ti penso sempre . Ti amo tanto tanto tanto

So blessed are we to have each other

Visit Rinaz Bloggariffic!

Camille Serpentine

Eater of the Dead

Join date: 6 Oct 2003

Posts: 1,236

11-14-2004 12:03

If you have an exclusive RL relationship (or exclusive online one), I think it is cheating to persue a relationship in the other. It takes away from the time you spend with your exclusive partner, which would be cheating if you did it in the same medium (online or RL).
If you are just casually dating someone in RL (or online), and you have no agreement to be exclusive, then it isn't cheating.

At least that's my take on it.

_____________________

RL relationships from SL ones
FlipperPA Peregrine Magically Delicious! Join date: 14 Nov 2003 Posts: 3,703	11-13-2004 08:10 I've met quite a few SLers in RL, on both sides of the Atlantic. Obviously, none romantically, since I have the lovely Jennyfur whom I met in RL. That's a funny story in and of itself... I showed up on her new driveway saying, "I'm here to help you move... can I carry heavy stuff?" Great pick up line! I think SL relationships that have gone to RL I've seen are GREAT. However... I also agree some people do tend to rush it. Most of my close friends who've done it... this is NOT the case. And I guess I'm talking about it over 20 years of "online" experience more than SL experience. When people take their time about the RL side, its normally wonderful. Regards, -Flip _____________________ Peregrine Salon: www.PeregrineSalon.com - my consulting company Second Blogger: www.SecondBlogger.com - free, fully integrated Second Life blogging for all avatars!
Cartridge Partridge Noodly appendage Join date: 13 Sep 2004 Posts: 999	11-13-2004 09:00 From: rinaz bijoux Cartcart is so good at maths looks admiringly Well rinaz, everyone has points of strength and weakness. My weakness must be geography. I had to edit a post to change "mid east" into "south east asia"... BTW, did you put any irony in that sentence? I think i saw some... _____________________ aku cinta kamu sepenuh hati, rinaz sayangku. My short term memory died about 10 years ago. It's the last thing i remember. Did i tell you already?
Stormy Roentgen Prim Putter Togetherer Join date: 25 May 2004 Posts: 342	11-13-2004 21:10 I met Starax shortly after I started playing in April, and he's been here since Sept. He was everything I expected and more, although I am quite dissappointed he doesn't really have a green mohawk. Relationships with people you've met online can be good or bad all depending how cautious the parties involved are obviously. As long as everyone remains level headed and doesn't let their imaginations fill in the "unknown" then all is good. A downside is falling in love with someone online, getting together in RL and finding yourself in a relationship with someone you know isn't right for you yet still loving them... if that makes sense?? I've been in an online relationship before where this was a case. No horror story.. just a bad relationship with someone I wouldn't have chosen in a RL environment, but the bond was already made by the time we met and you can't just turn it off instantly. Not if you're me anyhow.
Jauani Wu pancake rabbit Join date: 7 Apr 2003 Posts: 3,835	11-13-2004 21:38 i think meeting people online is great. i've had friends who've tried it with some succes and some failure, like all relationships. just like meeting in a bar or a bookstore, the relationship has to get on with it. it can't remain a neverending existential conversation in a bookstore, drunken making out on the dance floor, or carefully crafted text on a chat room. to really get to know a person you have to put them through all kinds of situations. and even then there is always risks with everything. but you have to risk for reward however i think that whenever one meets a stranger, whether it's in a club or in SL, it's wise to be cautious. i disagree with those that say meeting strangers online is better than meeting through friends or acquantences or other socially networked situations. the right person can come out of any situation. while a social network doesn't necessarily increase the chances for a love connection, common sense will tell us that it is more likely to vet out freaks. what i always found wierd about my friends trying online dating services is that meeting the right person was broken down into checking off the right boxes in a form. how can finding love be as easy as picking the options on your new car? i think SL definitely beats traditional online dating. but still, i firmly believe that for it to be meaningful, it has to be real. people who perplex me are those who have RL relationships and believe that it is not cheating to be involved in an intimate textual relationship in SL without their RL partners knowledge. when these people try to encourage me to share in their deceitful/immoral lifestyle or project it on me (probably to normalize it and feel less guilty), i am deeply disturbed. _____________________ http://wu-had.blogspot.com/ read my blog Mecha Jauani Wu hero of justice __________________________________________________ "Oh Jauani, you're terrible." - khamon fate
rinaz bijoux is your friend! Join date: 8 Oct 2004 Posts: 1,238	11-14-2004 07:17 From: Jauani Wu people who perplex me are those who have RL relationships and believe that it is not cheating to be involved in an intimate textual relationship in SL without their RL partners knowledge. when these people try to encourage me to share in their deceitful/immoral lifestyle or project it on me (probably to normalize it and feel less guilty), i am deeply disturbed. I that you've just worded out something that I've been thinking of too Jauani. Considering that if someone who is in a RL relationship. What if they had a relationship online too, would that be considered cheating? Even if they never meet up. And would never have a physical relationship. To me, I believe that when it goes overboard from having "harmless little fun and games" and directly affects real life. I think thats considered cheating. _____________________ Mi Carissimo Cartcart ... Ti penso sempre . Ti amo tanto tanto tanto So blessed are we to have each other Visit Rinaz Bloggariffic!
Camille Serpentine Eater of the Dead Join date: 6 Oct 2003 Posts: 1,236	11-14-2004 12:03 If you have an exclusive RL relationship (or exclusive online one), I think it is cheating to persue a relationship in the other. It takes away from the time you spend with your exclusive partner, which would be cheating if you did it in the same medium (online or RL). If you are just casually dating someone in RL (or online), and you have no agreement to be exclusive, then it isn't cheating. At least that's my take on it. _____________________

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RL relationships from SL ones