A question/plea for the women of SL...

just call everyone "yourhonour".

I've wracked my brain for one real life instance of someone other than a waiter or a doorman addressing me as ma'am.
All I can come up with is when addressing a stranger. "Ma'am, you dropped your keys."

It just doesn't come up in a situation where the person knows my name. In a game where you have names so conveniently available, i think, the safest course of action is to use the person's name.

Hmmm...

Maybe your using it incorrectly? Madam refers to a married woman, where as Miss refers to a single one. It's a bit archaic, but even an older single woman would be called "Miss Whatever", whereas a younger married woman would be "Madam Whatever". Admittedly, this is a bit archaic - which is probably why it doesn't show up in G's definition, but maybe what they object to is your getting their marital status wrong?

Or maybe you're just being teased.

MS (as in the feminist replacement for Miss or Mrs.) Bhodi <grin>

i use Ma'am and Sir only when i'm at work to the customers. It doesn't matter how old they are. But anyone else i don't use em. Though i have worked with a guy before, sweet as can be, we became very good friends and we are about the same age. But he calls me Ma'am all the time hehehe.

I dont think i'd be offended if someone called me ma'am or miss, though I usually prefer 'Queen' or 'Goddess'

LF, let me make this simple for you: call me Beryl. Or Ber. Or even B. As in, "Later, B." There, easy peasy.

I don't give a flying fart what most people call me as long as it's not derogatory, but you seem to be making this harder than it is. Do you really care what we (the female population of SL) think, or are you just trying to foist your opinion of what YOU think we should want to be called on us and are looking to justify it?

And just for the record, when someone calls me Mrs. Klug, I instinctively look around in horror for my mother-in-law. *shudder*

I'd be horribly offended if you called me ma'am, LF.

I never call anyone ma'am, but if I did and they got offended, I'd tell them what to go do with themselves. You don't take someone's courtesy and throw it in their face.

The first couple of times I was called ma'am I was horrified. Mostly because I was young and cherished it. I did not want in any way to be construed as "old".

Now it doesnt bother me and I appreciate the respect.. In more casual atmosphere I think I'd prefer something more casual and equal. I would not however be offended.

It seems like a lot of people must get sexual gratification from taking offense where none is meant. If this discussion has shown me anything it's that I should say whatever I like and if someone considers a term of respect to be an insult then it's their problem. In fact, it might be better to be intentionally rude: it's more fun and you'll probably get the same results either way.

Tyger Lily wins!

Yup Huns and Tiger win this thread!

And here comes Wed in second place....





fen-

Lordfly,

Where I grew up, calling someone Miss Zana or saying "Hello, m'am" and "goodbye Ma'am" is the height of politeness even if you know someone well. I don't get in the least bit offended by "Ma'am." Some women do see it as a sign of indicating age, but to me it's what I'm supposed to say especially to a woman I respect, regardless of age, class, etc. But I think that's an old southern custom and that custom doesn't really translate to other parts of the country -- like the word "ya'll." After all, all good southerners know that "ya'll" is singular, "all ya'll" is plural and "all ya'll's" is plural possessive but I've met many northern friends who think "ya'll" by itself is plural and therefore think "all ya'll" is redundant.

Same difference here I think. In my old southern-roots-background, "ma'am" is fine and especially polite. In other folks' backgrounds, its rude. I call women "ma'am" all the time, even in SL and not once has someone gotten upset with me or corrected me. I guess because I'm female? I dunno.

I would suggest that if it's a lady you know well, why not ask her what she prefers and follow that as a guideline? Nothing wrong with asking.

And you can call me "ma'am" anytime .

Zana

Ya Know... Isn't deciding a formal / polight form of female adress is now rude a slap in the face to all of the women who worked to be addressed in such a way in the first place?

Gwyd, women have worked to get the vote, to be able to make choices about their own sexual reproduction, and various other small rights and privileges that men have always taken for granted. We have not worked hard for the right to be called "ma'am."

This whole argument reminds me unpleasantly of looking back at newspaper clippings containing references to my mother (who is in her late 60's) from the 1960s and 1970s where she is identified as "Mrs. Mark So-and-So," not by her first name. She was identified as an extension of her husband, not as an individual. The hair on the back of my neck raises when I think about that, honestly.

I don't mind being called ma'am. Period. But LF asked how SL women feel about it, and I don't understand why people are attacking others for expressing their honest feelings about the connotations behind the term "ma'am."

In my RL work I use Ma'am a lot. I have carried it over to SL when someone has been nice to me, or sometimes when I'm in my "smartass" mood. Not one person has ever said anything to me, although it's different coming from another female.

I also use Sir a LOT....it's a sign of respect and maybe a little from my upbringing.

I don't mind when I'm addressed by Ma'am, it makes me feel nice. Madam, on the other hand, to me has a different meaning that has already been discussed here.

So to answer your question LF, you may call me Ma'am anytime you wish.


-TK

No but haven't you (collectivly) worked tward being treated AND addressed in a respectful manner?

Ma'am is the female form of Sir.

What do you all think of calling a male you do not know well Sir? or a male you are trying to show respect to?

And in regards to statments that make the point "My name is floating above my head, use it".

Dosn't fly, since just as many people get offended by people using their first name without permission. In fact at my work place were not ALOWED to use a customers first name unless specificly asked to do so for just such a reason.

Ma'am and Sir are much more generaly accepted, and thus, the standard.

If they ask you not do something, ask not why, just stop.

They are asking somone to stop doing something that has been deep rooted in his mind by his culture. It is just the way he is.

Should we tell every culture to stop acting the way thay do just because we dont like it?

Ok now this is just a ridiculous retort to a request for common courtesy. Courtesy can cross cultural boundries.

Practicing for the debating team?

Too much caffiene?




fen-

Problem here Fen, "Ma'am" IS common courtesy >_<

And are you saying we should regulate what everyone says because a few dont like it?

ok, Gwydeon.. I'll bite.

You mentioned Thai in another thread. Being gay is part of her (not him by the way) and deep rooted in her culture.

You are part of the few that didnt care for her speaking up.. suggesting a dont ask dont tell approach instead.

Hmm

pot - kettle - black

?

Being called by something other than your name is not respectfut. If you respect someone you address them by their name, not by some title that you subjectivevly believe fits their station in life. Obviously I'm not a woman, but I equate this to being called "chief" or "buddy" which I have always found to be derrogatory and insulting. The way to address someone as an equal is to call them by their name. not by some arbitrary title that you assume they'd like to be called by. People have names for a reason... calling them anything other than that is almost always an insult. My two cents. And for the record, any guy that calls me "chief" is getting punched in the face.

I said nothing about him speaking up about his life choice. Mearly stating it I couldn't care less. Good to know, Nice to meet you, see you later... I mentioned him pushing it in everyones faces and generaly being an anoyance instead of just accepting that we can accept his choice without drama.

(PS: Funny, i thought the whole point was that thai was a guy, what do you mean 'her' ?)

And Chip - Please re-read the definition from the bloody dictionary (you know that thing we used to chronical our language and its usage) and dont put words in my mouth (IE: Cheif / Buddy)