re: my admission to being arrested for non-payment of child support

There's a huge difference between jail and prison. He wouldn't go to prison, not for the amount he owes.

re the comments about tax payers dollars -if there is no way to make him pay then let him rot. As to your having to pay for his jail cell - boo f'ing hoo for you. Please, by that way of thinking lets either not jail or kill everyone who commits a crime that way YOU and YOUR taxes wont have to pay for any of it.

There is only one possible answer to this Family Court problem. Learn the legal system and represent yourself. I do. I as a Father now have custody of my son and have repeatedly won against the mother's high priced attorneys ($400/hour). Be reasonable, write short and clear responses, keep records and dont try to talk too much
Its a very stressful experience, but it is very satisfying when the judge turns to the attorney and says "Denied".
Just be aware that perjury, forged documents and so called expert witnesses are waitng for you. There is no oversight and or remedy for this other than being proactive.
Good Luck and depending on the judge you get it is a crap shoot.

Oh it hurts me so much, but I have to agree with Eboni on this one.

My father left when I was 8 years old. My nother worked as a dental hygenist at the time. While it was a decent job, it was not enough to cover the house, clothing, school, food, etc.

We lived a very simple life. I wore clothes from the salvation army and from yard sales. When I got new clothes from a store it was a big deal. Usually that was reserved for Christmas and birthdays.

My mother got a second job at a factory assembling relays. It was hard work for her. She spent all day on her feet in a dental office and then went and sat in a factory all evening. We always had a cooked dinner at night. I remember her taking the time to sew on the OP and lighningbolt labes on my shorts because we could not afford the real thing. It didn't look right and wasn't such a great idea, but she tried her best.

I rarely had anything fancy but I never went without. My mother never stopped thinking of way to provide for my brother and myself. I got my first computer because she won it off the radio.

My mother never went without a job. Being 8 weeks late with her "child support" was not an option as we were there everyday and we liked to eat.

Then there were the things we couldn't skimp on. No matter how you sliced it, a cub scout uniform cost a certain amount of money. I eventually found one that she could alter at the army surplus store.

The point is, if you want to provide for your children you can. You can do it on-time and without sympathy. I can't imagine not having a job for even one day and knowing my child could do without because of it. I would mop floors, flip burgers or whatever it took. Hell, I would collect cans off the side of the road.

If you can't pay your child support, you should be steralized. It is clear that you have responsibilities that you cannot take care of and at the very least steps should be taken to prevent you from creating more liabilities that you cannot take care of. Some may think that is barbaric, but think of the number of women who choose to become steralized because they know they have reached the reasonable limit of children they can support. It is only fair that men are held to the same standard.

One of the happiest days of my life was being able to make enough money to buy my mother a new car. Every year I buy her new clothes. At every opportunity I provide her with nice things that pale in comparison to the things she provided me.

$85/week is $13/day. At minumim wage you would have to work 2-3 hours a day to make that kind of money. It is not that hard. As a matter of fact it is quite easy.

Neehai, that was a very touching post. Thank you for sharing.

I'm just stunned that Neehai was ever in the cubscouts!

Stunned? I am gay. Scouting involves many young men in uniforms forced to sleep with each other in small tents in the wilderness.

What is there to be stunned about?

I dunno, it's just so... white-bread, wholesome, and conservative! I'm surprised you didn't melt or asplode.

I was a scout until midway through boyscouts... About that time I got fed up with the ultra-politicly-correct, pampered city-slicker nature the scouts was heading towards. I got a copy of the 60s or 70s scout manual, looked through that... and it was *useful*. It showed honest to god useful (in theory) things... How to make shelters with a hatchet and a knife, how to start a fire and hunt and stuff, how to treat wounds with what you had, that sort of thing.

The book we were using when I was in had such useful advice as to how to set up a store-bought tent, how to use fancy first aid supplies, how to cook pre-packaged or cooler-packaged food, things like that. Jeeze, I'm not in the scouts to learn how to camp out of a f-ing SUV, damnit. That's not something you need to learn, it's something you do if you haven't learned anything else.

you know, reading through this thread and my posts, i think i failed to mention a small little factoid.

it wasn't just child support i was behind on, i was behind on ALL of my bills. as a matter of fact, i'm still behind on most of them and am currently just barely making arrangements to keep my electricity on.

it's not like i went and paid for everything else and threw child support on the back-burner. as a matter of fact it was the first thing on my list to pay.

i got the feeling that it was being taken that i was all fine and dandy elsewhere financially. quite the opposite, everything is far from fine and dandy. i'm existing by the skin of my teeth and still have a lot of bills that need attention, but now i owe more child support and am currently trying to find a job and/or more immediate monies so i can pay child support again.. before paying for cable/my storage shed that's WAY overdue/the remaining 2/3+ of my electric bill/my condo association fee (it's a townhouse actually)/etc.. i'm skimping on food, gas, etc and haven't bought new clothes for myself in months.. and that was a t-shirt.

i'm not saying that it isn't hard for the custodial parents sometimes, i'm just saying it's not always easy for the non-custodial parent to meet all his/her financial needs either.

i'm sorry if i sound defensive about this, but i love my son and wish i could do more for him. it's maddeing that i do what i can to pay child suppoprt for a son that lives in Florida while i live in New Jersey. a son i don't get to see, talk to, or contact in any way. a son that i can't even send a birthday card to because his mother won't let me know their RL address, an email address, a phone number.. anything. i've been shut out by her.. not me. still, that's not what matters. doing what i can for him is what i'm concerned with.
there's a lot of background to this story that would illustrate the hardships i've had to go through from before my son was even born, but i really don't wish to complain or illustaate his mother in any negative light. that's between us. plus, i'm sure she is giving him all she can along with her husband. also, that he has a little brother (from her husband) to share his boyhood with.


and the topic of jailing.. both sides have a point here. if a person is jailed, the cost of that jailing could easily pay for part of a childs support costs. if the person is in jail for a year, that money could, in some cases, almost pay for the entire amount of support to be paid for that child from birth to 18 years of age.
HOWEVER, that would also mean that dead-beat dads would never learn a thing except how NOT to be responsible and just let the state pay for their mistakes/carelessness. which i imagine is what it really comes down to and i have to agree that punishment for non-payment is definitely deserved and agree with it being done.
it's just an interesting juxtaposition of a Catch-22 situation.

and that's about all i have to say about that.

(well, except for the new boyscouts manual thing.. that's just silly. what are they thinking? how is that learning survival skills? ugh..)

Interesting, about the scouts there, Reitsuki.

Wonderful story, Neehai. You are a wonderful son. My parents were divorced and my mother was like that, too.

coco

That's just as illegal as not paying child support. Don't fool yourself that you are doing the right thing by letting matters slide. Your son needs to know you too, needs to see where he comes from.

He's step-dad may be wonderful, may fill some of your son's needs. But he can never replace you. Someday your son will want to know why you didn't care enough to fight to see him, and your reasons won't deflect his anger much.

It takes 2 to tango, it should take 2 to pay...

Should take two to raise the child, too, by my way of thinking.

In a perfect world yes

Same with the paying.

not sure what you're saying is illegal..

and i wasn't saying it was "the right thing" to let matters slide, i was simply saying that i wasn't pushing aside child support while paying for my own conveniences, rather that i was pushing aside my personal bills in order to pay child support first.

and you're right.. i am his father. and trust me, it's not that i don't want to fight to see him, but rather that i HAVE done all that i can, i HAVE tried everything i can think of, but i have been turned back by both his mother and step-dad at every turn.

the only way to get through now, short of them allowing me through, would be to go through the courts. at this point i doubt he would see that as fighting to see him, but rather would probably see it as making life hard for his mom and "dad".. it's not as cut and dry as do something or don't.
like i said before, if i divulged all the facts about this, it would be fairly clear that i've done what i can and that his mother (and grandmother) are the one's who have made this a problem. but i refuse to give those details, it just seems dirty to me and i don't wish to drag her name through the mud.. regardless of my position on this.

suffice it to say, he knows about me through my mother and sister, who are allowed to see him. not sure where the logic is there, that they can yet i can't, but.. at least it's something.

someday, hopefully, i will be able to see him and answer any and all questions he has. truthfully and honestly. also, without dragging his mom's name through the mud or making her seem like "the bad guy", but rather to explain things in a way that let him know i wanted to be there and would have if i could have, but that it wasn't possible due to forces beyond my control.

please don't accuse me of not doing what i can or not caring enough. it tears me apart that i haven't had the chance to be there for himn as he's grown up. the last time i saw him was when he was about 3 years old.. he'll be 12 this November. i miss him and can still remember what it felt like to hold him.. to have him sleeping on my chest as we lay down for a rest.

i'm sorry.. i can't go on.. let me know if there's any other answers i can give later.. i have to go for now..

Cybin,

This whole thread is unnecessary. The whole issue is nobody's business here but yours. Nobody knows all the relevant facts but you. By responding to the criticism you are being forced to reveal more and more about your private life.

This is very entertaining for all of us who are lurking, but not so good for you. I don't think you need to justify yourself.

I meant that it's illegal for her to keep you from seeing your own child. I'm so sorry that you are in that situation. It's horribly unfair to both you and your son.

Agreed

DITTO

Katt, it's a good point.. but one that might not hold up in court. the one last point i'll make about this subject is to tell you why i don't have a solid leg to stand on in this regard.
you see, back when we were originally in court deciding support/visitation/etc., i thought it would be a nice, civil thing to do to leave visitation up to her and i. she agreed and that's what it was left at.. no court mandated visitation or anything, just whatever we felt like doing would be what we would do. this way neither she or i would have a strict set of days/time to stick to just in case any reasons came up that would be incongruent. so, i could brnig it up in court, but it would be an uphill battle with not much support behind me for it.so, instead of bringing that kind of tribulation into the situation (read: my son's life), i've taken a more passive role that in my mind is more peaceful for my son.
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beyond that, thanks guys for your feelings on this.. i have to say i agree. the point is well taken and while i may keep an eye on this thread, i think i'll try to bow out of it at this point.