re: my admission to being arrested for non-payment of child support

I cant believe you published that statement to be perfectly honest

forgive my protracted off topic response here, but i feel it's warranted.

it happens.. maybe i should have specified that it was only a few payments late and i've recently had a major dent put into my cash flow.. it's not that i'm a dead-beat, far from it. i continue to pay my $85/week as best as i can. sometimes i falter a bit and because of that i have suffered these hiccups a couple times. *shrug* when i go through times with no job, i don't complain to the child support offices, i just suck it up and pay as best as i can, knowing i'll catch up sooner or later.

not to mention, i haven't seen my son since he was about 3 or 4 years old.. he's now 11. his mother gave me about a one - two week notice before they relocated to Florida. i live in New Jersey. she won't let me call, have an email or a mailing address. she would probably balk at the idea of me seeing him in person.. and i am seriously at a loss as to why. i have always acted amicably, yet i get treated like i'm a bull in a china shop. look at how i act on these forums and you'll get the basic idea of how i've acted in this situation.

my solution has been to not barge my way in to his life by force, whether it be legal or a simple shouting match. i feel something like that would only show a version of me that would only strengthen whatever misgivings his mother has towards me, well founded or not. so, i sit here and pay as diligently as i can. if i run into a problem, i deal with it.

some day, when he's old enough, i hope for him to decide that he's ready to come meet me and ask me every question he's ever had. i'll do my best to explain why i wasn't there as he grew from toddler to young man, i'll relate what it was like emotionally for me, but i will not belittle his mother or try to point my finger at her. as far as i know, he's being raised well, he's happy and is doing well in life.

sure, it hurts to not have any contact with him.. (although, my mother and sister who also live in Florida are allowed to visit with him) ..but, i'd ratrher see him happy than anything else.

sorry to get so long-winded on this subject, but it's complicated and i wanted to be sure to relate my position without question of my integrity or position in this matter. i know how bad it sounded and probably should not have even mentioned it. *shrug* well, now you know.. sometimes i struggle with money problems and sometimes it effects my ability to pay child support every single week. but i in no way would ever run from my responsibility or purposely ignore my duty to share in the cost of his upbringing.

i just wish i could at least send him Birthday or Christmas presents as well..

THIS POST IS OFF TOPIC AND HAS NO PLACE IN THIS THREAD OR IN THE SL FORUMS...RES MODS? EDIT? MOVE? ...Oh wait... this was made by a resmod, I see. Are the rules the same for resmods for posting or do resmods get a pass....

katykiwi, thank you for addressing the off topic-ness of our posts.

my original comment was an aside to an otherwise on topic post, which i left here.

you pointed out that you couldn't believe my admission about being in jail due to non-payment.

i was worried that i might be seen as a dead-beat dad and decided i should clarify my situation.

i considered splitting the thread at that point for any further discussion on the subject, but decided that the thread didn't miss a beat and kept going on topic, so i thought i would leave it alone.

now that you have pointed out that it appears to be favoritism by not taking action on it, i have selected the related posts and split them off into their own thread in Off Topic.

i'm honestly thanking you here because i wasn't sure which steps to take and i've been very wary of moving anything that i'm not absolutely sure warrants such an action. by calling attention to it, you have helped me decide that yes, it was in this threads best interest to remove the Off Topic posts, while not deleting them either. there are in tact and exist in the off Topic forums now.

i'm doing my best to do a consistently fair job and it will continue to be posts that point such things out that will help further define how to perform my role as a ResMod.

great.. now this post is Off Topic.. lol. ok, i'm going to just copy/paste into a post in the new OT thread..

I don't think U owe anyone an explanation, but can understand UR need to clarify after making the satement.

'Judge not lest you be judged' comes to mind...but easier said than done...we ALL judge others.

Many of us by our actions or circumstances have been in situations that we are not proud of. I sure have a skeleton or 2..........

This thread has been flagged for opening an individual resident up to attacks and unnecessary scrutiny.

Such posts like these are not in accordance to the SL Forum Guidelines. In which you're not allowed to personally attack a resident. Or goad others into attacking said person.

If you would like to continue this discussion, please take it in PM or in a setting where airing out dirty laundry is more confidential and appropriate.

I am waiting for the post asking if this happened only because the person being scrutinized is a mod.

That is seriously screwed up! That's like £60 a week, which is £240 a month... Say she had four kids, that's at least £960 a month, that's a family income, food and clothes and a new car and everything!

The mother of four kids under this system doesn't need a job, there's enough there for her to sit on her ass all day, and the guy who fathered the kids, he has to have an income close to £2,000 a month, or at least £30,000, just to get by. He gets raped for life and the mother gets a fat ass.

Sorry if some of you think this "isn't politically correct", but this is blatantly not fair. If the dad takes the kid over to his place for a month, can we chase the mother across the nation looking for £960? I think we should be able to. Let that fat woman get a £30,000 job and see it all be taken away.

Women get pregnant sometimes, but I don't think they should get a big cash reward for it. Especially not at the cost of the father. I think support payments should at least be halved. That's way too much money, and it encourages greed and slovenliness and profiting off kids. I know cause it's rife in this country already. We have mothers who are pregnant by 15. They know from their mothers they need a family of four cause then the state gives them a big council house and tons of cash. They know cause that's what their moms did.

Pfft. This whole world is going to hell. And in one generation, when there are thousands of money grabbing mothers who are now grandmothers to armies of money grabbers, I won't have to say told you so, you'll see it for yourselves.

By the way, point of reference, I'm in the UK.

Maybe your mom and sister could help you out with that.

Cybin,

Do the best you can, follow your heart, and - from having seen something like this very up close - it's a powerful thing just to pass some birthday and holiday cards to a child via your relatives. It matters - and while pain may stay your hand, the rewards are worth it. Far beyond words.

Being a father is forever - best of luck, and may things heal.



Incidentally, I could care less about thread placement or moderation, especially when contrasted to a subject like this. I hope any fuss about moderating a forum is put into proper perspective.

Using children to profit is exploitation and it's despicable. It's a double shame that some women are allowed to get away with this. On the other hand, how do we draw a line between exploiters and women who actually do need the support? I was raised by a single woman who never asked for a damn thing from my father, but some women are not in the position to be that strong (disabled, etc).

Advice to guys-- Offensive, but completely on topic: http://www.tenetsofleykis.com/leykis_101_rules/03_single_mothers.html

This will keep being the problem. We don't seem to have the time as a society, for whatever reason, to assess every case individually, so we just apply blanket rules. And there's always a few cases where it's good, and many more where it's pure exploitation, and that kind of annoys me.

This is why I'm SO thankful I was never married nor had kids.

I believe that most states (if not all) use a formulated guideline to determine child support payments. It is based on both parents incomes and the basic cost of raising a child. It is not multiplied per child. It is done simply by crunching numbers. I will link you to the one for our state so you can see what your estimated payment might be (need some incentive to dump that cyber lover?) http://www.state.sc.us/dss/csed/calculator.htm

For example, if you have one child the payment may be 340 per month. The payment for two children may only rise to (for example) 440 per month. Not 340 per child.

Honestly, 85 dollars per week is not much to pay for the support of another human being and I can tell you that it would not cover half of the expenses of raising a child. Most women/men also pay for childcare that is over that amount per week, medical bills, clothing, and educational bills, a portion of the cost of housing is included ... which makes sense if the child resides with her/him.

I use her/him because believe it or not, women have been ordered to pay child support too.

--- relating to the original poster ...
The situation described about lack of contact with the child is another issue entirely and I extend my sympathy. However, this is not legal and could be addressed in court should you pursue it.

--- not related to the poster but ...
I think it's rather interesting how many men have such a slanted view and lack of knowledge regarding child support. I suppose they have heard the stories of other disgruntled men to base the opinions on - but they are not always the truths.

Even so, I'm going to be needing to SEE the woman swallow that contraceptive pill before we get in bed together. £300 a month out my salary for 18 years just is not funny, especially when my boss is an ass and I have to put up with everyone at work every day to get that stupid money in the first place.

No, not always.

There are a *lot* of horror stories out there that are, however.

As a side note, 85 dollars a week is very nearly what *I* live on, as far as food and the like, not including rent.

//Very glad he's not going to be spawning little-hims anytime soon

interesting. Do you think birth control is just the woman's responsibility? After all, if you're gonna have sex with someone and you DON'T want children, condoms are the way to go (cover your own ass ya know?)

LOL @ Joy ... or they could turn to other men. Then no worries about babies huh?

I think what J is talking about is the famous "I swear I'm on the pill" / a month later / "Well, I was kinda lying about that..." problem.


*edit*


I agree that birth control is the guy's responsibility too, in theory, but if the guy was lied to about it...


Yay for being gay, I say...

Probably so, but still, condoms are the only form of birth control to protect against most STDs... (well.. besides abstinence). If a man wants to be 100% sure there is birth control being used, he should use a condom.

Condoms have their part to play against STDs, but if you want to be safe against pregnancy, they're a long shot. They could burst, or come off during sex, or tear. At least with the pill there's something scientific working inside the woman to stop pregnancy.

Standard battle gear for engaging the female should be the pill plus condoms, I'd say.

Yet research shows that when two people divorce, the parent who becomes the custodial parent dips below the poverty line, while the non-custodial parent enjoys a lifestyle very similiar to the one she/he had before the divorce.

And, the amount that the NCP pays to the CP is based on various factors, one of which is current wages at the time of the divorce.

I couldn't read the whole OP because I don't really care and I have a short attention when it comes to post on these forums.

Since everybody is entilted to my opinion, I would like to say that arresting people for lack of child support is the same as debtors prison. It should not be allowed.

Are you on the receiving end of child support? I am. My ex-husband is supposed to pay $426 a month in child support for four children. He works for Brown & Root, making more than $7,000 a month. Yet he pays nothing. I have never kept my kids from seeing him, even though I am concerned about their safety when they are with him. So he does not have that as an excuse for not paying.

The court ORDERED him to pay support, and not doing so is a violation of that order, and therefore a crime. Why shouldn't he be arrested for it?