House Guest (To make a long story short)

Kick her out ... why on earth do you need this crap?

I'll go to whatever ends I have to, to support a friend if they need it, but they have to try to help themselves too. A freeloader is just a leech.

not a friend. she's family. Sure if you can manage to not care what happens to her, it's the perfect option. It is exactly what she's banking on, but it doesn't mean she'll save herself if you cut her off.

Change the locks and throw her out.

Time for her to grow up.

Rox

Agreed, Rox.

She will not change on her own. And why should she? She has it all as it is.

Set a date. Two weeks to a month out from now, preferably. However long it would reasonably take to get a job or get on food stamps. You are enabling her to remain crippled. It is helping no one.

Are you kidding? She does not have a key! The only way I would have given her a key is if she had gotten a job and had displayed some sort of interest in respecting my home.

I just caught her on the Internet telling someone where I lived...not a friend, just a random joe she was sending messages back and forth with. I made it clear that this was unacceptable because I have no idea of who these people are she is sharing her info with and quite frankly neither does SHE!

Hell no ... no key.

-Home all day cracking the whip!

Very nicely said. Your comments sunk in. I will be sure to implement the "uncomfortable" scenario on a more intense level starting now. Looking her square in the eye (ROFL) is something that she is definitley uncomfrtable with.

She asked me if I could buy more potatoes today too. I told her that I would put it on the shopping list and get some more the next time I go grocery shopping (on the 1st). There are plenty of fruits, vegetables, and other good stuff to eat. My pantry is HUGE and every shelf is occupied!!! The fridge is stocked and there are leftovers of Spaghetti, Gumbo, and some Tortilla Casserole too. So it's not like anyone is starving here.

I guess malnutrition with eventually lead to another anemic fall out where she will have to get yet ANOTHER blood tranfusion. Only this time she is not in school and has no insurance...and NO JOB. So she'll be getting a bill from the hospital if that happens.

Put her out now. You would be doing her a favor. She will never grow up and take responsibility for herself as long as people like you enable her. You are hurting yourself and you are hurting her. The simple fact that she avoids you is reason enough to put her out. If I let someone stay in my house, I would at least expect some sort of companionship.

Sorry if I sound harsh but I've seen too many people drift along because of the help they receive from well minded individuals.

Kick her ass out NOW!! If someone was in my house and pulled that crap after KNOWING it was unacceptable, they would be out in a f'ing heartbeat. That can threaten YOUR family since she has no clue who she is telling. That is a deal breaker, as Dr. Phil would say. When someone crosses the line and puts your own family at risk, forget it. You do not need them in your life or your home.

She may be family, but she knew damn well she was going against your rules.

You can make a person go to a Psychologist, but that doesn't mean they will get anything out of it if they don't really want to be there. She doesn't realize that there is anything wrong with her attitude about anything really. Psychology and therapy only work when the person is seeking it for themselves and are open to the Psychologist bringing out the "stuff" we don't really want to face. There are those that will assume that a Psychologist can fix whatever is wrong emotionally. This is so not true. A Psychologist will help you confront the issues that you don't want to deal with and give you tools to overcome them. It is always up to you to fix yourself, no one can do it for you.
I am not surprised in the slightest that this session didn't go the way you had hoped it would in regards to her. She didn't seek the Psychologist, she sees nothing wrong with how she is acting. You are enabling her.




I had to shake my head at that. You say "no more long distance phone calls" and then allow her to use your cell phone? I don't care if it is free or not. No long distance phone calls mean no long distance phone calls. That was giving into her in my own opinion.

I have had situations before where people have sought out my help. Fortunately it was never family, however those that sought my help were like family to me. A very good friend of mine did something extremely stupid. She was staying with her cousin and her cousin's husband with her four kids. My friend started having sex with her cousin's husband when her cousin wasn't around. Guess who found out and kicked her and her four kids out? Her cousin. I received a phone call from her totally sobbing and asking to come here. She was going to abandon her four kids with a family member and come here. As much as I love her, there was no way that I was going to enable her to do this. I said no. You have to face what it is you have done and not run away from it and not abandon your children. You are an adult and a mother, start acting like one. Because I didn't allow her to run to me, she had no choice than to face what she had done as there was no other place to go to. Yes, I was harsh. Yes, I didn't like what she had done. But, we have to live with the consequences of our actions and learn from them.

This obviously isn't the same situation that you are in. However, she is 23 and an adult and needing to be treated like she is a teenager. Continuing to enable her isn't going to help. Forcing her to go to a Psychologist isn't going to help. Waffling on your rules isn't going to help. I do understand that she is family and that your intentions were honorable. I would give her a week to get out. You have "helped" her enough. Time for her to find out what it's like to be an adult weather or not she is prepared to be one. You can't expect her to fit your mold or change. When adult responsibilities slam into her face only then will she grow up.

By age 23 I had:

Purchased my own car.
Purchased my own insurance.
Received my undergraduate degree which I paid for myself.
Moved to Washington, DC where I got a temp job answering phones.

On top of that, when books were way to expensive at my school, I started a consignment shop for books. People selling their books got more than the University bookstore would pay them for them and people buying used books got them for cheaper than the bookstore markup. I charged a $1 fee to facilitate the transaction.

You will either succeed because you want to succeed or because you have to succeed. Your friend is in the latter category. Get her out of your house. Give her a date. Make an appointment to have the locks changed on that date and keep it.

Hell, if she doesn't do anything about it, let her live in a shelter for a few days. Better yet, take her to a shelter this week and show her where it is. We all have choices in our life. It would be good to demonstrate what her choices are.

If she has never had to pay for electricity, why would she know the value of it?

Are you sure?

She is a liar and a thief by your own admission. She has been in your home for how long?

Pick a date. Kick her out. Change the locks.

I did not in any way force her to go. She "ASKED" to go. Her life coach dropped her because she felt she was doing her a 'disservice'. I asked her if she had ever seen a licensed phsycologist before and she said no but would like to try it.

Heh, I did that in beta .

My apologies, I didn't realize that she asked to go.

All I can say at this point is that it sounds like the 23 year old is trying to placate you in order to stay. Thinking as though "if" she tries this out you might cave and let her stay. But that is my own opion.