Once upon a time...

Then the furrys showed up and ruined everything...

... by rezing huge "Impeach Prim Babies (in boxes) signs". The holy cow was not amused, for it's time was short!

They raced to Lily's lifesize replica Barbie dreamcar and hopped in, hoping they could stop the nefarious plans of the obese cop and the chinese acrobats.

Joe slowly blinked away the bright spots before his eyes, swooning as another wave of pain cascaded through his skull. He braced his hands against the dashboard. He realized he was in the passenger seat of Lily's opal green Mercedes; thankful that it was not pink plastic after all, and that he had let Lily do the driving.

"Sugar, are you all right?" asked the car.

He glanced over at Lily. "Things are getting worse - for a second there I felt like reality was cracking down the middle."

The talking car's wheels were crafted of the finest...

chrome rims. They raced through the streets of downtown Miami, dodging cars, trucks, and even some frogs jumping through the traffic. Joe held on the the redesigned dashboard, that lily covered in black velvet...

lol we obviously posted at just abut the same time

"Lily," Joe said, trying to ignore the circus ponies running along with them (that had sprung, fully formed, from the ground and were currently giving him the hairy eyeball), "where are we going?"

She replied, "I know a guy ..."

His name is Willy Wonka and he has these secret green men who work for the government. I think they might be able to help us find the Holy Cow and the obese cop...

"Oh, riiight, 'Willy' is it?" Joe grumbled, "And why should I trust one of your old boyfriends?"

He was annoyed. The fox-creature in the back seat kept tickling his ears.

"Don't be jealous, Joe," said Lily. She handed him a pair of velvet pants. "Here, put these on, or he might not let us through the gates. Health Department regulations, you know."

"Health Department regulations, my eye! I'm NOT wearing these pants!" Joe exclaimed.

"You'll wear the pants or he won't let us in" countered Lily.

Joe looked at Lily, then at the gate, then at the circus ponies who'd caught up with them and were now milling about. "Oh, alright, I'll wear the fucking pants."

There were too many ponies in line, so Lily parked the car on the street and they got out and walked.

"Take care now, Honey," the Mercedes beeped.

"We will," Lily replied, waving.

As they made their way to the gates, they passed a pig in a green velvet suit, standing under a palm tree and playing a string bass. The pig pointed his bow and winked.

"Hey, nice pants."

Joe cringed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTESpISNo5I

The door to Willy's factory was covered with gold vines and four leaf clovers. Before they were within 2 feet of the door, it opened without warning, and out stepped a llama in pajamas. velvet pajamas, even. "we've been expecting you" the llama said, as he bowed and welcomed Lily and Joe inside...

The llamas in pajamas casually ate chocolate-covered bananas and wore polka-dot bandannas, while Joe and Lily followed them through a beautiful panorama. The factory was formed mostly of...

Tree branches, which still had leaves on them, and on some, fruit. Lily plucked a ripe pear and began munching on it. "I'm starving," she said.

The leading llama turned to them and pointed -- as best it could -- to a purple double-door entrance with gold patterns on it. "Dr. Wonka will be with you in just a minute," it said. Then it ambled off.

"Come on," said Lily, and pushed her way through the doors into the parlor. Together they sat down on a purple polka-dotted couch. As Joe slouched against the curved back, an apple fell on his head. Rubbing his noggin, he picked it up and looked at the ceiling.

Thoughtful, he said, "You know what, Lily-," but at that moment Wonka strutted into the room. He wore a long velvet robe with brown feathers at the collar.

Joe was reminded of an emu.

http://mako.cc/copyrighteous/images/emu.jpg

Lily wiped a trickle of pear juice off her chin, shrugged, and headed towards the door.

"Wait! Something's not right here," Joe hissed, grabbing Lily by the elbow. But he was too slow. Lily had already placed her sticky hand on the door and was pushing her way inside. She slipped into the darkness on the other side of the door and gasped.

"You are seeking the Holy Cow, so let's cut to the chase...", beamed Wonka. He pulled a remote-control from a pocket in the velvet robe, and pushing the button caused a large steel door on the wall beside them to open. An Oompa Loompa rode past on a llama.

"We'll take my flying glass escalator!", Wonka said, leading them through the doorway. They stood on the translucent steps, each moving slowly upward to a glass cabin at the top. Through the glass walls they saw giant glass wings on each side of the escalator. Wonka hopped into the cockpit, and as Lily and Joe rode up the last step to the cabin, Wonka began to taxi the flying escalator towards the runway.

Joe then farted...

.. with such intensity that fine cracks appeared along the flying escalator's fuselage.

<also, with such intensity that a hole ripped in time and space, and he found his double breaking wind in a parallel universe>

Fortunately the cracks allowed the gas to slowly seep out of the elevator, thus preventing the three from being painfully aphixiated (sp?).

although there were cracks sprawling the elevators glass walls, it seemed to be working just fine. they flew through downtown, spoting ponies and frogs amongst the traffic. within a few minutes, the elevator stopped right in front of....

the Marina. Lily looked out over the windswept water towards Wonka's yacht, the Briny Bastard. Several gray triangular fins circled in the bay between them and the boat. She clutched Joe's arm and pointed. "Are those sharks?"

"Don't worry," said Wonka, "We're going to jump them."

One of the sharks was actually robotic ...

... and crafted of the finest...

Corinthian leather. As the escalator flew high over the waves, a little Oompa Loompa in a white suit came out on the deck of the Bastard, and shouted, "...