A list of things that offend land owners compiled from opinions in this forum

I think that some land owners seem to forget the reasons why people like SL.

I’ve seen so many messages now about things that offend land owners, and the list is SO huge that it leaves very little for people to do without the worry of getting banned.

Here is a list of things that get people banned that offend land owners that I have avoided doing, #3 being based on my personal experience, and the rest based off messages that people post here in the forums:

1. Flying over some land, seeing a group of people, dropping down and saying “Hi. How are things?”

2. Flying through the “wrong” areas (which are often not defined, people just have to somehow know).

3. Making any negative comments about music.

4. Wearing the wrong outfit

5. Not having an avatar that looks “pretty” or “attractive”

6. Asking the wrong questions—if the question isn’t kissing someone’s ass, they’re offended

7. Being a looky-loo

8. Coming into a conversation without being invited first

9. Having an unverified account

10. Having an avatar that one hasn’t spent enough Lindens on

11. Being seen with a weapon in a weapons-friendly area, putting away that weapon, and then going to an area that is not weapons-friendly

12. Having a stupid-sounding name

13. Not putting enough information in one’s profile

14. Putting negative information in one’s profile

15. Being a furry

16. Stating that one is a furry lover

17. Talking about politics

18. Making an outfit that is too similar to someone else’s

19. Talking about religion

20. Just not being the “right” person.

This list would be at least twice this long if I spent enough time compiling the list, but I think you get the idea.

If someone takes all of these things into account at all times when in SL, it sort of leaves one wondering what fun it is. Land owners make over 90% of the content in SL--when they get offended at this many things, what is someone left to do?

The biggest kicker for me is that exploring is no longer an option because some people feel threatened just by someone’s presence.

This is why I think SL needs a serious revamp. It is slowly being turned into an area where SO many people get offended at SO many things that the only fun that is left for people is finding new ways of griefing, and I’m not about to become a griefer.

To me, what would save SL would be having TWO grids for adults—one is completely private, and the other is public. The public grid would have banning control be done by the Lindens, and if one wants someone banned, a report needs to be filed with the Lindens, with proof via snapshots and such, and the Lindens would make the decision to ban from that parcel of land (and if what the person did was bad enough, to be banned from SL altogether). Private land would cost more than public land (or another way of wording it would be that public land would cost less than private land), and private areas would be invite-only areas where the land owners can ban to their heart’s content. The end result would be a place where everyone can enjoy themselves without constant worry of offending people.

People become griefers for reasons. If I was immature, like if I was the person I was 12-14 years ago, I would be doing what I want, having a good time until I’d get banned from half the available places (because of the number of things people get offended at), then I would become a griefer and would keep finding new ways of logging in with new accounts.

I think everyone wants SL to be a place that everyone can enjoy—we just need some ideas that can make it enjoyable for more than just land owners.

I'll quote what I posted in another thread--this is how I now spend my time in SL because of the fear of offending people:

I go to a place (only places that are advertised and can be found in the search option), make pleasant comments, say hello to everyone that walks through the door, and use up all of my stipends to donate to whatever place I'm currently in and for the cost of uploading textures for making free shirts and clothing for people, hoping that this sort of behavior will ensure that I won't get banned from anywhere else. I don't dare express myself in text when I'm anywhere in SL, with the occasional silly comment to make sure I'm being positive (although I don't do that very much since some people get offended at silliness).

21. being offended by other people using their land access tools

That's been stated on the forums and actioned as a reason for banning. By me.

Well it's just like rl, everything you can think of will offend someone somewhere. Hopefully, there are not too many that find all those offensive lol.

Fmeh you could have summed this up by saying:

1. Everything

22. Even bothering to ever start an SL account!

Lupus--possibly, but it wouldn't have been as effective.

Hiro--Yeah, that's true, but in real life you don't get banned from whole parcels of land, or from an entire mall, or what not, because someone doesn't like the way you look, or the fact that you said "HI". It takes something really extreme in real life to get "banned" from a place.

I used to look at the main map and try to find places where a lot of people gather, but I stopped doing that after I read -SO- many posts that some people ban just for trespassing on land that they should have blocked from public access in the first place. I'll just continue to walk on eggshells.

To Kris: I'm not saying people don't have the right to use their land access tools, I'm saying that because some people over-use them and ban people out of paranoia, it ruins the fun of the game for many people, and it creates griefers out of immature people. Cause and effect--there's no getting around it, and there's nothing that the Lindens can do to stop griefers as long as land owners continue to ban for frivolous reasons or out of paranoia.

I am a land owner and none of those things bother me.. Anyone can come on my land if they want to it bothers me not.

I doubt that you'd find anyone that wouldn't be annoyed by at least one thing on a list as long as that given the right circumstances. Yep, being mindful that others might not be in sync with your own frame of mind can make social interactions go more smoothly. By people, I mean anyone, not just landowners. Getting fussy because you don't receive unconditional love and hugz everywhere you go at any given time sounds like a pretty miserable place to be at in one's existence. Developing social skills which enable you to read a situation and fit in can lead to a much more satisfying stroll through life, be it your second or your first life.

This sounds boring and not a lot of fun for you. IF I felt that I had to behave in this manner I wouldn't stay.

If I thought all the items listed above were indeed true I also wouldn't stay...but you and I both know that list is silly and I'm not sure what kind of response you are looking for.





I know this isn't REALLY what you meant but your comment made me want to share an experience I had last week.

New neighbors move in in RL! They have a couple kids and kids come over to our place where a number of kids play and join in with the rest of the neighborhood. I meet new mom and new dad.
My kids ask to play in their yard and as it's bordering ours I say sure! I go looking for my kids at about 6 pm for supper and as we are walking back my kids inform me that new neighbors have fed them a spagetti dinner.
I turn around and ask new mom to please not ever ever feed my kids w/out getting permission from me since I had a big supper ready. Not to mention I don't even KNOW her. Her hubby comes out and states that I and my children are now 'banned' from their yard since I am bitching when all they wanted to do was a nice thing.
As we walk home I scold my children for even entering a strangers home...they are old enough to know better.

So I was shocked to find myself banned from my new neighbors land in RL! It happens easier than you think.

I'd have to agree with this. HAving to social skills to get along is very important.

For the record, I've *never* been banned from anywhere. But then, I also have the RL social skills to get along with most people.

I'm a land owner and I can't say your list applies to me at all. My biggest pet peeve as a land owner is neighbours who don't have their land on autoreturn, so junk piles up all over next door.

Your number 3 puzzles me... why would you go to someone's land and make negative comments about the music unless you just want a negative repsonse?

People who like to do stuff in sky boxes are probably a lot less welcoming than someone like me who uses their land just to pootle around in, making stuff. They need privacy. bow chicka bow bow

23. Boasting you've never been banned from anywhere

Restricting your argument to banning is not going to gain you much insight. Consider the concept of being welcome. There are endless examples where you will find yourself to be considered unwelcome due to judgements made about the simplest of things such as your appearance. For example, wearing a hat or a wifebeater will get you excused from many a dinner table I've sat at.

Being free to express yourself through appearance or language does not mean everyone has to like it. Dress freaky or like a slob, do whatever you want. But don't cry if people don't look past your chosen appearance and behavior to discover the inner you.

I tend to agree that the griefers often attack people who react. The Furries are just a big target, unfortunately, because of their oddness. But other targets are targets because they react.

One perseon caused grief on my property just prior to the big furry charade. I today found they had left a prim on my property - a stop animationd ball.

The person was banned, but I never ban for very long. The way I see things, people will try for only so long to cause grief before they give up.

I wonder how he felt when he realized what land he was on? I clear the ban list after a time of peace. I would have loved to see the look on his face after realizing that at least I'm not a stuck up ass.

I strongly suspect I have a very low level of griefing because of the way I handle these events. I believe that by doing nothing to encourage it, I do not get griefed again and again and again.

I'm not sure if you were responding to Hiro or myself--but:

I've always been terrible at social skills--I have panic disorder, and have been struggling with it for years. I can handle bad looks and people not wanting to talk to me and what not in real life, but that kind of situation would translate into being banned from places when in the SL reality. When one is banned, there's no coming back, there's no second chance, and generally, apologies won't help the situation--people are too used to dealing with griefers to give anyone a second chance.

The real problem is that there are just too many kids and immature adults using SL that are here just to grief, and it ruins it for everyone else, and this is exactly how it ruins it for people.


I'm hoping to get people to see that many land owners are overreacting to the griefer situation, and that they're actually making the griefer situation worse, and are ruining the SL experience for people. They have the right to do it, but they need to realize the consequences of their actions.

As far as me acting that way, yes, that is what I've been doing the past few days I've been in SL, and it HAS been boring, and I really don't know what boundary to stretch next--I don't want to start getting banned from places. I'm obsessive-compulsive, ADHD, bi-polar, and panic disorder--I TRULY don't know where to start loosening up--I was completely relaxed when I first started using SL, then I got banned from a place for saying bad things about gangster rap, and it was one of the most popular places in SL, in the top 5 to be exact. I don't know what else to do--I don't want to get banned from anywhere else.

Ingrid: In the place I was at, which usually plays a wide variety of music, played 3 songs in a row of gangster rap--I said, "I'm tired of hearing the N word over and over and bitches and hoes and bling bling, I'll come back later when other music is being played"--and that's what they banned me for.

Exactly. Like being offered hors d'eurves at a party and saying "EEWWWW! Mushrooms! Gross!" instead of keeping that bit of an opinion to yourself and saying "Oh, looks delicious but no, thank you. ".

That's cool--you're one of the people that actually knows about human nature and psychology.

Howdy neighbor! *bans*

So do I, but it doesn't help if you're banned without anyone even trying to talk to you (which happened to me once, apparently because they didn't like what I was wearing).

I don't agree with that but let's analyze a little more closely, Fmeh. One, not everyone is blessed with superlative social skills - even land owners. Two, everyone bases their reaction to anything on past experience, mostly. So if some managers/owners have been coping with multiple griefing episodes every day since June 6, we're going to have a shorter fuse when it comes to things we see as fitting the pattern. That includes patrons who might be argumentative. It's their land, they don't have to defend how they use it -- if they drive away too many people, they just won't get traffic. Economics will take care of the situation, not arguing.

I can tell you that managing popular spots has been extremely stressful since June. I've never been called "c***" and bitch so much in my life, even when I try to be polite and give patrons the benefit of the doubt about things. It comes with the territory, but you might ask yourself what that manager/owner's going through when they seem to overreact.

The good news is that SL is so big and so varied that if you're not welcome in one place, you will be very welcome somewhere else. I don't think I'd be welcome in Gor because I'm a stubborn, opinionated woman. So I don't go to Gor.


In that case I have to agree that banning someone over music preference is silly, but then again I wasn't there to hear the whole context and how things were said.

I happen to agree with you on hip-hop - it's just not something I enjoy. At our club, the host for a late afternoon dance party is young and likes to play it, but when I get there later on I turn it to 80s at the request of the after-work crowd. The land owner himself loves death metal, so we have 3 tastes at odds with each other but we just try to get along. If the hostess is playing hip hop for an event, I just turn my stream off

Bottom line, I think, is that SL was much friendlier when it was smaller (and I'm talking a year ago -- it was even smaller before I got here). Now that it's exploding in size, certain social dynamics are going to start working that create more factions, more friction, a less-open virtual society with more cliques. That's simply human nature at work.

I just had a thought, Fmeh. If you truly do suffer from those dysfunctions, why not try to found a support organization for people who also suffer from them?

One of the beautiful things about a large virtual community is that you can always form your own sub-group to find commonality. You could turn this experience into something really positive.

Cindy--those were GREAT posts. Excellent. Very well said.

The one thing that has been consistent on this forum and in SL directly, is that when people need help and/or information, they get it very quickly. Thank you all for your thoughts, and you've all helped me get out of my little rut. Sometimes it doesn't take much.

I can't thank you enough.

1. I've mentioned something like this. The fact is, that a lot of people treat their land like it's RL. If you were walking down the street, and saw a group of people sitting on their outside deck or porch, and you walked up and started a conversation, would you expect to be accepted out of hand, or would you expect people to look at you funny and ask you to leave.

When I gather together with my friends on my land, it's with people I've chosen to associate with. Even so though, if the person is polite, we may keep talking to them. However, if it's some guy atracted by the fact that that There are half a dozen or so half dressed women lounging about sunbathing on my beach, he's likely to ba asked to leave, and banned if he doesn't.

7. Again, if you're standing around and staring at the half naked women sunbathing on my beach, yeah, you may get banned.

8. This can get you shunned IRL too. No difference.

9. Only for certain parts of my land, and not generally if I can avoid it.

10. I'm sure this probably comes from a comment that I made, about the creepy weird guy who was hitting on my friend. And my comment was more along the lines of, "WTF are these guys thinking, hitting on some girl who's obviously spent dozens of hours and thousands of Lindens in order to look really good, when they're wearing free sweats from a strip club, and have for some reason given themselves the arms of an orangoutan?"

Seriously, this does *not* equate to getting banned for not having spent enough money on your apperance.

12-13. These two are things that were listed as potential signs that might be a griefer. Not signs that one *is*. However, if you're named, "Huge Wood" or "SuckMy Woodcock" or something, (In fact, a friend of mine had some guy named "More Pole" try to walk into the house she was building yesterday, and banned him.) and if you have no information in your profile, then it's possible that you might not be someone that somebody would want around.

14. Negative information in the profile? You mean like, "Reprezentin' for the Azz Krak Mafia Family"? Yeah, that'd get someone banned from my land.

17. Politics is a touchy thing. I can get along with people who have different political views...as long as I don't have to hear about them. If you don't have the sense to keep from flaunting obnoxious political opinions in front of people who don't agree with them, then yep, I can see getting banned for it.

18. Never heard of this.

19. Like politics, religion is touchy. Even more so, actually. If you come to my door IRL to talk about religion I'm likely to close the door and turn on the sprinklers. I'm even *less* tolerant of people trying to push religion someplace like SL.

20. Not being the "right" person is not a crime. Unless you're doing it on my land, when I want to be along or with my friends, and won't leave when asked. Then it gets you a ban.

As for the "public" land, sure, go ahead and try to talk LL into it. But also be ready for everyone with a free account to start paying a monthly fee to cover the cost of land that the people who pay tier won't be supporting on this land.

Seriously though, a *lot* of your objections, particularly the stuff about how people are rejected will grief...that really sounds like it's coming more from a lack of social skills than anything else. I've never been banned in the more than a year that I've been here. No one has ever found me annoying enough that they've felt the need.

If you're getting banned, you should take a hard look at your own behavior. Are you polite, are you tactful, are you pleasant? The comments about "If you don't kiss ass", or if you complain about the music or whatever are telling, as are the ones about politics and religion.

If you're getting in people's faces and making yourself unplesant to be around, well, no one *has* to allow people to be on their land or in their club. If you learn how to play nice with others, maybe you won't have these sorts of problems.