Mixing Real Life with Second Life.

Is SL just a 3D MySpace in the making?

For me this is not a possibility simply because what I do in SL is not what I would do in RL and would be pretty embarrassed if anyone in RL found out who I am. This is why I use no voice and nothing else that may reveal who I am. Last thing I want my family and friends in RL is to know what kind of fetish stuff I do in SL and I certainly do not want to know what kind of fetishes they do in SL.

As SL evolves I find less people as tolerant about my perspective. I get more and more people requiring RL info even though they themselves say it really is not all the useful however they still require it.

Here is a conversation I just had.

[19:37] XXXX: So, where in the West are you? I am in Virginia in the East
[19:38] Becka Andrew: one of 3 states on the coast.
[19:39] XXXX: You are so funny!!
[19:40] XXXX: Chances that out of about 20 million people, you might be at risk if you say!!!
[19:40] XXXX Be very careful!!
[19:41] Becka Andrew: lol, there are only 1.5mill active accounts and out of those about 500,000 originals.
[19:42] XXXX: Means nothing to me. I don't know how to see or access even one, so it is not important.
[19:43] XXXX: But saying where you are is not either. I am in Roanoke, Virginia. You couldn't find me on a bet, I bet. In fact, want to bet? $100 buck!!
[19:44] XXXX: bucks!!
[19:44] XXXX: Easy money!!
[19:45] Becka Andrew: the "what if" is to much for me. I got familay and a lot of friends that play SL. I don'
[19:45] Becka Andrew: don't want any of them knowing who I am here and especially what I do. lol
[19:46] XXXX: Yes, and I don't see the connetion. Why is that connected to our conversation?
[19:47] Becka Andrew: Same reason you gave about. No way to know who you really are.
[19:48] XXXX: Well, interesting.
[19:48] XXXX: But, I don't think that I could have found you looking for you. I only found you at random
[19:50] XXXX: And, I have told some of my friends in SL who I am in RL because I really don't care if they know if I know them and trust them.
[19:51] XXXX: They have always been honest and respected my trust
[19:51] XXXX: And, that is not what I was asking here anyway
[19:54] XXXX: We are talking about why you are concerned about saying a city, for example, intead of "3 states on the ocean"?? Big area as I said
[19:56] XXXX: So, a little response??
[19:56] XXXX: a little?
[19:56] Becka Andrew: sorry was talking with co-worker
[19:58] Becka Andrew: I guess the question is "is it THAT important you know where I live"?
[20:00] XXXX: No. Because I really don't care where you live. That is not the point at all! But where you live defines you and if I want to know you, it helps to make you a person. But whatever!!
[20:02] XXXX: If you live in San Francisco, for example, it is not even a remote, most remote possibility that I would find you! Not that I would want to! For any reason. So what is the issure with where??
[20:03] Becka Andrew: Say if I did live in SF what would that tell you about me?
[20:09] XXXX: Nothing really. You miss my whole point. And, I won't go too far there because it is not worth it. You are missing all of this. Where you live is simply a point of conversation. It is an opportunity to make a human connection in a RL experience.
[20:10] XXXX: It is an adjunct to the SL experience to have some small RL connection
[20:11] XXXX: No big deal, but it should be a major issue for the FBI as well, I don't think!
[20:13] Becka Andrew: lol
[20:13] XXXX: lol
[20:13] XXXX: You are so difficult!!
[20:16] XXXX: As you consider, You are so difficult!!
[20:17] XXXX: And I am not being difficult for you. I like you and I want to be you friend.
[20:19] Becka Andrew: well it doesn't matter to me where someone is. Just how they present themselves in SL.
[20:25] XXXX: Well, Ok, you choice.
[20:25] XXXX: I try to be honest with my friends in SL
[20:26] XXXX: I trust them, they have always trusted me in return
[20:26] XXXX: I give up here.
[20:27] XXXX: You hold your whatever close, I will maybe see you again. I can't see how I would play this game forever
[20:28] XXXX: Sorry, I would like to have it end differently
[20:31] XXXX: lol. It seems I am talking to myself anyway. Strange
[20:33] Becka Andrew: I am listening, just not much to reply to. there is a thick line between my RL and SL.
[20:38] XXXX: Well, I will let you sort that out for yourself. It needs work. The line between SL and RL should be thin not thick. But even so, it should not be silly in what you want to show or hide. I want go there. Have fun in SL hiding from everthing. I will see you, maybe
[20:41] XXXX: Actually, I don't think I will, and I am sorry about that, because I think you seemed like a nice and interesting person. Sorry you can' t make this


I find it real interesting he says where I live is not really all that relevant but yet insists on knowing it or will not waste time on me and I am interesting but doesn't matter if I won't give up RL info..... Sigh.... SL gets a lot less attractive for me everytime I see stuff like this.

Then in the end he says "Sorry YOU can't make this".... I fail to see how I am the one not trying to make it.... Just leave RL out of it. Simple as that. He will never meet me in RL anyway so whats the big deal? On top of that I just met the guy. This was our very first conversation ever!

Why don't these people just hang out at dating sites and MySpace's if RL is all that to them?... Or hell, for that matter go do something social IN RL......

some people really are just making conversation.

Others are looking for potential RL friends or RL dates.

A lot of people *DO* see SL as a sort of 3D eharmony.

The sad part is when they try to impose that on the people they meet. If no one did that it wouldn't be a problem.

Some people are controlling. They will try to push you to do something you state you won't just to feel in control. Best to just walk away from people like that.

when folks ask me where I am from and I do not feel like disclosing the RL location I just tell them I am from Jeogori
they ask where that is and I say a sim far far away

(it is the sim my store is in LOL)

or I just tell them I am homeless

Suppose you could just lie.

Pick some small town with a population of like 5 somewhere in your time zone.

Then say you are from there. That way theres no way they will ever think they might know you. And you safe from eharmony.

Of course if you meet someone who really lives in that town of 5 .. LOL

-----------

On that note in SL I actually did meet someone who lives the next town over from me in Real Life. So the whole "no one will know you" thing is really not true .. its a small world.

I think you did a fine job. You stood your ground, were polite and you could see he ws getting frustrated. Very entertaining.

Some people are just a lot more literal than others. They don't disassociate in SL so they can't really accept that anyone else does. I don't really like the 'fishing' tho....it's uncalled for and rude. If someone doesn't want to disclose information, you leave it at that. I am pretty open and honest about myself in SL....but I am also very wary of folks who are a bit too eager to know details right away. It's a red flag....not because they might be a whack job....but because they are perhaps a bit too needy. or controlling, or they have an agenda in SL that I already know I'm not gonna 'fit' so to speak.

I think you handled him/her just fine and it's wise to just let those types go their merry way rather than try and argue or explain yourself. It might be just an innocent way to begin a conversation, but lets face it...if something makes us uncomfortable, the best reaction is to just take oneself out of the situation alltogether. By the same token, I respect folks a lot more if they just say they keep RL & SL seperate, rather than lie about RL facts. Why bother? I never ask for RL info....if someone is open then I'll be receptive to it....but I never push, never 'require' anything from anyone in SL. That's just silly.

I just point to my profile, and tell them "it's ont eh first life tab... if not there is a nice message there about it"

Many I know are doing the same, heck created a group for some after hearing the complaints... "read the profile" is the group tag over their heads now

Be wary of anyone who can't take "No" for an answer, whether in SL or RL. When they reveal themselves so blatantly, be grateful for the warning

i sometimes see how long i can keep the questions coming.

where are you from?

:the states

oh really where in the states?

:the south

what state?

:the united states..

ok but where in the united states?

:the south

where in the south?

:the bible belt

what is the name of your state

:well at the moment my state is confusion with this desire of yours to know exactly where i live.

Why not just lie to them? You don't seem to have issue with hiding what you do from your family (which is a lie in and of itself), so why not lie to a perfect stranger on SL?

honestly Becka, you are from planet earth. no one needs to know anything beyond that. people who push for more info qualify as those who need to be muted.

i personally do not do anything that i would be embarrassed or ashamed to share with anyone in my family or life, but still.... no one from SL needs to know any more about me than i am offering on my own accord. if you ask, and i decline info, and you push, you are muted. no matter the prior relationship.

the end.

best of luck.

The imposing can work both ways. Although impose is probably a strong word. People have preferences and we've just gotta find people that share our preference.

Some folk will find it quite creepy to have an anonymous person try to befriend them. Some people in SL are looking for a virtual romance on a purely avatar level. I think that's fine, but they shouldn't be too surprised to find others that aren't willing to go along with it.

i DO find it creepy when people randomly try to befriend me beyond a casual acquaintance.

i meet, i chat, i move on. i keep a VERY SHORT friends list. for me, a "friend" is more than just an acquaintance, and it's an earned position, and it's typically short lived. if we don't chat for a long time in IM, i take you off my friends list.

having said that, i have 2-3 people that i rarely (once every 2 months) converse with, but i like them so much that i want them to stay on my list, so we can chat if the opportunity presents itself. i hate when i've accidentally removed them. i'm too embarrassed to ask for a re-friend.... usually cuz i didn't realize they were removed, and i haven't a clue when i did it. i am much more careful about that stuff now.

and to be fair, i don't go inworld very often, and when i do it's typically business related, so it's really my own fault that so much time passes between conversations.

if you see me at the cartel hangout, you have witnessed a rare inworld sighting. (but going there now LOL)

I have things I'd be embarrassed about, but never ashamed!

Live Lives you can look back on and say "That's what I wanted to do" without being ashamed of it.


That's how I try to live. More or less.

Really, Becka, I don't see how you could possibly have handled it any better than you did. It seems to me that this person was more interested in forcing you to answer than in what the answer was. Now you just have to not mind too much that some people are jerks.

after reading that ..run comes to mind..but it was funny, i actually pictured that vein pulsing in his forehead..

as for mixing Sl and RL? i say think about it. and if you wish to do so do so with extreme caution.

oh, you're still young. you have plenty of time to create and stack boxes of embaraassing moments. they are a-comin'. but, if you can work through the humiliation with admittance and a smile, then you have great character. that's never wrong.

I've dealt with a few that got pushy.

My response is "no, continue to ask and I'm muting and being done with you. And depending on your next comment I may file a harassment report for prying into personal information you do not need"

RUN! hah yes I was thinking the same thing reading that.

Okay 2K you got me ...

Its such an imposition for someone to NOT ask where others are from IRL .

Of course if one person wants a quasi-Eharmony and the other doesn't they shouldn't date online .. That is pretty basic.

But its completely unrealistic to think a person who wants SL to be just a game is the intrusive one .. after all they don't want anything after the red X in the corner is clicked.

I said imposing is probably a too strong of a word. It's simply about preference.

But what's sometimes happening is the total opposite in that people are often hoping for an anonymous friendship and getting frustrated when they can't have it.

We all have a preference and it's bloody frustrating when everybody isn't using SL "properly". So I totally understand the OP's *frustration*!

<3

A friend of mine was chatting with a guy and he advised her to remove her age from her Profile, can't think of how that would help a bad person if one read it. Anyway what bothered her was he told her bad people could scan her in SL and read her IP number, thus making her feel she would be known in RL.
Can they read her IP, and what does the IP tell them?
Love
June

Good God, what an utter arse. For one thing -


- then I must be hellishly confused. I've lived all over the place, and I have never felt that my home town or city has defined me. It sounds as though the only thing this guy was looking for was a stereotype stick to beat you into his personal little pigeonhole system with. Kind of like, "Oh, well, if you're from the Bible Belt then you must be a raging Republican who supports Bush, loves the war, thinks we should stick it to those Arabs a bit more..." etc etc, ad bloody infinitum. Utter bollocks!

For another thing -


To be honest, I'd be quite happy to miss out on the chance of gaining a 'friend' who would talk to me like that, and who would dictate to me how I handle the differences between my RL and my SL.

I've had people tell me (via other people) that my profile makes me look rude, purely because I have a pick in it that tells people there's no point asking for personal info, because they won't get it. Unfortunately, I have met enough people like your guy above (and worse) in SL to merit that pick being there, as advance warning. Same as being gay. I don't mind people knowing that about me, but after having enough females in RP areas thinking because I'm male I'm an easy source of cock, I had to give up on letting them down gently and put a pick in my profile warning females that neither I, nor my avatar, are sexually attracted to girls. Even then, there's the occasional one who - like your guy there - thinks they're the exception to the rule: the one who can 'turn' me (or, in your case, the one you can trust with your personal information).

I think you handled the whole situation elegantly and well.

http://whatismyipaddress.com/

Click on the 'Lookup IP address' button and it'll show you what it knows about you.

Just keep in mind that I may be a hacker that's sent you to my personal website and so I'm also gonna find out your IP address.