Are you "Comfortable" with your avatar?

I've been thinking about it for a while. I kinda know about the history of kid avatars in SL and all the horror stories of the harassment that still seems to continue. I have been reading the forum posts of people that avoid kid avatars like a disease. The funny thing is that nobody inworld has even ever considered to ask me up front why I'm so small.

Actually... I have had ask how, but only on a technical point of view... They wanted to know my slider settings. (^_^)

But, I really am asking myself lately... Why did I choose to be one of the socially messiest avatar types possible and go as far as considering it to be my (mostly) permanent inworld presence? After thinking about it, I'm starting to put ideas together... (=_=)

Am I trying to relive my childhood or a childhood I never had? - I don't think so. I like to think of myself as a person that lives in the 'now' and doesn't hold on to the past or have any anxiety for the future.

Am I an S&M type trying to take on a submissive role? - No way! I could never be that much of a pushover. I refuse to be adopted. And I eat the rude!

So, what am I doing to myself? - I think I'm trying to characterize the way I really feel in RL. The rules, regulations, and restrictions that are applied to kid avatars in SL very closely reflect my own personal limitations I deal with all the time. People, places, and things that are unapproachable inworld have the same untouchable feel to them in my own mind. Not that I don't have the desire to dive into situations or locations. It's more that I've been conditioned enough to have a certain fear of those things to the point where I avoid them to no end.

As a person, I don't think I've ever truly matured. Sure, I type nice and sometimes use big words, but my own mind and behavior is very underdeveloped from what I see in the world around me. I internalized a lot of the restrictions I dealt with as a RL kid to the point that it wasn't "No smoking under 18", "No drinking under 21", "Too young for that language" because I saw it more like "No smoking for YOU", "No drinking for YOU", "No swearing for YOU".

So... As a kid avatar in SL, I find myself in the perfect fit for myself. And, maybe that's why it's so difficult for me to step out of character inworld. Maybe that's why I find myself becoming so freakishly nervous when I'm in my biggie shape. It seems to explain the simple minded guilt I feel when I approach my friends in a 5'5" avatar. My inworld presence really does feel like a perfect fit for the way I feel about myself in RL.

How about you? How much of a connection do you feel with the form of your avatar? How do you live with the perks and limitations that come with your avatar of choice? And, is there ever a form you take on with your avatar that makes you uncomfortable?

***Please excuse me for sounding a bit emo/freakish... I'm funny that way. (=_=)

Interesting question

I created my AV to be similar to my RL look - tall, blue eyes, fair skin, red hair. Over time I made my AV shorter for personal reasons and now switch between blue or green eyes depending on what outfit I wear. The body shape is my "idealized" view of myself.

In short, I feel most comfortable in an AV that has at least some of my physical characteristics. Perhaps in psych-lingo it means I'm comfortable in my own skin.

I have several non-human avatars that I got at various times for fun, including the adult and hatchling versions of the IoW dragons. I never really feel like "me" in them; more like I'm playing "dress up" and much prefer my regular adult female AV.

You're not alone.

I have no idea why we play the avatars we do. Some seem to be able to wear any av, and be comfortable in it.

I feel the same sort of unease that you describe if I put on anything other than me. It's not so bad if I am a nonhuman. That's pretty obviously a costume, at least to my subconscious (apologies to Talarus and the other dragons and such out there!). But a human av can make me feel very uneasy, if it's not "me".

Good post!

Well, if I felt no connection, I woulda changed avvies a long time ago. If I felt a low connection, I'd be more willing to bounce from shape to shape, avvie to avvie. That I'm in this avvie regularly... ya. I've written extensively about the why already

As far as the perks and limitations? Well, i've never really thought about them so much. I jes live within my own bounds, make my own perks. Weird, huh?

I think it's very cool you posted this, not because of the child avatar thing, but that you addressed the 'comfort level' attached the the avatar. This is something I was speaking about with a couple of new in-world friends over the last day or two, as I'm very new myself.

I've found that a lot of people tend to try and make their avatars look a bit like themselves, and some - maybe most - stay with that. I did not - I looked a bit like my RL self for about thirty minutes. My current avatar, now with a steady finished form (pretty much) looks nothing like me at all.

Mostly, it's because I'm not 'hawt'. In a world of supermodels, who wants to look 'meh'?

And everyone wants to know what I look like in real life - although I tried very hard to have a "realistic" avatar, people seem to sense that I really don't look like this at all. Or they assume that I don't, even though they state their avatars resemble them at least "a little".

I definitely feel uncomfortable in a male avatar.

I agree with Czari. I am most comfortable in my av because she looks like me. When I am hanging out with someone, it feels less detached because I can see myself...or a version of myself in front of me.

Sure, no one is as perfect as their avatar, hence the reason I am looking for undershirt abs! I think that we all create avs that make us feel the most comfortable.

I did comment about child avs in the other thread. I understand your position, but I still think that it is strange. I don't mean that in a judgmental or harsh way. I just think SL is an adult world. I act in a way that I would not in front of children, so the idea of hanging out with children (real or not) makes me uncomfortable.

My own form changes to suit my mood at the moment...

I'm usually an attractive female Kitsune - a three-tailed red fox. Size and appearance wise Ceera usually looks to be in her late 20's... In-character she is over 700 years old. But since she can control her form, why be less than beautiful, most of the time? Why would one choose to be old and frail? Why not appear to be in the prime of health?

Kitsune are shapeshifters by nature, and I have over 70 forms. I'm very comfortable in each of my furry forms, and easily "switch gears" between being Kitsune, canine, lupine, equine, feline....

Most of my forms are furries. As with the original poster's kid form, being furry isn't something you do to fit in with the crowd. Some people don't like furries. Yet it's something that just seems comfortable for me.

Several of Ceera's many forms are "kids" like the original poster has. I have a red fox kit form and a Human kid form, both of which I primarily use when I want to be in-world, but I simply do NOT want adult responsibilities. My vixen kit and little girl forms can be free to giggle and go "OOHHH!" at Mari's fireworks shows, an' can ride bikes an' throw water balloons... It's a sign that I wanna play an' have fun, an' not work so hard.

Reliving my childhood? Maybe. Mine was actually pretty pleasant, compared to a lot of folks. And I'll admit there are a lot of things about the years when I was a kid that I prefer to my life now. But as a kid in SL, I can have a bunch of way-cool things that I didn't have as a kid, like a pony! An' a doggy! *grins*

I also don't choose for my kid form to have "parents" in SL. Not usually, at least. I have a couple of rarely seen friends that will occasionally RP with me as a family, but that's an exception for me. Most of the time, Ceera as a kid is like the kids you meet in some Anime films, where at 12 or 14 or whatever the kid goes out on some grand adventure of self-discovery.

Interestingly, of all my forms, only one looks like the real me, and I find I don't like using that one much in SL. I made that one mostly to see how accurate I could make it. And what that avatar is on-screen, I feel... pretty uncomfortable, really. If I just want to be myself, I'll log off and hang out with friends in Real Life. To be "just myself" in a world where I could be anything I can imagine is, to me, as boring as always getting Vanilla ice cream at a store that has hundreds of ice cream flavors available.

When I first joined SL, I tried a lot of shapes and sizes, it took a lot of experimenting to find the body style I have now, and I've not changed it in the 1 1/2 years since I adopted it. It's me in every sense of the word, when I'm in SL. Sure, sometimes I may change some things, skin tone, hair, or put on an Animal or Robot AV every so often. However thats usually temporary, and for fun. Even though people claim I'm freakishly tall, I'll never change my size or shape. It's who I am and what I'm comfortable with.

To answer your last question, to be frank, I would feel very odd to be in a child AV. I imagine it's a factor of who I am and my varied interests in SL. I find children annoying in RL, and even more so in SL. No offense.

Wow.. ya know I am so much like myself in SL.

Just another adult with limitations and respect for the law. The only difference would be that I peek into places that I would never have the goobs to venture in my RL...which by no means makes me a prude. I have high tolerance for anyone or anything different from myself, but sometimes I get nosy and I wanna seeee...meaning I will hide in the bushes and peek at the differences like a stinking voyeur..but I don't participate. I might dress the part to blend in, but I'm only watching.

I'm comfortable with whatever I'm wearing in SL. Unless of course I tp somewhere and my clothes fall off. That's pretty uncomfortable. I'm just a hooman avatar afterall.

And sometimes I go tiny.

I like the avi that I have created -- some of her look represents the me of a few years back. While I may have had that figure once, I never had that perfect skin, perfect face, so I guess that part is more just some wishful thinking combined with some skin I found that I thought looked good.

I do have some furry avs, but they don't really feel right on me - more like short term play acting.

One thing about sl that I enjoy is the freedom to be what you want.

I've got several avatars I use... some are just for fun but I keep coming back to the first one I bought.

It's odd but my husky avatar suits me best, mainly since I find it fits my nature better than the others. It's the cuddly and friendly nature I think... the others well tend to fit better depending on moods and such ( Horse for the playful times, Fox for the kinda standoffish but still there times, bunny for the goof ball fun times, and crow for the I'm here so you don't worry times)

I got a "normal" human avatar that normally just collects dust unless I'm shopping or visiting in areas that my other avatars would cause issues in... I basically use it when I put the comfort of others first.

It's odd now that I think about what I wrote above, but in some ways a great thing that there is the option to wear an avatar and outfits that let others know your state of mind.. so friend can act accordingly. We have far greater freedom and ability to do it here in SL and that is a good thing.

My avi and I share some similar characteristics, but I wouldn't say she looks like me. My mother claims she does though, in an idealized, raven-haired sort of way, so maybe I'm wrong.

Anyway, I love being Neko in SL...I've wanted a swishy tail since I was little, because I think they're lovely and expressive. I also have some feline aspects to my personality, so Ann is a bit of an externalization of that.

I have gotten a little grief for being Neko, but it was more prevalent before the influx of kitteh-kind; anymore, you run into a Neko pretty much every time you turn around, so I think people are more used to seeing it now.

One thing which does aggravate me a bit is being told that I'm not really Neko, or am 'Neko-lite' just because I don't want to be dirty/grungy/punky all the time. Cats make their own way, and this is mine.

I don't really identify with what my avatar looks like. I feel pretty comfortable in my own skin in RL, and view my av more as a form of expression. Like a drawing I am able to tweak, that then comes to life before my eyes, and that I am able to slip on. Imagine looking at a picture of a dragon in a book, and being able to jump in and _be_ the dragon.

Same thing when I am my human 'main', although I suppose how I look in RL influenced me when coming up with her look. It actually took me a few months before even buying a human skin, I was having to much fun coming up with looks I wouldn't be able to pull off in RL, (Elf, Bird, etc) Why come here and limit yourself? I already have a job/loft/clothes/human body, I wanted to do and have things I wasn't able to in RL.

Having a more realistic avatar is practical though, for events where everyone is human, etc My personality stays the same, though. I am who I am - RL/SL. I take friendships and people seriously, not the avatars.

I'm exceptionally comfortable with my main Av. Even when I change skins (which lately I've taken to doing) she is still very much me, just kind of changing her look to fit an outfit is the way I look at it. And she does resemble me when I was (a lot) younger.

Most of my alts I feel similar about, I do have one that I've never gotten entirely comfortable with, because she "came out" looking a bit too young for my tastes. Only recently, with a change of skin and hair I found she looked a bit older and now I'm feeling better about having her about and out. Before that she was my "shopping" Alt, nothing more. The whole kid thing does not sit well with me personally although I understand why others are into it. It's just not for me.

I have been a furry with one of my Alts and really enjoyed that, but my main Av isn't one and I do feel odd when I've tried to shift her into one. I recently bought a gorgeous cat av from Zoobies for Elora, I just LOVE it, it's so realistic but I just can't really get totally into being in that cat fur no matter how hard I try. She just isn't a cat. But it is good for freaking people out that I don't know occassionally

I also have a male alt. I don't feel comfortable at all with him! I really thought I would, was convinced it would be fun to be male. But, I just really dislike being in his skin. I haven't brought him out in months and probably won't ever again.

All in all - I'm almost always my main Av, 99% of the time. Very rare that I run the others unless I'm trying to be left alone and surely they never come to the Hangout, although one of them does make an appearance sometimes at parties but several people know her anyway

You ARE in the perfect fit for yourself!
Nothing emo or freakish about your whole post.

My normal avie is a newbie skin/shape with some fresh gear, but I get compliments on it so I haven't had the desire to change.

My new avie is the Sinatra in me screaming to be let out.

Let him out Davin! I can hear him singing his soul out inside you

Great thread.

I think it's really interesting the type of introspection having an avatar forces on us....whether we realize it or not. Somewhere along the line we are bound to analyze the relationship of avatar/human for ourselves. It takes a bit of time, I think, to really come to a solid conclusion simply because SL is so unlimited in what we can be.

For myself......my avatar has no particular similarity to me other than she's female and human. I did create an avatar that looks like me......but I find her boring because I look at me every day.....I don't really feel like looking at me in SL too. lol But, I don't relate any differently to others as a result of my avatar.......I am myself in the things I do and say....that never changes. SL is just a canvas to me and my avatar is a creative process that never ends.

What I do notice....after being in SL for over a year......is I really cannot avoid my solitary nature....even in a virtual world meant as a social platform. IRL I spend a lot of time by myself...always have....always just liked being totally independent and even when I was a kid I found social interaction to be tedius and got easily aggrivated with people. LOL
Oddly enough.... I love people and my strength has always been in dealing with others and diplomacy, fairness, compassion. I just seem to feel more relaxed and happy when I'm alone. If I'm with others....I'd rather it be face to face having good quality time....IRL.

But again...my avatar merely reflects my creative side..... the fact that I really enjoy the freedom to change my look when ever I please. I have no problem with my RL self in that regard either.... and I do tend to stick with a lean frame as I'm not all that curvy IRL. hehe But it's really very interesting how much, or how little of our physicality we choose to integrate with our avatars. I think it probably indicates how we view the experience as a whole.

It also just occurred to me that the reason I don't like being anything other than human in SL......is there are not as many options for dressing up a quad, or a furrie.... I like changing skins and hair and shape and coming up with unique human looks. But....I have a lioness avatar....and there's really not much interesting I can do with her aside from changing her eye & tail color. I get bored too easily. LOL That's my problem in a nutshell.

Wulf is me, very similar in general looks, and although he's taller and much better muscled, he's fairly lightly built by SL standards. His normal body is a sort of idealised version of me, dresses much better though. I am completely comfortable with him, and identify very closely with him. Even if he puts on a different body, tiny, dragon, vampire, whatever, he's still me wearing a costume.

My alts on the other hand, are not me in the same way at all. They are characters I play, possibly because I have deliberately tried to make them have different personalities, whereas Wulf is just me being me. And as for my female alt, she is not me at all and I have rarely used her - just too weird to be a woman for some reason.

I started trying to make Trout look like me, then it occurred to me that if I could change my RL looks with the flip of a slider, I'd do it in a red hot second. Trout is, therefore, much better looking than me. I freely admit that physical attractiveness isn't exactly a strong point for me in RL.

At any rate, I totally identify with the way he looks. I play with other avatars like robots and weird animals, but that's just goofing off. I don't feel comfortable just hanging out unless I look the way I'm supposed to. Now that I think of it, that's weird. Why do I care? I'm me no matter how I look. But there's the answer, Immy. I identify strongly with my avatar's look in SL. I'm confortable with him and I feel really displaced in a different shape, skin, whatever.

In response to Oryx, I triend on a female shape and it made my skin crawl. I have no idea why I had such a visceral reaction. Trust me, I'm a HUGE fan of women. I just can't make myself be one.

One reason so many have issues with other genders is the stigma commonly applied to it by many.

From talking to others that have alts or mains of the other gender they find it a surprising change.. but there was always a nagging bit for most about how others would react knowing they were not the same gender as the avatar.

In more adult situations sexuality comes into play along with the baggage from that

When I came to SL I had a very strong sense of identity - both character and look.

My appearance has updated a little since I was a newbie but only in pursuit of the look I wanted from the outset. I don't morph into different forms, I only change my clothes or gather my loose hair up into a ponytail or bun. The only 'funny' av I have is the green plastic bear costume I made which fits on my normal body shape, so if I take the bear off, it's normal me inside, with underwear on!

In character I've always been a breezy, free-spirited type and a bit of a show-off. But I always try to be friendly to people. In RL (not that I talk about it much but I do have a good, well adjusted RL), I do tend to be rather a worrier, but in SL I just 'go for it'. I'm a rockchick, a bit sporty and tomboyish in some ways, like I built some vehicles and I don't mind getting dirt under my nails, as long as I don't break them! But I can be seen in dresses from time to time and I will never, ever cut my hair short.

My body shape is athletic, with modest curves. I am not buxom and voluptuous, nor would I want to be. I am comfotable with the way I am seen.

I do have a personal robot (alt) that is instructed to represent me. But it has its own account, so it's not meee! I'm thinking of getting it to make some speech gestures, so it can only say pre-programmed things and not have to type adlib chat (it has no arms)!!

I'm as stuck with my shape in SL as I am with my shape in RL.
I gave up on trying to make a shape with sliders in the first week of my SL. I bought a shape that I could live with, and that is now me. I'm comfortable with that.
The shape is nomod so I can't adjust it for skirts or boots. I just have to chose clothes that suit the shape. I tried variations on the shape, but it just feels weird.

I have an alt to do all the dirty work, testing things, etc. She's a stranger really, apart from having my outlook on life, and I didn't devote any significant time to her appearance, poor thing.
I have a tiny oriental doll avatar that I've used for goofing with friends.
I have used the Hobo General shape (male) for the odd bit of hilarity
I did create a male alt just to check out OI/HI and Welcome area a few months back. He's not been logged in since then. He's a complete noob with "that walk!!!" , non-prim hair, and not a single L$ spent. He's an obvious alt, because nobody can be that old and look that way.

But day-to-day, I have "my" shape.

Fantastic thread. I love reading all the different perspectives everyone has on his or her avatar. It's great to be reminded of all the various ways one can experience SL.

Earlier today on a different thread I said that I am blue Madhu 70% of the time. I feel very comfortable in that avatar - she really feels like me, my virtual identity. She doesn't feel like me if she changes her skin to a more human color.

In many ways she is modeled after the real life me; certainly the RL me influences her appearance a great deal. Though she is slimmer than I am in RL, by SL standards she is nevertheless quite short and chubby. I wouldn't be comfortable in a body shaped like a supermodel, even though this gives me more trouble shopping for clothes than I might otherwise have. She's also exceedingly modest in her choice of clothes, as I am in RL. I can't put her in a bikini or a halter top; it just feels wrong. (Not that it's wrong for other people to wear bikinis or halter tops, but that it's wrong for Madhu.) And, I think she looks wrong without her glasses on, just as I always have glasses on in RL.

So even though I don't have blue skin, how Madhu looks is strongly influenced by how I look in RL. I may also be a bit vain about her, because I really think she's adorable, and I can spend a lot of time looking at her. (She's much cuter than I am.)

The other 30% of the time, when I am a tentacle creature or a cardboard robot or whatever, I am Madhu wearing a costume. Even putting on a non-blue skin feels like Madhu wearing a costume.

Being in my alt, who is taller than Madhu but still not a typical SL woman shape, also feels like wearing a costume. Chubby, stumpy, blue Madhu is *me*.